If its meant to be they will come back to you.

[Papillon]

And I get to post #500!!!

 

 

 

 

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

[Nick14]

Gosh, I dunno what to do anymore. Sometimes, I feel like I can't even concentrate at work cause I break down out of no where just thinking about my current ex. its one hell of a sucky ass feeling and I hate it. I wish every day she would come back and knock on my door and say I am sorry for hurting and I am sorry for leaving you. I had a friend and his g/f go out for 1.5 years. She left him cause he was always busy with working on his cars. 3 months later and he thought it was totally over, one night he recieves a knock on his door and lo and behold it was her, at the door crying and saying i am sorry and that could we start over again. So, ever since then they have been together. i wish that could happen to me, I dunno, maybe you really have to forget about your ex to have that really happen to you. Sighs....That song from Cyndi Lauper "time after time" really has alot to do with me.

[djones]

Nick14,,

 

I have dreams like that and daydreams like that as well that she will come back and say i want you back....i dont know if fantasy will go become a reality....I feel like i am losing that peter pan ideal that things will happen....yeah *****ing time will tell.....it sucks, all you can do is try to heal and be strong....I wish that would happen to me as well,, just a little knock on the door from her.....

[Papillon]

Don't get it.

 

The thread just reached 500 and you guys are talking deep stuff about music and emoitions and stuff? Talk about messed up priorities

 

 

 

 

[djones]

Papillon,

 

hehe yeah I know congrads guys we made #500....I will be happy when we all leave this *****ing site on a very happy note like Dugs!!!!! I am glad to reach 500 with you guys....you guys have helped me...

[Nick14]

um..pap, you posted #501,hahaha.

 

Drjones-I dunno man, its like another thing I just thought of tonight while in the shower. After I turned my **** around and started doing what I was suppose to be doing, like I did the first year and a half. A week later she got sick with inflamed tonsils and I took care of her ass for a week, sent her flowers, took a few hours out of my work day to go to the doctors with her, so she can feel comfortable. God I feel really stupid, just frustrates me some more *takes anothe shot of rum for good measures, i said ***** it and took a double*

[djones]

Nick14,

 

I dont know....some people get scared when something is good...its like they dont feel like they dont deserve happiness, I am guilty of that my self sometimes....Its hard to figure out what the other person is thinking, if it was breakups will not happen...it sucks no matter how you look at it....dont feel stupid you did what you did b/c you love her...would you have done anything different if you guys were together rgiht now?....

[Papillon]

Originally posted by Nick14

um..pap, you posted #501,hahaha.

 

Mine was reply #500 (#1 is the thread title). It showed 500 in the forum listing.

 

So there

[Cade]

Once again Papillon, get a life. You did post at 501, check the link on the top right..

[bigacesteve]

Christ it's taken me 5 days to read all your posts. Hope my boss is still happily married and not reading this.

 

I've just read what I've written below and it's a lot but it's good stuff.

 

I'm going through the same troubles as you all right now. I went through the exact same thing about 4 years ago and believe me you place your ex so high above every other woman it's no wonder you can't move on.

 

I am 28 years old and I was seeing a lovely 23 year old for just under a year. We did everything together and were like a team in everything we did. We split about a week before our 1 year anniversary. She said she'd had enough and that she just wants time and space and to be single again. She was a bottler and everytime there was a problem she would hold it inside instead of talking about it; why do they make it so much hard work? Don't try to work out women because we fail everytime. You think you're close and BOOM go back to start.

