crazydawg Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 i called and all she said is hey whats up. oh ok cool thanks. i'll talk to you later k bye Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 crazydawg, I've been reading your posts so I thought I'd comment. I know it sucks when they act cold like that. It's the worst feeling there is. The thing is, you shouldn't be calling her with expectations. If you call her to wish her happy birthday, do it because you want to. Don't do it with the intention of getting anything out of it. My situation is a bit different, we still have good communication, just not nearly as much, but still, I know what it feels like when they don't show as much affection as you want them to. You've just got to fight that urge, that thing that tells you that you need to have some sign of how she feels. If you talk to her, make sure it's just because you want to say hi and see how it's going. Don't be calling to hear how she feels, or to see if she still loves you. Don't call expecting anything. I won't lie, if she's cold it will hurt regardless, but if you aren't expecting anything it won't be nearly as bad. Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 i wasn' t expecting much, i was expecting like hey how are youg doing i appreciate you calling. Take care i hope everything is ok with you. Instead she was trying to get me off as fast as possible. There's a difference between what she said and being a respectful person. Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 O.K, I get what you're saying. It wasn't the lack of affection, just the lack of civility. I guess the only thing you can do is move on then right ? If she's making it clear that you're not someone she wants in her life, give her what she wants, don't be in her life. Either she'll miss you and come back or you'll get over her and won't want her back, either way you win. I know that if my girl acted like that I'd have to force myself to stop calling, even though that would kill me. It's tought with me though, I don't know how she feels. She's happy when we talk, she says she wants to talk, she admits she misses me, but I still feel like I maybe shouldn't call her because, well , that's what people tell me. Edit: If anyone is browsing this and has anything to say about my situation, don't hold back. I'm having an especially hard day and I need someone to talk to. I just miss her so much, and for some reason that's intensified today ! In some ways I wish she wasn't so warm and affectionate to me, there's a small part of me that feels like if I was angry at her this would be easier to deal with ! I mean, I love that she reciprocates if I tell her I love her and that she is still interested in me being a part of her life, but it kind of kills me because that prevents me from truly getting over her. I guess I don't want to get over her if there is still a chance of it working out in half a year or so. Anyway, I'm just having a real hard day, I can't stop thinking about every positive memory of the last 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 to help you out, from my experience. If she doesn't make it clear that she wants you back in her life(Together) . I think that you should let it go. Or, you'll be stuck in this eternal misery for a very long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Well, I definitely agree that if I can't hold on to her and that if I do I'll continue to hurt myself. However, I disagree when you say I should move on simply because she isn't asking me back. I mean, if she is being sincere that she just needs some time off then she wouldn't try to get back together a month later. I think it would be selfish of her to do this to me only to ask me back a month later, and I think she realizes that too. I'm not looking for her to accept me back right now, I'm fine with a break if it IS in fact just a break. Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Its not a break. Women just don't miraculously need to find themselves. If she wanted to be with you she would. I hear you man. I doubt that your the 1 in 100 couples that get back after a break up. Just trying to keep you in reality, I had the same sorrow hope everyone else did Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Well, I know it seems naive, but I just don't believe that. I guess I just can't get past what I said in my other post: If she's lying to me and really sees this as the end and isn't telling me after how clear I've been, then she's trying to hurt me intentionally. She knows that letting me down easy is only going to make it harder for me, therefore, if she's doing that then she is purposely trying to hurt me, and I can't accept that she'd do that. So do you not believe in the concept of needing a break at all ? Because I've got to say, I had been considering taking time off for awhile. Being so young, I've always known that the chances of us being together forever were slim. So I sometimes thought that it may be best for us to take some time apart so that way, if we do end up getting married we won't feel as though we've missed anything. Well, I was never strong enough to risk losing her. I just think that sometimes people truly do need a break from each other. And, again, I know it's somewhat naive, but if it IS a case of it only working out for 1 out of 100 then, yeah, I do believe it could be us. Like I said, we've always been different, we've always had an unusually good relationship. That coupled with the fact that nothing really went wrong, it was just bad timing, gives me optimism. I try to push that optimism down to protect myself, but there are still parts of it there. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Urban.... That's just the thing.... bad timing is usually where relationships fall apart. One day your totally in love with her... and she could care less... the next day she's crazy in love with you... but you could care less. When the synchroniscity is gone.... so is the relationship. I had hope just like you... and then one day..... i expected her to come around... she didn't... and the hope wears off to just trying to get through a day....... and then that eventually leads to "wait... I don't miss her anymore"..... atlous, I am here..... SHAKE IT GIRL! A salute to all the rest of the family! I will post tomorrow........ see if I can give some food for thought. Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Your very positive. Maybe, i'm wrong, I really do hope the best for you. I just want you to realize that sometimes all the positive thinking won't get you past that barrier thats holding you two apart. I say continue what you feel you need todo. Try and think with your head instead of your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 That's just the thing.... bad timing is usually where relationships fall apart. One day your totally in love with her... and she could care less... the next day she's crazy in love with you... but you could care less. When the synchroniscity is gone.... so is the relationship. Yeah, I understand. I just don't think it's a case of "she couldn't care less". If I knew that she had fallen out of love with me and truly didn't want to see me anymore, I wouldn't waste any time or unecessary thought on it. But everything I have to go on tells me that isn't the case. Again, I know it sounds kind of naive. A friend of mine that I've known for awhile via the internet and who knows my situation pretty well put it like this: "You can't waste time trying to figure out things she hasn't told you. If you you've never had a reason not to trust her then you can only go on what she tells you." But I don't think I'm going to be "caring less" anytime soon. At least, not until I know for sure what's going to happen with us. Your very positive. Maybe, i'm wrong, I really do hope the best for you. I just want you to realize that sometimes all the positive thinking won't get you past that barrier thats holding you two apart. I say continue what you feel you need todo. Try and think with your head instead of your heart. Hey man, I know you guys are just trying to tell me what's best for me and I really appreciate it. I'm trying desperately not to be overly positive. I pride myself on being very reasonable and being able to objectively analyze a situation. Now, there is little objectivity in this situation, but I'm still trying to be honest with myself. Everything I have seen, everything she's told me and everything I feel tell me that 1. She still loves me but just needs some time (and I do too, I was just too scared to ask for it) and 2. That we're too perfect NOT to be together. God, I know how that sounds, but I've always felt that we were different, we talk about that all the time. Our situation has just been unique (I could explain further) in alot of ways. There may be some denial at work, but I'm trying to be rational. But thanks guys, you have no idea how much I need to talk about these things, and besides her there aren't many people to talk to about this type of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 all great advice for RUBBLE..... I think that crazydawg is right when he says go with your HEAD and NOT I REPEAT NOT your HEART, bc that will never work... so play it cool with her and dont initiate the contact....let her and she will when SHE is READY...that way you know that she wont go back to you just because it is the easiest thing or on false feelings.. SHE HAS TO REALLY WANT IT BAD FOR YOU BACK! REALLY! also, she may not be lying to you about this only being a time for her but deep down she knows that she just wants not to lose you too since she is going through a difficult time right now and the one who was always there for her at those times was...........drumroll, please.....................you!!!!!!!!!!!! so this is exactly what my ex did and i found out though luck alone that she left me for someone she wanted to see about and that is when i cut off talking to her completely.... NOW she knows she had better made the right choice bc i am not going to be there for her when this new relationship fails....which with how we got along over 4 years and how i treated her, this guy will either be the ONE (i.e. she gets married to) or she will be calling me back...or she will go the rest of her life searching for someone who treated her poorly like she feels she deserves (her 1st serious bf and lover (still hurts to put that) cheated on her and told her she was fat and ugly....and she was their HS prom queen and is a knockout) the guy really is kicking himself now as he used to call her 1 or 2 a year to say so and try to get her back....most of the time i answer and said to fug off and he would get mad, but she will do the same since she left me much the same way he left her! Well at least she told me she didnt cheat on me....i pity her too... Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 My EX called my bestfriend (who i was sure she would always call b4 me bc she has no balls and never has and cant face what i might say to her)...... and told him she got a new computer and didnt know what I wanted to do with my old one i gave her....