If its meant to be they will come back to you.

[wasitheone]

Drjones,

 

Be strong for yourself and be strong for her. WHEN she comes back you will need all your strength to carry both of you. I'm still sat here waiting for a text that won't probably come til Monday - its killing me. But I also know in her heart she would not cheat on her current bf. If I didn't believe I am the one I would have quit a long time ago but all my heart is screaming "she is the one". I love her so much. Love never dies.

[djones]

Thanks,

 

I will try to stay strong.....how are the rest of you guys doing?

[Blah Toolz]

I like this topic... and I don't like to be a downer... but I just don't understand the concept of an ex coming back to you after they have been involved with someone else.

 

Sure, there is the phrase "If it is meant to be than they will come back to you," or that you will always hear from an ex or that they will realize what they have been without if you were good to them... but how is this true? Wouldn't this apply to the subsequent boyfriends/girlfriends that they have had after you?

 

This is what it's like in my case. When you're with someone for a long time, and then they treat you like **** before and after the break-up, and have moved on quickly... there is no silver lining concering them anymore.

[backspn]

No Blah.....cause you treat them good and if everything was right they will remember and you will meet them out of the blue...it will happen. The other guys that she dates wont be the same as you were and if they are then she wasnt meant for you. I believe that God has someone out there for each of us.....maybe 2 or 3 for us...but we have to meet them and figure out which one is best. In my situation...I have put the bar so high that I dont know if anyone can match it. Sure she will date other guys and the "feeling" will be there....but for how long? 2 months?...6 months? She gets bored easy with guys. We were together for 3 years and the spark was there from the beginning to the end. I know she still has feelings for me....but there is nothing I can do but do my own thing....be a good friend to her...and it will come. I have been the longest relationship she has ever had. She is in her 3rd year in college and we have been separated for 7 months and she still calls me. So I wait...do my thing...and be happy. All I can do....but you have to believe she might come back to you.

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Its been a a day or so since i posted but I was at a party last night and was playing some poker with the boys this evening. First off i hope everybody is doing well and things are looking brighter each day. Im doing ok i guess, I sent my ex that card wishing her good luck and all and I never heard anything back yet. I think she would definately call and say thank you, but maybe she hasnt got it yet. I dont know. I hope the I miss you part doesnt scare her off but that was a gamble I had to take. Tomorrow is another day so we will see what happens.

 

drjones- Hows things going with you my brother. Its sounds like you are doing much better and Im gald to see that.

 

backspn- I tell you buddy, your words are those of encouragement for me and I would imagine everyone else on this thread. Your are dead on with your reply to Blaztool. I agree that there is someone out there for us. Our exes might have to date others in order for them to see what else is out there and that their hearts belong to us. Its a ****ty deal but its the truth. Also they wont forget the goodtimes and our love for them if we showed it to them. I know I did with my ex 100%. If they meet soemone else, then you are right it wasnt ment to be. It might take time like you said. We just have to let them be and move on like you are doing. Im trying my best to move on and its getting better but its still very hard. Anyways keep up the good advice, it sure helps. Talk to everybody soon.................Kodiak

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

How are you all doing?....I have not heard from her this weekend and I know she has a very busy and stressfull week ahead so I will not contact her and she if she does...I am still worried that shemay not want to talk to me after our last talk....I am just going on with my life like I have been doing since the break up, so we will see. I have made some good progress gettin my life in order but we will see how it pans out......TOday I feel real lonely, last night I went out, it was my bestfriend's birthday and it was good we went out to dinner then a bar after, but all my friends have GF or fiances or married and I just started to feel real sad and alone and just thinking about her and not having her around me.....there was lots of hot girls at the bar but I just was not interestested in meeting anyone....I dont know just feel real alone and thinking that I may end up being alone for the rest of my life...it just hard sometimes to see my friends and see that they are in love and I cant share that with someone...you know what I mean?.....I got this empty feeling in my heart and I dont know what to do....I miss her......on the drive home all I could think was her and that movie the wedding singer (i know its cheezy, but i like the movie)...the line that the wedding singer's firend said "all I want is someone to hold me and say everything is going to be ok" .....Its stupid that all of us here the guys and the girls here are great people that are loving and caring and we are the ones that are hurting, why?......guys I needed to rant today.....