 

Stepping back to before the split. I live with 2 good friends in a massive bungalow about 5 miles from my ex's house. During the time we were seeing each other she was living with her father, mad sister, loud niece and strange silent brother. Lets just say that the house was always a mess and her sister would be screaming down the phone to her b/f nearly everyday, night; her niece would hear all this and copy. My ex is a student nurse with only about a year of her course left. We spent a lot of time together and I stress that it was not just so she could get away from her dads. One night her sister attacked her and they had a big fight. I train in many Martial Arts and I had taught my ex a few moves as well as Martial Arts. Basically my ex kicked her sisters arse but the damage was done and she now wanted to move out for good. I live in a massive house with my friends and it hardly costs me anything, we have a barn, stables, gym, 42" Plasma and massive fishing pool. My ex never thought that I'd move out so she asked her 'mate' (I'll come back to this) if they could both rent somewhere. She really wanted this because it meant I could stay at her place more often; I didn't stay at her dads house much because she was embarrassed of it. I didn't care as long as I was with her. One night she asked me if I would rent a house with her instead of with her friend, it was completely out of the blue and I said I'd have to think about it because it would cost me a lot more money. I was thinking yes but I don't like to just jump into things without a little thought. Next day my ex got up early (5am) to go work and I found out later that her friend had been ringing her asking her to go look at houses. Her friend is a girl who as long as you do what she wants she's your friend otherwise you get the guilt trips, verbal and NC. I had thought about it all and I decided quite quickly yes I would give all this up to be with her. She came around in the afternoon all excited that they'd found somewhere, she looked happy so I didn't say anything. I thought at least we'll both have our personal space; it'll work well this will. She works or studies everyday of the week and now she was working weekend mornings into the afternoon. She needed to do this to afford the first payment in a months time.

This is when it got stressful between us because she was always tired. She would come around and just fall asleep. In the end I told her to have a few nights in and catch up on her sleep. She was always trying to please me. One night she was really upset saying she felt that she never saw her friends, she felt a mess (looks). She is a really beautiful woman and I used to tell her that a lot, she just looked tired so I comforted her. I told her that she really needed early nights to catch up on her sleep. We both decided that the next night she would have a night in, do her coursework (she'd left till last minute) and have an early night. Next night I went to see a friend off because he was going Australia. I got a text from my ex saying 'I'm going out with Jemma for a drink'. I couldn't believe it, all the nights she'd been tired with me but now she was fine with her friend. I rang her and we argued for a bit and then she said she needed to be single.

 

I would just like to say that I never stopped her from seeing her friends, I never stopped her from doing anything that she wanted to do.

 

All this happened before she moved out of her dads.

 

I am now quite gutted that she has finally moved in with this manipulative friend. Her friend goes out with a dodgy lad who she knows sees a local strippers. She still loves him though and they see each other twice a week if she's 'lucky'.

I know what is happening here because whilst I had been seeing my ex, her friend had told her numerous times how much better it was when my ex was single because they could go out all the time.

 

I have spoke to my ex and she says that with everything that has been happening with work, family and moving out she needs some space because she doesn't feel that she can make me happy with all that is going on in her life. I agree with what she is saying because I have seen just how much she is doing at the moment and I don't think even I could handle all that.

 

I asked her what I should do now and she couldn't think of an answer and still hasn't given me one apart from give me some time and space. She says her feelings for me have changed but she still loves me and even said when she'd sorted herself out there would more than likely be a chance for us.

 

I told her how I felt about her but it pushes her further away. How long do I wait? Should I wait? I felt in a no win situation.

She wouldn't answer my texts or phone calls and she said she wanted to stay as friends. I have not been invited to her new house and I have no idea where it is.

 

Another worry for her is a computer she needs to pay off in January, she doesn't want it anymore. A friend rang me yesterday asking if I could get them a computer cheap. I told them about my ex's computer and they're interested. I left an answerphone message telling her that I had someone interested, I did not say anything else. I still had no reply by 9 that night, I sent the message about 10 in the morning. I decided I needed answers from someone who knows her. I've had all kinds of advice from my friends and family but they don't know the full picture. I went to her mums last night. They welcomed me in immediately, I was still wearing my kickboxing bottoms. I've been keeping myself busy since the split and exercise is the best thing for it. I stayed for a good hour with her mum and her partner and we talked about everything. I asked if she'd met someone else and her mother straightaway frowned and said 'no no no Steve, she doesn't want anyone at the moment, she just wants time by herself'. She said that my ex had told them her troubles and I was not one of them. Basically the things my ex told me about not being able to make me happy at the moment because of the stress she's under. I told her mother about her friend Jemma and she totally agreed with me. She told me that they argue all the time and this living together thing won't work. She said that I should give her space because she will come to her senses and realise she needs you. I told her about the computer and that I didn't want anything for helping her. I just wanted to help her because I knew it was really stressing her a lot.

