Author djones Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 Weird, I feel the same, I dont want to date now, I still love my ex....I guess like I said before only time will tell for all of us.... Link to post Share on other sites
JamVan Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Here's a question? How long after they come back do you put your whole energy and heart back into it? What I mean by that is, they will come back saying they've changed, that their thoughts are clear now, etc...but if you jump back in to quick, there's a good chance they will resort back to their own ways...right? So like Weird states, I would only go back if i knew she has grown up...so, how long do you wait or how do you know they've actually changed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 JamVan, thats the 6 million dollar question, you have stick you neck out once again in the relationship...if its not with your ex it will be again for the next person that you have a relationship....I realized from my breakup is that there is no guarantees in a realtionship, the only person you truly know is yourself.... Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 JamVan, I think the best way is to hang out with the person as a friend and just see how they act. If they bring up getting back together then you can either hide your feelings regarding that or be straight and tell them you do not wish to get back together at that current time because you feel she/he needs to mature emotionally and learn hwo to handle the rough spots that will happen in the relationship. If the person truly wants to get back I would think they would make the effort to learn hwo to deal with stuff and be better at communicating. If they go off and some crap then you have your answer that they haven't changed. I also think that after a little while of getting back together you intentionally start an arguement or something and see how it gets handled. My belief is that you can only truly jduge a partner based on how they handle negative aspects in the realationship. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 drjones, all, How am I??? Well..... like I said before....... i'm almost completely healed..... or was........ until she phoned my mom and left her that message i was talking about before. I wonder what her motives were? It's still nagging me, and it shouldn't, but it does. So, congratulations, she's in my head again..... so it's been rather difficult since sunday, especaillyu when i have down time ar work. I know why our exs are run awayers........... its because society has programmed everyone to believe they're the most important person in the world. "Do what's right by you.." translates to, if you have doubts about your relationship, quit it and figure yourself out, then when your ready, go back to it. Which I think is... TOTAL *****ING BULLS!IT!!..... obviously. I don't know...... she's in my head.... and she was completely out. I'm being tormented by the powers that be. You know... seh accused me of being over jealous = under confident, but.... i think of why... and I've come to conclude because of her behavior. I always had a nagging feeling in the back of my head, since day one of the relationship, that she was a liar and unfaithful....... why? I'm not sure... this is what i've been pondering this week..... with every week that goes by, I find an answer and more questions. Is it dwelling??? Yes... but I think it's constructive dwelling because I refine my understanding of relationships and what it is that I really want and REALLY need (from the next person). hmmmmm........................................................................................ hmmmmmm................................................................................... Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 This is the news I phoned his date and she told me that they were hanging around camp easter seal all the time but they never started seeing eachother until the end of August. Then I text messagehim that I talked to her only to find out that he went over there last night to "tell her that I don't feel the same for her" and then he tells me he spent the night there with her. DON"T YOU THINK THAT IF YOU JUST FINISH TELLING SOMEONE THAT YOU DON"T WANT A RELATIONSHIP THEN HOW COULD YOU SPEND THE NIGHT THERE! I can't ever kiss him again knowing that he went down on the whale! I am pissed again and text messaged him evil messages on how he will never change He is a pig and he was more worried about her after we had talked than calling me to see if I was ok ***** HIM I will never NEVER call him again I am back at square one and the whale has him and I don't we had three years and they have three weeks! I am crying but why I got what I wanted didn't I I mean he was in tears in front of me saying he just lost the best thing that has ever happened to him Then why am I bawling my face off I don't want to care anymore HE IS NOT WORTHY OF ME HURT HURT HURT THAT is all he brought me. How can he think that he can spend the night with her and then call me on the weekend ***** THAT I AM BETTER WANTAN I wish that you could tell him off for me you always have the greatest insults. IS HE MESSED UP OR WHAT! Help me I feel like ripping his face off why do I ****ing care I DON"T. He spent the night with her last night after we had such a great conversation! I again me nothing he puts more work on her than he does on me WTF! Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 atlous, Wooh... Wooh..... slow down. Okay, well.... *sigh*....... there you go he's not gonna change. *****'m.... he's lost the greatest thing that ever happened to him, and now, he'll remember it for the rest of his life, or everytime he's with her and she does soemthing that reminds him of you. Remember this....... absolutely NO GUY/MAN on the face of this planet likes to lose........ NOT A SINGLE ONE! And he knows he's lost. ****, I know how he feels and believe me the only way you can even the score is by FINDING SOMEONE 10x better than him and casually running into him when your wiht the new guy. THAT'S THE BIGGEST SLAP IN THE FACE, and it's the one slap I'm desperately trying to avoid with my ex (although, nowadays.... i realy don't care because i've realized she was wrong and I was right). *****'m.......... like i've always said..... if she comes to approach me again, i'd lay it down like this "Excuse me, do I know you? I think you have me confused with someone who actually gives a ****!"