If its meant to be they will come back to you.

[Urban Rubble01]

Hey Kodiak. You don't know me, but I read you posts back there. Good to hear you're hanging out with a girl. As for good news, well, there seems to be a shortage of that around here =) You probably haven't read my posts, but I'm in the same boat that alot of us are, girl said she needed a break after over 3 years. I guess some good news is that we talked the other day and she said she knows it will work out eventually, so that's good, I'm feeling secure.

 

Last night was great. Rochelle didn't end up coming out but I actually kind of preferred that. I ran into a girl I went to high school with that I haven't seen in 5 years. We used to have a little thing (mostly sexual) so I got her number. We'll probably hang out later in the week. I'm not trying to get anything going, but it'll be good for me to hang out with a girl. It's cool because she's in the same situation as me, her boyfriend just told her he wasn't sure about things after 5 years. So that'll be good, she's looking better than she did when I last saw her like 5 years ago, definitely a self esteem boost.

[djones]

Hey Boys and Girls,

 

How are you all doing? I am doing fine...I got a reply with that girl I told you all on the internet dating site, we chatted on MSn for about 1.5 hr it was really good we lots in common, we exchanged pictures and she is really really cute...I suprized that she liked my ugly mug.....she asked me if I wanted to meet up with her for cooffee this weekend, I was little taken back (i guess I am still in love with my ex)...but I end up saying sure so we will see, we planned it for this weekend so we will see how the week holds out....I just still feel like I am hypocrite for looking at another women when I told my ex that I love her...I know she has someone, I just feel I dont know what to do...do I make sence to you all? It was really nice to chat with this new girl, shes funny and so far easy to talk to.....I dont know.....any thoughts I know some of you are starting to meet other people...how are you all feeling with this?

 

P/s wantanS4 hows everything man....drop us a note, I would like to hear from you I know you said you are healed, I just need to hear from you any thoughts on what I am going through?

 

take care all

 

p/s UR good for you I am glad you are feeling secure, and this new girl, let us know what happens

[Urban Rubble01]

Hey drjones.

 

Man, don't let yourself feel guilty. You're just doing what's good for you, that doesn't mean you don't love your ex. I kind of feel the same way, especially because I know my ex isn't seeing anyone. But hey, she initiated it so I'm hardly going to let myself feel bad for doing what I need to do to get some self confidence back. It's not like you're falling in love with someone else or trying to replace her, you're just trying to heal.

 

I love my ex and I'm not going to move on with anyone else unless I was sure it was over, but I'm still going to have fun in the meantime. I think she'll understand.

[bigacesteve]

drjones, you get yourself out with this really cute woman! Don't feel guilty about it, don't think of her as a replacement for your ex, this is a totally different person. She pleasantly talks to you and you both have a laugh, she wants to be with you; wish I was so lucky.

 

I've got a really good female friend and we used to go out and have a laugh, get drunk together, even sleep in the same bed but we never went any further. We discussed it a few times but we just decided to stay as friends. She's away abroad at the moment, really wish she was around. I'm going to get her mother to contact her for me tonight; miss her and the fun we had.

 

Go out with this lady drjones and have some fun, it doesn't have to go any further if you don't want it to, you're in control mate. Your ex is with someone else, you don't need to prove anything to her, she made her choice, you make the choices now, I dare ya.

 

I've done 1 measly week of N/C and I feel like s***e, feels like a month. I thought about all the things I did for her and what I sacrificied during 'our' relationship and then I tried to think of what she ever did for me; I can't think of anything, I really can't. These people we love/d, did they ever meet us halfway and contribute as much to the relationship as we did? My ex definitely didn't and I feel cheated and used. Why do I still have this urge to get back with this person who did nothing for me? It's because she drilled into my head that she loved me so so much and now I can't accept that she doesn't anymore.

 

My ex once said that I didn't say that I loved her enough, she wanted to hear it everyday (her own words). I told her that she should know that I love her by my actions and not by hearing those 3 words all the time. I told her that it was easy to just say those 3 words, but how you project your love to your partner is much more important. I later apologised to her about what I said and promised to tell her more often that I loved her, she was really insecure and I wanted to get to sleep.

I think back now and I feel that I was right in the first place, my actions towards her were all based around love for her, I did anything for her and without thought about myself. Thinking back, she used to just say it; there's a big difference.

 

Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays are the hardest for me because I used to spend my whole weekend with her. I just force myself through those days and I feel ok'ish afterwards. I think getting drunk at the weekend does me no favours; I'm seriously thinking of stopping altogether until I start feeling better in myself and start dating again.

 

I've just got to last another 3 months until I start this new job as a police constable, then my feet won't touch the floor. Why can't I just hibernate like a bear??? Damn you human body and brain!!

 

Anyway...