(it was loaned to me by a friend and she never came back to get it) So i told her after the breakup that i didnt want it and she could have it and do with it as she pleased...... And 1 month ago or so I dropped off EVERYTHING she ever gave me, bought me, that i saved bc it reminded me of her EVERYTHING !!!!!!!! at her house letters cards poems special bottle of wine all gifts PS2 games sopranos boxed sets1-4 other dvd boxes everything and then some of how much she (blah blah blah) loved me and cared for me forever and "until the oceans dry up" SO i know that she was just checking on what i wanted to do with the PC...which is a piece of **** but she doesnt know if it is good or bad (i.e. to her it could be worth $1500 or $100 dollars) she has no idea about that kind of stuff... BUT my friend asked how she was (normal convo stuff) and she said "good" THEN she asked how i was (since last time i talked to her i left her a message that said she was a whore and that i was very happy that she left me for someone else and didnt have the balls to tell me in person, but over the phone when we were together for 4 years and i gave her my virginity (very special to me and she knew and knows this ---i.e. she knew that i thought she was the one from the first time we made love) sorry about the tangent// she asked how i was and my friend said "good" which is mostly true and he knows that i am almost 100% over her on the outside but he doesnt know i still ache for her internally.....i have not mentioned her in about 1 month to him or others, and that is different from the beginning when i was OCD about getting her back. ( i really have OCD so when this happened it became OCD all about her and me and what could i do.....I was usually just OCD about spoiling her and making her happy) i have dated 1 girl (all of you probably know this) and i am moving forward with myself going to haiti over thanksgiving time to help the poor with a DR friend of mine med school getting a BMW z3 roadster with the money i had saved for her ring and proposal trip going out with friends working out religiously PRAYING TO THE ONE AND ONLY GOD very very often (it really helps ease my fears of life w/o her!!) and posting on here SO WHAT TO THINK OF THE CALL AFTER 1 MONTH AND SEEMINGLY SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT TO DO AND SHOULD NT HAVE HAD TO ASK ABOUT ME........ IMO it is nothing and at most just might be curious as to how i was and this was the perfect alibi to call him (she will always call him first bc he will give it to her straight and doesnt hold a grudge for what she did....he is too nice to do so Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 28, 2004 Author Share Posted October 28, 2004 Head/heels, I think that she was just tring for fish for some info about you from your firend, I think its just natural to want to know what the other is doing after a break up....she may be just wanted to her if you are dating someone....If she wants to contact you then she will...I dont know why people dont just do that from the start...but I guess its human nature...just go on with your life...it sounds like you are making good progress...go and get that car!!! now thats nice a z3!! you will pick up chicks with that one....thats cool you are going to hati to help out....I lived in the Domincan Republic for 2 years, life on the island is different from northamerica....make sure you have your hep A and B shots, but I figure you do since you are in Med.....drink beer down there or bottled water, dont drink the tap water, b/c you will not be there long enough to be immune to some of the parsites there....hehe I think I still have a couple of them in my stomach!!!....you can shower and brush your teeth with the tap water thats ok...but I would prob for you use bottle water to brush your teeth, just b/c you will only be there for a short period of time. Guys I am doing ok....I am getting my life in order, slowly....oh today I am buying a home gym to start working out....I am going to just get that Bowflex system for now once i get stronger maybe I will venture out to a public gym....right now I dont want to....well guys take care hows everyone else doing? hey wantans4...how are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 she has no balls and never has and cant face what i might say to her Sounds like my ex. She is such a chicken **** and always has been. Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Hmmm. Alright guys, thanks. Last time we talked I kind of let her know that I was going to be around her place in a couple weeks and asked if she wanted to hang out. She said she did. Now I'm thinking maybe I should just put that off for awhile. What I think I'll do is, try and go 3 weeks or so with no call at all, then I might see if she'd like to go get dinner or something towards the end of Nov. That way, I go longer than I said I would without seeing her and I don't call her for at least a few weeks, if not a month. I just don't think completely cutting off contact is something I should, or could, do. head/heels. She seems to want to hear about you, so that's good. I don't understand why she would not just call you directly, but she obviously still cares on some level. I'm not familiar with your situation so I do'nt know the circumstances, but that's a good sign just to know she's thinking about you, right ? Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 i did forget to say that she said (after asking about how i was doing) and after my friend replied "he is doing good" she replied "that makes me happy" that probably doent change anything but Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Someday We'll Know Ninety miles outside Chicago Can't stop driving, I don't know why So many questions, I need an answer Two years later you're still on my mind Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart? Who holds the stars up in the sky? Is true love just once in a lifetime? Did the captain of the Titanic cry? Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you Does anybody know the way to Atlantis? Or what the wind says when she cries? I'm speeding by the place that I met you For the ninety-seventh time... tonight Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Someday We'll Know Why Samson loved Delilah One Day I'll go Dancin on the moon Someday You'll Know That I was the one for you I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow i watch the stars crash into the sea If I could ask God just one question... Why aren't you here with me?...tonight Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Someday We'll Know Why Samson loved Delilah One Day I'll go Dancin on the moon Someday You'll Know That I was the one for you ---Switchfoot Ok, maybe a little cheesy , but minus the "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah's" overall, this is a pretty good song if you think about the message... I think a part of us will always wonder why things had to happen the way they did. But like the song implies, thats just one of the million other questions in the world we'll probably never get a definitive answer to--or at least not any time soon. But one day itll all make sense... Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 28, 2004 Author Share Posted October 28, 2004 Hey Lexib, hehe one day it will all make sence, I am too inpatient, I want to know why things happen the way they do,...I know that nothing happens before its time....its just hard sometimes to go though something and you have to wait untill the end to see what was right or why they way it happend.....I guess its life and its a learning process, I just wonder why hurt is part of that process...it seems counterproductive to me....the song lyrics is pretty cool, I often ask why?....I seems like we all ask why? one point in our lives..... Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 You came to me like a dream,the kind that always leaves Just when the best part starts, it ends so abruptly To leave you stunned and naked, in the bedroom all alone It's kind of funny how something so soothing, gets interupted by the ringing of the telephone Then you broke me like the cigarrette, that I busted on the day I quit (FOR YOU) But now that I've been drinking, I'm out of smokes and I wish that I had it Woke up, to my daily headache and, the realization that you were gone Oh my sweet darling happiness, you've been away from me all along It's one thing, I've never said I'm truly happy in my heart and in my head A lonely liver, suspended in liquid Thought I'd whip something up to add to the lyrics posting. I'm having such a hard day, I swear it feels like the first day all over again. I'm considering just giving her the note that says all the things I want to say and then going NC for a month or, even though everyone that read it when I posted it on here tells me not to and even though I don't feel like No Contact is a good idea. I just have so much **** to say that I never got out, and since I never got it out all I can do is visualize telling her in my head. It's starting to affect my studying and my work. I'm a wreck. It's been a month and half, how long can this go on ? How long am I going to feel like this ? Probably not until I get some real answers on whether or not this is going to work out. 7 and a half months and counting it looks like. ****. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 and then dont look back...or at least try your very best not to.... I had a setback tonite since i thought about her and how we can never be again....i am sure that she is or will be soon be intimate with this new guy and my pride and my heart could never forgive her for that and to forget the way and the timing of leaving me could never be mistaken for someone who wasnt cold of heart and someone i wouldnt wish for my worst enemy.... and to think she was always the apple of my eye! Some of the new girls i have met have showed me that there are better girls out there for me and i am not looking back. She called my best friend on the 27th (two days ago)...........most have read about it last screen but she basically said she didnt know what to do with the computer i left for her that was one of my friends and that i told her to do with what she wanted...She bought a new computer i guess and asked what to do with the old one.... she said she was doing good, and then asked about how i was (she knew i was an emotional wreck up until a month and a half ago...upon which i started NC and have kept it....i am 100000000 times better now than i was and have been on some dates with a specific girl....fun but nothing too serious ....)....to which my friend replied "he is good" and then she replied "that makes me happy"................arg! even after we are apart i am still making her happy!! i want her to be like, i hate him for being happy without me!!! well not really but it was like she was able to take some guilt off of her conscious (if she even has one - read my early post to see what i mean!) and thus make her feel better about what she did...i already know that she justifys breakign up with me for another like this: well i didnt cheat on him and i wasnt happy so it was okay............but deep down she and i both know she did cheat in her heart and she knows she isnt happy bc she hates herself and her self image which i did all i could to help her , but she never let me help her when it got bad the second time.... unfortunately she needs counseling but she thinks it is a sign of weakness and she should be happpy to have all she has and not waste god's time on asking him for helping her...like she is wrong to feel bad about her body... (which most women would kill for but she cant see it that way...she is sick, really sick) i am sad she and i can never be oh, and today is her BIRTHDAY..... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECK................. this way i wont do something stupid like email her or call her....HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL Link to post Share on other sites