Her mum said that my ex would probably ring soon, I just said I hope so. I also told her to tell my ex to ring me in the future whenever she wants even just to talk.

 

I thanked them for their time and I finally felt that little bit better. The hole is still there but at least I know it was not my fault. I erased her number and everything else linked with her from my phone.

 

I will give her space and time and I live in hope she rings or even visits me one day soon.

 

BUT I am an intelligent lad and I have been through this pain before. I'm a kind, caring, successful man but I'm not a chump or a pushover. I learnt from my experience before that the horrid pain you feel now will make you feel more alive and stronger later! It's a lesson of life, we all go through it, it's just how many times you let it happen till you learn. You feel totally gutted inside at the moment, you feel like you're rotting away, you feel like giving up on everything you do...ahhhhh poor us, no one loves us anymore. ENOUGH don't pity yourself, look at what a great person you are and remember how you were everytime you met a new g/f or just got a snog. We were happy and confident with ourself. We had pride in ourselves and we were prepared to fight for that pride. Look at yourself now, where is the pride and self-respect? The ex has it in a little box that she opens every so often for her own ego boost. Everytime you speak to her when she rings does she go out with another man? Funny that. TAKE IT BACK! You take it back they come running. My ex ex was the most stubborn woman I ever met, would have nothing to do with me after we split, she'd date boys, shag boys. I took back my pride and moved on and then she couldn't keep away from me. I didn't want her back though, I'd seen the new woman and it wasn't nice no more. I walked tall (I'm 6ft 7) and proud of myself and there she was the ex I've got now. She asked me out there and then and I never thought I'd get someone as beautiful as her. I never thought I'd get someone as beautiful as the ex ex either. Take back your pride and wear it, you just might find a better person out there.

 

I'll wait but I won't beat myself up and hurt myself when there is nothing I can do. You all need to realise that you can't figure them out and you will drive yourselves mad trying. Do things now for yourself, think to yourself 'I am doing this for me', make yourself better, everytime you feel down just remember she's got your pride in a box and you want it back NOW! Like you DrJones I win at everything and I try and try again. This is one fight you need to stop fighting, this is the only time in your life that by doing nothing you will win, it is bizar isn't it.

 

I hope I have helped in some small way. You have all helped me greatly and I would like to join the team.

 

Steve from England

[djones]

Bigacesteve,

 

Welcome to the group, it took me a long time to read your post but it was very much worth it you have gave me a lot to think about.... wantans4 has told me and you now that doing nothing is what I have to do now....let it be....I have tried and and tired to figure out her and I just dont know what to do....but the answer is in my face now, I know that she has a lot on her plate and she has someone now...I have to just leave it alone and work on me.....I have been doing that and I can see that yes no matter what i say or do to her it wil not change anything, she has to want it....so I am done, I wait to see what happens if she calls or whatever but in the mean time I have to move on other wise I will go crazy.....It is so hard for me to just do nothing but thats al I can do now...we will see what happens...you are right not let your self fall apart, which I was doing....i need to get me back....thanks again for your post and welcome to the group

[djones]

Bigacesteve,

 

I dotn know if I missed it from your long post....do you have a GF now? have you just moved on? how long did it take you to start seeing other women...most of us here right now at the stage is that we have no interest in dating.....how did you deal with the thoughts that your ex is seeing someone else....if you can let us know that would be great

[bigacesteve]

When you're with someone you will do anything for them. You start to forget about yourself and everything you do is for the 'us'. When they leave you, you are left with a big lonely hole. The hole is a part of you that wants to help and do things for them (the ex). That's why you immediately start looking for a replacement and you know they wouldn't be right to fill the hole. I found this out slowly years ago, it took a long time to figure out. The hole needs to be filled with yourself. You don't do things anymore for her you do things now for yourself. Time to put yourself first.