 

drjones you get out with that woman and keep your head on, stay cool. Don't waste time feeling guilty or feel you need to prove anything to your ex. She never thought of you when she found the next bloke. They hate it when you move on even if it's just a slight move. Don't go bragging to her though and if she askes, keep details to a minimum.

 

Oh well Monday is nearly over and I am beginning to feel slightly better. I've been asked if I want to start teaching kickboxing; I have 15 years experience in Karate, Taekwondo, Muay Thai Boxing and Freestyle Kickboxing as well as coaching from a top boxing coach. I need to have a good think about this; maybe this is something I need to do.

 

Laters all

 

Good luck drjones, just do it

[Jip]

Sorry I've been gone for a while but still tried to keep track of how you are all doing!

 

Dr Jones - I know just how you are feeling. I am trying to move on and consider other people but I think its too soon really - I just want this part to be over so I can be free to like another again without comparing them to my ex. I honestlythink if I was to try to kiss someone right now the emotion would be too much and I'd break down and cry. ( 2 months + in)

 

I often think how strange it is that the girl that I got jealous of is the one he is now seeing and how they get to be happy while I am not - god knows I want to be though and I am trying - its just hard to forget what you had sometimes. But in the meantime I try to have fun like you but its not fair to take it to another level if your hearts not in it but then if the other person understands your feelings then maybe thats a way to work forward.

 

You know its funny ( not ha ha) but I've watched other friends go through this and thought ok its sad but how bad can it be ... life goes on.... a very different story when its your heart! We'll all get through this... my memories are fading and I think less and less about what he's up to esp with the new girl... I still cry everyday at some point over something silly but it passes very quickly and I go back to being me! Thats what we all have to do - find our old selfs again - we'll all be altered as a result of this but hopefully for the better in the long run! Personally I'd pick the easy route over this one any day but you play the hand y our dealt with!

[Jip]

Bigacesteve - Yean sounds like maybe you should do this kick boxing class - you sound like you'd be good at it and something like that is a great way to take you mind off things! And you never know whose path you'll cross! I'm with you on the weekends being the hardest part - I used to go down to my exes then but I seem to have gotten used to not dashing off there on a friday night. My weekends with my ex boyf were what dragged me throught he week - now I don't dread work so much! Its hard facing christmas too! I agree too in your support of Dr Jones - you see this girl Dr Jones - she seems to be raising a much deserved smile on your face - there is no guilt in that!

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

Thanks for the input so far, you all are right I should try it out, the new girl wants to go out for coffee this weekend so I will go out meet her. Its been six months since me ex broek up with me, and I still love her, but I guess one thing about me is that I tend to put other peoples feelings before mine and I guess thats why I feel guilty right now.......you all are right I have to look out for my self, and take things slow with this new girl if something comes out of this......its nice that she has an interest in me.....I am very guarded rigth now though I want to know what her motives are, you know I guess b/c I got my heart broken my wall is way the hell up right now....I will give this a shot though, she was really nice when we chatted on MSN and very smart so I will see her for cooffee....You are right bigsteve I am not going to tell my ex anything about this girl, right now.....IF something happens out of this ie start dating this girl, I will tell my ex....right I want to go slow, I just hope this new girl is willing to go slow....

 

Bigsteve congrads on your new job as a cop...you know its funny I was thinking the first time you came on board...that you would make a great cop....hehe your kickboxing and your other martial art skills you make you a formindal force!!! I wish I had continued with martial arts (did jodo)....but I am very skinny guy...but I am wokrking on gain mass and now Ihave a bowflex at home to work out with...

 

take care guys

 

p/s JIP good to hear from you...

[Jip]

Thats great DrJ - you have fun this weekend! Its funny we love them and believe they love us to yet they move on so fast! 6 months eh - its all still to come I guess! Yes that mile high wall - I'm hoping will soon become smaller - its nice to chat to people right now but the next step is way too difficult! Having been so close to someone ( or so we thought) and given everything it seems so strange to want to be that with anyone else. But perhaps what we thought we had wasn't really there but is out hrere somewhere else for us to find - I like you would have my ex back in a minute but it will pass as everything seems to.

 

You take care of yourself and enjoy yourself!

 

Bigacesteve - my friends hubby's just starting police college as a mature student, he's wanted to do it for years! Sounds as though you have nothing to lose!

[head/heels]

DRJ- go out with this new girl!!! I did the same thing about feeling guilty...but it passes i assure you...you start to become interested in the new girl and see things in a whole new light! I did and it made me see that my ex was not someone i would ever seek out had i not originally fell in love with her at a dark point in my life....

 

Now that i am out of that dark point and coming out of another i know that i am me and i am a great man and am making a point of it to become the man i want to be...!!

