Ladies, does it bother you when a guy won't make the plans for a date?

[Pinky777]

I love a man who calls the shots, even when it comes to ordering my food sometimes. It shows they are confident which is a definite plus!

 

See with that it all depends on who it is and how they are, I'd hate a cocky guy who ordered for me without at least consulting me. My ex would order for me sometimes, after asking me if it was cool and only because he knew exactly what I would like, assured me it'd be great and it was at places he knew very well. He never steered me wrong when it came to food.

[Eggplant]

I distinctly remember a group of people several decades ago demanding men stop treating them differently just because of their ovaries, it was quite a popular group but I don't remember their name.

 

In the workplace ovaries are irrelevant.

 

But in dating, men and women clearly have been dealt different cards. Or you think we got the same??

[Eggplant]

Oh great. Another trolling guy posing as a female poster.

 

Have fun.

 

 

What makes me seem like a man?

[Eggplant]

Just because I want an assertive man doesn't mean I don't put any effort forth.

 

If you can get a man to be assertive by asking him out and leading the chase yourself, let me know how that's done. I'd love to be able to have that ability.

[sweetkiwi]

Well if she's turned off by planning dates then she shouldn't proceed with dating this particular guy. Maybe his indecisiveness is in all aspects of his life. Maybe not. Maybe he's not very experienced at dating.

 

Maybe he's not that into her. Maybe he's so into her he's sweating bullets trying to think of what cool stuff to do but terrified to make a choice. Who knows what he's thinking. All we know is OP is getting turned off by him not planning dates. So cut this one loose. Or cut him some slack if you're that interested in him.

[sweetkiwi]

Actually this kind of just happened to me. I had a date set for Wednesday night with a very sweet Italian guy who has been an acquaintance. He asked me out and was visibly nervous. Kinda endearing on him.

 

So anyway I live above his favorite hangout. At 9pm we planned to meet there so I walk downstairs and there he is looking adorable in his chin strap beanie and black rimmed glasses. I am looking sexy in boots, a green dress, and leather jacket. And as I walk up to him he says, "Where are you off to"? Of course he must be joking........he wasn't.

 

Due to the language barrier he thought Wednesday in English meant jovadì (thursday). So I was forced on the fly to think of date plans since he didn't want to reschedule and apparently seemed kinda flustered his English had failed him.

 

It was fine with me. Because I like him. Because I realized due to our language barrier he made a mistake. I gently busted his chops about it since it is in fact the only time a man forgot a date with me. We ended up having a lovely time.

[MyPoutine]

Personally I need balance, I want to make some suggestions but so should he...in your position I'd get annoyed

[todreaminblue]

I hav maily been the planner when it comes to dates, it is refreshing when a guy plans a date and i just have to show up and create fun......if i am with a guy and i am attracted to him , the background is just bonus doesnt matter who set it up i am pretty easy going ...not into the flash of cash ...or ring of bling....its more about the content of the date....deb

Edited February 10, 2013 by todreaminblue

[Eggplant]

Im fully aware of the female desire to be treated differently when it benefits them. Until your labia are wrapped around my penis you've done nothing to warrant special treatment.

 

Ahahahahaha!

 

You are hilarious.

 

Trust me, you got the better deal. You get to take as long as you want finding a woman. Age isn't a factor for you to the same degree. You can get your career and maturity in order first. Women have to make a judgment first, while we're too young to know anything, then get pregnant, then pray to God we picked the right man and be at the mercy of whatever guy we picked because we already gave him all we had. Well, not at the mercy anymore in this country because Americans are relatively rich, but finding another one gets harder, we'll probably just be alone. We need to discern well in the beginning. So if we give you our time and attention and affection, that's really big.

 

But if I were you and I could still get women with your attitude, I wouldn't worry about anything I just said. You've got it made.

Edited February 10, 2013 by Eggplant

[PJKino]

I love a man who calls the shots, even when it comes to ordering my food sometimes. It shows they are confident which is a definite plus!

 

ordering your food? It seems women want a father figure who leads them and tells them what to do..do you have your own thoughts and opinions?