 

I went kickboxing last night. I am a 3rd Dan Black Belt and a 1st Dan in Taekwondo; I have trained for 14 years and I am a very good fighter. I really enjoyed it at first and then I thought of her and I let my heart take over. I thought to myself 'who are you doing this for? She isn't here to see or hear about what you accomplished tonight'. I just wanted to take off my gloves and go home, I felt gutted. Then I dug deep and my pride kicked in, I thought to myself 'I am doing this for me, this is for me not anyone else' and I went and kicked arse!! I realised last night that I am great and I should shine again and I will SHINE and so will all of you. You've just got to push yourself NOW.

 

Do everything you do to the best you can and do it and do it for yourself. You will find strength within you that you did not know you had and the pain will slowly go because you will become happy.

 

We will all look back on this time in the future and laugh our ass's off, trust me.

[bigacesteve]

Dr Jones.

 

I just split with my girlfriend, so no g/f at the moment and the first message I sent to you all is what is happening right now. I was dumped and yes I really would like to get back with her. BUT I understand that it is probably not possible, especially at the moment.

 

What I also said was that this has happened to me before about 3 or 4 years ago with my ex ex and it was a painful lesson, the most painful lesson of my life.

 

Here is a short description of what happened.

 

When my ex ex split with me I was destroyed. I had done so much for her and then she didn't want to know me. She wouldn't speak to me or see me; I was an emotional mess. Then she'd finally phone me, we would talk again, meet up a few times and then break up again, over and over. A horrid loop, which I allowed to happen. This went on for over 2 years. Imagine the hurt inside you now and allowing it to go on for over 2 years......

This is what I'm trying to get across to you all. If you don't look after yourself and learn to love yourself again you will continue to be miserable and it will go on and on and on.

My ex ex used to talk to me like I was a piece of s*** after the split and I let her because I had no pride in myself, she had it basically. In the time we were apart I never got on with my life and I didn't do things for myself. I just waited for her, waited for the time she'd come back, thinking what I'd say to her to make her like me again. And when she did come back she was vile and I put up with it many a time. My self respect was gone and it was a big turnoff for her, she told me this. If I'd used the time apart to do what I wanted and rebuilt my battered self I would have been happy, seen the big picture and told her to go ***** herself. I missed out on all kinds of opportunities that were standing there right in my face. I thought my ex ex was the 'one'. God I laugh my ass off now when I think of what I put myself through. I swore never again.

 

I learned from this horrendous time to start doing things for me and to let them go do their own thing. They will be back if they want you, the question is when you're happy again will you want them?

 

When I finally became happy with myself again and I forgot about the ex ex. This was when I met the now ex. I can remember thinking how happy I was that night, I was finally happy with me, I stood proud. That was when I caught her eye and my now ex asked me out!

 

I love my ex to bits and I really want her back but I will not go through what I went through before. I will leave her alone to sort herself out and in that time I will become happy again with myself and I will enjoy life. If she comes back to me and is sincere with it then great, we can try again. If she comes back with a big attitude and wants to take my confidence away she's back out the door because I will have the strength to do it.

 

We're only here once and for a short time, make the most of it. Long time dead.

 

Good luck to you all, be good to yourselves and live your life to the full.

 

Steve

[djones]

Steve,

 

Thanks for clearing that up....i am glad you posted your story, it helped me to get a perspective on things....I have rebuild myself and work on me....I could see my self in your shoes doing this for 2 years you are right we have to stop now or we will be in worse shape....thanks....the hardest thing is to let go and see what will happen....

[bigacesteve]

We will all get through this.

 

I think our problem is we're quite intelligent and we think we can solve everything.

 

We always think to ourselves 'it shouldn't be this hard', but we're the ones making it hard for ourselves. We put up all the borders and make all these rules that we won't open our eyes to other people out there.

 

As my friend Paul says 'he who hesitates... masterbates'.

 

He also has a great way of measuring relationships - he calls it the scales thingy.