 

I also know she is dependent upon others for her happiness and thus i could never fully trust her to be happy in our relationship since she is not happy on her own.....I pity her and the life she has ahead...she is like dandelion seeds blowing in the wind..... never taking control of her life and always being dictated by her surroundings and her fragile emotions...Sad

 

Atlous- dont look back!! he is scum and much like my ex.... is not worth the time it takes to think about him...take care of you and put yourself back together and then get your gorgeous self out there! You will have to beat them off with a stick! But honestly let him have the whales (he probably needs them for his self esteem so that he doesnt think they are going to leave him ) what a sad reason to be with someone...Well he has shown you his true colors and therefore dont give him the chance to WEASEL back into your life...

 

My ex, unfortunately for her, has transferred the comfort, love and the way we were into this new guy and he is reaping the benefits of my 4 years with her.....oh well ...she has proven she is emotionally unstable and maybe the new guy is too and they can have emotinally unstable children together! No i dont really wish that but i do hope she gets help someday....instead of always seeking out new things to make her happy when it is her that she hates!

 

DrJ- after a few weeks of feeling guilty about talking, kissing, and having fun with this new girl, i started to not have a problem with it and now (even though she is 2 states away) i find us talking each night for a good while and she has a very good understanding how relationships work... go and take it lightly!

 

My best girlfriend came in from FL this weekend and so did her 26 year old sister who i always had a crush on....unfortunately she is in a 5 year relationship and seemingly happy but, as always, we were very touchy feely, flirty and have a very very strong chemistry.... i would never want to take her away from someone since i know how devastating it could be, but if the two of them do not work out (unlikely) then i would love to be with her (i think she would like to too....i know that sounds weird since she is very stable and all but i just get the vibe that she likes me every time she sees me--she is very conservative with her affections towards her bf and she is anything but that when we were chatting.....in fact we spent the whole night talking and i kinda forgot my best friend was there....oh well.....besides i could never be with someone who would leave a relationship for someone else .....i cannot respect those people....ever...

[djones]

Hey Guys

 

JIP---thanks for the words of encouragement....I will go for coffee with this girl.....

 

 

I understand what you are talking about being close and then trying somone new...I dont know myself, is this a test from God? or do make a choice that would end up being a wrong one?...I dont know things for me are generaly cut and dry ie wanted to go to med school, what to eat or where to go on a sat night, ect...but I just dont know when it comes to matters of the heart...right now I could just wait for my ex but then is that right (i know people say do what your heart says etc), can person make a wrong choice when it comes this...I know people do it all the time ie choose the a**h*** guy or a abusive person or whatever, and you learn from it all, but stuff like this gets to me...I guess I just dont want to get hurt again.....

[head/heels]

dont worry about her hurting you now..you are not going to be attached after 1 coffee! i promise......just go and have fun! be you and dont talk 1 word about your ex....even if she ask you about past relationships...it will only make her wonder if you are strong enough of a man for her.... you dont want to cut off your nose to spite your face do you?

 

if you get deepeer in wtih someone, then tell them what you went through and it will be easier to take for them and you...

 

in the meantime....did your ex start dating right after she and you broke up and if so would you ever take her back...well in my case my ex wanted to date 1 guy (and as far as i know is still almost 3 months now) and i know that i will never take her back and will never speak to her again.... if your situation is similar to mine, how are you able to take you ex back with her doing this....i just couldnt but maybe i am not looking at it like i should (i.e. she needs to see what she is missing, and what is out there for her to be satisfied that i am what she wants) I would feel like chopped liver and would never be able to accept this so i know for me that she is gone and if it is up to me i would never hear from her again...i am sure if he hurts her or they end she will somehow get ahold of me like she did last week with calling my best friend about the computer that i already told her countless times she could have and do with what she wanted....(she also knew that i have a new computer and that i gave it to her )....just wish she would stick with her decision that i am not going to be in her life and not the one for her and keep it that way bc i just end up thinking, what is wrong with this girl .......i could never be in a relationship where i still talked to my ex or even another woman that i had been with ...even though she didnt talk to me, she said she would like to talk to me 1 or 2 a week (she said this during the first month)....

 

 

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGG!! she is a wreck and is f ing up her life and i have to sit idle and let her do it!!!! She is so lost but she doesnt even chose to address it and puts it out of her mind and lets life take her where it will!!!!!!!!!!! God has a plan for her i guess... to each his own.

 

DrJ- go out and wow the pants off of her!!!! Not literally but figuratively

[head/heels]

keep your head up!

 

also plz remind us about your story!

[head/heels]

i have a huge urge the past few days to email or call my ex and see how she REALLY is doing....

 

i feel like she knows deep down she is screwing up her life and it is a hectic mess...(she told me this before i decided i didnt want to talk to her again) ....

 

i just hate the fact that only her parents and family know she is screwing it all up but her friends are telling her she is going to be alright and the new guy (being one of their loser trashy friends) is a great guy...

