Hurt Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 her response was less than a friend would do, DO NOT RESPOND! Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Originally posted by Hurt her response was less than a friend would do, DO NOT RESPOND! Exactly. People here have shown more emotion and care in their replies to Nick and we didnt date the guy or know his grandmom. She gave a cooooooold reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 I had the same thing happen in a diff situation, courtesy and caring is very confusing when we are reading into every word Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 hmm..not trying to stick up for her, but I dunno, it didn't really seem half-ass. I have alot of people I know say sorry it happen and thats it. I mean I don't expect her to say "I'll be here if you need me", I think that i would be shocked with that, who knows really. I did expect a short and simple reply from her and she has not replied to my other emails in the past. So, really I dunno, she's probably still in that phase where she's trying to block me out and what not and still with that guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 But I do have to admit, at least her best friend, was alittle bit more caring and would keep me in her prayers and what not and talked to me for a bit. Lets see, I sent the email at 12:30pm yesterday and didn't get a reply till 9 that night. I am sure she didn't know what to do and thought about it, but again who knows. Hell I don't even know if my ex does go on my site, too bad I don't have a ip tracker,haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Oh, and btw. for those who think she has gone on the site. She has not at all, I did a ip look up and her ip does not even match up to the site trackers ips that have gone on the site. Her best friend has a few times and I am sure her best friend told her but i am sure ex doesn't want to take a peek, well for right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Hey guys. I've been reading through the thread and I thought this would be a good place to post. Sorry if I'm intruding, but you guys seem to be logical people. I'll try and be brief and not ramble if I can help it. I've known this girl since I was about 13 or 14, I'm 22 now. We've had a mutual crush ever since we met. In high school she was the cheerleader and I was a dirty skater, but we were always friends and we always flirted. I ended up dropping out to work, but we hooked up a couple months before she graduated and we've been together ever since (3.5 yrs). I know how cliche this sounds, but everyone that knows us says we're perfect and all of our mutual friends are amazed at how healthy our relationship is/was. We rarely fought, no typical relationship b.s. We knew we loved each other pretty much right away. She has been going to University about an hour from my house but we still spend alot of time together. We've always been so sure that this was it. We weren't engaged, but we said we were going to get married at 25, after we both graduate (I just started school). So, a month and a half ago she tells me that she needs a break. Totally out of the blue. There were no signs, we were as loving as ever, sex was still good, we were casually talking about marriage (not planning, just talking like we always do) 2 weeks before she told me this. No issues, we had great communication and there was just no major problems. She said she still loves me, she feels the same but that she just needs to be able to focus on school and work for now without having to worry about me. In the last few months it's been hard for us to see each other because she works on weekends and I work full time in the week and now she's in her last year and having to make up credits. She says she wants to pick things up sometime around the end of the school year. So, we've hung out twice in this time. Everything was fine, just like we were together minus the sex and all that. We exchange E-mails sometimes, but she doesn't have a computer. I try not to call, but I have a few times. I called last night after 12 days. When we talk it's amazing how, well, "normal" we are. A week after the break we had a big talk and since then I've tried to not talk about the relationship, just be casual, but I've ****ed up and kind of got serious a couple times. So, I'm not kidding myself, I know that this is fairly typical for a brush off. I've told her if she cares about me at all that she has to tell me the truth, she can't lead me on, if this is it say so. She promises that she loves me but that she just can't do it at the moment. I'm trying to just move on, keep the mindset that it might be over for good but at the same time hope that it isn't and keep the door open. One thing I know is that it isn't about wanting other guys or wanting to "party" like a college girl. She really is busy with school. This may be a bit intimate, but she bought a sex toy for the first time and that kind of showed me that she means it when she says she isn't out looking for guys. She occasionally tells me she loves me, but at the same time she is pretty casual when we talk. What I need to know is, do you think it's the right way for me to go about this to keep seeing her ? I would be lying if I said it isn't hard to hang out with her and then come home and be without her, but still, I think that it would be worse not to see her at all. People on this site throw out "No contact" fairly liberaly, but sometimes I think it might be that smartest thing to do, I just don't really know why. I guess what I'm asking is two thing: In this situation, is it a bad idea to see each other like once a month ? And two, is my situation in any way optimistic or more than likely hopeless ? Thanks for reading (if you did). Sorry if I intruded. Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 what do you do when its your ex's birthday. Her birthday is 2morrow. Do i wish her a happy birthday. I know where to find her at school. i rather not call her. I really dont want to see her. She did call for my birthday and we spoke for about 15 min. that was 2 months ago. What should i do. She hasn't been the best towards me lately. Should i stop by her class and wish her a great birthday or should i just send her a plain email or greeting card. Or maybe call. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 nick, she could have gone on the site using a different computer. I still think her reply was weak. Did she really end it off with this: .... If so that is lame. A good reply from someone you had a past with would be something like this: "I am sorry Nick to hear about your loss. I really enjoyed the time I spent with your grandmother and it saddens me that she is gone. I hope you and your family will be ok and you all are in my prayers" Something like that would have been good not the cheesy line she gave you. crazydawg, don't wish her a happy bday and watch her get all pissy and offended. I bet it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 damn wierd, no comment from me seriously,lol. I dunno really, you could be right, she could be lost for words with the "...", I really dunno, I honestly dont, but I trust you guys and I won't reply. I guess your right but if you are, then I should chew her out, but then again, I am over being mad at her for the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Yeah don't chew her out. That won't get you anywhere and will just make you look like an ass. The best thing you can do is not contact her and let her sort out her issues and maybe when she grows up she will feel bad for stuff that has happened and will come back to you and apologize. You then can decide how you wish to handle things. I still cant believe (well, I can believe it which is the sad thing about humans) her reply to you telling her your grandmother (a lady you said your ex got along well with) died. Seriously, I have seen more caring replies/comments from people on the news when they announce strangers dying. Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 anyone elses take. Should i Call or say hi for her birthday?! Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Crazydawg, yeah, I'd definitely say hi and wish her happy birthday. I actually just dealt with the same thing on Sunday. My story is right on this page, but basically me and my girl of over 3 years are "on a break", or whatever. But her birthday was on Sunday. You've been apart for longer than us, I'm only on like a month and a half, but I called her on her birthday. I just kind of said happy birthday and asked her what she did. I might get her something small next time I see her. But yeah, as long as she hasn't been totally cold I'd give her a quick call. Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Nick14---I agree with Weird & Hurt. Don't send a reply. You better believe her bestfriend is telling her everything about what you've posted on your website. Wait it out! Let it be! Don't respond to her or her bestfriend. Your ex does not have any class at all. I hope I don't get you mad...just being honest. If I was her...I would had called you...especially if I was close to your grandmother. You have too much on your plate right now to worry about her responding. Wait it out... Atlous---You go girl! Have a great weekend! Wish I could be there. You could shake your fine ass while I shake my good-looking legs. ha lol I'll have to come visit you sometime or you come visit me. I mean, hell...we can find some good guys out there. I think You and crazydawg should hook up. drjones---Yep Buddy! We're the people in the 30's. ha You are right...Atlous & I are great women. Don't leave LexiB out. Urban Rubble01--On this forum we are the most good hearted people here. You're not intruding in any way. I don't know if you have read all the post from this forum but I'm blunt, stubborn, & I'm straight to the point (WantanS4 is too. Don't take anything personal because I'm just giving my opinion & I'm trying to help. You have known her since you were 13-14 & you're 22 now? 3.5 years. I think she has not been honest with you. There is a problem with the relationship that you were unaware of because she didn't open up to you fully. I know you are busy working & she's focused on school but if you trully love someone you will find a way to be with them. It sounds as though as you went halfway & she ran away. She said that she needs to focus on school & work for now without worrying about you? She was telling you something there. She should had been upfront about it but it seems to me she's a closed up person. She's giving you until the end of the school year to pick things up where you left off? ***** that! Just my opinion. I think you should do what you feel. Contact or No contact. I think deep down you know what you should do. You asked about seeing her once a month? It's ok as long as you protect your heart...she might just want to keep it as friends. This is just my opinion. I'm not right a lot of times. I just try to help because I've been there & I've been heartbroken. PS--Just because she bought a sex toy doesn't mean she's not looking for guys. Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Call her for her B-day just like she did you. She did call you on your b-day. Do it! Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Rubble I think that you should not contact her. She will feel pressured into making a decision I am sure she is unable to make at the moment. Some times people truly need a break to realize what they had. Some may see other people to realize what they had. Crazy= I say go with MJ's advice call her or really I would email something so plain that she can't believe that there is nothing more that you said. MJ= Where are you from girl? I swear I am not going to be single long LOL kidding . Its pure exhaultation when you realize your self worth. I mean seriously I am not losing a thing other than a confused soul. RUBBLE if you allow her space and she comes back then it will be a great thing not based on guilt or false pretenses. and it will probably be better than ever. Nick your girl sounds cold What does she have against you other than the fact that you loved her. WANTAN where are ya man I haven't heard from the DOC JONES or KODIAK either. Don't tell me you guys are too busy for us. I am kidding just miss your input. Especially wantan. Sorry CRAZY I found a date I am going lesbo LMAO! I am kidding I don't swing both ways, wait there was this party once I was dancing on the tabl.... oh was I thinking aloud sorry lost my thought were was I oh yes have a good night everyone.... wish I was on my way to party with MJ! my woman!SCORPIOS RULE the sex world seriously guys ask MJ once you have a scorpio woman you can never go back! LMAO! Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 There is a problem with the relationship that you were unaware of because she didn't open up to you fully. I know you are busy working & she's focused on school but if you trully love someone you will find a way to be with them. It sounds as though as you went halfway & she ran away. Well, I'm telling you, everything that I have to go on tells me that there were no real problems. I mean, of course there were little things that every couple has, but as far as something major, there was nothing. I have told her more than once to be totally honest with me because dragging this out is only going to hurt me worse, but she keeps assuring me that there was nothing that triggered it, it's just bad timing right now. If she's not being honest with me after how I've told her how important it was to me to tell the truth, even if it hurts, then she's just trying to hurt me. And I don't believe that she'd do anything to hurt me on purpose. It's just weird, like one day when we were talking and I said "If we get back together it would be good to take it slow at first" or something and she replied "WHEN we get back together." So I thought that was good. But what do you mean by I "went halfway" ? That confused me. PS--Just because she bought a sex toy doesn't mean she's not looking for guys. Well, that alone doesn't, but it was a pretty good sign. I mean, she told me that she isn't looking for guys and she doesn't go out to clubs with her friends or anything like that. I mean, we're both very liberal in our views on sex, so if she was feeling like hooking up she'd go do it. The fact that she hasn't and that she bought that to hold her over shows me that at least for now she isn't looking. Am I wrong to think that and believe what she says ? She will feel pressured into making a decision I am sure she is unable to make at the moment. Some times people truly need a break to realize what they had. Some may see other people to realize what they had. Well, I'm not trying to pressure her. We don't even really talk about the relationship. It's strictly a friends thing when we hang out. In you opinion, do you think that's O.K or should I totally stop contact in hopes that she misses me ? RUBBLE if you allow her space and she comes back then it will be a great thing not based on guilt or false pretenses. and it will probably be better than ever. Oh, I totally agree. In fact, if she came back today I wouldn't have it because I know we really do need a break if we are going to be together forever. If it works it will make us stronger, thats what she told me. Thanks for the advice guys ! Even if it does make me a bit sad. Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Urban Rubble01--- When I said you went halfway & she ran away. Sorry I didn't explain things. When you're in any kind of relationship...family...friends...you have to meet that person halfway....in anything. It has to be 50/50. You gave a lot to her..you gave more than 50. About the sex toy thing. I just gave you my input on the situation. Maybe she was showing you she wouldn't go to another guy...the only person that knows is her...noone else. Atlous---Where are you from girl? I swear...I'm not going to be single long either. lol I wouldn't go lesbo...eventhough the guys treated us like ****! Yes...us scorpio women will not be forgotten which I need to break down & say... I'm out of here guys. I don't want my ex anymore. I hope you all the best. Stay strong! MJ Link to post Share on other sites