[backspn]

You wont be alone forever DrJones. I entertained those ideas before too. Its natural. You'll find the right one when you least expect it and when you're not looking. Could even be your ex.

[djones]

Hey Backspn,

 

Thanks man, I needed a little pick me up....I nice to be able to vent with you guys, we all have our high and low days and its great we can pick each other up....my firends here dont wnat to hear about it anymore...its ok, but you know they have someone so they dont feel what I am going through you guys are going through the same emotions as me, so its easy to relate.....hehe that saying always comes up "when you least expect it" I think I expect it every day of my life so I am not going to get it .....

[Cade]

Hey guys, been a while.

 

Women somehow can sense when you have moved on and when you do, they usually pop back into your life. This happenned with my ex she was dating this Lawyer, out with him alot, heard he was a real nice guy and I assumed she was all set. I was dating someone at the time and was trying to move on. My ex called one day when I had my daughter asked how I was, how work was, etc. I kept it short and then emailed her later asking her to only call to discuss my daughter cause I cannot believe she really gives a crap about my life as she is happy now, so don't insult my intelligence kind of thing. Told her I was happy now with my new girl, moving on, not looking back and wished we had never met.

 

Took my daughter to the beach that day, (great bait for the women!!! lol). Ex called a couple of times, I did not answer as I did not want to hear anymore of her crap. She left a message stating that she responded to my email and that it may upset me, but she sent it anyway... This bugged the hell out of me and it was about time we left, so we did as I had to read the email. Figured she was getting engaged, moving in with this dude, pregnant, etc. Ex calls again, left a message stating that she was at the beach, seen my Jeep and was hoping I did not see her and left to avoid her. I did not see her at all.

 

So I arrive home, she calls again, i don't answer again as I need to read this email first.

 

Read it, and it was totally opposite. She states she was going for counselling, is sorry she did not give us a chance as I did. States that she went seeking happiness elsewhere but it was the opposite, she was miserable. She stated she was confused and missed me, she was sorry I felt that way about her and that someone else had me now.

 

Just as I finished reading the email, she shows up at my door crying. Without a second thought, I held her and told her we would work things out. Things were great for 6 weeks than she started slipping away again. Mistake I made I think was being to easy for her when she showed up at my door. She is starting to call quite a bit once again 7 weeks later. Once again, I am playing hard to get and this time I will make her work for it, if I even want her back at all. She said alot of things but did nothing, (no counselling, she did not try to change, etc.), actions speak louder than words and if it does happen again I will be harder to aquire and she will have to literally show me she is willing to change.

 

Moral of the story guys is that when you give up all hope and have moved on, that is usually when they come back. Also helps if you are dating or you tell them you are, forces them to act quickly before someone else snatches you up cause if you are confident you were good to her, she will not forget that and she knows there are women out there which will. They don't realize what they lost till it's gone, so don't be so readily available, but remain friendly that's all.

 

Good luck, I am still sitting here thinking I would take her back as I know that deep down inside is the woman I once loved so much and married. She better come around soon, cause I am starting to lose all hope..

[kodiak]

cade-

 

I with what you said in your post, its so true. they seem to know that stuff and then it makes everything so much harder if they try to come back and you have moved on. I have a couple questions for you. How long were you two togther for? How long have you been broken up for and did you guys have a period of no contact. Thanks for sharing yoru story........Kodiak

[Cade]

How long were you two togther for? How long have you been broken up for and did you guys have a period of no contact. Thanks for sharing yoru story........Kodiak

 

 

Kodiak,

 

Was with her 6 yrs, married 10 months, split with a 2.5 yr old girl we had together. I moved out about 15 months ago, but during the first year I still spent the night there every 3 days, was intimate, together but not... She never wanted to commit and she wanted to keep her options open the whole time. I always stuck to my guns, wanting to commit, work things through as I hated most the fact that my daughter was living home to home all the time, nothing was going the way I had planned for our family. These are the most important years of my daughters life, years that will form her personality for good (3 yrs old they say in studies).

