Author djones Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Guys and Gals 700!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Keep your heads up everyone. Stop acting like wusses, I 've been realizing what i've done wrong i've let myself take this pain i've let myself suffer. No More. Tell yourselves this "NO MORE" Close your eyes and tell yourself this. .. Its hard guys believe me i know but i was worn out and i finally woke up and said NO MORE since then i've been alright i actually try and avoid her because there's no purpose in waisting any effort. My best friend is going through a break up and i feel his pain. He actually almost made me tear because i know how much it hurts. The only thing i told him was Not to Contact her. Keep Your heads up Chris Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 My ex and I staretd back into direct communication about 5 weeks ago. Before that we weren't on a talking absis for over a year. Last month she came to apoligze to me for treting me poorly during march and april 2003. Tongiht was the first time we hung out with the air cleared and all that crap. It didn't go awkward like I thought it would. She actually acted like the girl I know. Also, I got to tell her about the major character flaws I feel she has...I did not bring this all up directly but it got onot that from something else and I was happy it did because I just told her what i think of how she handles things specifically conflict. The cool thing was that she wasn't getting defensive and seemed to appreciate what i was saying. Also, she admitted to them! That was a shocker. Probably didn't hurt that people she works wiht and other friends have also brought up some of these things recently so she can see it isn't jsut me who sees this about her. One of the funniest parts of the whole convo we had (we had like a 3.5 hour convo about lots of stuff) was when I mentioned asking this girl I sued ot talk a question about something. She first thought the girl I was talking about was a co-worker and I said no it was a girl i used ot tlak to. My ex then went question crazy. who is she? what is her name? where does she live? when was this? etc It was funny because I only talked to this girl for a couple months and then at end of 2003 stopped. I repeatedly told my ex I have no idea where she lives as I stopped talking to her almost a year ago but my ex kept pressing. She wasn't aksing these in an angry way but it sure wasn't in a "just friends" way because a friend would not keep pressing the issue of me talking to a female in a "just friends" way. I wish I had it on tape. That was basically the night...I was glad she was acting like how she used to act and not all cautious of what she can say and stuff. We laughed a lot and she also playfully kicked me a few times and stuff wne I would take some joking zinges at her. Oh she also put her feet on my legs and asked after she did it if it was ok not before. I thought that was cool because the way she has been to me the last few weeks I'd never imagined she would do that. Having said all that it is clear to me this girl right now is super focused on her job/career so if we do get back together it will be down the line for sure. That is fine wiht me because really, it is not that big an issue to me anymore. I just want to hang out with her whenever because I have fun with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Thats very cool Wierd, man good on you! Wow she even put her feet on your legs, damn I miss that sometimes. Consider yourself very lucky Wierd, but actually, she should be the very lucky one at the moment. But congrats on the NC deal man, you did your part and you kept your word to it. Guess its my turn and to play the waiting game and meet other people. I am already at the part where, I don't have the urge to call,email or text my ex. Right now its worthless and won't get me anywhere obviously. I am so proud of you wierd, good man! I am drinking a corona for you tonight man! Well boys and girls, I think its Day 14 of NC, I am losing track, but thats a good thing because I don't even think about it. I wake up every morning, look at the motto I put on my door *like my sig, thats my motto* and just walk out feeling like a strong man, instead of who I was a month ago. I am going to be strong and whoever chooses to see what I am really all about, thats absouletly fine by me and there going to enjoy me. If my ex does not come back, hey thats ok, whatever really. If she does, I'll deal with it then instead of thinking about it, simple as that guys. to add something else: I am very glad, I am not in the rebound stage right now. I think thats another stage I am glad I am over with! Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 You're my new hero Weird. Good things happen to good people. Hopefully mine will turn out the same.....the only diff is we still talk to each other and she does hit me and kick me and touch me when we do hang out......dunoo....mixed signals I guess. Anyways...congrats bro....take it VERY slow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 hey Guys, I am up again...thats ok...hey Weird good to hear that things went well for you....keep it up its a nice start...take care Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Good Morning everyone!! Head/heels, Drj thanks for the med advice---so grades dont mean that much when you graduate med school, huh? If only it was the same for when youre trying to get IN! (I wanna be a shrink anyway, why oh, WHY are they torturing me with physics? oh well, lol) Well guys, today is the day. First time wer'e hanging out since the break (june) and first time weve seen each other in 2mos. Oh boy, this should be interesting. Wish me luck Ill keep you posted... PS--Weird, glad to see things are looking good for you at least for a friendship Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Originally posted by backspn You're my new hero Weird. Good things happen to good people. Hopefully mine will turn out the same.....the only diff is we still talk to each other and she does hit me and kick me and touch me when we do hang out......dunoo....mixed signals I guess. Anyways...congrats bro....take it VERY slow. haha, thanks The thing is, I really do feel she is not