skeeter Posted August 29, 2004 Share Posted August 29, 2004 I am 23 and I have never had a boyfriend. I am attractive and I get a lot of attention from the opposite sex, but guys that like me, I am not attracted to. Guys that I like, don't like me. For some reason I cannot find a mutual connection. I have dated, but it never leads to anything serious. Ironically I have a lot of guy friends. I am also a virgin, and don't want to have sex until I am with someone I am serious about. People tell me the right one will come...I have been waiting 23 years...HELP!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
emra Posted August 29, 2004 Share Posted August 29, 2004 Maybe you are looking for a prince? What are your expectations of what you want in a guy. Sometimes you need to date someone for awhile to see where it may or may not lead. Maybe, you are afraid of the true commitment or maybe, of what they may expect from you? I would say, go with the flow, how much have you dated? Maybe, you are looking for the impossible. You don't have to sell yourself short, by any means, however, loosen up a little, maybe, one of those guy friends, is the man you are looking for. Are you shy or outgoing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skeeter Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 I am very outgoing...but when i date...I usually go on one date...and then determine if the guy is right for me. Shouldn't you have some sort of feeling of attraction when you date? Or does it take a while...I have not been on That many dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 If you accept a date w/someone than you prob had some sort of attraction at some point. Perhaps you should try waiting a few dates before giving a guy the old "it's not you it's me" speech. It usually takes at least that many dates for the nerves to wear off and the real person to shine thru. Of course if someone is rude or treats you disrespectfully you have every right to dismiss him in the middle of the 1st date if you see fit- but I think that should be reserved for extreme cases of absolute losers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skeeter Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 That's a good point...maybe I will date more and give guys more chances... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
blue17 Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 Originally posted by skeeter Ironically I have a lot of guy friends. That line says a lot. Perhaps you give off a friend vibe when you are with guys? I saw a situation like this happen on BlindDate....this girl was attractive, very friendly/cool, and she said something like this Her: "I just always seem to be friends with guys...you know....like a buddy. I'm sort of getting that vibe from you too." She was doing things like belching, and things that just weren't 'girly' if you know what I mean. I'm not saying that you do things like this, but maybe it's something related to that, i really don't know. Just an idea.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author skeeter Posted September 3, 2004 Author Share Posted September 3, 2004 Do you think the fact that I am a virgin turns a lot of guys away. Also, I have noticed that a lot of guys just want to "hook up" with me. The past two dates that seems to be the only thing they care about...but I happen to be attracted to them...could I be attracted to the wrong guys. Why can't I like the good guys? It seems once I tell the guys that I am attracted to that I am a virgin...they get scared off.... I just went out with a guy a couple of nights ago, and he was def. attracted to me...we hooked up, and i haven't heard from him in two days. Is that too early, or is he over me? But he did seem like a nice guy. (Sort of). Any comments? Link to post Share on other sites
goodnbad Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 I noticed that your thread title mentions being 'driven'. Perhaps you are a little overly agressive or intense and many guys find that intimidating. There are many out there that don't, but you gotta look harder for them. Trust me, I know it all too well. I didn't date much in my twenties, same situation: a virgin, lots of guy friends, didn't like the ones that showed an interest in me, liked ones that didn't return the compliment. Looking back, I think I felt I was too good for the first group of guys (I didn't want to waste my time and 'settle' for any guy just to say I had one), and was at that time didn't feel I had enough going for me (lack of self-esteem) enough to attract the second group. Are you mentioning to guys up front that you are a virgin? 'Cause they just want to date you hoping you'll put out? Then you clue them in? That is a pretty personal subject, IMO, which I didn't generally give out to the general public. Most guys would have had to guess which I was, and any that would ask are rude boors. This is only my own personal observations here but I have found that a good portion of guys don't mind girlfriends that aren't virgins (well, duh, wonder why?) but, if given a choice, prefer to marry a virgin. HUH? Can't have it both ways, but that, I think, would be their prefect scenario. I suppose some guys will blast me here for that comment, but I stand by that belief. Anyhow, are you willing to give up your virginity just to have a boyfriend? I think that if you must do so to attract a guy, it is the wrong type of guy you need. If you are intent on remaining a virgin for whatever reasons, stand firm in your belief and wait for that guy that is worth giving it to (notice I didn't say wait til marriage, I just meant don't blow it on a loser just 'cause you feel lonely). I mean, otherwise, you might get stuck in a relationship you wished you hadn't gotten into, just for the sake of 'having a boyfriend.' It sounds to me like you feel you are waiting for 'the one' and I hope you find him. You seem to have lots of self-confidence and consider yourself worthy enough to pass by those that don't hold up to your standards. There's nothing wrong with that. Better that than being stuck with a loser. You