If its meant to be they will come back to you.

[WantanS4]

drjones... my good buddy,

 

 

Have you ever considered the idea/fact that God.... almighty as he is.... is actually trying to tell you that you don't have to try?? That he will provide.... all you have to do is just let go. Maybe... jsut maybe (and I recently thought about your perspective... i'm the same way too)... we are those lucky bastards that have everything go our way when we could least expect it? We don't have to try...... maybe we're gifted into stumbling into dumb luck.... and our HARDA$$/HARDHEAD attempts are truly counterproductive?

 

 

Chew on that for a while........ but remember to be optomistic whilst you do.

 

 

You konw what the added bonus of learning how to do this......... you have proof (if she ever comes back)... that your not a control freak anymore. Apathy is bliss!

 

My motto now is: "Okay..... I don't give a *****!... Whatever... yes ma'am. No problem!"

[djones]

HEy WantanS4,

 

You know I just fell off my fu@king chair maybe you are right...god knows I try so hard to get something in my life....you know people keep telling me that, but I just thought that you have to work hard to get it....my parents know what I try so hard for things and I dont get it...maybe thats what I have been doing wrong...I dont but you have made me think about it...you are right heres the test.....I am not going to call her.. NC as much as I want to I will wait to see if she does...(regardless of what she calls for ie how you are doing etc....I still like talking to har, but I want more from her, I want our relationship)....so far she has not called...so I will just stick with it......I dont know WantanS4 this is all new to me...all my friends know me as being persistant in nature....well we will see if you theory holds in all aspects in my life.....Fu@k letting go is soo hard for me to do in not just for women, but in any task I do......

[djones]

WantanS4

 

HOLY s*** I just got an e-mail from her!!...meh just a cooincidence?...she just wanted to see how I am doing......I will sit on it till tommorow before I reply.....I am still conducting your experiment

[WantanS4]

Oh wow... 2 for 4....... but don't read into it too much.. She's probably out to 'use' you.........

 

yeah... let it simmer for a bit... and then !CASUALLY! reply..."i'm good..... how about you". Don't give too much detail..... let her mind do all the work....... 'Fight without desire.....'

 

Gosh... this is great.... 2/4....... good day for you guys... I'm really happy for you both.

[djones]

I would not get too happy I still think its 1/4 day....mine is yet to be seen....yeah I will reply later....however in her e-mail...sheis stressing out over her house, school, job etc...so i will just give her a little support

[atlous]

I have been reading these threads for two days and I have to say that it is very uplifting to read that guys and girls hurt the same. My ex and I were dating for 2.5 years and I thought he was my soulmate until I found out that he spent the night at a friends house a girl he met three weeks ago for the first time. I flipped out and told him that I refuse to be in a relationship with someone who disrespects me so. He flipped back on me exclaiming that nothing happened between them and that I was to jealous and controlling. How so they have the right to turn everything around exspecially when he has cheated on me before. My friends that know this girl say that she is very fat and not very attractive but that she is very nice. He has been angry at me forever! We broke up on Aug 01 and have had contact up until today. I got him a jos and he said thanks very much on a txt mes and that was it. I felt that I have had the worst summer of my life. We were eachothers firsts for so many things and we just came back from Mexico. He throws it all away for friendship with a fat chick. I text mes him today to symbolize closure and that I am closing this chapter in my life ready to open a new one. My text went like this. I need an opinion because this message was exremly therapuetic for me to send to him. I find that honestly you can change them, you can't make them realize what they lost you can only control the effects their behavior has on you. You can inform them on how you see things and then say goodbye. So this is the message. " I just want to express my gratitude to you.It was a good thing that you slept at her house because I would have stayed with you and things would not have changed and you would still think that I am the worst girlfriend. Change is good donkey and I wish you and (the girl) the best. my thougts will always be with you and make sure you keep all the letters close because they are a reflection of what we had. all the best in the future and I wish you luck at the school you are going to attend, Remember you can achieve anything as long as you believe that you are worth it. You will always hold a special place in my heart because we were eachothers firsts for many things. I deserve better than the way I was treated in the end, I don't blame you I thank you for the chioces you made. I love you and I always will takes care of yourself babes! Oh and as for the loss of the baby I went through it alone I got through it alone no worries" I sent it away today in hopes that he will remember what we had and how i see things and why they ended. I believe that right after we broke up the fat chick moved here and they now work for the same place. Fishy ain't it. He can never be alone and rarely takes a look at his own partaking. I don't feel anything when I think of them together. I was like WANTAN I was a raging and then I thought f.uck this ****. Being nice will kill them. I will no longer initate contact because it is what helps me through it. I wish them the best with everything he just got out of a three year relationship to another one with a nineteen year old. I am 26 and he is 23. I closed the chapter today. I feel good. I feel in control. I feel like I am to good of a person to sit here and think about why people do the things they do. I am a nursing student and see people die everyday. Its a waste of time to think about others actions think about what you can do to get the most out of life.l If there were problems then and you still have problems now then that is not living. If it was meant to be then it will! The next relationship I am in will be better because I worked on my self through this rough time instead of jumping in to things like he did. I only hope someone will love me like the alanis song everything! If someone loves me like this than I have found my soulmate! I will post the lyrics there are an inspiration to all these words are indicative of true love my friends he never loved me this way and when you realize what is invloved with caring for a woman ( this song) than you will have her forever!