 

1) Take all the good from your relationship and put it into one hand

2) Now take all the bad things and put them in the other hand

3) Take away the sex from the good hand

 

If the bad hand is higher than the good forget it.

[bigacesteve]

Just read my first post again. I can see why the confussion.

 

I mention my ex ex firstly, the 4 years ago thing. Then I wrote about me being 28 and I was seeing a 23 year old; that is the here and now with my ex.

 

Sorry about that all, read it again you'll understand...I think

[mj108]

drjones---Thanks for the song. I love that song! My ex drove by my house a little while ago...now I'm freaking. I don't want him knocking on my door!! I'm so angry at him right now. I don't want to see his face because I know I'm going to BREAK. My friends told me that he hasn't been coming over their house. Do you think he's trying to avoid me cause he knows he messed things up? I need your input.

 

Nick14---Howdy! I wish I lived near you too. We could make your ex jealous & then she would come running back to ya. lol You know when you do find someone else---she probably will come back. It seems like when you're happy with your life & things are going good---they come back to you. My ex just drove past my house & I'm freaking! NC for 22 days for me! I'm trying to stay strong! I can't even concentrate on work now! You took care of her when she was sick? That's so sweet! Hell, I bailed my ex out of jail...I'm such a stupid A**!

 

Steve---Welcome! I read your post & it really has helped me. You're right...we all have to focus on ourselves. I've been exercising & getting out a lot more now---but lastnight I took the night off to have a drunk fest with my pals here. Ha! I'm at the anger stage......I hope he doesn't knock on my door!! We all deserve so much better than these losers. I guess, we all need to heal our heart...it seems like when I do heal from a relationship, they come back, you know?

 

Got to get back to work. I'll post later. Everyone take care & be strong!

[Nick14]

Man, my day really sucks ass. I wake up this morning, look on my personal blog webpage(the past few days, I just been posting how much I miss my ex and how I am angry at her and etc..), her friend, who I am friends with, more or less spilled her guts and told me and i qoute

 

"Ok, I understand you're heart broken but STOP BAGGING ON MY FRIEND! It has been 2 months you should be at higher functioning by now. Get over it! You're 23 years old, it's not the end of the world because she broke up with you. MOVE ON! and for heaven sakes STOP HARRASSING HER!!! Leave her alone, delete her phone number off your phone, get rid of her email address, forget where she lives and work. Don't force her to take further precausionary measures against you! You're only making things worse for yourself and by now I'm sure there is NO possible way you will get her back. I'm sure you've scared her by now and probably resenting you more than ever! Soooo you screwed up in the relationship.... learn from it....and move on! You say you're a changed man.... well prove it!"

 

Ok, let me get some things straight, because i am pretty pissed off right now. First of all, I am not bagging her, there are some days where I get very angry and start talking crap about she is dumb for doing this and etc.. and then I get depressed and take it all back and say how much I miss her. Second, i am not harressing her, I mean geez, I am sorry if i am being so nice to her and trying to give my hand out to her to be at least a part in her life. I have left her alone for a week, took off her number and etc, hell already sent her a goodbye letter for now email to her on Monday. I am also not trying to scare her and I don't want her resenting me either. Ya I changed, while i was in the relationship and turn things around in there relationship. But now i am different, sad, depressed and just not happy anymore. Why can't anyone understand that, i am not trying to be a stalker or etc..I am being nice and my ex should be lucky, that i don't brush her off after she did dump me. I am just frustrated, i sent her friend 3 emails, the first one was alittle depressing, the 2nd one was kinda a angry one and then the 3rd one was "hey just ignore the other 2 emails and basically I need to start listening and maybe come down to some sort of compromise". Basically guys, I had 2 ex's in the past, I never went nuts about them, I just didn't care. This one is different, I am going absoulety crazy and its frustrating me.