Finallly after a year, I was too fed up of the roller coaster ride, we would not talk for a week or two during the year, we always knew we could never be apart, than we realized this and were back here and there. I simply was fed up of the whole thing and one important thing to note is that her Mom moved in a month after I left as her marriage ended and I found out soon after that her Mom was the only one she had confided in about her problems. Her mom always treated me like crap, even when I was with her daughter, she is just a biatch plain and simple anyway, my ex can't even stand her. It was worse once we split cause when I would be back home every few nights she was always pissed off, and my wife asked that I ignore her cause she "simply hates the world". She regarded me as a threat as I was constantly bugging my wife to get rid of her so we could work things out cause her mom always had her 2 cents in, even if not wanted and she constantly discouraged her daughter from working things out with me, made it more difficult in other words. It was always me against the two of them, very frustrating to say the least and that is when I threw the towel in.

So, about 10 months after I left is when I gave her the cold shoulder and moved on. She did the same and it was about 6 weeks after no contact that she showed up at my door, missing me..

I gave in too easily, that was the problem and allowed her mom to walk all over me as well, trying to patch things up. Finally I could sense my ex was drifting and I constantly hated going there as her mom was indifferent to me, we split again.

It has been about 7 weeks now with minimal contact if any. I had sent my ex an email last week stating all that I had done for her, never waivered, always stayed true to our oath of marriage through everything I have been put through but said enough is enough. There is this woman who has been through hell as well and we have realized that the problem lies with the people we pick. Needy people, down and out, help them and then tossed aside. For once I can be treated as an equal again..

I faltered on Fri morning at 4am..., called my exes cell after going out with this girl on our first official date. My ex knew this as well, as I have said, let her know you are moving on to greener pastures. Left a message for my ex, "Hey baby....forget it" and hung up. I missed work the next day and my ex called at 7:30am concerned for me as this has not been like me. Let her know I was drunk and not to read into it too much, did not even remember.

Amyway, the same night my ex calls for no reason, instead of ignoring the call, I pick up, (I do this now and then). She really had no reason to talk, I could tell but we laughed and had the best talk in a long time, no talk of relationships or anything just things in general..

I discovered some info on here today thought from a fellow member "weweregods", and ate up everything she stated, changing my tune, implementing a new strategy now. She called again tonight, another great talk, no remorse or negativity on my end, told her that maybe we are better off with what has happenned, then asked if she thinks of me, missed me, ( though I know she is dating someone), she responds "yes" of course. Let her know that I have met many woman but it is true that you are lucky to find true love once in your life, to find it again is near impossible but that I have accepted my fate and will make the best of it. I know damn well the current guy is a fling and she is coming around again as they discover that the grass ain't greener on the other side. This other member (a true god-send, is pushing the book, "stop your divorce"), and she mentions some strategies she has picked up. Rid your relationship of hostility and agree on what she wants, friendship, etc. This way she has no one to argue with but her current fling as you are agreeable to everything, even to agreeing everything was your fault. As she compares you to her new fling she realises she argues less with you. Check this link out.. http://www.stopyourdivorce.com/, some good exerpts from the book. I was nothing but kind to her, thnk I may be going out for lunch with her this week, she admitted it was so nice to have a convo with me, laugh with no friction or animosity from both ends. She even received a call during the first convo, promised to call me back, said it was not necessary, she calls me 10 minutes later and we talk about 40 minutes.. I did not ask but probably her current fling.. Anyway I will not go on anymore, changing up things here.. Instead of fighting her on the split I am agreeing and now she is more confused than ever, even more worried I am done with her but yet maintaining the nice, confident, cool guy composure she fell in love with.

Hit that link before you respond to this, very informative..

 

Cade

[kodiak]

Hey everybody-

 

I guess im posting because I am having a really bad night right now. As I said earlier I sent my ex a wish you the best card and feel better because she was having surgery. Well I figured by now she would have got it but who knows? So today I sent her a text just saying hope the surgery went well and that things were ok. She replied back right away but didnt say anything about the card. Then I was at my uncles house and he is the opposite of me when it comes to break ups. He can move right on and doesnt understand why I cant. I guess he is right, i mean its been four months. Anyway he made me feel like there is never a second chance for us and that my ex im sure is dating and has new guys. It hurt like hell to her but im sure he is rigfh. So I left his house feeling crappy then I get those stupid axiety attacks. I start to feel all knotted and twisted and sick to my stomach. Im sure evryone knows what Im talking about. So now im at home by myself and fell so sad. I miss her so much right now. I mean when does it let up. I feel that this is the girl for me but obviously its been for months and she hasnt comeback so my guess is that Im not the one for her. I gues im just venting right now but I needed someone to talk too. Maybe I will jsut go for a drive and cry for a little bit......................Kodaik