 

 

ALANIS MORISSETTE LYRICS

 

Everything

 

 

I can be a nightmare of the grandest kind

I can withhold like it's going out of style

I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen

And you've never met anyone who's as positive as I am sometimes

 

You see everything, you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed

There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here

 

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking

My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating

I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known

And you've never met anyone who's as everything as I am sometimes

 

[color=indigo]What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know

What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go [/color]You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed

There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here

 

And you're still here

And you're still here...

 

 

 

Guy listen to these word this is when you truly love a woman for everything she is. I never had this and this is what every woman is looking for

[kodiak]

Hey everybody-

 

Well im glad to be back so i can start posting agin here on the shack. Dugs congrats man, good for you. I mean how long were you broken up for, and di you ever think you would get your second chance? Anyways well done my brother im glad to see that something good happened while I was away on my fishing trip. Mj, drjones,wantan etc...., Hows everybody else doing? There were alot of post to read and catch up on I tried my best to read them all. As for me, my trip was fun but I still thought about my ex alot. I missed her calling me asking how m,y trip went and if i caught any fish like she used to do. Like i said the last time i went on a fishing trip I was with her. I went to a place that we talked about going together and it was really hard for me to accept that I wont ever get that chance. I was with my uncle and he kept telling me that I have to mve on that the relationship is over. It was so hard for me when he said that but I guess he is probably right. Liek he said we were only together for like 10 months and thats not alot of time. I guess he was trying to say that if i was with her for like a couple years, my chances are better that we would get back togther. I dont know if this is true or not. He is my uncle and I love him to death but it kinda huyrt my feelings. Maybe he is right though, who knows. I wish i could be like dugs right now. I could not even imagine what it would feel like to be in my ex's arms again. I guess there is always hop[e for all of us out there. I never heard anything from her regarding the card I sent so i just figured that she didnt really care that I sent it. I mean that hurts everybody!!!!! I thought it was a kind gesture. Who knows whats going on in her head right now. I wish I knew just something so maybe I could understand things a little better. I really think that I screwed up by saying that I missed her in the card. I truly think that she feels as if I havnt moved on enough to talk to her. But there I go again just imagining things. Anyways like I said before Im glad to be back here. I sure missed the comfort of you all when I was gone. So many times I would feel down and I would read a post from somebody like the one mj108 posted and it made me feel better. Thanks again MJ108!!!!!!. Once again dugs congrats man, congrats!!!! As for everybody else, its a new month and lets sit back, relax and see what happens.... Kodiak is back.........Lets Post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hurt]

Hey guys, its been almost 4 mos, let me tell you. time does heal. I am feeling better, still hurt but the hurt is not so deep! I saw her on Fri on my way to work, she was right next to me, I did not look, my gut hurt, but as I got on the freeway, it went away! Please allow time to work, let go and move on! I now sleep better, I am not so hurt all day, there are moments, but they are not every moment! I am not even sure if the love was real, as in you I had 10 mos with her, I have the rest of my life to live. They all lose something speacial when they lose us, but we are right where we are supposed to be right now!

[djones]

Hey Guys

 

atlous---welcome to the group...I read your long post! I am sorry you had to go through that, I think we all are hurting right now and it helps to sort these things out here, the guys/gals here are good at picking each other up when on of is down.....I phrase that comes to mind when I read your post is "kill them with kindness"....WantanS4 has some very good ideas....I forgot about that one!...

 

HEY Kodiak---Good to hear from you!!....yeah we got some good news from Dugs...its awesome...atleast we got rid of one guy here!!! in a very good way...I hope we all slowly get the hell out of this post and never return...I read what your uncle said to you, I think he is just giving you tough love...we just have to see what happens over time man...just keep on doing what you are doing, keep posting here and we all will help each other out....you know what I think cant go wrong for saying what you are feeling...you told her that you miss her and thats from your heart, why hide it, you know...for what ever its worth I am glad you told her, atleast you dont have to worry 50 years down the road what if?.....let her deal with what you said...maybe she is confused right now...well let her stress out for a bit, you have been understress since the break up....like us all so....just wait and see what happens, like we all are doing....take care guys....I will be up again 3:30 am (its like clock work...) I will post then again...this damn depression is messing up my sleep....oh well like they say you will get enough sleep when you are dead .....

