If its meant to be they will come back to you.

[atlous]

Not getting back to you WANTAN! that is what will piss her off I need to go to bed. I have a nursing conference on the 30and I am wearing a sexy skimpy red dress but I don't have a date LOL kidding any takers?

[head/heels]

I agree with much of the above especially WEIRD's commments....

 

I say just have your mom act like nothing is different between her and your mom so that she gets the idea/impression that sh^t happens in relationships and she is not going to judge your ex....

 

this way your ex will feel open to telling her how she is doing and think of your mom as on her side (if there is such a thing in this situation) and that she can vent about her (hopefully) mistakes and her desires (hopefully to win your love back so she can show she really can love you) for the future...

 

But i do think it is a good idea your mom makes it clear she did not mention the call to you b/c she was unsure if she really called her or made an error like we thought earlier...that way she can explain the 4 day layoff..

 

Also, at the end you mom could say, well ill casually ask WANTAN what his feelings are or something like that (maybe even better if she says "ill ask him if the WOMAN he is talking to is serious or not"

That way she gives her a curveball and makes her feel like she is going incognito to find out something fro your ex..... antoher way to get her on your moms side....= more info = more ability for you to judge her sincerity = less chance to get hurt again by a GIRL!

 

So i say go for it but defintely pre-coach your mom so that she performs flawlessly and if you want i would push mute on the other line so that you can hear the inflections and tone of her voice....that way you can see her emotions and her (ahem) lies!

 

prepare for the worst and hope for the best!

[crazydawg]

Atlous, I told you never to contact him again. I knew that was going to happen because ive been there. They're never going to be the person your met. Because they changed. Its obvious. I seriously dont give 2 rats ass what my ex does anymore. I know she lost a great guy oh well. BTW, Atlous Holla, If your play your cards right i'd be your date =)

[mj108]

Hello everyone! I'm back & this may be long. Sorry...

 

First of all, WantanS4---I agree with atlous but you do need to ask yourself this question---Do you have closure with your ex. If you do & you have moved on (you've healed from it)...are you going to open your heart door to her again if she asks your mom about you? If you think that you could be hurt by this girl again...I don't think your mom should call her back. I think your ex called on purpose. She thought you would hear her voice & cave. She knew it would get to you (like it has) & you'd call, because it's bugging you. This shows when you have finally reached the point "***** it." They come running back. She's thinking this is a doorway back to you. I believe she's going to ask about you if your mom calls. If you have closure & you don't have feelings for her anymore & your mom wants to call...call. BUT if you are still healing & hurt...this may be another heartbreak that you don't need.

 

Atlous---Thanks for taking care of the good guys here. You're a very intelligent, wise & good woman like me. Knew I could depend on you! Atleast, you and I know there are good guys in the world from this forum that goes through heartbreak just like us.

Apparently your ex did prove it to you. He spent the night with her!! Same thing happened to me. Your ex is trying to play you & her. Be the one that wins! We both don't need them...they are with nasty gross b**ches right now. Do we really want to go back? Hell nah! Learn from it---when he calls again with the talk tell him you 'walked.'

 

drjones--Definetly make a part 2 if they try to kill this post! We'll have to do something. We're all Therapy buddies!! Hope you're doing well. How are you?

 

Weird--Always wondered---once a cheater always a cheater? I guess a lot of us here need to think about that. Do I want to go back to him when he screwed a nasty slut? NO! Still my dreams & heart won't let me move on from him. I I'm a d.a. I know!

 

Kodiak---my drinking partner! lol 29 days of NC for me. woohoo! Like I said in the earlier post....if you feel like calling her or sending her that letter for CLOSURE. Do it...so you can move on & date one of the hot women that have been calling you.

 

backspun---got your e-mail address. Will talk to you soon.

 

Head/heels---You go! Cook for her! We (women) love it when a man can cook us a dish. I agree with drjones---serendipity? ha You also asked could anyone go back to an ex when they started a new relationship? My ex is living with her now...I don't think I could go back. AT ALL.

