If its meant to be they will come back to you.

[djones]

Guys,

 

I need your help she replied just now.....here is what she said:

 

I am a little less overwhelmed today yay!!!!!

How are you doing?

 

I have talked with my friend and another person who would be a key player in my business and both think my idea is great… and they want to go full speed ahead. Now I just need to write my business plan and find MONEY!

 

If my business is a go… then I may have to defer school x 1 year.

 

I was going to call you last night but I was talking to my mommy late…..

 

 

What do I do now?....or say to her I will wait for your replies WantanS4 or Kodiak, MJ108 and anyone else....I dont want to f!ck it up in trying to play it cool or what ever.....I dont know how to play it....need advice

[WantanS4]

drjones,

 

Nope... don't do it... now your gonna hafta wait for her to start losing faith that your still into her. Wait it out..... learn from your mistake. Wish my ex called me......... just so that I could let her mind whirlwind. Man, I made so many mistakes... but I did them unconsciously...... hmmmm.

 

crazydawg,

 

Just be smooth and cool. Act indifferent.... talk about anything else buy you/her. If she starts talking about her self... listen... and nod your head. That simple. At the end of the walk... let her decide where you go from there. Don't suggest anything.... if it comes to 'well... see ya''... then take it that way... and walk away. Let her do all the work.

[djones]

Hey WantanS4,

 

did you read my last post with her e-mail...I think your reply was was for my other post.....read my prevoius post, new updated situation....need advice

[WantanS4]

drjones,

 

 

here's your game plan:

 

Wait till after lunch.... maybe 2:30/3:00 and say something like "I'm glad to see your feeling better. I am okay and a bit busy... you should call me sometime."

 

 

That's it! NOthing more...nothing less.

 

 

 

She'll call you... she'll call you. just take your time with it.

[djones]

Wantans4,

 

Thanks man....I am going to cut those exact words out and e-mail them to her......thanks coach....

[WantanS4]

drjones,

 

No problem. She'll probaby try to call you tonight (that's if she really gives a s***)...... so... let it ring.. .and go to bed happy... tomorrow... sometime aroudn brunch, leave her a txt or email saying that you saw she called... but that you were either asleep or out doing your usual thing. Then ask her if things are still going well...... BUT DON"T LET HER HEAR YOUR VOICE... not for a couple of days. You hafta play tag with her........

[djones]

Wantans4,

 

thanks,, thats going to be the hard part not jumping on the phone....I will hold out....

[WantanS4]

drjones,

 

If you were born with a set of nuts... you'll hold out. Be cool... stay smooth.

[djones]

Wantans4,

 

yeah I have to grow them now!! now is the time...

[mj108]

Hey you guys! Just wanted to check in. Wished I would had been on here earlier to help.

 

drjones----don't reply to her other e-mail. She's talking about MONEY? Is she asking you for money or kinda replying towards it. BEWARE! Sounds to me she comes to you when her self-esteem is shot to h#ll. You're the one that peps her up & boosts her up & then when she feels better, she don't need you anymore. Just being honest--& giving you my opinion. I wouldn't reply to her e-mail for a few days. I mean, would she reply to yours if the tables were turned? Then she goes on in her e-mail about needing money? Drjones---beware....be very careful of this woman.

 

Kodiak---about the phone call deal. I know exactly how you feel. Every time I talk to him...I'm so happy & then he tells me...I'll call ya soon...& their I am---waiting for his call & sad & lonely. If you're feeling like crap after you talk to her---it's best to not accept her call because you don't deserve to feel like that. Lets say...make it longer. She calls you every 3 weeks....well, wait it out & don't respond to her for 2 months. Then go from there. If she keeps calling & calling after 3 weeks are up...& you have to reach for that phone. Talk to her---Just tell her that you're busy & get off the phone asap. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks of NC with my ex. It's sooo frustrating. I did hit *67 & called him & hung up (when I got drunk the other night). I couldn't help myself. I wanted to hear his voice...then when he picked up...I was like "Oh my god what have I done!" & I hung up. Now I feel like crap. I shouldn't had done that---shouldn't had heard his voice!!! Maybe something is wrong with my esteem because why the heck am I in love with someone that treated me so awful? I deserve better & I know I do. Just the dreams---the signs---won't let me let him go. Anyway--back to you---I would wait longer to talk to her, because you'll get your hopes up & then when you hang up the phone---it'll all start back over & you'll be sad again. Hang in there!

 

Kooky---you're so right! Tell me your story!

 

Crazydawg----keep it up---act cocky! Tell her to keep her hands off ya! Have anger in your eyes---not sadness.