[Imported]

The best thing to do is to just accept these kinds of things. Treating women like equal adults and expecting them to behave as such will never fail to backfire.

 

Just decide where you want to go and unless she's allergic to peanuts and the restaurant doesn't have any dishes without them you'll be going where you said you'd be going.

 

Spot on when it comes to women claiming any behavior that doesn't suit them makes one a boy/impotent/passive/homosexual.

 

I always do well treating women as if they were submissive.......because most of them are. I am not saying I treat them bad, I am saying I am in charge and that is how I behave with them. I never tell them I think they are submissive of course. Most of them would be insulted. Being in charge does not just mean you decide and direct....you also take care and are responsible for. For all the equal rights stuff, I still get the feeling from most women that they expect me to be in charge, to be a man. That is not a problem. However, I don't know how that makes us equals.

[SteveC80]

I dont date women who expect me to plan everything..and any adult who needs to be "lead" is sad and pathetic imo..learn to be ao adult and do adult things iam not your daddy

[Ruby Slippers]

Gotta love a man with a plan.

 

Every first date I've been on, the man thought of an activity and a place. That usually goes for the first few dates, and then we start mixing it up.

 

It tells you a lot about the guy - whether he pays attention to what you like, whether he has fun ideas, whether he's good at taking charge.

 

Women who want the guy to do more of the date planning just need to stop doing it, and deflect back to him when you want him to take the lead. Most people will do the minimum acceptable. Minimum for a first date with me is he's got to come up with something to do. Doesn't have to be anything fancy or unusual - just something.

[Drseussgrrl]

I absolutely love a man with a plan.

 

The guy I'm dating so far has been head and shoulders above the rest.

 

No "what's up" texts. Asks me out in advance. Totally sweet.

 

He's taking me to the ballet this week and I'm thrilled.

[Woggle]

I love planning but every 3 or 4 I do appreciate if she would plan something nice.

[Ruby Slippers]

I absolutely love a man with a plan.

 

The guy I'm dating so far has been head and shoulders above the rest.

 

No "what's up" texts. Asks me out in advance. Totally sweet.

 

He's taking me to the ballet this week and I'm thrilled.

Lucky girl.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Just because I want an assertive man doesn't mean I don't put any effort forth. If anyone on here knows me, it is that I have no problem splitting the check, as a matter of fact I always offer.

As someone who is very successful at dating... I can say that men have never complained about my effort.

 

This is what you find attractive about the behavior. You just need to understand the difference between Assertive and Controlling. Sometimes they can seem like the same thing... especially to young girls.

[Estate]

While, I understand where OP is coming from... I also hate when I get one line responces and things like that from girls...

 

It's just a bit nuts that this would write the guy off.

Look, he doesn't seem like the most finely tuned guy, he should take a lead and plan but he's either little shy or inexperienced or probably just doesn't know what to suggest because he'd prefer you both do something YOU like because he likes you and wouldn't want to bore you.

 

So look, we all have flaws but this isnt a big one in the general scheme of things.

 

If this is the ONLY thing wrong with the guy, is it really worth writing him off already?

Do as someone suggested earlier, go out again and just make fun saying it's "his turn" to plan a date or surprise you, or take you on a tour of his area... I mean, don't make it an ultimatum type conversation, just make it playful while letting him know it's his turn next time.

 

Isn't that easier? I hate how such small things because absolute deal breakers for some people, like this guy is undateable because he's a little timmid? Naw, if you like him too... just help him along.

 

I did the same with an old girlfriend, I didn't really lead enough and it bothered her... but the reason was because my previous girlfriend was pretty headstrong and my way of dealing with her was to just let her chose as she'd prefer that... didn't mean I didn't WANT to please my new GF at the time... its just that everyone is different.

[PJKino]

Are there any women out there left who dont mind making plans and being equal or do u all want the guy to plan everything and make decisions for you?

[Jane2011]

My boyfriend (of six months now) is a planner. He was that way from the start, and hasn't stopped.

 

I make plans, too, though. I suggest outings and specific activities.

 

It's pretty equal.