bigacesteve Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Hi everyone, not been on here for a while and it's taken some time to catch up on everything. Can't believe it's over 700 posts now; well done to DrJ for starting this one off. I've been away for a while because things were kind of getting sorted out between myself and my ex; or so I thought. Those of you who think you're doing well because you're seeing them once in a while and you're like friends, maybe touching hands and feet, please be careful. My ex came around my house last Thursday after texting me on Wednesday night. She came in looking stunning and perfumed up, next thing we were holding hands, then kissing and then all wrapped up together. I stopped for a second and asked her if this was ok for her and she said that she was fine with it and had been looking forward to it all night. She'd been her mothers first and had come around my house 30 minutes earlier than expected; I just about got myself showered, shaved and ready in time. She was rubbing herself on me and it was getting quite close to rip off clothes time, then she stopped herself and said that she was not on the pill anymore. She said that since splitting with me she'd stopped taking it because she isn't looking for anyone and she didn't expect this to happen between us. We continued holding each other and just talked, we had a really good laugh. She asked me what I'd been getting upto lately and I told her I tried Palatay (similar to Yoga) on Wednesday night. She was stunned and asked why I had gone. I told her that a friend (girl) from work had asked me to try it out. I could see the green mist coming out of her ears. She was so jealous, I couldn't believe it. Debs who I went Palatay with has a boyfriend and I've known her for years. True she did seduce me under a table at the Xmas party when she dropped her camera a few years ago but I stopped anything from happening; there's nothing between us. My ex said "she's one of those women who fancies you isn't she?" I told her no and that we are just friends and have been for years. Anyway we carried on kissing and then she had to go because she was working the next morning and the following night as well. As she got up off my bed I put a hand out for her to help me up. I'm 6ft7 and weigh around 100kg; I used to do this as a joke because she could never lift me. Next thing she lept on top of me pinning my hands down and we were kissing passionately. She then left and we kissed again in the doorway. She told me that she was busy all weekend but she would see me on Wednesday night. Great I thought. I was very very happy, over the moon. I went out Friday night and I was beating women off all night. I was not slightly interested because I thought I'd got somewhere with my ex. I rang her on Saturday night and asked if everything was still fine after Thursday night. She said that everything was fine and that she'd had a good night; she sounded really happy. Sunday afternoon I'm sitting watching tv when I get a text message. All it said was "I'm sorry Steve, I've had a good think about things and I want to be on my own. I feel like I'm messing you about. I need to move on with my life so see you around sometime x". I was absolutely gobsmacked, totally out of the blue. I tried to ring her and she wouldn't answer her phone. I was gutted because it came from a text message and not from her directly. I finally spoke to her last night and told her to please tell me the truth, no more half truths; I wanted to hear her own voice say that she didn't want me again. She just said that what she wanted was different to what I wanted. I asked her what was different to what she wanted to what I wanted? She couldn't answer the question and started crying. I told her to be truthful and take a bit of responsiblilty for her actions. I told her that I couldn't believe how after Thursday night and speaking to her Saturday she had sent me a text message to bin me. She just kept apologising. I told her to stop apologising and tell me how she feels; her true feelings for me. I must admit that I forced her into saying she never wanted me again. I asked her what should I do if we bumped into each other whilst out? She said that we could talk. I thought about it and said "I don't think talking to each other would be a good idea especially since we can't even talk properly now, I think it best if we don't speak." She then asked what I thought of her and I told her I'd keep that to myself. She gave me a load of verbal and was shouting at me, then she hung up. I sent her a text that said "I think you are immature." She rang me back and tried to shout at me and I stopped her in her tracks. I told her a few home truths and it felt good to stop treading on eggshells and vent all these things I'd been thinking about for a month. She hung up again and then I started getting text messages. I just sent one back saying the following: "You're angry, you're upset, you feel insulted. You don't think about how I feel after you have been messing me about for a month now. I realise now that everything is you you you and I never got anything in return. You threw my feelings in the bin by using a text message and then you wouldn't speak to me. I have been hurting for over a month now and you knew this and kept prolonging it. I am tired of having these feelings for you and I wish they would just go away. You are immature and you are not the person I fell in love with." I have received nothing else from her and I don't expect to. I was being messed about and I had to put a stop to it. I could no longer allow her to speak to me as though I was a nothing; I stood up for myself and told