kodiak Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 drjones- congrats on 400. good thread my brother. you are right we kinda started it, no we have to finish it. I will post more tomooorw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 9, 2004 Author Share Posted October 9, 2004 Hey kodiak, yeah we have to finish this man...I was waiting to see you post #400....I will post tommorow too...I am going to try to get some sleep...take care Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 400 POSTS!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Cade Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 These are serious matters..so Get a life PAPILLON(leech)!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 9, 2004 Author Share Posted October 9, 2004 Hey guys, How are you all this morning?....I am a little tired, and I am feeling alone today...I dont know I guess its one of those days...I am so tempted to call or e-mail her...but I am not.....this phuking sucks @$$....take care guys Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 Ya, drjones, don't do it, she has to come back on her own terms and call. You know its simple, the dumpee always wants to keep trying but has to move on, while the dumper, they dumped us and they know they have to make the next move and call back, if they felt they made a mistake(whenver that is, a month, 6months or a year!!). But its like this for the dumper, "what comes around goes around", trust me, they will feel the wrath we went thru and then the "real" emotional state will start for the dumper. So, just keep strong, I am trying too and I know its hard, but I think its made it easier because, she is seeing someone else and all of my feelings went down the drain quickly and I know I have to move on and find somoene else and kinda turn the tables a bit. Fact: Dumpee-They usually come back better then ever and come out of it stronger and actually better things happen to them Dumper-Obviously, things won't go great for this person 1)There going to rebound guys now 2)There emotional state won't really happen untill they get dumped or realize things and 3)They start feeling like **** and obviously things won't get better for them cause the person they dumped is going to see much better things and or will be taken already. So, just look at it this way guys. I say, NC for us and lets do this together, make a pact and if they actually do call, let it go to voice mail and don't hear it till the end of the day. It will make them go crazy thinking, "why isn't he returning the damn call", let them be the chaser for once and let the tables turn. Starting today, were all going to NC and this is Day 1. Its like a game, they want to play games, thats ok, we will one up them and play the damn game, our game is going to be call "The NC contact" game. It involves us moving on, not calling them and pretending we don't give a hoots ass about them. So, its like this, if they start wondering after about 2 months(it will be that long boys) and they go, hmm..there not calling, if they really care they will call back, if not then whatever, but we have to think its OVER! Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 you dont think its over. It is over. Think reality. I've been a dumper i know what i talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Well---I went to the cook out tonight---It was weird. Him and I hang out with the same friends, but thank God he didn't show up. I guess I'm having a pity party here--I didn't have a good time. I wanted to ask about him but I know I shouldn't---& my friends are probably tired of hearing about it. So I kept my mouth shut. I'm a very stubborn person & won't even talk about it to my friends (since I know he's friends with them). So---I clam up & don't talk about it. I have a lot of friends concerned right now...cause I don't talk to them about it...but hey, I have you guys now---to hear me whine & complain about it. lol It's hard to trust now...I mean, if I go to my friends and ask..how is he? or I'm in pain...blah..blah...blah...it'll probably go back to him so I don't share anything with them. Do you all agree? Or am I being too stubborn? I mean, I even told my friends tonight that I wasn't in a mood to hang out & didn't want to spoil they're good time...because I was so down & out. I didn't want to rub off on them..& get them down & out, you know? I feel sorry for my friends having a negative---sad---*****ed-up friend right now. So---I left early, so the party could get started. Nick14---I think NC too---all of us. Let's make a bet (I'm sounding like WantanS4 now ha). Dugs won the last. All of us---NC---see who lasts. See who can be stubborn enough to not take their calls or call them back for 2 months. Let the tables turn...just like Nick14 says. "NC game" for all of us. The "NC BET." Wonder who's going to win? Hey---& remember I have 2 1/2 weeks here of NC. Crazydawg---U R back! Always like your input. Kodiak---Yeah---I've decided to let go---period. No since in going back. I agree with your mom---write her---send it---& be done with it. I think you should write down your feelings & send it---then walk away. I know it will be hard...but if she cares ANYTHING for you she will respond. PS---And yes---you know MJ108 knows about the buzz! Backspun---U R right--they will be back. I just hope when he comes back---I hope I have a decent man by my side. Papillon---I think it's funny you're hanging in with us with the posts. lol Sometimes it's hard to keep up with them. ha Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 you can never unring the bell!!! move on! Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Hurt---how are ya? I know...I need to move on. Hopefully I will!!! How have you been? Mooooooving on? Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 I TOSSED ALL HER NUMBERS, I ASKED NOT TO NEVER MENTION HER, I AM HURT AND IT IS HARD, SHE IS WITH ANOTHER, AND THAT IS GOOD FOR ME, REALLITY!! HOW AM I DOING?? VERY HURT, BUT THE HURT IS NOT THAT GUT FEEL. ITS MORE A BREAK FOR ME, DO I LOVE HER? I WOULD NOT TAKE HER BACK! NEVER! ANYONE WHO CAN THAT MUCH CONTROL OF MY LOVE AND THROW IT AWAY IS NOT A PERSON I WANT TO MAKE A PLAN WITH! YOU KNOW, WOULD YOU WANT THIS PERSON WHO WOULD INFLIT THIS MUCH PAIN OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO SOMEDAY MEET THE PERSON YOU RELLY NEED AND WANT? YOU KNOW, I WANT A PERSON WHO LOVES LIKE I DO! RIGHT OR WRONG, I NEED WHAT I NEED AND THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THER WHI CAN BRINGH YOU THIS SO HANG IN THERE THEY ARE ARE THERE! Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Hurt---Sorry your hurt but we can move on! Why do the exes run to another person? Who knows? But I will say---when they do come back I hope that all of us are prepared. There is someone out there for you! Never give up hope! I think there is someone out there for everyone here on this forum. We have been hiding under a shell because we want our exes. It's about time we get out of it & start looking to see who is looking at us. We need to start moving forward than backwards. It's a hard thing to do....I'm trying so hard to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 I as well having a horrible night. I just listened to the song that we used to dance to and hold each other tight I hate him for not wanting to work it out and leave me to go and hang out with a fat chick. They are probably going to spens thanksgiving together to. I hate him because things will never be the same. I feel that I do nothing I work two jobs in school full time and work hockey bingo's. Don't they realize that they are not the prize here WE ARE! they cheat they lie and then I end up looking like the desperate one leaving messages writing letters all to have my feelings discarded. Then you have your friends that are sick of hearing about it so I feel more alone than ever. Then once you tell everyone about all the bad things he has done they turn around and say " like so whats the problem" I am sitting here bawling my eyes out and for what no one cares that my feelings were hurt I am just another statistic that had their heart broken right it happens to everyone. I want to hurt him like he hurt me and tell him that he cheats, lives at home with his mother, doesn't own a thing and hangs around with losers. I want him to know that I want to hate him not love him. I hate tonight and I hate when people say your a pretty girl you'll find someone else I don't want anyone else I want him to look at me the way he used to. I want his friendship I want to make love to him. I want the hurt to go away I want to feel strong and know that I am worth more than what he gave. I miss him so much and to think that he gave away three years to hang out with a bunch of fat chicks. I hate the taste he left in my mouth I was never this kind of person to not trust but he just put me through the trash to deal with everything on my own and if I ever breakdown and call I will have nothing to say it can never be the same and that is what is so sad. this way if we allow them to call it is on their own terms and we can stay on the other line and not say a word and then say oh I see you want me to stay on the phone long enough so that you can get some apologies in so you can sleep at night. Sorry got a go may be they can apologize in person one day when you look fine and then try and spit out the words. I am so uspet tonight i don't know why i was doing so well. Good god I need to get it together! HElp me Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 Hey Guys, Atlous and MJ108----you have friends here where you can complain and feel sad anytime you want, we will not get anoyed by hearing it...I was in the same boat as you two, my best friends were getting tired of hearing me complain and feel sad about my breakup...I find that here on this forum I can say how I am feeling anytime and there is always someone here to listen..whe she broke up with me the 1st month my friends where there then after that no on in site...since then I have been comming here and people like Kodiak and WantanS4 where here it listen to me and help...So you gals are not alone...I know its hard and you feel alone and you feel noone wants you...believe me, I know how that feels I feel it most of the time...I dont know why good people like us have to go through this, I dont know whats Gods plan for us...I get pissed at him b/c I dont know why he is doing this,,,but what can we do other than move on....I am sorry these guys hurt you two......you girls sound like you a lot to give in a relationship and these two clowns failed to see how good you two are..... As for me I am feeling a little low....last night I had dreams of my ex and I talking and me looking for her...when I was looking for her I can feel the emptyness and concern in my heart that I need to make sure she was ok and I just needed to see her...it was so intense that I woke up with that feelin in my heart and I jsut got real sad, that I have lost her, to someone else and I cant do anything about it.....I just have to see what time