interested in being in a relationship at all right now and will be like that for quite some time. She went on and on about her job and I just got the impression that is her life and will be for a while. Now that is fine and again, I am cool with that but the thing is, she is the type of person that if she starts getting close to me and things are clicking she will start to just keep thinking about that and she will pull away rather than just let things flow. Basically, she is trying to prevent herself from getting too invovled with me so she limits the contact with me. I doubt I will see her again until mid next month but I bet between now and the she will think/want to hang with me but won't. Hell, I bet she doesn't come onto the IM program today or tomorrow and maybe even next week. I am sure that she knows we could be together again because we have the same outlook on so many things. She was telling me how at her work they have talked about some of these things (also has talked to some of her other friends) and they all disagree with her view of the things but I have the same view of those things as hers. I'd like to think that when you start seeing all the other people in your life don't have the same philosophy as you but this one guy pretty much does you start to see that he may be unique and the guy for you. But whatever...that isn't something I stress about or something I expect to happen or anything like that. The only way I can see her actually getting closer these days is if she talks to her friends and they tell her to quit being cautious and just go for it. I will say that based on her philsophy I just can't see any guys really wanting to be with her unless she totally changes how she sees things but that probably won't happen....at least not until she gets a lot older. The good thing is I think she could better handle the relationship now (not just run away) since she seems to realize life ain't perfect and you have to deal wiht the rough spots. That is a good sign because it gives me a little more faith in her, but I need to hang out witt her more to see if she really is changing in the areas she says she is. Oh and it is funny how time can change things...even though for most of the time we weren't in contact (we'll be conservative and say for the last 6 months of no contact) I felt that if we did ever open up the lines of communication and hung out again I would not have a problem being around her in a just friends way. But before she came over last month I started to think that hey, maybe I am not cool with things as I think I am and thought that once I saw her I may just go back to how things were before we stopped talking which would be me sad because we weren't together...but it didn't hapen. Last night too...I mean I was just totally fine hanging with her in that way (although there were times I came close to touching her ass while walking behind her like I used to. hahaha) and I still have the feelings for her and still would eventually like to get back together with her but I just don't feel upset or anything that this is how things are between us right now. I don't want it to sound like I just don't care about what happens but in a way that is sort of how it is. It's weird just how time apart can make a person have that outlook even though throughout the whole time they still carried the love for the person and always thought about them. Like not a day has gone by since I havent thought about my ex multiple times. I wake up in the morning thinking about ehr and go to bed thinking about her. Has been that way ever since we first got together and it will continue to be like that no mater what happens between us but again, my view of how things are just isn't a concern to me anymore and I can hang around her without feeling the need to bring up what happened or talk about getting back together. Guess that is just a sign that over the last 1.5 years I have matured with how I handle/view all this. Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Drjones---Congrats! I'm so glad you passed! I think she'll call you again when she gets back. Still try to focus on you. I'm going to drink one for you tonight. LexiB--Hey! Let us know how it goes with your ex. I hope it goes well for you! Remember to stay strong & keep that guard up. Good luck. Weird--Thanks for the advice. I'm still angry with him because it's like atlous said---if you love a person you wouldn't cheat on them. This guy ripped my heart out but I am a survivor. I will get over it. I think I'm about there. Congrats about hanging out with your ex. It sounds like it went great! Just take things slow & everything will fall into place. Nick14---Thank for your advice too. 30 days of NC for me! I think he's about to contact me by what my friends say. I'm praying I'll be strong. He doesn't deserve a hot mama like me. Oh and by the way...noticed you mention "Corona?" Now I'm craving one. ha I guess I'm going to have me one tonight for drjones & weird good news. Atlous--You and I are going through the same thing! I know it hurts to be cheated on. We both deserve better! You need to just walk away from him. Let him be with the whale! Tell me when the other guy you met calls you. Heck, he told you you had a fine ass? With your fine ass & my long sexy legs---we shouldn't have a problem meeting guys. head/heels--If she got together with someone a week after the break up then it's a REBOUND. She'll call you when she's tired of him. Keep praying & leave it in Gods hands. That's all we can do. WantanS4--She'll call your mom back. Give it a few days. Also--Atlous & I are single here. LexiB too unless she brings us good news about her & her ex. Update: I went over my friends lastnight & he called AGAIN! He told my friend that he may stop by (first time ever in a month). I left. I didn't want to see him. I found out this morning he never came by. I think the best thing I can do is avoid him. That's what I'm going to try to do. I'm fixing to leave right now & go out & do something. I'm trying to keep busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Thanks MJ:) Drjones, Congrats on passing man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Hey Guys, Thanks again for the congrads, and yes please drink up on my account I think