[djones]

Hey MJ108,

 

Does your ex live near by you? what I mean does he need to get to his place by going past your place?....I am assumeing that he does not...I am thinking that he is tring to check up on you....for whatever reason, i dont think he is tring to avoid you, but rather say "bump into you" to to perhaps talk, he knows that he messed up and he is in a stuation where he is unhappy I am sure with this other chick an he does not know what to do....Be angry and dont BREAK, b/c right now he has not resolved his problems and he is trying to have the best of both worlds so to speak....just keep on going and keep that anger in you....I know its hard but like Steve said today you have to focus on you.....

 

As for me today, I am trining to focus on me....I still think about her and I am still doing the NC as we talked about before I said my well wishes to her for her trip so she said thanks....so now its up to her if she will contact me while she is away....I dont know what will happen but I have done all that I could and I am just tring to keep busy....its hard sometimes I think about her...but I am doing better...I just feel empty you know....I have to replace that void in my life with me again....

 

Well guys whats going on with the rest of you all ie Wantans4 and Kodiak...et al....I know we did not have a big hoopla for breaking 500 last night...I think we all are feeling that we need to have something better than that ie happiness, anyone got any good news today?.....anything at all would be nice, even if you won 10 bucks from the lotto would do!!.....

[Nick14]

No basically I had a crummy day, read my post above. ugh, I am starting to get the feel, me being nice the past month was a waste of time.

[djones]

Hey Nick14,

 

You dont have to anything if thats the way you feel that your problem, dont worry what her firend says you will heal at your own rate....I would if I were you just dont bother e-mailing her firends or whatever....if you need to rant just it here,, we all understand and went through the same thing.....if she was your friend as well she would understand what you are going though its not easy going through this s*** some poeple out there can do real fest well I dont and neither does the rest of the guys here...maybe b/c we have a bigger heart and it takes longer to heal.....as Wantans4 would say "***** IT".....just hang in there buddy....you know what you should go out with your buddies this weekend and hit the clubs....Boy I wish I was 23 again....I had some good times at the bars when my buddies where single!........take care

[Nick14]

I really don't feel like going downtown this weekend, in fear of bumping into my ex, sigh...this is just crummy as hell.

[WantanS4]

Nick 14,

 

***** HER... and ***** YOUR EX. That's pretty much what she laid on me, "Prove that you've changed"... which in my mind would equivelate to "***** YOU THEN... ***** YOU AND ALL THE TIME I WASTED ON YOU.... AND ***** EVERYTHING THAT REMOTELY HAS TO DO WITH YOUR REALITY......".... so... like i've said to many of those here, I have no regards for her... she does not exist. And if one day she comes around looking for me, all I'm going to say is "Excuse me, I don't know you. And if I did, I think you have me confused with someone who actually GIVES A s***...."

 

As for me.... the last two days have been hard?? Why???......... good question! But, everytime it gets hard, i suffer and 5 minutes after the pain has gone away, i get EXTREMELY pissed (see my other posts).

 

As far as going out the bars and going out in general......... well if that's your scene or was your scene....... DO IT! Personally, that was never my scene........ I spend most of my time reading, working out, looking for/listening to music and avoiding speeding tickets.

 

The truth of the matter..... and I've always professed this....... Men don't need woman.... yes, they enjoy them immensely, but they really do not need a PARTNER for life............. Women.... they can't be alone..... they need company be it friends/S.O.s/family to share themselves with. Men are natural loners..... that's what make us men...... inner strength.

 

Yes I understand we got kicked in the balls...... in fact if I have a weak point it was in my heart (my heart was cold like the antartic before her....... now it's going back to being that)........ but, I will and am locking my door.

 

So if your a guy, and you've been fired from the S.O. position....... turn around and tell them to ***** OFF!

 

That's what's going on djrones.... that's the scoop!

 

****

 

Oh... on a final note... mj108, where do you live? Where are you from? and HERE I AM!

[Nick14]

Well ok guys, I am going to give you a link to my xanga site, post away if you want, and you can sign up for free if you like, FIRE IN THE HOLE!! http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Nickster14

 

one more thing, I did post on tuesday on there, then I just deleted it cause it was a bit over the line, but in no way did I go off on my ex and call her a "slut, bitch,hoe, etc" I just called her stupid for dumping a great guy like me. So fire away.