I don't want to lose him :(

[kmhlove]

Okay, so this guy and I started dating a little over 4 months ago. This bitch that was supposed to be my "bestfriend" ended up kissing him approx. 2 1/2 months ago. I didn't handle it well at all. We're still together now, but I'm having issues with jealousy and over-reacting. Everytime he mentions going out or that he had gone out, I lose my **** and automatically think he's cheating. Or if he texts another girl, right away I take the girl as a threat, and I accuse him. I don't know how to handle it, it would be great if I could get some advice on how I can work on this though. I don't want to lose him, but I'm scared if I continue this way, I will.

 

Sorry If I wasn't clear enough about what the issue is, I'm not too good with explaining myself.

[mammasita]

So, he cheated and texts other girls? Why do you still want him?

 

Yes your friend is to blame but he is equally at fault.

 

This is probably not the answer you are looking for, but it's the truth......ditch him.

[Toddbt12y1]

Exactly as mama said. Why do you want a cheater?

 

Hm....how old are you?

[kmhlove]

So, he cheated and texts other girls? Why do you still want him?

 

Yes your friend is to blame but he is equally at fault.

 

This is probably not the answer you are looking for, but it's the truth......ditch him.

 

 

I understand that he's equally at fault. I still want him because I find that after that incident happened, we did become stronger. We made more of an effort to talk things out instead of getting angry, etc. He knows he messed up, and owns up to it. I love the guy, and I would love to get through this. We do have a few things to still work on, of course. Apart from what happened, and the jealousy, we're doing great. I just need to figure out ways that I can deal with this in a more appropriate way. Thank you though.

[kmhlove]

Exactly as mama said. Why do you want a cheater?

 

Hm....how old are you?

 

I'm 18, and apart from that b.s he's a great guy.

[mammasita]

You say everything is great except for the fact that you don't trust him. That's a pretty major part of a relationship, a building block. If you don't have that, you have nothing.

 

You've only been dating four months and he's already betrayed you with someone close to you. Do you honestly think it was a mistake that will never happen again? Think about what he might be doing or has done when he is certain that you will never find out.

 

Men don't change for a woman. He will not change simply because you love him or because you will do whatever it takes to work through this. He just won't. It's possible to change over time, but it won't happen while he is with you or because of you.

[Toddbt12y1]

Well the thing is:

 

You have to be willing to set aside these feelings. First, deal with them, then set them aside. You have not been able too. Usually, when an affair occurs, and both partners choose to stay together, the one cheated on(you) must set rules so the other partner(bf) can follow by to regain your trust.

 

You too will have to work at total forgiveness and let it go. Means, eventually letting him go out at night. Hangout alone with friends. Talk to other females/text.

 

Without accussing him. Otherwise you haven't truly forgiven him and this will not work.

 

My ex gemma. I forgave her, but I couldn't stay with her. Ofc, she cheated on me with over four different guys. If I stayed with her, I'd feel the same as you..so I couldn't.

[TaraMaiden]

yeah, but the bs is pretty big bs.

It's all consuming and eating you up with jealousy.

 

So, what do YOU intend to do about your part in it, and what does he intend to do about his?

[kmhlove]

You say everything is great except for the fact that you don't trust him. That's a pretty major part of a relationship, a building block. If you don't have that, you have nothing.

 

You've only been dating four months and he's already betrayed you with someone close to you. Do you honestly think it was a mistake that will never happen again? Think about what he might be doing or has done when he is certain that you will never find out.

 

Men don't change for a woman. He will not change simply because you love him or because you will do whatever it takes to work through this. He just won't. It's possible to change over time, but it won't happen while he is with you or because of you.

 

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. I know it sounds incredibly stupid for me to stay with him, I want to at least try to fix things.

[Toddbt12y1]

yeah, but the bs is pretty big bs.

It's all consuming and eating you up with jealousy.

 

So, what do YOU intend to do about your part in it, and what does he intend to do about his?

 

That's just it. Neither are working on it. She gives him free range, after he cheated; while she worries to death in jealousy over what he's doing.

 

She and he are young. She is 18, but she must set ground rules. Then work on forgiveness.

[KraftDinner]

You say he has owned up to it, but he hasn't if he continues to text other chicks. If he was really serious about making up for his mistake, he'd bend over backwards to prove he was trustworthy. But instead, it's YOUR problem....your jealousy...?