[djones]

Kodiak,

 

Buddy I know what exactly you are going through....I am feeling the same right now, I dont know its been the same amount of time like you and I dont know if she will come back or what, I have the same feeling for this girl as you do, and I cant shake it off....I guess is the only thing, we both (all of us) need to just move forward and see what happens, I feel sick in my stomach and I am getting edgy and snappy, there is nothing more we can do other than just let time take its course, I hate it but I dont know what else we can do....just hang in there and stay strong....take care

[WantanS4]

drjones & kodiak,

 

4 months for both of you... 4 months for me. I feel the both of you..... Like I said before, we should bet to see who has their ex comeback, 1 of us has to luck out.... that said, we should start a thread (entitle it 'Something's got to give!')where we can keep each other posted on new 'developments'. It will be entertaining at the very least.

[djones]

Hey WantanS4,

 

I dont know I put money on you two guys my luck is sh#t

[WantanS4]

it's not so much the money (in fact i don't care to wager) but merely a means of entertainment for the community.

 

if you think your luck is sh.it.. then mine has to be the whatever happens before it.

[djones]

Guys,

 

I need you input/ or advice, I got an email from my ex and she was asking me about an business idea, well we were talking and it came up of and she asked my how much of a cut I would have to take from her company...so I said thats its your company and I would not take alot, anyway what ever you gave me I would just spend it on you .......I got this reply from her:

 

I think I will just take your advice on possible sources of funding... I do not want to give you the wrong idea about "us"... This is business... not personal... I don't like mixing business and pleasure... and as you know.. I am still seeing someone else.

 

I said as a reply that I will just give you advice, I agree about mixing business and pleasure....And yeah I know you are still seeing someone else....

 

 

Guys do I still have a chance with her or I am just fooling myself with thinking that...I dont know what too think....

[WantanS4]

drjones,

 

I think either kodiak or I will win the bet.....

 

She's one of those..... let her do her thing....... I would move on if I were you.

[djones]

Yeah, I told you i would not win.....

[djones]

man this sucks....I hate feeling this way

[kodiak]

drjones-

 

Many many couples out there have dated other people and then came back to teh one they are supposed to be with. It happens all the time, remember that. Drjones I have a question for you. Did you want to know if your ex was seeing someone else or did she tell you. You see there is a possibility that my ex has someone new too, but I dont wanna know. I think it would only hurt more. Sure it might delay the process of them comimg back if they are with someone else, but that doesnt mean it is never going to happen. As for your question, I would stay out of the buisness deal with her. It could make thiings worse when money is involved. Look at how many marriages are ruined because of money and things like that. It is cool that she comes to you for advice but i would leave it at that. Thats just my opinion though my brother, do what you feel is right to you.... Let me know....................Kodiak

[kodiak]

Hey everybody-

 

 

What is this bet. To see who's ex will come back first or even if they do at all. Im a gambling man so im in for sure. lol..............This will be funny. If I had my wish it would be for all of us to be able to post here in the future and tell each other how bitchin of a vacation we just had with our exes. Thats my dream my wish. Not just for it to happen to me but for it to happen to everybody. Maybe it will......................Kodiak

[WantanS4]

relax drjones,

 

you never know what the future holds. Maybe the next one in line turns out to be 3x the woman your ex will ever be.

 

just... have patience.

 

kodiak,

 

yeah... i wish we could all win... but i think it would be interesting to see what the success rate is... don't you think?

[djones]

Guys,

 

Yeah she told me about 3 months after we broke up so this is very recient, she just told me that she is going to see this guy...so this is about a few weeks now....yeah I am not going into busniess with her and the way she made it sound (read my last post) that she did not want me to go into partnership with her.....well I guess I lost the bet, its up to you or wantans4.....

[wasitheone]

Hey Drjones,

 

Just give her the best advice on funding you can give her. Think of it as a parting gift. When she is successful she will realize who was their with her best interests at heart. As you said at the start of this post "If it is meant to be they will come back". And quite rightly you didn't put a timescale on when they will come back.

 

Keep being strong but also keep your options open.