 

I really don't see it as "doing all the work" or "controlling" or "calling the shots" on the part of anyone who suggests things. It's just a natural part of being alive and halfway interested in things to come across events/activities that you want to attend or participate in. Then you say to your partner, "We should go to [whatever thing, restaurant, lecture, movie, play, group]." Then they either say they are down for it or they are not.

 

There is more stuff going on in the area where I live than I even have time for. Neither he nor I would ever be at a loss for what we can do when we go out.

 

If you're new to the person, of course, it can be more challenging, but even then, it only takes ten minutes of conversation with a person to get an idea of what kinds of things they like to do. You can also just ask what they want to do, but don't let it drag out. As soon as they give you an idea, suggest a specific thing.

[miss_jaclynrae]

This is what you find attractive about the behavior. You just need to understand the difference between Assertive and Controlling. Sometimes they can seem like the same thing... especially to young girls.

 

a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view.

 

 

 

Assertive is quite the opposite of controlling.

Thank you though for telling me I should know the difference.

 

 

 

My boyfriend cold approached me and asked me out to coffee. After a few texts back and forth and a few phone conversations he solidified a night I was free, and asked me how I felt about grabbing some coffee. He asked me how I felt about motorcycles, asked me to be at his place by 7, and he planned the whole night. We grabbed coffee at this very quaint old town, then he took me to a sweet shop where we picked out wayyy too many chocolates and walked to the waterfront to taste them all and give our own critiques.

 

 

 

Amazing date and he planned it through and through. Of course he asked me what I thought of it, but ultimately he put forth the effort to plan where and when and didn't do any of that "what do you want to do?" BS.

[Imported]

A man going up to a woman he never met and dictating where and when they would be going on their date would be acceptable?

 

 

I guess you've never been in charge of anybody. Never went through any leadership training? Most times, you don't "dictate". You direct, you explain, you say what you need, what you want, request them to help. You're nice about it. You know the game plan. Hell, you planned it all out, possibly with little to no input from her. Saying what the plan is does not have to be "dictating" and you'd be a fool to talk in a manner that makes anyone feel like it is.

 

And regardless, it's subject to her acceptance of it anyway. Thats the difference between me being in charge at work and me taking the lead with a date.

[Archgirl]

I have got the absolute ****s with this today!!! Two guys I'm dating made vague suggestions last night to do something together today! FFS! I have a life, my schedule fills up like three days ahead! Every guy I've dated this year starts off thinking he can just ring up when he feels like seeing me and takes it personally when I'm unavailable!

Anyway, told them both to **** off and having a girls night for Vday instead!

But seriously, a little guy input here - what's with this attitude? Is it just Aussie male mentality?

[RachR]

I had an ex I dated for a year who did this. He claimed he liked to be "spontaneous" yet never had much of an idea for an activity anyway. He wasn't spontaneous, he was just inconsiderate and had no respect for me. Anyway, I was basically at the mercy of when he felt like doing something. It was extremely rare for him to ever ask if I wanted to do something more than the day before the day of doing said activity. And if I tried to plan something ahead of time, he would say he wanted to wait and see. It's on me for putting up with it, though, you teach others how to treat you...and if they don't treat you right, you should leave, but I didn't. I put up with it from the start, I didn't have as much self esteem then. I'm a planner! And my next boyfriend will be one too.

 

Edit* By the way, this guy...still a total jacka**. He contacted me because he wanted to meet up to catch up sometime and asked when I may be free (I haven't seen him in a long time now), I said sure and gave potential days (I was curious, nothing more), he then told me, good, I'll let you know soon if I'm available on such and such day. He then contacted me several days later to say he was available the next day if I wanted to meet. I told him, Oh no, I have plans, another day and he said to get in touch when I'm available. I won't be contacting him back.

Edited February 14, 2013 by RachR

[Archgirl]

This isn't quite as bad as that, it's more like, I dunno, laziness and maybe mostly dating women who'll drop everything for them? They usually learn fast, it's just frustrating and frankly i'm finding it really insulting right now - like "oh so you don't think i have any social life except for you?! It's freakin Valentines day! Thanks a bajillion sunshine!!". Freaking lazy little mamas boys!