 

WantanS4---What do you look like? lol I'm probably the oldest in this thing. lol I'm the 'old' lady of the group. I don't look like a model--but I rate me as an 8. ha

 

How old is everyone in here? Hmmm...that is a good question. I'm in my early 30's. but hey---everyone I meet think I'm in my early 20's...so God blessed me with youth.

 

Eventhough I feel like I don't have the energy---from all the crying & emotional pain & all the beers the last 2 weeks---I have decided to go back to my class today---it's been 2 weeks (excercising)---& they are probably going to all kick my butt because I've been on a 2 week drunk. Now I'm trying to get myself together & go out & do the things that I enjoy. Hanging out with family tomorrow night. Thinking about taking a trip like Kodiaks this weekend. Maybe going camping but one things for sure---I'm going to a shooting range to shoot the heck out of my gun!!!! Maybe that will take my mind off him. Nomatter what---I'm going to try to stay busy. I'm still having dream after dream of him. Also--having dreams of his little boys (he has 2 kids----& I got very close to them like they were my own---that's what is ripping my heart out too). I wish the dreams would go away---for all of us!

[djones]

Hey MJ108,

 

No she not after money from me her business idea is going to take lots of money she knows I dont have that kind of money, her business will need a huge bank loan in the hundreds of thousands, so I not worried about that.....Oh by the way I am 30 as well .....I sent the e-mail off as per Wantans4 suggestions...so we will see if she calls....I dont know she is there for me as well when I need a pep talk but I dont know now while she is seeing someone....I guess time will tell...

[mj108]

Drjones---hang in there. If she doesn't call you tonight---know you can vent here. I don't think you should call her. Atleast she is contacting you though...my ex hasn't contacted me, tomorrow will be 2 weeks. I have had a lot of private no.s come up on my cell & work phone. They never leave a message. I don't know if it's him or not but I know him and his 'girl' are having problems. Everytime they have problems...he generally comes back to me. So--we'll see. Hopefully--I'll be strong enough this time to not go back to him. Last time him and I spoke (I'm always sweet & nice) I was calm but there was anger in my voice. He told me not to hate him blah..blah..blah...what was wrong with me...the tone of my voice. Well, I told him what was wrong. I wasn't happy him breaking things off with me & I felt used & I felt like he never cared for me. He told me that was untrue & that he always comes back to me...we're soulmates. I think he was just messing with my head because if he did care & he believes we're soulmates, then why isn't he here? Sorry---had to vent.

[djones]

Hey MJ108,

 

thanks I will hand in there, I am not going to call her, I am going to wait till she calls me....Vent away you need it....I hope it all works out for us all...its so frigging fustratiing sometimes...oh well time will tell...

[atlous]

I think that when girls, I speak from experience are angry, then they care. I do not phone my ex anymore and If I do run into him I am like, " i'm fine how are you" and that is it. When you don't add any extra's they start to wonder what you are doing. The nicer I am the more he rethinks about what he had. THe more angry I get them I show him that he still has me where he wants me. When he phones and says that we should meet up I retaliate and get angry and say I don't think thats a good Idea and then he gets mad. I am done with all these mindless head games. I seriously believe that if we let them go and experience life the way they believe they want to. THe things they said they are missing out on, which is not much, they will slowly begin to reallize that if you had a great connection that it is hard to forget. A success story a girl in school heard that her parents were breaking up. After 12 years they realized that something wasn't there. When they split they ended up BOTH OF THEM remarrying their first loves. How trippy is that? They never forgot about eachother. Although the first loves were also married they realized that there was something missing. I know that I was good to him and honestly thats all that matters. If they go on to someone else without looking at themselves they will continue to have the same relationship difficulties. And if they can' t see what they have contributed to the relationship breakup then you want out fast. YOu will end up feeling alone and carrying the emotional wieght on your back. THat would be a horrible relationship if they never believed they did anything either. Very few relationships last as rebounds. We had their love and attention at one point. For others this will be very hard to get from them. If they call don't offer anything and make it short. Tell the you have and appointment or something. They want that satisfaction of talking with you and finding out things. Keep it short and do not disclose anything!

[WantanS4]

What a nose dive of a day for me..... Freakn..... I'm starting to miss her.

 

But... I must lead by example. I hope she's okay and not being 'stupid'......... team needs to hurrty the ***** up!!!

 

my vent of the day... brought to you by a news article on the TV show "Desperate Wives"........... was I really that bad???

 

 

Ughh!