does...well take care guys Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Thanx drjones I am glad you were there to replyh and to validate that I am not losing it. I feel better this morning. I was thinking that my last relationshp never ended in me wondering and thinking at night and crying. I was happy to be out of that relationship. Is it because I was the dumper or because I was never really in love like I was with my second date? Great something new to ponder about. I hate when I get into this downward spiral of thinking and feeling. Thats exactly what I need to do is stop making spontaneous decisions based on feelings. I need to use my head more! no wonder I am wreck if I live my life based on feelings. You and I dr jones and everyone else must never forget what we are worth. WE ultimately inform people on how to treat us so if it hurt you alot then never back down and give it time. If we allow them to see how much we love them they will not take us seriously. How is that for games. Stand your ground and they will never hurt you again. CAuse they know you will be gone Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 ugh..man just got back from LA for the night with a friend and her b/f. I tried so hard to not think of my ex. Went to the bowling alley last night and had some drinks and I swear, I had a long island, a gin and tonic and 2 coronas and did not get buzzed at all, all I can think about is my ex so much. My Friend and her b/f were pretty bummed out about that. They wish they can do something, all they said was "just say ***** off to her and to hell with her" man I wish I can say that, I just don't have the balls to actually go ahead and do that. I can't say goodbye on the phone, I rather move on and walk away and just have a goodbye paper taped to my back for everyone to see. So, frustrating and so mentally tiring, I just don't know. My friends mom, she said that, yep shes wants to experience, what she never experience while she was with you and that is to "try to fit in with the in-crowd". Remember, she's a great person but a different personality then others who just want to party and whatever. I can tell, instead of people who want to be friends and like her for who she is, instead it looks like she is going to force her way to try to "fit in with the wrong crowd". Not to mention, she is already seeing another guy and its only been a month breakup for us. Yep my friends mom said that "Its too soon for her to see another guy and that 100% rebound is going to happen for sure,she will realize things later and know that what she is doing is not right and that she going to feel like a even bigger loser and she will eventually come back and beg for forgivness". I really love to believe that, I just dunno, I am feeling different now cause she walked out and threw away 2 and half years for her own selfishness and to see whats its like on the other side of the fence, well its not always greener. I am going to a BBQ later today, see if I'll have fun and maybe chat with some women, ehh..sighs...How much more can I take!! Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Nick14---Like I said---she's going to get her partying done & then come back to you. She's with that other guy but once she is bored with him & sees that the partying is not boosting her self-esteem---she'll be back. Get ready for it. It is a rebound---I'm sure of it. I hope you do have fun at the BBQ today. Tell us how it goes. Atlous---I know exactly how you feel! My friends always tell me..."You're so pretty & could get anyone---look at you." They just don't know how much the guy broke my heart----turned me inside & out. Right now I just feel numb---no feeling. I mean, I still haven't shed the tears yet. I know one day the tears will flow....I need to shed them but for some reason right now I can't. Maybe I'm all cried out because of the hurt he's done to me. Yeah--holidays! God---I don't want to think about them. He'll be spending his holidays with her & a month ago I was so happy because we would be spending them together. I agree with drjones---we all here have eachother...so hell...maybe we'll have a thanksgiving forum on thanksgiving. I went to a cook-out yesterday & my friends were very silent towards me. Just weird. Generally when we hang out it were all coupled up. So I was the 5th wheel yesterday & it felt so weird not to have him by my side. I'm sure it's weird for them too. I didn't talk about him at all. That was so hard to do because I wanted to say "Is he happy with her? Did he ask about me?" etc. I held back & left the party earlier than planned. I had to get out of there because so many memories there with him....just like my house...so many memories of him & I. It's tearing me up but I won't cry (I guess---that's the stubborn side of me ). Your ex lives at home with mom, doesn't own a thing, & hangs around losers? You deserve better girl. Just try to remember that---you can find a hard working good man that will sweep you off your feet & one day you will. I know you have your ex on your mind 24/7 (like I do), but we will find happiness again. Two good girls like us---deserve it! drjones----thanks so much for your input. It helps a great deal. You've lifted me up & I wanted to let you know that. I know I deserve better & one day I will find happiness again. You will too---don't give up hope. Yeah, it is going to take time for all of us to heal, but we are SURVIVORS & we will get through all this pain & hurt in time. I know what you mean about wondering what God has planned for us. God