PS---Hmmm plastic surgeon? Might need ya someday. ha Since I'm the old lady here. lol

 

LexiB---Tell us how it goes Saturday. I would love to hear about it. Remember to keep your guard up & be strong. I think my ex is trying to get back on good terms with me (be friends). My friends are his...& we're going to have to be friends I suppose. I hope it goes well with you on Saturday. Keep in touch.

 

Cade---Bitterness & Resentment. I've been there for the last 3 weeks. I agree with you....they need to prove to us how much they changed & how much they love us. Than talk the talk. They know where we live, etc. So the balls in their court.

 

Crazydawg---My happy ending song...that's what I've been listening too (all the time). You're right--we can't do anything about who they've chosen. Actually, we deserve better. I feel the same way. I want to be a cold heart biatch toward guys because he's hurt me (& I've been hurt before by other guys). I'm trying not to end up mean & cold. That's not me.

 

Nick14---Yep this old lady hottie is back. lol How are ya? 29 days NC--woohoo!

 

Update: I went on vacation & had a great time. The only thing that really messed with me were the dreams of him & I. Eventhough I was miles & miles away from my ex I dreamed of him more. The dreams suck but I did take my frustrations out at target practice with a 357 & a 9Mil. I feel much better.

 

Now I have a question for all of you. First let me explain.

 

I took Kodiaks advice & I went & spent some money on myself because 29 days NC...is good for me. I have to reward myself. So I got my hair done, my nails done, & went to a spa & relaxed. I bought me a killer outfit! ha Atlous has the sexy skimpy red dress while I bought me a sexy skimpy black dress. lol Anyway.....

 

On the way home I stopped by my friends house. He was talking to my ex. I heard him tell him I was over there. I think my ex was asking him who was that in the background & he told him. Anyway, I walked out the door to get something out of my car. I came back in & my friend was off the phone with him. My friend later told me that my ex told him to ask me "how I was." WTF? My friend told me that I had already walked out the door before he could even say anything to me. So my question is---Why is my ex asking my friend how I'm doing when I'm in the room? How should I respond when my friend asks me this? Need some input because if he asked now...he's going to ask later. It's been 29 NC...I need some strength here guys, atlous, & LexiB.

[WantanS4]

All,

 

Do I have closure........ I think I have a complete understanding that I want closure...... but have I closed up..... no..... i'm probably 70% there. Why?.... well...... because I loved her.... i really really really did love her...... with everything I had......... everything. That, like the rest of us here say, takes time..... and time has pasted and done its duty. Will this phone call affect me, and how? I think it'll be the icing on the closure cake....... or it might just be a 'huh...... that's interesting'..... because I'm beginning to believe that she...... with the phone call..... is realizing that she will not like or fit in the person she thinks she wants to become...... she's not stupid.... but EXTREMELY emotional and imaginative (she falls into her own fantasies.... and no not sexual). The possibility that she will tell my mom that she's found someone else does bother me..... becaues I asked her to tell me if she did........ to let me know. And.... somehow I think that's why she called...... her tone wasn't a sad one..... she was frank, nonchalant.......... as if life for her wasn't spectacular..... but not horrible either. Do I think there is love there? No......... just memories...... good and bad. Do I think she is become reinterested?? Possibly..... distance, NC, time....... You don't spend 6 years with someone and not wonder how they are afterward. Do I want a relationship with her?? I don't know...... I'm affraid it won't be genuine...... or I will have a hard time believing it is. But I suppose, it's a risk I'll have to decide whether or not to take. I think the best I could do is..... work with what i'm given...... and if noting turns out..... not let it get to me..... because right now... my expectations are 0 to none.

 

Yes.... I think I will ask my mother to call her back...... cool as a cat......... and let her do all the talking. SHe was upset with my mother.... and she said that she couldn't face my parents because of the way things went down......... but I guess.... this is a sign on her part that she's willing to work something out.

 

 

Can I love her again........... like I said...... as long as she hasn't been intimate with anyone else. I don't want to be compared to soemone else..... i don't want to hear "I love you john"..... gosh.... that would really knock the wind out of me, kick me in the balls, make me feel like my apendex burst and whatever else you could think of.

