Ideas on different aspects of a relationship

[StillChillinCookie]

I've been engaged for almost a year now. My fiance was never into "white girls" always hispanic. Lately, he's been turning me down for sex. instead, he waits for me to leave for work and watches porn (with spanish girls) to get off. I confronted him about it. I asked my mother, she's more liberal but since she's been in a situation like mine but worse with an ex of hers, she understands where I'm comming from. She told me to try some of the things that they do in the porn and dont tell him. But it didn't work.

 

I talked to my father, he has the same views that I do about porn. I was trying to convince myself that I was crazy for thinking that it's a form of cheating. The reason why is because he's taking things that we need out of the relationship and putting them elsewhere. If a partner is unhappy, the other should do as much as they can to try to get them back to normal.

 

I then confronted him about it. He said " If I wasn't able to have sex, would you leave me because of it?" meaning It's no different. Then he said that he fantasises about other women all the time. I told him I was going to leave him or he could pack his own bags if it kept up.

 

Now my confidence is at an all time low. I trhink I'm pretty, but I can't ever have enough make up on my face. I can't get dressed in the light so I go to the bathroom with the light off or dress in my closet (it's a walk in).

 

He told me yesterday that he wants a baby, I told him I'm not ready. I'm 19 years old. He's 21. Why does he want one so young? He was acting like I hurt his feelings and then he took it back and said he wants to wait another year. I don't want a kid till I graduate from college. With a 4 year degree at least, not a 2 year. He knows this, I think that he's just trying to change something in our relationship. Could it just be getting boring for him?

 

I do all the housework and I work 3 jobs. I cook him lunch and breakfast everyday. When he gets home, he has dinner on the table. Whatever he wants thats possible, safe, sane, and not illegal to the point of prison or jail, I do. I try my hardest to make him happy.

 

He dosn't trust me. He hangs out with and talks to girls. It dosnt bother me that he does, why can't I hang out or talk with guys?

 

 

-I want some ideas on how I can boost my confidence and feel sane again.

 

-I want to know from a mans perspective, why is it that he's bored?

 

-Should I stop doing for him? (I don't want to because punishment for hurting your spouse or livie-in boyfriend can make for a horrible and tramatic relationship.

 

-Should I hide my fears of being a bad parent and just have a baby. Even though I'm so young? I think it would be a horrible life for my children if I had one now. And even though my parents are too young to be grandparents. His parents want to have more grandkids but I don't think I want kids or my parent want them, even though they'd love them regardless.

 

-I don't want to be without him. I love him a lot but if I can't get past this. I thnk I should be by myself, I can't put him before me anymore.

[tokyo]

quote] I don't want a kid till I graduate from college. With a 4 year degree at least, not a 2 year.

Get your degree!!! You absolutely have to do it.

 

I do all the housework and I work 3 jobs. I cook him lunch and breakfast everyday. When he gets home, he has dinner on the table. Whatever he wants thats possible, safe, sane, and not illegal to the point of prison or jail, I do. I try my hardest to make him happy.

Seriously, do you want to be a docile happy housewife?

 

He dosn't trust me. He hangs out with and talks to girls. It dosnt bother me that he does, why can't I hang out or talk with guys?

Good question, you know the answer.

 

-I want some ideas on how I can boost my confidence and feel sane again.

He is such an incredible loser! Leave him and you will feel better.

 

-I want to know from a mans perspective, why is it that he's bored?

I´m sorry, but: Who gives a s*** that he is bored?? You are talking about an adult person, someone who is

even older than you, it is NOT your responsibility to entertain him. Got it?

 

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Should I hide my fears of being a bad parent and just have a baby. Even though I'm so young?

Absolutely not, this guy doesn´t sound like a caring father, this sounds more like someone who needs a baby to pressurize you. Get a baby and I swear to you, you will curse yourself for your stupidity. I don´t think you are stupid, I think you are still able to see that he´s abusive and doesn´t care for you. A stupid person would not consider getting a 4 year degree, don´t mess your future with this. And if you love your unborn child, wait till you can offer him some future. I´m 27 years old and I think I would like to have children, but not now, not yet (ok, I´m single, but NOT NOW). Believe you, you would regret it. Having a child is not something that you should let someone else force you to do, not persuade you to do or convince you to do, nothing of this. It´s YOUR decision.

 

-I don't want to be without him. I love him a lot but if I can't get past this. I thnk I should be by myself, I can't put him before me anymore.

That´s right, put yourself first.

 

I think you know yourself that he doesn´t deserve you. You have started to ask the right questions and you obviously have plans and goals and that´s great You must expect something from life, otherwise you won´t get anything. I don´t mean impossible goals like becoming the smartest, most beautiful woman on earth, but take some steps into your own future instead of wasting your time with someone who can´t stand up to your expectations of a loyal and good partner.

 

Good luck

[moimeme]

He doesn't love you. You're a housemaid and, if you allow him to make you one, a baby factory for him. This is not a relationship. Drop the drip.

[StillChillinCookie]

I don't want to leave him, we've been through a lot in our relationship. If it dosn't change (I know I can't change a man) I will leave him. But since he said he'd stop, I haven't seen anymore of it, I hope it continues this way.

I don't like to threaten our relationship, that could be damaging as well. If it does continue, I wont threaten, one of us will leave. Thanks guys for the advice, I appreciate it. If anyone else would like to reply I'd be much abliged.

[MassiveAtom]

Many have attempted, few have succeeded.

 

But give it a go.

 

F.U.C.K. him.

 

F - Forgive him for all the dumb S**T he does, I mean really just drop it. stop criiticizing. don't talk to him about it. leave it alone.

 

U understand WHY he behaves the way he does. Theres a cause for everything , those causaes may lie deep within his persona and psyche and it'll take a lot of love to get there intact.

 

C- Compassion is the one most powerful thing there is in this universe, IMHO. It's not intent. Try being compassionate to his situation. He sounds like he suffers from low self-esteem. That's a tough one.

 

K Kindness wil never result in you doubting your effort. if you lead with kindness in an argument yoi'll diffuse it. If you lead with kindness in life, you 'll have it.

 

have a look at why you chose to be with the fella. While you're thinking, keep in mind that we choose the person who will best help heal our own issues, as our mate. strange but true.

[Ladyjane14]

At the very minimum, treat yourself to a really, REALLY, long engagement. You shouldn't marry someone you've ALREADY got problems with.

 

I've been married over 20 years, and believe me, problems have a way of multiplying when you start adding kids, and mortgages, and car-payments. The last thing you need is to start with a faulty foundation.

 

Take your time. You're only 19 so you've got plenty of it!

[StillChillinCookie]

Thank you all, We're still together, he hasn't dont it again. but he's still ever so jealous. ARGH! ! ! ! I'm still trying to "F.U.C.K. him" LOL that's so cool the way you put that !