simplexed Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Met the current girl im with about a year and 8 months ago, its been a crazy ride since then and i'll try and keep this succinct. I met her on my 24th birthday, I had a huge party and she came with a friend of mine. We started dating and she moved an hour away to another city for school, I visited 3-5 times any given week and stayed the night often. This was difficult and taxing driving back and forth daily for work but I really liked her and things were going very well. I trusted her implicitly up to this point, even though I knew she liked going to the bar with her single friends and clubbing as well, she always reassured me that she was happy with me and the way things were progressing. 5 months after we met she logged into her facebook on my phone and forgot to log out, a message popped up from a guy saying to call her after work. Naturally my curiosity got the best of me and it turns out they had gone to a rave together and kissed (the night of the rave she called me and said i'd have nothing to worry about and she'd text me throughout the evening. Even though she didnt I just assumed the best at the time, after confronting her about it she said that we werent official and that she could do whatever she wanted. I broke it off with her after that, throughout the next few days she professed how much she'd changed and realized how much I meant to her. It was just a kiss so I decided to forgive and forget and move forward with her. A month later I threw a Halloween party and one of my co workers came. I knew the two of them liked one another around the time we started dating but assumed she picked me over him. This is where everything went nightmarish, later in the evening he asked to talk to me privately and told me he was really sorry but that after we had started dating the two of them had slept together. I was crushed by this and tried to break it off again with her. I demanded to know why she didnt tell me at the time instead of me finding out from the guy she cheated with months later. She had no answers for me but promised to change and be better. I continued going to visit her and she did seem improved, she was more open with me about what she did and always texted and called when she was out. But at this point my trust was basically nonexistant. Last August (a year and 4 months or so after we started dating), she moved across state to go to school. I cant shake the feeling of mistrust and anger I have for what she did back then, its poisoned my view of her, I no longer look at her like the perfect girl i did back then. I mistrust her, she goes to bars 3 or so times a week with friends, I mistrust her motives for doing that and what she could be doing there. She regularly professes how into me she is and how she's changed as a person. How it took her a while to get to this point that she's 100% committed and that she'd never hurt me again. I cannot shake my anger with her for what she did over a year ago, I love her without a doubt, but the long distance has added alot of strain. And I question her motives for going to bars so often. I believe she wouldnt do anything to hurt me but the anger and dissapointment and feelings of betrayal wont go away. She has offered to stay and work through them with me, but im not sure if i'll ever get over it. Her social activities definitely dont inspire my confidence either, bars that often make me question any girl in a committed relationship but one with our history is difficult to accept. The indecision is affecting everything I do and I need some advice. I love this girl, but should I stay? Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 No, you shouldn't stay. She's a party girl and has proven twice that she's not into you as much as you're into her. I'm done with party girls myself. Yeah, they are fun, but not girlfriend material. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 You believe she wouldn't hurt you????....um....she already has. You've got to get yourself out. She tells you she has changed? Where's the change?? Listen - I don't think I need to explain to you why people go to bars 3 times a week. Once in a while with friends, fine, but 3 times a week? Sorry man, but you know wtf she's up to. If she's doing that and getting hammered? Then that's not just going out to have a good time, that's a problem. I've been with girls like this, and they are good for one thing and one thing only FWB. This has to fall into the "IF YOU HAVE TO ASK" category. Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplexed Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Thanks for the responses guys, she reaffirms her committment to me alot but I dont believe. Its difficult to accept it from someone who again has shown no change. I appreciate the advice!! Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 When they want to use you for a security blanket, they will often times tell you what they think you want to hear. You're right not to believe her. Link to post Share on other sites
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