Pinky777 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 I've been talking to this guy I met online. We had been chatting on the phone and texting for a few weeks, and agreed to meet in person. Last weekend, went on a date for the first time, met for drinks. I was the one who asked him out, picked the place and everything. We dont live close (about an hour away) but it worked out because he was in my area visiting someone. The date went pretty well, he's cute, an while he didn't wow me, we clicked for the most part. However at the end of the night there was that awkward silence where you're not really sure what to say next. To fill that I asked him what he was doing this weekend. He said "nothing" and that he'd love to see me. We kissed goodnight, just a peck on the lips and he texted me saying he had a lovely time. Later on in the week we agreed to meet for a second date on Sunday, and that he couldn't wait to see me again. Here's what's frustrating to me though - he seems really interested and calls and texts me a lot but I'm the one who's calling all the shots so far. I've pretty much asked him out twice, and earlier today when we were discussing our date tomorrow, he asked me "so what do you want to do?". I told him I don't know, maybe we could get some dinner. Then we tried to figure out where to go, we live about an hour away and he doesn't know any place by me and vice versa. I mean, I know of restaurants I'd love to try but we'd both have to drive a ways to meet and they're on the pricier side. Is it wrong of me to just wish he'd suggest something, like a good place he knows or has heard about? He also doesn't like my 2 favorite cuisines, so those are out. Girls, do you perfer when a guy is more forward actually plans the date? Is the onus on me because I was the one who asked him what he was doing this weekend? (though he was the one who actually suggested tomorrow as the day). I guess he's trying to be nice but... I don't know maybe I just prefer a more forward type of guy. I feel like I was the one who planned our first date, he should plan the second. In the end it doesn't really matter but it's getting to be a turn off. Am I being unreasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 After being on MANY dates where they were not planned very well, I have learned to highly appreciate a man who calls the shots. Want to take me out on a date? Tell me where to be and when to be there. It is annoying to do the whole "Well, I don't know, what do you want to do?" "Well, I don't care, whatever you want to do." Ugh. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 A turn off seems a bit unreasonable. Most of my ex's loved that I could make plans. Especially in the beginning stages of dating. Something as simple as being able to chose a side dish makes some guys happy. Don't be a "I dunno" girl. Be one with your own ideas for dates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 A turn off seems a bit unreasonable. Most of my ex's loved that I could make plans. Especially in the beginning stages of dating. Something as simple as being able to chose a side dish makes some guys happy. Don't be a "I dunno" girl. Be one with your own ideas for dates. For one, the fact that she is the one making all the moves is annoying in itself, the fact that he has nothing to contribute when she does ask is even more annoying. It is like being with a little boy, men plan dates. Just because I appreciate a man willing to plan a date doesn't mean I don't have ideas of my own, it just means more and shows he put effort in if he is the one to set the stage for the date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pinky777 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 For the date tomorrow, I was trying to lay back and let him call the shots. I planned the first one, so I'm curious to see what he comes up with for the second one. He's very laid back in that way. I'm not used to that. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 My experience has been that the ladies want a man who plans. I am a planner,so always have 2-3 options when dating. But, I have met only one lady who is willing or eager to do any planning during the dating stage. I don't mind doing the planning. Just me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 For the date tomorrow, I was trying to lay back and let him call the shots. I planned the first one, so I'm curious to see what he comes up with for the second one. He's very laid back in that way. I'm not used to that. Either laid back, inexperienced in dating, or plain lazy. That was something I loved about my boyfriend right off the bat. He asked me out, I asked him where and when, and he told me. It was a fabulous first date, still very low key, but the fact that HE is the one that chose it made it all that more special. Link to post Share on other sites
RachR Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Don't be a "I dunno" girl. Be one with your own ideas for dates. I think the problem she is that he's a "I dunno" guy. Link to post Share on other sites