... then turn away and walk off into the sunset. END OF STORY! *****'m! Plain and simple *****'m and his low standards and weak will power! He's a piece of **** worthy of being deemed as "The biggest mistake and tragedy to the human race." Tell him that he should seriously consider buying stock in A-sexuality, because he'll never have you again! You did what you could, he failed to take advantage of the geniune oppourtunity...... *****'m. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 WantanS4--- I think what you doing is constructive dwelling, its good, it seems to me that now you have gone past all the good you saw in your ex and now see the other side of her.....this allowing you heal even though you dont feel like it now...now you see her has an equal and not being placed on a pedistall (sp?)....and this is leading you to understand when you meet the right girl before you place her closer to your heart (pedistall), there are certain things she needs to do to gain your love.....Yeah I was thinking about her motives also, but look at it in terms of time, if she wanted to contact you she would have called back again....what may have happend is she thgouht she called someone else, you know on a preprogamed cell phone....Actually this happended to me last week, my friend thought he was calling his borther on his cell and he called me by mistake, b/c my number is next in his cell address book......I cant reember in your post about this did your ex mentioned your mom's name in the phone message...I am thinking not.....well foget about it anyway....lets say she did do this, she called your mom right.....well ***** she should call you not your mom...let her go and fish...if she *****ing wants to talk to you she knows YOUR number... Atlous---I am sorry that this happened to you, you know what you gave him a second chance and HE *****ED it up, dont waste your tears for this @$$ hole....Now you know and you can move on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 I know why our exs are run awayers........... its because society has programmed everyone to believe they're the most important person in the world. "Do what's right by you.." translates to, if you have doubts about your relationship, quit it and figure yourself out, then when your ready, go back to it. Which I think is... TOTAL *****ING BULLS!IT!!..... obviously. haha yeah I agree with this. I think society puts this image in peoples' heads that there is always something better around the corner and also that you need to date 19 trillion people before you can settle down with someone. Pretty silly if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 drjones, See that's the thing. She's not an air head so I doubt she made such a mistake (then again... she is an airhead), and the tone of her voice on the message was nonchalant... very frank... sorta of like "Hey... I'm good.... How are you?" type of thing. And no, my mother doesn't have her name in the greeting.. the generic electronic voice says the person is not there leave a message. I don't know... I simply have no clue what to think. Some people I talk to think she did it on purpose, others tend to think it was a mistake. Here's her message... word for word... "Hi it's me *****. I was just returning your call. I hope everything is okay. Call me back if you'd like to, okay? Bye." And the thing that gets to me is.... mother hasn't called her in over 2 months, and those two times she did, she left a message but **** never called her back. So there's room for either or. That's one thing that b!itch was really good at, never taking the blame for being ambigous.... no... scratch that... never taking the blame for anything. Weird, See.. that's exactly what I wanted to say, but a bit more indirectly and belligerently. All, Please dont' take my tone as one of hostility, but as comedic (if that's a word...looked it up... it is!). Laugh from it, cause that was my secret to getting this far. Laughter, music, food and going to the gym. Oh, and SPENDING MONEY LIKE I WAS GOING TO DIE TOMORROW.. that helps too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 WantanS4, Interesting, I see your point and it just hit me, I am glad that you sent me the message word for word....She did send it on purpose to you....look at the last part of her message...."...CALL ME BACK IF YOU'D LIKE TO, OKAY?"....***** she is good.....most people when you leave a message you dont say to the guy call me back if you like to....most people say call me back, at statement like that from her is saying to me, that if you are ok with chatting with her then she wants to talk.....as *****ed up as it seems, this is her way of trying to contact you.....BUT she left it for your mom...now I dont know how close they were when you were together......lets just say my *****ed up analysis is correct....the question is do you dance?.....I know how you feel, do you want to dive into this.....What I am thinking is she left the message on your moms phone, maybe let your mom call her back, BUT she does NOT tell anything about you or whats going on with you...if you ex asks your mom just says you are doing great....I dont know Wantans4 if you want to open that part up again....I am thinking you do something like this you will be in control....I dont know just a thgouht I have..... Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 That's one thing that b!itch was really good at, never taking the blame for being ambigous.... no... scratch that... never taking the blame for anything. Yeah tell me about it. Nothing more frustrating than a girl (or guy but my case it is a girl) that can't take responsibility for anything even when she knows she is wrong or has fugged up. As for the call your ex made to your mom, I think there is no doubt she did it on purpose. If I return a perosn's call (as she said she was doing) and the person wasn't there, I do not say at the end "call me back in you want, ok?" That doesn't make sense since you are apparently returning a call. I think she did it cuz she knew you would find out and she is trying to send you some lame ass hint that she is open to communication with you again. Sad that she would go through your mom to drop that hint. Sheesh. Basically, I feel the same way drjones does on this. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 drjones, They were not overly close, but they REALLY got along. Hmmmmm......... this was sunday.. it's thursday now..... hmmm.......... Should I give my mom clearance to make the call? What will I get out of it? She will obviously get more. My mom wants to call her just to find out what the hell she wants. I'm 100% sure she'll ask of me... but as I have instructed my mom..... she should just say "He's good." Is she worth the trouble? Is it worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 drjones & weird, yeah... she's like that...... It's a coin flip....... do you guys think she'll call again? And what are the chances she'll find this forum (THAT WOULD BE REALLY BAD!!!! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 WantanS4, You know what, shewill not get more out of this, this is what I am thinking, lets say you tell your mom to call her back, good she will ask how are you doing your mom will say that you are doing great....ok, tell you mom while they chit chat to say to her that I am suprised you called me, and let your mom say in a round about way that she did not tell you that she called....in that way she does not get the satifaction knowing that you know that she called....get it?....i know this is childish, but ***** she is acting like a child doing this.... I dotn think she will call again, b/c her statement say if you want to...right if you dont then she will not call again....right?...... I say let you mom do this, it will extinqush any power that she thinks she may have gained by calling you expecting that you will call her.....if you mom says that you dont know that she called, then its all good... Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 WantanS4 you said "Is she worth the trouble? Is it worth it?"......what do you want? do you want her?....or dont and just want to make her squirm.....I dont know that answer..only you know Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 lol i say this wantan, let your mom call back, hell what do you lose out of it? YOU DON'T, YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE!! Its not going to hurt you and obviously it puts you in control of the situation. So, I say like the commericial says "Just do it!". Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Sure man, tell your mom to call her back. There is nothing to lose by doing it. When she asks your mom how you are doing you can have your mom just say "he's doing well but has been busy lately so we haven't been in contact much. If you want to know more about how he is doing or what he is up to then you should probably just call and ask him yourself since I am not up to date on his life recently." and then that will whip up the idea in her head about contacting you and if she does you can take it from there. By having your mom say something like that you have established two things: 1- that you are busy and doing well 2- that momma wantan is not going to be an intermediary for her to find how YOU are doing and if she wants to know how you are doing she can get the balls to call you herself rather than ask your mom like she is your agent. If she did somehow call your mom in error and acts surprised your mom called her then your mom can be like "well honey, you left a message on my machine and I am just being respectful by returning your call" Again, you have nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 Weird, Nicely said......WantanS4....go for it man!!.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 I consider MJ to be my agent . Hmm..speaking of MJ, that hottie should be coming back anytime now. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 This is ultra childish....... god... and she was the one that was sitting on her high horse of "I'm MORE MATURE NOW!"................ SHHEEEEEEEHHHTTTTTTTT!!!!! I wish MJ was around.... it'd be great to get her feedback........ but i'll have to go on what you guys say.... it's good stuff....... see the thing is........... I want what I had........ but..... she's soo screwed up that I'm affraid of what I'll find out. ***** IT!!! I've signed the release form Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 WantanS4, ***** IT!!! I've signed the release form .....hehe a little doctors joke....it is childish, but you dont have anything to lose....yeah I agree a woman's point of view would be good here ie MJ....hey Atlous or lexiB we could use your help......may the force be with you!!......perhaps opening the pandora's box will be in your favour...either way you dont have anything to lose.... Link to post Share on other sites
Cade Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Alright!!! Cool, some action and drama in the thread as the story unfolds, f***king luv it!!! I agree with all, have your mom call and keep it between them. I am sure we are all as curious as you are on what the hell she wants.. Patiently waiting..... Cade Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 From a girl point of view uhmm I mean womans point is that if she was never really close with your mother than she is doing this with intentions. Seriously if I phoned my exs mother and left a message it would be for one reason only and that would be to find out juicy information about you. I am not going to phone you and risk the thought of you telling me that you are seeing someone else so I would phone friends or your mother. The best thing to do would be to never return my call because I would be like WTF what do I have to do now to get a whole of this information. If you mother does not want to be rude and would like to return her call have her mention that she doesn't speak to you often and the last time you spoke to him was like a week ago this are so busy around here. Ask her how she is doing and ask what the message was about has something happened. Yeah well I miss him do you think he hates me oh he just walked in the door did you want to speak to him. Oh never mind he is on the run Make sure to have your mom tell her that anything that they talk about will never get back to you because your mom does not want to get involved and your mom does not know anything that will piss her off knowing that how well she is doing is not getting back to her. I am serious for women its the silence of the unknown that kills us and makes us think. Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 I mean not getting back to her sorry about the spelling errors. Seriously absence makes the heart grow fonder and if you let them come back on their own terms than they will really know what they want and it has such good prognosis if they do this then they know that they want you forever and it will work as long as you can forgive and start with a clean slate wipe everything that ever pissed you off and start anew Link to post Share on other sites
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