[mj108]

Well---I'm back...hungover free. I tried to drink him away the other night & the only thing it gave me was a headache & bad beer breathe. Of course--he's still on my mind. The thing about it is...the night I tried to drink him away from my memory...he was at my friends house. My friend told me he's having problems with his 'girl,' now & I received a private number on my cellphone that night (about the same time he was over my friends house). I didn't pick up & noone left a message. Wonder if it was him?

 

First of all---thank you everyone for your advice. It really helps me & I hope I can help you guys out too.

 

Dugs---I'm so happy for you! Still keep that guard up though! I'm glad things are going well for you...you deserve happiness!

 

Backspun---take things slow--don't mention getting back together. Just go with the flow buddy & take it day by day. Let her talk about the relationship---& listen for now. She'll open up--give it time.

 

Drjones---Don't reply!!! YET! Wait for a couple days....remember...'you're busy,' just like she's been busy with her job etc. Thank you for all the advice you've gave me. Don't give up---even if it takes a few times for you to get everything right (this is for everything in your life)--you will eventually succeed. Don't give up hope---or faith.

 

WantanS4---like your motto. When are our exes going to call? Everyone's elses are...& heck look at dugs...he even got him some. lol We're losing the bets WantanS4!!!

 

Atlous---loved the lyrics! We all go trhough life---learning day by day. You will find someone that is a lot better than him. You deserve better than a jerk that's going to F%ck a fat chick or any other chick & you will find him! Sorry to hear you going through that...I know it's hard.

[Hurt]

I still sleep with my cell hoping for a txt, but, I have done the same she is doing to me, when I was done I was her! also, would I take her back knowing she slept with another man? NO

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

hey MJ108, I could not hold out I sent the e-mail off to her...I did wait untill the evening to send it to her instead of right away...I guess its baby steps for me...

 

Hurt---I know those days when I would too sleep witht he phone on my chest waitin for her to call....now I just leave it on my desk...it gets better...I dont expect her to call and when my phone rings I dont get my heart pounding again....

 

well guys I am up again anohter sleepless night....see you all in the moring

[kodiak]

drjones-

 

u and me both up all night....

[djones]

Hey Kodiak,

 

You up for the same reason as me?

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

I saw that that drjones was up too at this late hour. Hey doc what time is it where you live, its 2 in the morning for me. Hows everybody doing? Drjones you have to get me up to date with everybody. I feel out of teh loop,lol... So what did the e-mail she sent you say and what did yours say that you sent to her. Im kinda curious?????? Im just sitting up and I cant sleep, man I miss her right now. I hope this gets easier with time, its got too. I have been trying to keep my days busy so I dont have all that time to think about her. Its hard though. One of the biggest faults of mine in my relationship was that i let it consume me as I said many times before. I figured that if i keeo my days busy one I will hopefully get over than her easier and not think of her so much. Also if that slim chance that she wants to come back, maybe she will see that I have been trying to improve myself. You know what I mean everybody? So I have a question for you all. Would you rather be in a situation where your ex never contacts you or be like myself where she calls liek every three weeks and we have great hour long talks. I have been debating whether I just ignore her from here on out or just deal with that ****ty feeling I get after I get off the phone with her. My uncle seems to think thats why I cant get over her yet? I mean I just dont know, its a tough decision. Maybe mj108 is right and there is something still there. So what if I stop all contact, do I give up any hope? You are right drjones, my uncle is giving me tough love, thats exactly what my mom said to me tonight. So anyhow what do you all think about the phone calls. Do I take them anymore or just walk away completely? Hope everybody else is doing well. Hang in there.......Kodaik

[kodiak]

drjones-

 

You got it my brother, I was fixing my computer too. But yes im just missing her. Maybe we will be liek dugs one of these days soon. Good for him though. I could not imagine what that would be like.

[djones]

Hey Kodiak,

 

I am so happy for dugs....I wish something good happens to all of us like dugs....I sent her that e-mail...I could not wait for a couple of days like MJ108 said....i did wait to send it to her after she left from work though...I dont know if it makes a difference...

[kodiak]

what was the email stuff all about?