her what I thought of her and her selfish playing with my emotions. I don't want to see her, speak to her, nothing. Because I have spent this last month getting better and then she drags me down again; I act all nice with her when inside I'm pi55ed off. We must keep them at arms length or the cycle of pain begins again. I am taking my own advice and moving on, I don't want to be with someone who can easily play with my emotions and then scream and yell at me for loving her. That ain't right. A good song to listen to is Stone Roses - I am the Ressurrection and I Want to be Adored I still think I'll get a phone call in a month or 2. I must stay strong and move on. All you that are having mild contact with your ex's please read this and realise it can still go t1ts up and you end up back to how you were when you first split. BigAceSteve Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Damn Steve, your ex sounds like a cousin to my ex based on how my ex dealt with stuff last year before we stopped talking. Cant stand the immaturity of these chicks. I think your ex wants you but is making up total BS right now. I give it a few months before she starts to want to get back on your nuts. Why do women think us guys are so stupid and can't read into their crap? I of course am not talking about the cool ladies of this thread. Like honestly, sooooooooooo mnay females try and play the "I'm not interested game" but EVERYTHING they do and most of the stuff they say points otherwise. I honestly do think women think guys are idiots and can't see past the crappy BS mask they try and hide behind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 HEy Guys, wow lots of posts today!! let me begin: Nick14-- I have to agree with the guys on this, dont e-mail her, she was not receptive...I know you are thinking of an outside chance that she was scared on how to reply with you etc....lets say thats the case...if she is concerned about you and your loss, she will e-mail you with a follow up...how are you doing thing....so lets wait and see if that happens....yeah she may not be looking at your web site, but I would put money on that her friend is telling her stuff.... Crazy-- send her an birthday e-card or call her...it would be a nice gesture on your part, she did the same to you and I think it may sooth out any I think you mentioned you guys had an arguement awhile back....either way I think you should send her a b-day greeting... MJ-- I am glad to hear you are getting better...yeah you dont need your ex, he made his choice and *****ed up....hehe we are old guys, I will write more guys I need to read up on Rubble and big steves posts.... p/s atlous I am here and still alive!!! take care Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 crazydawg, what is your goal with your ex? If you have just said ***** it and don't care about what she thinks/does then sure go ahead and send her a bday greeting. If you're looking to open up communication with her again in hopes it elads to something then don't send her a bday greeting because it will make her wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Ya I have to admit,I am deeply pissed off with my ex. I had my other ex from way back, call me up and she found out about what happen and she is *****in worried about me. I think about it and how my ex replied and i am like, wow i have my ex from 2001 call me up and she is worried and i have my current ex, who is not even worried about me and just leaves a sentence of a reply on sunday night. Ya, i am difently not going to reply and look like a jackass. It just leaves me hurting, like a girl like her, who i wouldn't even consider a bitch in the past, actually is this way. I dunno, maybe she is still in the I don't care phase and just really mad at world or what. Hell, at least her best friend is worried about me, yikes! Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Glad you have decided to not send the email Nick. Your ex is acting like a cunt. She does not deserve you or anyone making up excuses for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 When you're in any kind of relationship...family...friends...you have to meet that person halfway....in anything. It has to be 50/50. You gave a lot to her..you gave more than 50. O.K, I see what you're saying. Well, to tell the truth, I've kind of been in the position where I have to be the one doing alot of the work. She's been in school for most of our relationship, which is an hour from me. She doesn't have a car so I pretty much drive up there at least once a week either to stay at her place or bring her home. And I never minded that, it had to be that way. I also was the one working while she was in school, so I was usually the one paying when we do, well, anything. And, again, I never minded because that was the situation we were in. So you're right, I did have to go more than half way, but I don't hold that against her, it isn't her fault and it wasn't because a lack of caring on her part. It's just the situation we've been in. Honestly, I think part of this has to do with her feeling bad about how much of an effort I have to make in some parts of the relationship. She really is a good person and cares about me, so it's not just some brush off where she wants to hang on to me but at the same time go have fun without me. I really do think it's just something that had to be done for now, for both our sakes. Link to post Share on other sites
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