RachR Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Pinky, I don't it was on you to plan just because you asked him what he was up to this weekend. He's the one who actually asked you out again, so it's on him to plan. IMO, whoever does the asking should do the planning. I don't think it's unreasonable you find his lack of planning a turn off, that's just your preference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) personally Im bored to death by typical girls who dont know how to help make fun plans. I dont wanna always have to choose what we do. Assertive girls are super fun. One of the best first hang outs I had with a girl was a classmate who asked me to go mountain hiking with her after our summer class. This was the summer before last. The fact that I had never been into the mountains near campus came up in convo and she made good plans with that. Too many women expect a guy to plan everything...and you can miss out by over-thinking things and not take initiative. Sometimes a guy is genuinely having a hard time figuring out something you might like doing. IF YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIM SUGGEST SOMETHING FUN TO DO OP!For one, the fact that she is the one making all the moves is annoying in itself, the fact that he has nothing to contribute when she does ask is even more annoying. It is like being with a little boy, men plan dates. Just because I appreciate a man willing to plan a date doesn't mean I don't have ideas of my own, it just means more and shows he put effort in if he is the one to set the stage for the date. And women plans dates as well. Its little girls who need a guy to hold their hand and lead them through everything like a child. Edited February 10, 2013 by kaylan 2 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 personally Im bored to death by typical girls who dont know how to help make fun plans. I dont wanna always have to choose what we do. Assertive girls are super fun. One of the best first hang outs I had with a girl was a classmate who asked me to go mountain hiking with her after our summer class. This was the summer before last. The fact that I had never been into the mountains near campus came up in convo and she made good plans with that. Too many women expect a guy to plan everything...and you can miss out by over-thinking things and not take initiative. IF YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIM SUGGEST SOMETHING FUN TO DO OP! This isn't asking him to plan everything. She is asking him to plan ONE thing. I have fabulous ideas for dates! But then again, it shows that the guy is actually putting a little effort into the date. It isn't even so much relieving the pressure of planning for the woman, I could probably plan a better date than the man... it is the whole point that they put thought and planned something specifically for YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 For the date tomorrow, I was trying to lay back and let him call the shots. I planned the first one, so I'm curious to see what he comes up with for the second one. He's very laid back in that way. I'm not used to that. Also, considering you planned the first one, he should be planning the second one. I say if you like him, just meet him halfway and make some suggestions. And then during the date jokingly let him know hes on his own with making plans for the next date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 personally Im bored to death by typical girls who dont know how to help make fun plans. I dont wanna always have to choose what we do. Assertive girls are super fun. One of the best first hang outs I had with a girl was a classmate who asked me to go mountain hiking with her after our summer class. This was the summer before last. The fact that I had never been into the mountains near campus came up in convo and she made good plans with that. Too many women expect a guy to plan everything...and you can miss out by over-thinking things and not take initiative. Sometimes a guy is genuinely having a hard time figuring out something you might like doing. IF YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIM SUGGEST SOMETHING FUN TO DO OP! And women plans dates as well. Its little girls who need a guy to hold their hand and lead them through everything like a child. You are again showing how inexperienced you are in dating. I never said make him plan EVERYTHING. The fact that she is turned off by his lack of being able to plan ANYTHING is perfectly understandable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pinky777 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 I think the problem she is that he's a "I dunno" guy. Exactly. I don't mind making plans but I don't like to be the one to always make them. Granted this will only be the second date but I do like an assertive guy who will tell me where he wants to go and "show me a good time". I like being taken out - regardless of if he pays and if we go dutch. I have been the more agressive one, now it's like, "show me what you got". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Also, considering you planned the first one, he should be planning the second one. I say if you like him, just meet him halfway and make some suggestions. And then during the date jokingly let him know hes on his own with making plans for the next date. That was exactly what I was saying... Tell him that if he really wants to take you out, tell you when and where and you will be there. It forces him to HAVE to plan something, and then if he actually follows through let him know how good his idea was, show your appreciation and it should help him get more comfortable with planning more dates rather than giving the shrug. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 This isn't asking him to plan everything. She is asking him to plan ONE thing. I have fabulous ideas for dates! But then again, it shows that the guy is actually putting a little effort into the date. It isn't even so much relieving the pressure of planning for the woman, I could probably plan a better date than the man... it is the whole point that they put thought and planned something specifically for YOU. Um...a girl planning shows shes putting in effort to. I dont know whats so hard about that concept. Especially considering you feel the need to insult the guy and call him a boy. Women only call men boys when they dont do what YOU want him to do. Hes an adult...the only child is the person making character attacks at someone for not doing what they want them to. Excuse me for thinking a girl should put forth the same effort as a man. I date women who have no issue making plans and showing interest in me. I dont play the traditional cat and mouse games where the man is the one constantly doing the chasing and showing interest. It works both ways. In OPs case she can help with suggestions and then let him know hes on his own for the third date. Lord knows Id date her, considering she had no qualms about planning the first one...unlike some ladies *cough cough* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Excuse me for thinking a girl should put forth the same effort as a man. That's the problem. It is clear that the female has did everything so far up to this point. I may be a complete failure but I can see this a mile away. I'm surprised you can't. Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Um...a girl planning shows shes putting in effort to. I dont know whats so hard about that concept. Especially considering you feel the need to insult the guy and call him a boy. Women only call men boys when they dont do what YOU want him to do. Hes an adult...the only child is the person making character attacks at someone for not doing what they want them to. Excuse me for thinking a girl should put forth the same effort as a man. I date women who have no issue making plans and showing interest in me. I dont play the traditional cat and mouse games where the man is the one constantly doing the chasing and showing interest. It works both ways. In OPs case she can help with suggestions and then let him know hes on his own for the third date. Lord knows Id date her, considering she had no qualms about planning the first one...unlike some ladies *cough cough* You again have no idea what you are talking about. I have planned TONS of dates, thus why I appreciate a man who actually plans them instead of ME planning them. For me, it does separate the men from the boys. Say what you want, but I have no problem planning, I would just rather have a man who knows what he wants and is willing to show and put the work to get what he wants. That in no way means that I sit back and do nothing. After lots of dating and being a woman, I can say that yes, we do notice when you don't plan, and yes, we would prefer a man who does. Take my advice or leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 It's super annoying. I generally end up planning most of my dates, as I am just asked "want to do something on Friday night?" and I feel I should come up with "what". Next time, I am going to say "yeah, what do you have in mind?" I was really impressed when the last guy I dated would actually ask me to do specific things... They can be simple things, like "do you want to go to the beach and get an ice cream?" So, I feel your pain OP. It's a sign that you are dealing with a passive man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Guys who already have a reasonably concrete idea of what/where/when the date should be when asking the woman out, and guys who plan dates, demonstrate signs of self-confidence and inner strength. However, that does not mean that the date has to be "his way or no way"...because that's a symptom of him being controlling. Date plans should be flexible and the guy should be willing to listen to suggestions from the woman. Guys who are wishy washy about what the date should be exhibit signs of insecurity and weakness. Occasionally letting the woman take the lead is OK, but guys who always sit back and let women plan dates tend to be lazy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Don't ask him out! Wait for him to ask you out. If he wants to see you, he'll make the plans. He's not obligated to ask you out just because you asked him out. If you want him to pursue you, don't ask him out. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Excuse me for thinking a girl should put forth the same effort as a man. I date women who have no issue making plans and showing interest in me. I dont play the traditional cat and mouse games where the man is the one constantly doing the chasing and showing interest. It works both ways. Why should the woman put forth the same effort as the man? We have more to give and more to lose. Our time is more valuable. We're the ones with the precious eggs. Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Just because I want an assertive man doesn't mean I don't put any effort forth. If anyone on here knows me, it is that I have no problem splitting the check, as a matter of fact I always offer. As someone who is very successful at dating... I can say that men have never complained about my effort. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Why should the woman put forth the same effort as the man? We have more to give and more to lose. Our time is more valuable. We're the ones with the precious eggs. Oh great. Another trolling guy posing as a female poster. Have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain34 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 I love a man who calls the shots, even when it comes to ordering my food sometimes. It shows they are confident which is a definite plus! Link to post Share on other sites
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