 

I do miss what I had with her before....... not all the bad.... and I realize the mistakes I made..... but all the good... the days we wished would never end.

 

I'll keep my family posted!

[Weird]

MJ,

 

I'd never take back a person who cheated on me. I can forgive anything else but that. However, I do think that people can change and because someone cheated once doesn't mean they will cheat again but again, I would never give someone that option to be back with me and show they just made a huge mistake. Screw that ****.

[Nick14]

with wierd..there are 2 differences

 

1. If someone broke up with you and at the same time is seeing someone else, screw that, thats like cheating right there= I would never take that person back period!

 

2. If someone broke up with you and then meets someone else 3 weeks to a month later, thats not considered cheating, it is dispectfull and immature, but more like a rebound bound to happen= I would take that person back, but only when they grown up and admit it was a mistake on there part and want to mutually fix things and improve.

 

Basically in your situation MJ, he broke up with you and at the same time went back to his ex. My ex, she broke up with me and i am "assuming" is seeing someone else a month later. But of course, I can't really know that, its a toss up. I rather not know she broke up with me, just for sole purpose of meeting someone else already. So, who knows, I don't really care at the moment, I rarely think about her, but I do still care and love her still.

[atlous]

Today I wouldn't care if he was dating the world all I know is that I am not in his life anymore and that is because he is mentally ill. I mean if you love someone than it is not that difficult to not cheat on them. He says to me " I want to be with you but I am afraid of hurting you again" as soon as he said this all my attraction for him went down the tiolet! Seriously you should just know that cheating is bad and it hurts and you would never do that to someone you love? I mean jesus he looked like a pathetic little boy and I realized at that moment that I don't care anymore that I am no longer putting him above me that in fact he is below me and I will find someone who is not so warped I mean youguys warned me that this guy is a piece of work and I'll be damned if I base my life on someone who will hopefully change. That is a waste I want someone who is healthy and would never cheat not someone who is afraid that they will cheat he is a loser and he will go nowhere in life he will always want what others have and NEVER be satisfied with what he has in front of him. He pushes people away that love him and now those people have had enough abuse and he can rant and rave at the next girl who adores him. I am feeling soooo much better I feel like I have been putting out this aura of happiness and this guy asked for my number last night and told me that I have a nice ass! I was like whoaaa bring it. I don't care about him and his whale if thats what he wants thats what he gets. I will be a successful MD one day and he will be messed up with his 19 year old hairdresser. I honest to god do not care anymore he hurt me in the worst way and now he is ugly to me. I feel really good lately and this is who I used to be before all of the hurt. i have exited out of his mentally ill triangle and am above these mindgames I am outta there to let her deal with all his ****! Crazy Dawg pick me up at six LOL!

[Nick14]

Nice atlous, good on you. Just keep on saying to yourself "Keep the faith" and stay postive and think the next person who pops into your life, there going to be lucky SOB, because of how much you love doing for that person. I am the same way, even though my ex did not cheat on me and is seeing someone a month after the break-up, techinically its still her loss and there should be no excuse whatsoever if i was her first with everything. She does need to grow up and its funny she's mature with everything else, except a relationship and she's 22, so she will figure it out and realize what a idiot she is and I'll just ride into the sunset!.

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

How are you all doing?....I figure Its about time I bring some good news to the group...no my ex and I are not back together....I just checked to see if I passed one of my medical board exams (the 1st of 3) for Canada and guess what.....

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am in shock right now...I still dont believe it untill I get the report in the mail....its been a reall struggle for me to get this pass but I finaly got it....its funny when I looked at it I was like, ok I passed....i had so many dissapointments in the past with my exams it I got through it...I still have to jump through many more hoops but this is a big start for me.....

one thing I did though was I was not thinking and the first thing I did was call my ex on her cell...she was nto there and I left a message saying I passed....I kind of broke NC today....I dont know just forgot that we are apart and just called her.....I just miss her.....oh well.....

thats my good news to add to the group...take care

[Nick14]

Good News DrJ...kinda wish you came on here and posted first before you broke NC. Time to start over again ehh,lol

[djones]

Nick14,

 

yeah...I am ok with the NC now...for some reason...heheh its funny you said ehh.....thats a Canadian thing eh!!!