 

Kissing your FRIEND after only 2.5 months? And then still texting other girls? Are you serious?

 

Next.

[kmhlove]

Well the thing is:

 

You have to be willing to set aside these feelings. First, deal with them, then set them aside. You have not been able too. Usually, when an affair occurs, and both partners choose to stay together, the one cheated on(you) must set rules so the other partner(bf) can follow by to regain your trust.

 

You too will have to work at total forgiveness and let it go. Means, eventually letting him go out at night. Hangout alone with friends. Talk to other females/text.

 

Without accussing him. Otherwise you haven't truly forgiven him and this will not work.

 

My ex gemma. I forgave her, but I couldn't stay with her. Ofc, she cheated on me with over four different guys. If I stayed with her, I'd feel the same as you..so I couldn't.

 

When the incident happened, we did set some rules down. He agreed with them, and he's followed through. Which is another reason why I don't want to end it. I don't know really how to explain it, but some days I do feel like I trust him, and other days not so much?

[Joaquin]

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. I know it sounds incredibly stupid for me to stay with him, I want to at least try to fix things.

 

this is where you are going wrong. he is the one who has to fix things. he shouldnt have to be told.

 

you would be better off taking a big step back and seeing if he actually gives a siht enough to try to WIN YOU BACK.

 

that said, what a way to start at 18. letting guys mess you around like this. not a good start at all.

[Toddbt12y1]

And set a rule: no texting other girls till my trust in you can be reestablished.

 

Think of it as a test:

 

If he follows through with it, he was sincere about being sorry for it.

 

Fact is, he should be doing all the work to prove himself; just as Kraft said.

 

Then and only then....should you work on true forgiveness: which means more freedom.

 

He broke the law; his freedom has been mostly sacrificed.

 

But missy....you are 18, young, this relationship is young. Don't let one Guy rule your years away.

 

Trust me....I know what it is like to be cheated on.

[loversquarrel]

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. I know it sounds incredibly stupid for me to stay with him, I want to at least try to fix things.

 

1.) You're 18.

2.) 4 months in

3.) a shade over your sliver anniversary he cheated on you with your "best friend"

4.) Am I missing something?

 

All you are going to fix is his increased lack of respect for you. Get used to being a welcome mat.

[Leigh 87]

Forget about it guys. She won't listen.

 

Most 18 year olds are like this. And plenty of older ladies who simply do not get what true love, trust, and respect mean in a relationship.

 

2 months is enough to know wheather or not a guy feels strongly enough and respectst the relationship enough to work hard for it to continue.

 

Here are a list of things that people in really loving, happy relationships do:

 

- Men who are in a relationship that they are very happy in, will NOT put themselves in positions where they could fall for other women!

 

For example: kmhlove's boyfriend, if he is seriously invested in keeping this relationship alive and healthy, he will NOT hang around girls who he can see himself getting feelings for!

......kmhlove - if your boyfriend was SERIOUS about your relationship, TRULY serious about being with you: he would not remain in contact with girls who he could see himself falling for.

 

 

..................It sounds to me like he did not necessarily have feelings for your friend, but rather does not have strong feelings for you, and coul dnot resist the sexual side of things.

[GSB81]

Forget about it guys. She won't listen.

 

Most 18 year olds are like this. And plenty of older ladies who simply do not get what true love, trust, and respect mean in a relationship.

 

2 months is enough to know wheather or not a guy feels strongly enough and respectst the relationship enough to work hard for it to continue.

 

Here are a list of things that people in really loving, happy relationships do:

 

- Men who are in a relationship that they are very happy in, will NOT put themselves in positions where they could fall for other women!

 

For example: kmhlove's boyfriend, if he is seriously invested in keeping this relationship alive and healthy, he will NOT hang around girls who he can see himself getting feelings for!

......kmhlove - if your boyfriend was SERIOUS about your relationship, TRULY serious about being with you: he would not remain in contact with girls who he could see himself falling for.

 

 

..................It sounds to me like he did not necessarily have feelings for your friend, but rather does not have strong feelings for you, and coul dnot resist the sexual side of things.

 

 

I totally agree with your post. It's pure common sense, but I'd like to point something out. If a guy were to tell his girlfriend something like this, he'd be considered controlling and insecure. For some reason, I've noticed this on here, among my friends and family, and certainly is my own experiences. Just saying.