will answer in his time. We just have to learn to be patient & that's hard for me. The dreams keep waking you up too, huh? I had one of him lastnight as well. Him and I were with the kids at the lake. One of my friends did mention something about his kid yesterday & I guess he was on my mind as well. Not to spend the holidays with them...God it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 Hey Mj, I know what you mean about going out with your firends and being the 5th wheel, if you look in the Oxford dictionary under "5th wheel" you will see a nice picture of me.....I have been the 5th wheel amoung my friends and I just feel more depressed when I am around them b/c I see them very happy, I too leave early b/c of this...its not thier fault I just the way it is....Yeah dreams of me and her wake me up...I think me and Kodiak are usualy up around the same time...its become a daily thing for me.....yeah the holidays I wish I could be with her for those..it would be nice.....Yeah I dont know what God has in store, and he does answer on his own time...I just kind of think its a little seflish on his part to answer on his "own" time...I guess just a little agiated...what else is new .....being patient you an me both I am very impatient...well take care guys hey Mj did your other friend call you? Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 drjones---my other friend didn't call. check your PM. Anyway, you guys...I'm hanging in there. I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks/4 days. Wooohooo! I'm trying to be my stubborn self & not call him. Why would I call someone that just doesn't give a crap about me? I mean, should I waste my time...my breathe? Him & I didn't even finish our conversation...& I really thought he would call me by now. Maybe he freaked because he never heard this good girl tell him that she was going to move on. I don't know...but he hasn't called & now I'm thinking---did I say something wrong? Should I apologize for telling him have a nice life with her? Then I think---Heck no because he's the one that left me for the psycho & he's the one that called things off. I'm trying to be strong and atleast have NC for 2 months...just to see how I feel then, you know? Who knows..I may find someone else. Maybe I should give one of these guys that are calling me a chance but I want to make sure I'm over him, you know? I don't want to use anyone like he did me. Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 hey everybody- ive been at work all day but i will post tonight. mj i have alot to comment on your last post.....kodiak Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Ehh..the bbq went ok but no chance of mingling and I didn' thave the feel for it. I dunno you get buzzed feel good and then as the night winds down, you start thinking about your ex and go "wtf did she have to do this to me for". I dunno MJ, your probably right she probably will come back but question is, when? I am just really frustrated and I finally realized thats its going to take me alittle bit longer then expected to try to meet someone and hang out with them, I am thinking maybe a few more months (3-4 months), I dunnoI am still hurting and I can't even get a convo going and its been a month and 2 weeks since the breakup and ever since thursday night with the drunk text message, I am now on day 4 of NC, so its like I had to start all over again. I dunno, I keep rubbing my head and thinking, why did I have to go thru this? Why did 2 and half years seem like a waste now with no communication and she doesn't care about me? Is the reason why she does not care about me due to me bugging her the first couple of weeks after the break up? I dunno, but I am started to think it is. I don't think I never said "I dunno" alot ever. I am really starting to question myself if I was that bad of a b/f or not good enough. I know, its bad to say that, but wtf did I have to get burned. Sometimes I wish it was June and we were still together, I wish that everyday. I think of Cyndi Laupers 80's song, "time after time", Its like I hope she comes back, but I want her to come back for the right reasons, not for selfish reasons, only time will tell, and I really hate the word "time" now, its like a damn evil bad word, or punishment. Sighs.......its 9pm and I am lonely. when will this nightmare end. Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Hey Everybody Hows everybody doing. I was at work all day yesterday so I wasnt really able to post but I got a chance to read most of everyones post. I wish soon someone can get so good news. A nice call from there ex, a second chance, anything. We need something here, huh? For me its been a pretty tough couple day because I have been trying to let go. I guess I have come to the conclusion that my ex isnt coming back and boy does it hurt. I hate to be the one to say this because I have been trying my best to be supportive to all of you on this thread. However i feel that even after four months of trying to recovery I have hit the bottom. i am so sad and I still cry everyday that Im not at work. Call me a sissy, but I guess i am. I cant stand to feel like this anymore. I beggining to thnk that all of this has given me some depression. I dont know though. I mean why cant I begin to get over her. What if she si my soulmate and obviosly im not hers therefore I cant get over her, ever? Im tired of waking up every morning an dmissing her. Thinking about her. Wondering what shes doing. Like that Garth Brooks song, "whats shes doing now",lol... I just need a