[Nick14]

But its about to start getting americanized now ;

[Weird]

my ex is coming over tonight to hang out. We shall see how this goes. I expect her to be all cautious and stuff because haven forbid if you show you are having a good time wiht your ex dude...

 

I often wonder if she remembers that we used to hump and it is silly to look at me like i am some guy she met a week ago.

 

hate when things are awkward for no reason.

[Nick14]

The hell...when she did decide to start talking to you and hang out with you now? I am lost,haha.

[netrie]

Originally posted by drjones

Hey Guys,

 

one thing I did though was I was not thinking and the first thing I did was call my ex on her cell...she was nto there and I left a message saying I passed....I kind of broke NC today....I dont know just forgot that we are apart and just called her.....I just miss her.....oh well.....

 

YOU LOVE HER MUCH! She will come back to you and you two will be married happilly forever---

[atlous]

HEY DR JONES! Thats fantastic I am serious that is some hard sheet That is AWESOME GOOD FOR U MY MAN! wow you must think that you've conquered it all ehhh LOL!

[djones]

HEy guys,

 

Thanks for the well wishes!

 

Weird---good luck man...my fingers are crossed for you..

 

atlous---thanks it a small battle for most people but for me this was a huge thing for me, I told you all about my bad luck and this helped me a lot today...

 

Netrie--- yes I do love her, I dont dont if she feels the same....

 

oh by the way guys she did call me and she was soo happy for me...we only talked for about 15 mins it was long distance and she had to go....but I am not reading into it...i am still just moveing forward as we all are...

 

well guys thanks again....this post is going to break 700 maybe tonight...lets hope the moderator does not kill it...if not i will make a part 2 as per MJ requests

[LexiB]

Much congrats 2 ya DrJ. I still havent even applied to med school yet so I have even more hoops to get thru than you, lol (BTW, any tips u may have abt getting in, wld be greatly appreciated ).

 

And its a really good sign that you can see the ENORMOUS good in this and that you didnt let the ex problem dull your excitement.

 

It means your priorities are back/coming back in order. At least thats how it is w/ me. Like this week I was shocked/impressed to realize that for first time in a LONG while, the primary object of my stress has been normal things like classes, work, money--still, not the most fun topics to think abt but

a heck of a lot better than pining over lost love

 

Things are coming together bit by bit, whoo-hoo!

 

PS--Atlous, sorry 2 hear abt your situation--what the heck is the matter with some people??? Good news: if there was ever any doubt abt what kind of guy hes really capeable of being, now you know--someone you can do better than.

 

And welcome back MJ (not good that you're here, but good to hear from you again...u know what I mean )

[head/heels]

DR J---obviously a doctor

 

me- --in medical school

 

LexiB --- pre-med

 

atlous--- wants to be an MD

 

Must be our loving nature that made us sought after a medical degree since i hear that there is much better ways to get rich....(i.e. business or a lawyer) But i love learning about the body and how to help people as i am sure that you feel the same guys...

 

MJ -----you sound much better after you got your nails done and your hair did!

 

DR J--- keep up the NC and i think she will start kicking herself as time goes on.....but no more calling!! you have to heal!

 

atlous---dont look back....he is not worth it! 2 big girls = no self-respect for him and this = never being able to have respect for another (you)!

 

Lexi B--- when it comes to school....looking back i say just pull as many A's as possible and a B is not going to kill you...i.e. the higher the GPA the lower your MCAT scores can be = less stress when you go take the test!

Also work hard to get good recommenders....i think they really can make a difference if you are on the borderline!

 

Weird--- Yeah i am with NICK and wondering what is the deal with this meeting....when did this matriculate?