 

sad that the girl who made such leaps and bounds during our 4 years relationship relapsed back to where she was in HS and before us..... it is such a ****hole town with very ****ty people.....and she is sucked back in there and trying to tell her mind and heart she enjoys it....i know she is thinking about me and what she is doing and if she has ruined our chances in the future.... i hope she knows she has and that barring unbelievable circumstances and depending on the physical level she took it with this new guy, it would be a cold day in hell b4 i would take her back...

 

am i delusional thinking she is going to see she fugged up and will come running back?

 

i feel like the old person i know will fight her way back to be in control and then she will realize.....but could i take her back if/when this happens...

 

 

any thoughts?

 

 

 

oh and plz state how long it has been since you talked to your ex.....i.e. how long for you since you contacted in any way and how long for them?

 

finally, where is MJ?

[mj108]

Hey everybody! I need to read all your posts before I get back on...it's been awhile since I've been on here. I will tell you how I've been---I've been about the same.

 

My ex & his psycho girl seems to be having problems. So what does my ex do? He's asking my friends (his friends too) how am I? Is she going out with anyone? Tell her I said Hey. It's been since Sept. 22...the last conversation him & I had. I'm a very stubborn person & will not call him. Plus---why should I call him after I found out he was going over to her house while seeing me? ***** that! I'm sure all the private messages were from him. All the hang ups from him as well. I'm proud of myself for not picking the phone up.

 

I still love him & probably will always but I'm not going to mope around the house waiting for him! I'm moving on. I still do love him & I probably will carry that love with me forever but obviously he didn't love me. I've accepted this & now I'm moving on. I still haven't bumped into him yet. I hope I can stay strong because it seems like everytime him and I are pissed at eachother---we see eachother--our eyes lock---& we smile & can't keep the smile off our faces. It's like we can't stay angry at eachother. I think that will change since the only thing on my mind is how he treated me...he lied...he was seeing her while seeing me. I don't think I'll be smiling at him when I see him. He deserves a spit in the face! Not a smile!

 

My friend, Dave (my exes friend also..ha!), wants to set me up with one of his friends. This guy doesn't know my ex. Anyway, Dave is suppose to contact me this week to set something up next weekend (if I want to go out) . I don't know. Maybe I should go out on this date... I'm kinda scared. But I think this will help me get back out there, you know?

 

I've been exercising and this really seems to get out all the stress---also--it makes me feel good about ME. So tonight I have my class and I'm going to kick the heck out of the bag and think about him. If you all are pissed at the ex---I suggest start exercising. It really does help. Even if it's a walk around the block. It will relieve some of your stress & anxiety.

 

Well, I hope everyone is doing well. I'm going to go back & read the post & post some more later. You all take care & stay strong!

 

MJ

[djones]

H&H

 

she did not start dating this guy till about 5 months after we broke up...we kept in contact during that time the odd e-maill and phone call...so she did wait a while before she went with this guy...I would take her back b/c she did not go after some other guy and she did call to tell me that she was going to start seeing this guy..forwhatever its worth......

 

......I will go and as you say wow the pants off of her........I have to contact her this week to make arrangements so I will let you guys know what happens....

 

H&H---I dont know, I guess it will depend on the situation if your ex wants to get back with you....does the love for a person overshaddow what they did to hurt you???? cheating is a strong hurt for example, I could not forgive a person if they did that to me.....I guess it all depends on how strong you are or tollerant...I dont know...

[whites7]

there are no happy endings...just blackness. I hate to be the voice of doom here guys but waiting for an ex to realise what a huge mistake she has made....just ain't going to happen. Life isn't fair.....good guys don't win.......bloody hell, another day is dawning, another day to endure.....

[midori]

Hello everyone,

 

It's not uncommon to find people struggling with problems that are similar to your own, and while it can be very helpful to explore your own situation in the context of what other people have to say about their experiences, it can spiral out of control when a thread is taken in many different directions by people adding their stories to what was originally posted.

 

This thread is now closed to further posting. All participants may reference this thread by posting a link to it if they feel it will give relevant context to what they're discussing. This closure is not being done to inconvenience anyone, nor is it a commentary on the thread's usefulness.

 

There are a few different reasons that make closing this thread necessary. First and foremost, posters will find that they receive more feedback that's specific to their problem if they start their own thread in the appropriate forum. When a thread grows to the size this one has, many regular members don't bother to read it anymore, and new members may be daunted at the thought of having to read through hundreds of posts. Secondly, when a thread takes on a life of its own because other posters have injected their own stories into the mix, it may out-live the situation that the thread's originator wanted to explore. While we have had no such complaints from this thread's orignator, we regularly receive requests from posters who don't want the thread they started to remain active, as it is no longer relevant to their current situation.

 

Thanks for your cooperation. I do think you'll all find you can have better discussions if you share your stories in the context of the Coping forum, rather than concentrating everything in one thread.

 

Best wishes,

midori