chormis Posted August 29, 2004 Share Posted August 29, 2004 Me and My girlfriend of three months are have issues. We started to see ech other very shortly after see broke up with her ex of 3 years. She told me the didnt have a strong relationship and that the were always breacking up. She said she olny went back to him because she was lonely. She dosent have many friends because of how controling he was. He wouldnt let her do thing with other people. Very abbusive mentally. Are relationship moved very quick. But I only went as quick as she wanted to. But for the last week she has been upset with me because she thinks I maybe like him because of something she miss understood. We finally talked the other day and patched thing up but with some new rules. She dosent want to hang out everyday like we did before. I understand this part everybody needs their space. She told me that our relationship id fixable but she feels she didnt fuly bring closure to her last relationship. She broke up with him over the phon. He dosnt live in the same city. She has told me that she wants to ssee him agian because she just hasta see. I asked her if this was to get back with hi and she said No she dosnt want that. I'm have issues because she just put me thru all kinds of drama because she thought i was doing the samethings he did to her. If he was this bad to her why would you need to see him? And should I be worried about this? Her Family loves My thinks Im the best thing she has found. He sister told her that the things I do for her her boyfriend would never do and That she should make sure not to loose me. And the friends she does have love me to. They all hated how her ex treated her. Please helpset my mind at ease Link to post Share on other sites
Touch_of_Naughtiness Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 The fact that her friends and family love you does not mean she does. If she wants to see him maybe she's not over him yet. Talk to her seriously and ask her what her real reasons are. Link to post Share on other sites
ltomlinson81 Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I agree. It sounds like she is not over her ex. You should probably give her some space. If she really wants to be with you, she will tell you. Let her do what she has to in order to get over the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I am very sorry for what you're going through. It must be very hard to see someone that you care about in the situation that she is in. She knows that she is going back to a bad situation, hon. I'm not sure what kind of closure that she is looking for. If someone has abused her once, he will do it again. One of the hardest lessons to learn is that you can't save everyone. It doesn't matter how much her parents love you, or how much you love her. If it is not reciprocated, then there is no relationship to speak of. My advice to you is to try to be there as her friend, and if you feel like you are in too deep to be a friend, then remove yourself from the situation. Even when/if she removes herself, she will not be immediately ready for another boyfriend. She will need time to heal. If she is not careful, she will get caught in a cycle of abuse, constantly finding other people who will harm her. BTW, here are some links I found for you regarding battered woman's syndrome. They may help you get a better handle on what she is going through. I hope everything works out, both for you and her. http://www.divorcenet.com/or/or-art02.html http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/psych.htm Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Closure would be getting answers you were looking for. After a break up, I always had so many questions. I never got closure, because I never got an answer that I could accept. I need to call up the old boyfriends, and ask them why they broke up with me, so I can stop asking myself why it ended. See, one guy dumped me and I never knew why. Now, 2 years later, I see the whole thing clearly. It just took me some time to figure out the mindset of a snake. So I have closure, and I don't think of him any more. There's another boyfriend that I still haven't figured out yet.....and I still wonder about him from time to time. Now, to YOUR problem. Your girlfriend wants to go talk to her boyfriend face to face. Hmmm... Maybe she wants to see if she still feels anything. Maybe she wants to see him, so she can say, "What did I ever SEE in him?" Maybe he's been calling her, and you don't know about it. Maybe she never got over him. Maybe she's stupid. Maybe she wants to test you to see if you'll let her do it. Who knows with women now days Link to post Share on other sites
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