 

NICK---what is up with you and your free time at nights? Do you ever see her going out and have you hooked up with anyone since and if so what did you think? Do you still hope she comes back or are you to the point where if it happens you will deal with it then?

 

Wantan----keep us posted on the whole deal!

 

 

 

I know for a fact my ex left me because she lost her love for me and then she started dating/talking to the guy who flirted with her the week before our breakup........

So for me she is dundee and i need someone who is independent, intellectual, loyal and knows what she wants in life.....If anyone ever reads Robert B. Parker novels........(spenser for hire, the tv show) i believe my dream girl is Susan Silverman (spenser's gf) However in the novels she leaves him for 2 years and gets with another guy and then comes back to him 2 years later....however she didnt leave him for the other man, but for a job......

I guess i forgive her!

 

anyhow, keep pushing to make yourself better! then if/when we ever talk to them or see them we will blow them away and they will be their same sorry selves....SAD that i can say this with 100% confidence that our exes are not trying to make themselves better....but i guess we wouldnt either if we were in their shoes....I guess they gave us a gift in some ways....mine gave me the LORD, since i never really counted on him unless times were hard.......now i feel that i am moving on and times arent as bad but i still talk to him thoughout the day and esp when i wake up and go to bed.....!

 

We should really be thanking our exes for letting us go to find our true happiness ---i.e. with someone who is mature and wont think

 

1. Grass is greener elsewhere

2. Love should come easy and naturally

[WantanS4]

WELL..........

 

My mom called her today, sometime around noon.... and she didn't answer. My mom left her a message, and she has not called back. Somehow, I knew it was a mistake on her part....... I doubt it was intended for my mom.

 

Well, there's my answer. Now... who is it that single?

 

 

And for drjones, it's Miller time! I raise my glass and offer a toast to your accomplishment. 1 down... 2 to go!

[djones]

wow, I did not realise that as well, so many docs here....hey head/heels what year are you in?....have you done USMLE step 1 or 2 yet?

 

yeah there are better ways of making money, this job is tough guys and it does take a lot of heart...i know all you guys have it...you would not be here....medicine is not just book smarts...remember you have a live person in front of you....I dont care how smart you are remember this person is looking up to you for help and sometimes all that is needed is to listen to then and comfort them...you dont find that in any book and to be honest I rather have a C student look after me than a guy that is brainer....just pass your classes guys and dont give a ***** about grades they dont mean s*** once you get in....just learn medicine and use it to help others...take it from a guy who got A's and lived with my Cs....those Cs were the best things for me...

I know guys who can memorise Robbins patho (dont worry you all will know robbins!! ) and they dont know **** when it comes to handling a patient.....I guess thats my med rant...

[djones]

WantanS4,

 

hehe I am single!! but I dont swing that way .......give it the weekend i think she will call back

[head/heels]

yeah WANTAN---just let time pass and dont jump to conclusions....she may just be contemplating what your mom's call means and how she should address it without exposing her cards!

 

DRJ---i am in first year....however i am taking a leave of absence from my school and have been offered a spot for next years class since my ex told me she didnt love me in that way anymore and that broke up with me the day before i left for school.... I went for 6 weeks (thanks to my family and friends pushing me out the door to class each morning) But i didnt study for 1st 2 weeks and not all that well the next 2 (4th week were 1st exams)...i failed 2 of the 4 exams and was very close to pass on the other two but my head wasnt in it and i didnt know if it was going to get better....so i am starting fresh next fall and in the meantime i am healing and putting my life in god's hands

[djones]

Head/heels,

 

most of us did not have GF or BF just b/c it can ***** you up royaly either way teh relationship goes...good or bad...it makes you lose focus...the only relationships that lasted were ones that people were married or engaged....honestly you dont have time...of course you go out and have with your clasmates ie drink, stuff like that.....thats why i did not date much only after I finished then i dated and with this break up it would have *****ed me up in school....there is pleny of time to find someone after med school...in your residency and after...but if you find love and its real, then anything is possible....but dont worry about your first year just pass your classes and as wantans4 would say dont give a *****!!.....remember what they say to the C student graduating from medschool....Doctor....