break from it all. Im making myself so anxious at times that I feel sick to my stomach. I mean that stuff is normal in the first month or so, but 4 months, c'mon. So i decided I might try to get back to see that therapist i was seeing way back at the begginig of this all. I dont know. I have to run out to my parents house because Im staying the night there tonight. I will be back in a hour or so. I still have more to post and reply to your guys all post...See ya soon.....Kodiak Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 Hey Guys, Its 2:28 am in the phuking morning here, yeah as per I am up....I had dreams about her.....nothing I can do about it...just keep going.. Mj108--you did not say anything wrong you said the right things dont worry, you just keep on going as for the other guys, when you are ready call them up...you are so right not wanting to hurt someone else, I think we all are thinking the same here.... Nick14---its good that you went to the BBQ....I cant answer why after 2 yrs its would end up like that, i have read people with 7 yrs and ended up in the same situation as you....I dont know why poeple would stop talking...i guess for closure for them...it suck either way...Yeah Nick TIME *****ing sucks it is like paying for a crime...I hate the word too... Kodiak----did you send that letter?...Just send it buddy you need to do this....We do need some good news here...***** Guys we need some thing good happen to us all...I wish there is something we can do....ie group prayer, magic spell, phuking something!!.....Kodiak try the therapist again it may help...i think we all could use one now too...I know I am in clincal depression, being a doc, I know the symptoms and I have a good chunk of them......you have to send that letter man, it will help you... well take care guys I will post in the morn, actually I am volunteering to hand out food to the less ofrtunate people here...in Canada we are having our Thanksgiving on monday....so I will check up with you all after lunch or so.... Guys I just wish we get some good news soon...i think we need it more than ever now....take care Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Hey Everybody- Drjones- No my brother I havnt sent the letter yet. You see i really need to think about what i wanna say, you know? I have about a week of work so I will get it done this week, I promise. You said that you have clinical depression, I was curious what are the symptoms and did you take any meds for it. My therapist said that I did not have depression but that I do have insomnia. She asked me all these questions and so forth. I can fuction perfectly fine but its just some of these lonely nights when the tears come. I feel very good right now because I had a long talk with my uncles girlfriend. She came her advice on how I should approach things and what she feels are her(my ex) reasons are for things. I will get into that later im too tired tonight. Anyways Hopefully tomoorow will be a better day. Mj108- Hey my drinking partner,lol..How are you doing? I wanted to comment on a few things you said in yoru post. First off congrats on the no contact. Keep being strong and you will do fine. I know that its hard but I set it as a goal for me the no contact, you know? You should do the same. Reward yourself. Like after you do a whole week go by yourself, clothes, make-up,shoes,etccc. I know gilrs can always find themsleves something to buy. Thats what I do, you should try it. Also dont think that your ex doesnt give a crap about you. I mean how long were you too togther? It doesnt go away just because they meet someone new. I know personally from the past. I know its probably harder for you because you say your ex is with someone new. My ex might be dating, I dont know. If she is, i try to tell myself that he is no where close of a man than I am. That he wont be able to treat her like i did. This helps me, try it. Anyways things will get better they got too. Hope I helped a little bit Dont feel tha you have to rush into anythng with someone new, you dont have too. I have like five girls clling me but I am honest with them. Im not ready, not even close!!!!! You will only end up hurting them. Nick14- Hey buddy!! I know how it feels to go to social events and see couples and get lonely. It sucks!!!! Liek i told mj dont feel that you have to find someone new. You dont have too. By doing this you are only trying to fill a void and it wont work. It will happen when yo least expect it. Tiem does suck but thats also the only positive thing we have because without time passing we wont ever be able to get over our exes. You know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 HEy Kodiak, My depression stems from years not only just from this relationship, I have had not many good times in my life and I just tried the best that I could witht he circustances that came about and it just was not going in my favor....I was taking some meds it worked and got off them about year ago...well before I met her and now I guess I am depressed now, but not to the point where I want to go on meds....I told myself even though how bad I feel I am not going on them...So its a struggle but I am tring....Yeah I think your therapist is right, you get over this without meds, you dont want to be on this crap....I think the insomia and the crying will stop, you just need to heallike us all.....I think the letter is going to help you a lot , me telling her how i feel helped me a lot Link to post Share on other sites
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