we all need a little BEvERages....Hmmm Corona sounds good right about now as well.... Weird--- you are doing good I think if she knows that you are a good friend to her she will come around...she may like you said needs to figure some stuff out right now....atleast she knows that you are a good guy that she can depend on.... MJ-- thanks I think she will, I knwo the situation has not changed she is still with this guy, I am scared to think that maybe us talking will just end up as just friends....my heart wants more she is my best friend now, but I want more from her...I dont know if that will happen, I am not expecting it and I will just keep working on me...it sucks, but you know guys Ihave not been hurting or feeling alone for about a week even before I got the good news with my exam...so I guess I could say I am healing from this break up...But i dont know I dont feel like seeing anyone still and right now I still miss her...but I guess time is healing me...we will see LexiB-- Just study hard to get in and everything will fall into place after that....dont worry too much you have enough on your plate once you are in Nick14-- you are doing good man I am proud of you... Wantans4--- I still think she will call your mom...let us know Kodiak-- where are you man? How are you doing? Head/heels--- I agree with MJ...give it time Atlous-- how are you doing today?.... Well guys i hope all is well take care Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 All, Saturday has pretty much gone... and she hasn't called. I told you guys she made a mistake. Ahh... like I said, my expectations are where 0 to none. So, she calls and leaves a message. And my mom calls and says call me back when you can. And we have a stalemate on our hands....... rediculous. Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 How is EVERYONE! Having a good weekend? I am I have not thought of him enough to call him. He disconnected my cell phone my friends said he did that so I would call him and I didn't I don't care cancel it! Jes man its one more connection that I don't need. He made his choices and I would be abusing myself if I sat here thinking about why his does what he does WHO CARES! Seriously when you don't know that what you do hurts people than you are mentally ill and have no insight into the behaviors you exhibit. If you are involved with someone like this run like hell the other way because all you will have is a life time of hurt and sorrow and you will always take their selfish acts upon you personally and that could ruin your self esteem I am running from him as fast as I can and I will NEVER ever! phone him again. The last time I spoke to him was on thursday and I was like so you say you love me and guess what he says "whoooaa hold up? When is the last time I've said I loved you ?" which was in the same day. He made me feel like the worst **** again and I vowed that if he can go that low than I am not missing out on anything by not being with him! ***** him I have better things to do then worry about what you are doing who you are doing. In nursing I have this quote that I live for it goes something like this " if you always do what you have always done then you will recieve the same results" and that is why he will always have these issues and I will have walked away from his emotional hell hole for some other chick to deal with. I mean he was seeing her when we met over coffee for three hours. After he denied saying I love you I hung up the phone and then he kept trying to call back finally my friend answered and she said " Jaime will not talk to you now or ever" and then he said ok thank you and then disconnected my phone the next day. even though he owes me and that is why he was paying for my cell. NOW no more connections and I am free and can exhale knowing that he will always be messed up and that my fellow friends has nothing to do with me. MJ we can't change them and no girl will be good enough they will always be unsatisfied you know! nothing that I will ever have to worry about because I am sorry not all guys are as selfish and immature as he is. I am lucky that I have some insight that I can control how people treat me and affect me and he has no bearing on this control issue! I feel free! Yeah MJ we are some sexy beochs and we will for surely find another. May be I know deep down that he is awful and that he will never change may be its all a control issue I don't really want him back I just didn't want to lose to a whale but know that I see things differently I won because I realized the prize was actually an emotional death sentence! Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Atlous---good for you!! I am glad to hear that you are do and you dont care about this guy....I know you will find a way better guy to treat you the way you should be treated....keep it up you are on your way out of this heartbreak hotel (hehe I had to say that!!) WantanS$--- stalemate nothing you came out on top as the better person...she wants to play games thats her problem you will win in the end! I hope the rest of you all are doing ok...I am doing good...take care Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 hey Everyone- Hows everyone doing. Im hanging in there but i have been kinda down the last couple days. I guess because the holidays are coming up. I havnt talked to my ex and its been awhile now so i guess shes done calling me. I think i blew it when i told her that i missed her in the card, i dont know. I have just been trying to keep busy buts she always back in my mind, nomatter what i do. I made my decision on what action im going to take. I cant let this screw me up anymore than it already has. Im going to send her that letter. This time i promise im going to do it. I made alot of changes and cut out alot of the sappy stuff. her b-day is next month and im going to send her a simple bday card. Im sure if we dont talke she will never expect that. Anyways im going to enclose the letter in her card and that will be it. Im so tired of hurting and feeling depressed. Its affecting my friends, family, etc, the people who still care and love me. I dont think she knows how much i hurt but i just cant do it anymore. By sending her this letter i will hopefully get closure that i need to move on