What does it mean when she...?

[Chad Hicks]

I met a girl at work. It's a rather large building complex, so it was hard to see her more than a few times a day. After a month of chating and flirting, I asked her out on a date. I quickly found out she had a BF.

 

She seemed flattered and has been nice to me since. Its been many months later. We now work together more often and have become fast friends. (we alway kept in contact)

 

She knows I'm still attracted to her. However, she won't ever mention anything about her BF to me in any conversations we have together. What does it mean when she does this???

 

Some girls are very quick to throw that information out to you even in general conversations (usually meaning in a polite way to signify "hey I'm taken you know")

 

She doesn't bring him up in front of me at all, unless I ask a specific question. Such as "oh yeah, and who all went with ya, did ya'll have a good time?"

 

What does it mean when she doesn't mention him?

 

Kinda curious I guess.

[Curt]

You are a good friend to her.

 

She doesn't talk about her ex to you, because it is not something that she would probably see as important (or interesting) to you.

 

Don't do yourself a disservice, by attempting to read anything more from her lack of discussion about him, than that.

 

If you really want to be more than a friend to her, you have to first realize that she is not in the same place emotionally as you are. She clearly loves him.

 

You might be better off working away from her as much as possible, and/or ask quietly to not be placed in close quarters with her. In my humble opinion, it will be very difficult for you to separate the friendship from your desire to be more than a friend to her, at some point in the future.

 

Curt

[tokyo]

I think she doesn´t like talking with you about her boyfriend, because she might think you could feel hurt or so. I personally don´t like to talk with people who are interested in me about this stuff. I would mention it once that I`m already interested in someone else, but later I wouldn´t do it again. No reason to make people jealous or tell them constantly in an indirect way that you don´t fancy them.

 

Hm, although on the other hand she might like you and therefore doesn´t talk that much about her boyfriend. Is she still flirting with you? Actually, it doesn´t look good that she was flirting with you before without her telling you she had a boyfriend already. That girl could be a flirt.

[Chad Hicks]

Hi Curt

 

appreciate your reply.

 

I'm not sure if it's a typo or a misunderstanting on your part or not, but. It's not an "ex" of hers. It's her current BF, but anyways

 

Yes I respected the fact that Sue has a BF. I thought along the same lines as you, in thinking she's on a differrent level too. So out of respect to them both, I kept a friendly distance. She's not really the flirty type. There's something about her I find very attractive though. Perhaps something I see in her from a past experience of mine or something. I really don't know. In fact most other employees find her annoying and too demanding or independent. As I touched on before, I kept a friendly distance once I learned of her situation. I actually figured if anything was meant to be, something would happen to bring things together.

 

Not long after I mentally tossed in the towel, thinking friends would be realistic. Something weird came about. When I had learned of a new department opening at work. I put in for a position. It would require only a couple of days a week to start. This came up casually in a conversation with my friend Sue. She was quick to point out, she too was going for a position there and asked what days would I be selecting to work. I told her the days I had submitted for my availiablity (This meant I would be working with some lady we both knew) It wasn't even a few days later, the head of that new department asked me if I would be willing to work different days and said to me, Sue (my friend) had requested it suggesting my skills would be an asset to Sue. Barb the department head thought it was a good idea. Now this could be completely coincidental where I'm reading too much into things (it's possible) or maybe not???

 

Like I said, were very friendly and have bonded well. Im sure in others eyes at work, they'd wonder if we were involved lol. Were quite the pair and we've spent a lot of time together over many months now.

 

I sense perhaps she wont speak of her BF out of repect to me (to not hurt me like kooky touched on), I'm not sure what, if any, other intents may be here. She clearly knows I'm attracted to her. We have discussed in an indirect way the fact that neither of us would ever cheat on "a partner".

 

She's also asked me to do things outside of work.

[Curt]

Hey there Chad!

 

You're right about my "out-of-whack" comment that her BF was an ex ... it was sort of a "senior moment" that I had, I think.

 

Aside from that, though, I can assure you, from experience, that this girl is likely a friend only. Even if not (and it's a big if, especially as she's told you she would never consider cheating), she's talking about doing things outside work. Unless she's thinking of carrying her BF along when you both do those things outside work, she's not really behaving appropriately.

 

Chad, I know this is really hard to accept from a stranger on a message board online, but man, I have been down the road you're on myself. Some of the things you said almost parallel the situation I was in.

 

Take it from one who knows, Chad. There is no good way that this will end.

 

You really need (for your own sake) to distance yourself from her, both emotionally and physically. If there is a way to do it, I recommend getting reassigned to different days or whatever, to avoid too much contact.

 

I say this because I fear that you have a major crush over this girl. Your heart wants her, even if your mind knows she is unavailable. She is not helping you move on either, and it may be more of an ego boosting activity for her than anything, to have you paying her attention.

 

To one who has not been in this situation, my advice might appear flawed or even nutty. Heck, I would have thought the same thing last year.

 

What a difference a year can make!

[Chad Hicks]

Hi Curt

 

I've wondered if I've stepped in over my head already? Some examples of things taking place ouside of work are... She asked me if I would be willing to look after her animals for a weekend (she lives with her parents on a farm). She was going away with her mom and a girlfriend for a ladies weekend at the cottage. She was very upfront with me (almost in a deliberate way) about who she was going away with lol, so I accepted. We kept it professional, she agreed to pay me for my time. Her father hates working with her animals alone, so it was just the father and I that weekend. He's a great guy too. She and I have also done some things for the kids in the neighbourhood involving the farm and the pool. In which case she invited me to stick around afterwards for a swim when things wrapped up.

 

Not long after I found out she had a BF, I did prod her for some information (probablly the only time he'd been discussed in length). She said they've being going in two different directions with very different goals. Also she claimed they seldom see each other and things hadn't been going well for quite a while (that was some time ago now)

 

A thought that perhaps she was one of those girls that "line up another guy, before making an emotional change" came to mind. I felt it might be worth exhausting things to see where it would lead (while I kept working other possibilities). It's just that "what if". I'm still not exactly sure whether its the right thing to do, thus the urge for the post.

 

So there's a number of things here that confuse me lol. I guess if things were to change, it would have happened by now huh? I don't want sucker written across my forhead! Seems crazy the price were willing to pay for a chance at something.

[blueknight]

Chad,

 

If she is the type of person who "lines up another" before she breaks it off with the current BF, that should be a very big red flag. It basically means she can't be trusted as a GF.

 

When a man or women wants out of a relationship and just strings the BF/GF along until a BBD (Bigger Better Deal) comes along, they have some serious moral issues. If she doesnt like her current relationship she just needs to be honest about it and get out BEFORE she starts setting up the next one.

 

Just my opinion,