[djones]

Hey Kodiak,

 

Its 5:00 am now...I guess sent your last post while i was typing my relpy to your pervious post.....up to date....she sent me a letter saying that she is getting stressed out with the new house, renovating, trying to get her law/mb school applications done, trying to find a new job, and maybe going to the uk for 6 months next year....she said she is worried if she will not get in or if she does how will she pay for it....(she is very smart she will get in)...I guess she just compounded all this togeterh and just got stressed out and e-mailed me....why did she not talk to the guy she was seeing I dont know...I guess b/c I am the "firend" now??....oh well she did ask me how I was doign as well....I gave her a little pep talk told her that sheis amazing and that she can do anything...I told her that I was doign good, wokring on my busniess plan and everything is fine.....

[tokyo]

I´m not going to read through this whole thread, but I just wanted to say, every time I see the title of this thread I want to say: Hell, it´s not meant to be and they are not coming back, because their sh*theads! (just a little bit frustrated... )

[kodiak]

drjones-

 

Well my brother why she called e-mailed you about that stuff I dont know. Sure maybe she did because you guys are friends now. However also im sure she feels very comfortable with you. If you too were close, thats a hard thing to replace with her new BF. Its good that she reaches out to you with that stuff. Dont look to deep into but its a positive sign. I know the friend stuff is hard to do but some belive that its the first step in getting back with her. However then she will never truly see what it is like without the guy she wants to confide in. As for responding back, sure i would have waited a little longer but its not my call. I know how eager we can get with this stuff. You jsut dont want her to feel as if you are at her beckon call. Your doing fine my brother. So what do you think about my phone situation with my ex?? I need some input

[djones]

Hey Kodiak,

 

Thanks for the advice, I will try to not reply so quickly....as for you and your phone situation with the ex....I know the s***y feeling you get, I usualy get it exactly 2 days after we talk, it seems like its a drug and when it is out fo my system I am on withdrawl....is she about due to call you ie (has 3 weeks been up yet?)....this is a tough question, if you ignore her will she call again....well right now the way she is behaving ie the text and card...maybe dont answer her call, if she leaves a message wait a couple of days before you answer it, just say you are on extra long shifts at work or what ever you are busy.....I dont know, kodiak its a gamble right now you risk her not talking to you again...but at this point what do you have to lose...you dont have her, like me as well....so if you let go maybe you can heal and move forward....I dont like this game crap of chasing the other person, ie dont call her, let her sweat a bit....I am not doing a good job at it....I think you do have the upper hand a bit right now....since she did not reply to your card you sent her...by you not answering her phone call now, she may think you are pissed at her (rightfully so) and she may try to make an effort to contact you more....just a thought.....MJ108 what you you think? Wantans4 what do you think? everybody else's two cents?

[WantanS4]

Kodiak,

 

So she calls you every three weeks... and talks for an hour??? What does that mean to me......... she's string you on. She's doing her own thing... but she has you on the sideline 'just in case'. If I were you.... I'd stop calling her back or picking up. You'll see... she'll start to call every week....... and before you know it... she might even show up at your door. It's a gamble... but it's also a way of finding out if she really does care for you or not.

 

 

drjones,

 

PAHHH!!!!!!! you emailed her..... man..... you had to hold out at least 3 days...... now... you just gave her reassurance that she has you in check. I don't know...... we'll have to wait for her reply.

 

 

As for me.... I'm dreaming about her again.... why?? I don't know.. I really didn't think about her yesterday...... maybe she's dreaming of me..... I don't know. All I know is that I'm really starting to like my new job... and that I'm getting in the best shape of my life.... and that I'm not average.......... not necessairly below or above... but peculiarly different. So... maybe she could go out and find someone better... but I doubt she'll find someone as dynamic as me.

 

 

mj108,

 

What do you look like?? Hhahaah.. no just kidding... yeah... you'll be okay... jsut don't drink yourself into a coma. Think of it this way... anything you do that extensively out of the ordinary is an affirmation that he has control over you..... we don't want that......

 

I know I went out a couple of times... got drunk off my ass...... but in the end of it all..... felt the same if not worse...... so.... i doesn't help.. it just makes it harder/worse. Best thing to do is be a goofball with your friends and family.... and after a while... the goofiness takes over and you forget about being sad. That's what I've been doing.. and it works like a champ.

 

 

dugs,

 

You lukcy bastard!

 

 

Well.... 'nough said!

[djones]

WantanS4,

 

Yeah I know I am stupid...she replied this morning she said thanks she was feeling overwhelmed...stupid me replied "just take it one day at a time".....she did not reply with anything else.....I guess I screwed up again......I should have said somethingmore? I told you guys I dont know how to play this f!cking game I have to cousult you guys more often.....do you all think I should send her another e-mail?...if so what to say?

[crazydawg]

just met my ex this morming we talked for about an hour. Anyway she asked me to walk her to class in a couple of hours. I was being funny, stupid, cocky, and alittle indifferent for example she touched me and i said can u stop touching m and she started touching me more. How should i act when i see her again, should i be the same or act different.