with my life. I dont know what the future holds. We all have to live each day as it comes. I hope everybody is doing better. i have to say that i have read more positive stuff in the last couple days here on the shack. Drjones great job on this thread. we will start a new one if they close us down, ok? Mj, Nick14, Head/heels, wantan, weird,atluos, how are you all doing? Im hope good. talk to everyone soon, im going to a party tonight, Take Care.....Kodiak Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 All, There goes Saturday... no call. She isn't into me or my family or the memories we had together anymore..... and well i haven't told you guys everything she ever said when she ended it (and it took more than one day... it took roughly 2 weeks because I kept on going back to ask her questions) so, I think if I filled in those gaps you'd all say, "Hey... it's over..... seriously there's no chance... I'm sorry". So, I said I had healed...haha.... well.... obviously she's dealt me a blow again. True love doesn't exist. Especially in the culture we live in these days. I want my peace back........ Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 Damn her for jerking you around. Damn all your exes for jerking you fine people around:( Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 caved in and imed my ex we talked 4 about 5 min before she had to go. It's really pointless now. Somehow it didn't even phase me that nothing productive came out of it. I just shoulnd't have waisted my time talking at all. I was doing so good. I dont feel any worse but i feel like she'll get the impression that i'm on her **** still. Damn Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 24, 2004 Author Share Posted October 24, 2004 Hey Guys, Kodiak-- dont beat your self up man, you said what you felt at the time....its up to her to respond....Send the note now with the card dont wait till next month, you need closure now and this will help you...no point in lingering if she is not going to talk to you....I dont know why she is doing this to you..but you cant let it get to you.....keep busy man, I am doing the same and yes my ex is in the back of my mind...we cant do anything about that, the reason why they are there is b/c we love them, and we cant change that....in time it will heal.....yeah I hate knowing that the holidays are comming and I dont have anyone to share them with...it *****ing sucks for all of us..I dont know what wil happen from now to them..it just sucks Crazydawg--- dont worry about breaking down, I did the same...but I dont care I dont have those feelings that I had in the beginind "oh s*** I should have not done that"....I just dont give a ***** any more it does not bother me and there is nothing I can do.... Wantans4--You have your peace...you know why b/c you are a good person with a big heart, giving a person the benfit of the doubt by asking your mom to return the call....know what I am glad you did it, why b/c I know that say 50 years down the road you will not have a "what if" moment....you dont have to second guess yourself with the next person that comes along your way and you know in your heart that you did everying you could.... As for True love does not exist---yeah I agree too, I think back in the day of our parents it did, people back then used to stick it out when problems happened, now its just too easy for people to cut bait when s*** hits the fan...I think thats why love does not exist....its now a matter of *****ing convience, ie say the person lives close by to you so its easy....people break up for stupid s*** ....."I need to find myself or I need some space" well ***** dont get into something you cant finish, everything is fine and dandy when in the begining but then later on is goes to s***......and then good guys/gals like us who can go the distance gets *****ed in the @$$....b/c the other person does not have a little faith in a relationship....So you know what I agree true love does not exist in this day in age....too many people have different agendas in life and love is last on thier list....now adays buying a dog or a cat seems to replace the "love" factor.....go figure.....well thats my Rant today guys...I woke in a little rotten mood and needed to vent.... take care Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 crazydawg, yep....the best way to look at stuff is to think "I don't give a *****" like drjones said. Even though I am hanging around my ex again and stuff I really do not care what I say to her. I just say whatever I want to her and if she doesn't like it and gets all pissy then oh well, not my problem. I just don't give a ***** anymore. I am convinced once a person truly reaches that level then the other person comes around and starts sending them some signals. It's odd how a person can know when the other person just has thrown up their hands and only then do they start to open up the lines of communication again. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 *****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was feeling absolutely terrific and free (peace came running back in).... and before you know it... RING!!! she calls....... here we go again....... I think there's more chances of bad news/conversation than good. I'll tell you what turns out from the conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 24, 2004 Author Share Posted October 24, 2004 WantanS4--- Good luck, keep us posted....I guess me and MJ were right she would call on the weekend.... Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 All, Now... for all the crimes I committed against her... those that I was accused of... and those I have accused myself of this whole time i've locked myself in the dungeon of despair.... I'll let Depeche Mode give my explination...... Depeche Mode - Try Walking in My Shoes Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 24, 2004 Author Share Posted October 24, 2004 WantanS4, Wicked song I love it....I am a little slow today please explain....It sounds like you were pleasantly surprised??? Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 Act as it is over! You are all waiting, stop waiting, this is not a dress rehearhsal!! Link to post Share on other sites
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