gotta kiss a lotta frogs before you find your prince.....notice I said kiss, you don't have to sleep with them---unless of course you want a good dose of warts! Good luck! goodnbad Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Maybe the guy you saw a few days ago likes to play hard to get. Maybe he lost your phone number. You are never gonna find out what heppened if you don't call him ! It seems to me that you are expecting too much. You have settled very high standards as far as how arrtacted you think you should feel, how he should be and how he should react. Also what you should feel, how intense etc etc. The purpose of dating isn't quite the" meeting the father of my children". I think it's about relaxing, having a good time and meeting different people. If you click, you click. If not, then there's no one forcing you to do anything. I understant that being a virgin makes you feel a bit unsecure. I ws a virgin until I was 19 years ond and 9 months. I met a gret guy who waited almost half an year. So it can happen. It's just that you have to be cool with it. Don't make a tragedy out of it. It's all in how you treat this, in your attitude. If you're relaxed and tell the guy: "hey look, I'm having a really good time with you, but you see, I have to be honest: I'm a virgin, and if you're expecting sex somewhere soon, well, it's highly unlikely. But I will love to go out with you again and know eachother better and we'll take it from there", then maybe he'll get over the shock and if he likes you enough, he will take this chance with you. Just... be cool, don;t expect that much, relax and actually look at your dates, don't analyse them. Forget standards and go with your instinct! So maybe he won't be Brad Pitt and you don't feel like jumping on him the first time you meet him. Be more open minded and you'll discover some wonderful human beings! Link to post Share on other sites
goodnbad Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 I agree with Curley in that the first order of dating is not really to look for the man you will marry, but to have fun and find someone who might share your sense of fun. I mean, dating is only dating, it doesn't automatically mean you gotta marry the guy. Take your time! Also Curley's comment about what to say: "I'm having a really good time with you, but you see, I have to be honest: I'm a virgin, and if you're expecting sex somewhere soon, well, it's highly unlikely. But I will love to go out with you again and know eachother better and we'll take it from there" I would agree with saying something to that effect, but I would personally leave out the virgin part. IMO, why does everyone have to know right away? I mean, would you greet a stranger with, "Hi, my name is Jane, and I'm a virgin." Way too much info too fast. A guy might be thinking, so what if you're a virgin. It's like you are putting way too much focus on it, you know? If a guy is only interested in a quickie, it won't take long for you to find out, and you can always say you're not interested in that kind of relationship without regaling him with your sex history. Which would be bordering on tacky, if you ask me. I think what your personal views on a sexual relationship are best shared with those who might be sharing it with you. Call me square, but I didn't shout it out to the world, not that I was ashamed, but why would a virtual stranger care, ya know? take care. goodnbad Link to post Share on other sites
Love2share Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 I just lost my virginity last year, when I was 23. Before that, I had been dating a lot of different guys. Most of the time, I wasn't attracted to them. But I would date just for the sake of having company. ....dating is not really to look for the man you will marry, but to have fun and find someone who might share your sense of fun. I mean, dating is only dating, it doesn't automatically mean you gotta marry the guy. Take your time. Well, this routine was tiresome for me after a while. Most all of the men wanted to have sex. I usually didn't tell them that I was a virgin until after they began to pressure me about the subject. And then they would basicly run away. Even the men I was attracted to, I became unattracted when I realized that sex was the only thing they wanted from me. Finally, I just had sex with this guy that I'd been crushing on for years, just to get it over with. I liked him. But he already had a girlfriend. And he only wanted sex with me. So I just gave in. We did it that once, and I never saw him or heard from him again. But I don't care, because I knew it would be that way. I'm also attractive and single. I do some print modeling in my spare time. I would like to have a boyfriend. But I'm having a difficult time finding a guy who will spend quality time with me outside of the bedroom. Meeting men isn't a problem. But keeping them is. Skeeter, don't have sex until you are ready. Unfortunately, though, it may be impossible to find a man who deserves what you have to offer. Not very many men out here want a sexless relationship with a woman. So you should decide what's most important....losing your virginity, or having a boyfriend. But take it from me, losing the virginity doesn't really change things much. Regardless, you will still want someone who loves you for more than sex. Being a virgin either chases men away, because they don't have the patience to deal with it. Or it makes them want you more, so that they can be the first to "burst that cherry." Rarely do men see past your sexual organs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skeeter Posted September 13, 2004 Author Share Posted September 13, 2004 Thank you so much for the previous 4 replies...it def makes me feel that I am not alone and weird in my present situation. I actually ended up telling the guy that I am a virgin, and he was cool with it. But all he want's to do is hook-up. I am not attracted to that, but I am attracted to him. I don't mind "hooking up", but sex is out of the question...=) -skeeter Link to post Share on other sites
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