[mj108]

Atlois---thanks so much for sharing. So---if I bump into him or he calls I should act 'nice?' I'm so angry right now. I guess if I show him my anger---he will think he's got the best of me & I'm not over it, right? I will bump into him because his friends are my friends...so how should I react? I know he's going to look at me (like he always does) & say "How are you doing?" Should I just fake the hell out of a grin or look at him & spit in his face? lol I really wouldn't spit in his face---but I feel like it!!! I know what you mean about the stupid games. I hate them too!!

 

Everyone here are great, wonderful, decent, good-hearted people & if our exes don't see that---just like WantanS4 always says---***** em! We deserve better---& we will get better. One day they will realize that they messed up---we treated them like gold & there will never be a person to replace us! I know we're all going through the dreams---signs---but time will make them fade away. I'm just soooo impatient! I want to get him out of my head/heart/soul right now!!!! We just have to all hang on & be here for eachother. Everybody---stay strong & chin up!

[atlous]

Just give him enough that he knows that you care like for example asking him how he is and then saying **** I got a run talk to you later.Girls always feel ripped off and must say the last word. But if we always told them what we are feeling then they have nothing to search for. Always in your face gets people no where. I gave him a goodbye txt and vowed never to call him again and that I have told him how I feel and that I will be moving on. I have to be strong and NEVER contact him. Let the mystery begin. I don't feel like I am losing something anymore rather gaining strength and realizes my self worth. I feel sorry for the next chick that he uses. Seriously there is something to say about their behavior and it is not us! Do not wonder why anymore because it gets us know where. Why would we want them back on false pretenses. If they have time on their hands let them figure things out by themselves what torture would that be. If they realize that they have made a mistake then may be we will be over the anger to accept them back. THen the relationship is even better! I here of people getting back with exs over years of being apart. Sometimes when we begin to work on ourselves we become healthy mentally and can observe our exs as being F-u-c-k-e-d up if you know what I mean. Some women are glad they realized that it is not their problem and they found someone else who would never dream of mistreating them the way their exs did. Seriously my girlfriend dated this guy for three years and gave him everything I mean everything and he for the most part treated her like ****. She awoke smelt the coffee and gave him the boot. Crying everyday over her rash decision wondering if she was to hard on him. When she called to see if he was alright a week later he said actually I am seeing someone. She was devastated and couldn't cope well at all. THen she realized what A putz I don't envy that girl one bit. THat was a year ago and she is dating a great guy they own a house and are going to vegas in Jan. AS for the tool who didn't take time for himself is still dating her living in a basement suite living on check to check. My friend works with her and she is always coming in to work crying over him wondering why he treats her so bad. And on top of things who is calling who? He said to her the other day that he made the biggest mistake of his life and she laughed. I for one do not want my ex to come saying that a year from now. I wouldn't know what to say? Just another story. SHe still thinks of him?

[mj108]

Atlous---wow! He called her a year later? I wouldn't know what to say either...I guess---one day we may have to face a situation like that. Hopefully, we all will move on to someone else by then. Thanks for all your input---it's really helping me. Also---what did your ex do to you & have you found anyone else that you're thinking about going out with or are you waiting until you heal?

 

Update: Private no. came up on my work phone today & I didn't pick it up. Well---fool forgot to shut off his cellphone...& guess what? I think it was my ex. I didn't hear him but I heard one of his work buddies just rambling on & I know his buddies voice cause I've spoke to him before over the phone. Now I'm getting so nervous, but I'm still not going to pick up. Pray that I'll be strong!

[head/heels]

dont call them back right away or even the next day....they have to think we are or have moved on....they are not sure of their decision and even if they think they are they are not deep down inside or they wouldnt call or write us

 

they have other friends, families and some have Significant others ----they logically, if they are done with us---would call them-----they really dont need anymore friends!

 

hope that helps.....

keep being strong!!!

[djones]

MJ108,

 

Just hang in there you are doing good....boy I cant believe that he is doing that...stay strong....you can do it!

[WantanS4]

You know... reading all these posts... and reflecting on the relationship... you know what I did wrong.... and I should say that all my misdoings were product of stress from school.....

 

I wasn't supportive... i couldn't afford to be (majored in engineering)..... my expectations were too high for her (I wanted her to be refined... and in some ways voiced the 'why do you that? Why do youthink that way? you shouldn't think wiht your heart so much... use your mind..... I'm only teasing you....')........... and well......i used to get angry with her because she would give me the silent treatment whenever we argued.... and being overwhelmed with the pressures of school, I persisted.... I forced the issue..... and things would just get worse..... to the point where she would breakdown and cry... and I felt like **** for doing it.......... and tha'ts when I would stop.............