bigacesteve Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 I've been better this week but it's the weekend again and I feel gutted that I can't spend it with her or even speak to her. I feel a compete chump because I know I'm better than this and I really do deserve better. Oh well there is nothing I can do about the situation so I continue to fight my demons and I will succeed. I'm just listening to MP3's on my PC at work and "Shed 7 She Left me on Friday" has just come on, very funny considering. Shed Seven Going For Gold (1999) She Left Me On Friday she left me on friday and ruined my weekend she thinks we're still best friends she thinks we're still alright she's playing her mind games got into the fast lane drove off to some bright lights to find out if all the places that shine are anything like mine no no she left me with no hope it's all gone up in smoke she didn't invite me rode off with a donkey to find out if all the places that shine are anything like mine to find out if all the style she's got's gonna push her to the top she left me on friday and put me in limbo she's stolen my ego and now its a no go go go go she left me with no hope it's all gone up in smoke she didn't invite me to find if all the places that shine are anything like mine to find out if all the style she's got's gonna push her to the top to find out if all the fridays you choose are where you'll still lose she left me on friday and ruined my weekend she thinks we're still best friends she thinks we're still alright to find if all the places that shine are anything like mine to find out if all the fridays that come are gonna make you feel welcome to find out if all the style you've got's gonna push you to the top to find out if all the fridays you'll choose are where you'll still lose Always makes me laugh that one, feel a little better now. Amazing the power of music. Need to go out for beers tonight but my mates are skint; careful with those cars DrJones, my housemates car needs a service, which is costing £300 and he needs 4 new tyres at £150 each!!! Megapennies! Had a drive of it yesterday, BMW 330 Ci, very very nice. I'm thinking of joining a new gym; need to start meeting sober women. Tired of going out around bars and meeting drunken women; they just make me feel even worse for losing her. Anyway I'm stopping this self torture right now because there is nothing I can do and I must look after myself now. Punch bag tonight to vent frustration me thinks and maybe some running. You never know, I might bump into Fliss; a girl I used to know a few years ago, went out a couple of times. 6ft, blonde, stunning and a Triathelete. She jogs up and down the main road most nights but I've not spoken to her because I didn't know what was going on with the ex. Hmmmm. Sod it, I'm single, it's hunting season! Time to move on. This place really does help so much. Thank you all for listening to what I have to say and it helps so much reading what you are all doing yourselves. I've just got to 'keep it real' till January 31st next year; I start my new job, I'm going to be a policeman; bobby, dibble, filth, pig. Whatever they're going to call me. Can't wait and the women coppers I've seen are stunning. Additionally I'll be working far away from where I live and far from my ex; will make healing easier because I won't be bumping into her parents or sister, etc. Why is it that your ex's parents think you're the best thing ever but your ex can't see that???? I put in down to plain old crazy! Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 i think girls just dont want to end up liking the same guy that their mom thinks is perfect for them!! REBELLION.... my exes mom loved me....b/c she is intellectual and has a sense of humor and quick wit... we really got along... the dad............he was an uptight a hole that never seemed to warm up to me.... even though i would do anything for his daughter and have a future that would support her 100X over and still have enough to put his dumb ass in a nursing home.... oh well.....since she called she is all i can think of....i just want to show her that i have gained 5 lbs of muscle, shaved my head baby butt smooth...(like when she met me) and am getting a new car which she always wanted (i think i am going to get my friends Lincoln LS and not the BMW Z3 since I always wanted one and i know he has kept it in perfect shape) and I have no fear in chatting up the hottest ladies anywhere i go.....just wish she knew but she is so far away (2 hours) that she has no way of knowing i that i am lean, mean, slightly tan (sorry it is fake) and going to be pimping her fav car... wish i could call her an subtly let these things onto her.. one day she will know ! Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 i think girls just dont want to end up liking the same guy that their mom thinks is perfect for them!! REBELLION.... my exes mom loved me....b/c she is intellectual and has a sense of humor and quick wit... we really got along... the dad............he was an uptight a hole that never seemed to warm up to me.... even though i would do anything for his daughter and have a future that would support her 100X over and still have enough to put his dumb ass in a nursing home.... oh well.....since she called she is all i can think of....i just want to show her that i have gained 5 lbs of muscle, shaved my head baby butt smooth...(like when she met me) and am getting a new car which she always wanted (i think i am going to get my friends Lincoln LS and not the BMW Z3 since I always wanted one and i know he has kept it in perfect shape) and I have no fear in chatting up the hottest ladies anywhere i go.....just wish she knew but she is so far away (2 hours) that she has no way of knowing i that i am lean, mean, slightly tan (sorry it is fake) and going to be pimping her fav car... wish i could call her an subtly let these things onto her.. one day she will know ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 29, 2004 Author Share Posted October 29, 2004 hey guys. How are you all?.....I am doing ok somewhat, I guess I am having one of those days where I am a little down.....it should pass...I guess I want some good news...soon like the rest of you...take care....p/s hey kodiak how are you man, drop me a line Link to post Share on other sites
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