 

I regret doing that.... even though i didn't realize it at the time..... but.... do you know how hard it is to come home from what feels like war/battle... and try to love someone completely.... and when the littlest thing goes wrong..... having/trying to work things out with someone who acts like a 10 year old??? It hurts.... it hurts soo much because you feel so helpless........... i felt soo helpless when we fought... and all I wanted was the simple answer.... the truth of what was going through her mind and how she felt. For crying out loud, I loved her...... I wanted her to be the type that demanded respect without saying a word...... I held her (and still do.. in some ways... at least her memory) as being 10x better than the average girl.

 

Was I so wrong??? Was I that bad? Does that qualify as abuse??? Gosh..... I swear I didn't mean too... I really didn't not mean to come across so harshly... but when school has your balls in a sling.... it's just soo hard..... all I needed was a little cooperation.... and little more 'fight' in her heart.........

 

In some ways I now feel like I just wore her down...... and when I got back from school.... it was just too late to fix it all (I saw my graduation as the climax in my life.......... i felt sooo freeeeee!)..... but she let it die... so close to the end... she just couldn't hold on for 1 more month.........

 

I miss her... and I know that I won't find something that special again............ I fail to believe so. I just wish we could try again......... so bad....... I would give everything I have accomplished for myself just to be with her again.......... everything. She was my everything........... and I took it for granted unknowingly. If only she would have just told me....... if only she was a bit more emotionally strong.

 

If only I could turn back time........... there are so many decisions I would make differently..........

[mj108]

drjones---thanks! You be strong too!

 

I have had offers to go out with other guys. I mean---I'll be honest--I have 3 guys calling me right now that want to take me out, but I can't. I feel as though If I did go out with someone right now...I would be leading them on & I don't want to be the one that hurts them, you know? And I know I would because I'm not over him! That's what frustrates me... I have some guys wanting to take me out & I won't go out with them because my heart/soul is with some other guy that probably could care less about me. Funny how life is!!!

[kodiak]

MJ108-

 

First off im not sure of all the details about why your relationship ended so you will have to refresh me but im sure your ex cares about you. Your post to me gave me so much inspiration and made me feel better about myself whether you are right or wrong about my ex still having somethng for me because she still calls. Im sure that your ex cares for you. If you were loving to him and treated him well then he cares. You could feel like me when you send your ex a nice card to wish her well about her surgery and you dont get a reply. Not even a simple text saying thanks. That hurts, then they might not care about you. Sure I dont know why she didnt but it still hurts. As for going out with other people, I know how you feel. I mean I can get girls so easy. I have three girls too calling me right now but it means nothing to me. I sit at dinner with them and all i do is miss my ex. I have a lot to offer to a girl but still after 4 months my heart still belongs to her. That wont cahnge for while. I miss her today alot!!!!!!!!!!!!Hang in there mj we will all get through this..............Kodiak

[mj108]

WantanS4---I know you want to go back in the past and change things, but you can't. You have to learn from it, accept it, & move on. I know it's hard. Sounds like you're having a bad day but remember----there's a reason for everything & the next girl you're with you'll know how to handle things because of your past.

Everyone here has a past & I'm sure everyone would love to go back in their past & change somethings but we can't. Noone can. Everyone makes mistakes...but you make them, live through them, & learn from them.

 

Was you wrong? Was you bad? Was it abuse? I can't tell you if it was or not but I'm sure deep down you know within your heart the truth. Whatever it was---it's in the past & you can change it but it takes time.

 

Don't ever say you won't find anyone as special as her. I'm curious to know how old you are? Take it from a woman in her 30s---I never thought I'd love again. I was with a guy for 7 years. I thought he was the love of my life---I never felt that way before...blah..blah..blah. Well, he decided that he didn't love me anymore. He found someone new---while we were still together. He broke my heart & I thought I could---never---ever feel again....I was numb with pain. I gave up on everything. Then one day----2 years later----boom---it happened again. It was twice as strong as before. So---don't give up! It'll hit you when you least expect it. Then you'll know you can truly love again but you have to be patient...you have to heal...& you have to focus on YOU.

 

Remember---what's done is done---good or bad----learn from it. Take it day by day to heal, change, & be the man you need/want to be. Focus on YOU.

[backspn]

I have some guys wanting to take me out & I won't go out with them because my heart/soul is with some other guy that probably could care less about me. Funny how life is!!!

 

Mj...thats God's way of telling you that you're not ready yet and he has bigger plans for you. Just hang in there and stay positive.

 

My sitch is going good so far. She has called me everyday for the past 5 days. We talk anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half. She even brings up the past in a good way from time to time....I just agree with her. I'm gonna see her on Friday to give her birthday present to her. I'm looking forward to seeing her...I hope she is to me too. Keep you all informed.

 

Peace.