Krieger Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Anyway I decided to go back to college a 2nd time .My job is OK but it a dead end job and it is nothing I am passion at about doing forever. Retail sucks and I do not like it at all so it was time to do something new. Working night crew for the rest of my life is no fun and there no wear to go in retail.My job just does not pay well like $18 an hour will not feed a family even working full time. I have only be getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night with a nap in between . here is my weekly schedule. work: sun-fri - 11:30 pm till 8:30 am class taking two class 10:30am till 1:30pm mon-wed-fri study mon-wed-fri 2pm till 6pm study tue - thurs 10 am till 6pm sleep at 7pm every night and get up at 10:50 pm weekends i do not work but get up at 6am and study until 10am and eat then go to the library until 6pm and go home to study some more . Sacrificing sleep to become successful and no time for a girlfriend ,no time for friends or family and giving up every thing not related to work or studying. The desire to feel like i am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself, but it helps . I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure.When I'm feeling in a darker place, my perception is that everything sucks and even though I've done this, it seems I should have done more. Trying to stay grateful helps. Anyway last weeks was crazy I felt good going to work then drove to school and felt like crying did some of that in the car got it together then went to class left school and was happy as can be. On a good week I will get 30 hours of sleep on a bad week 21 hours of sleep. I take adderall 30 mg and I have tried provigil it keeps you up for 22 hours I need to work and go to class. So is this life style making me depressed? I feel crap by weeks end and emotionally drained by weeks end. What can I do not to feel depressed other then sleep more. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 I understand that a fear of being a loser is a driving force. I know I feel that way, sometimes, too. But from what I can tell, you are using incorrect thinking and assumptions which is driving you towards some "rigid" notion of external success. Looking to have "achieved" so that this monkey-on-your-back of pending loserhood will go away. I won't say that external circumstances don't impact our internal reality. They do, and vice versa. But try to make a shift and find things you are passionate about and that have meaning. Find a way to develop intrinsic motivation, so that your external success is a symptom of your internal reality. So that you find some peace and contentment in living in the moment. In the meantime, you cannot short change yourself on so little sleep!!! Not getting enough sleep can be very dangerous!!! And you are setting up yourself for failure. You'll burn out and crash. You are a human being after all!!! You'll get more quality study time with less time studying, but with more sleep. Stop taking adderrall. In the meantime, here is a book: Chronotherapy: Resetting Your Inner Clock to Boost Mood, Alertness, and Quality Sleep: Michael Terman Ph.D., Ian McMahan Ph.D.: 9781583334720: Amazon.com: Books Give yourself a break, dude, and get some sleep! Link to post Share on other sites
Fatdrifter Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Anyway I decided to go back to college a 2nd time .My job is OK but it a dead end job and it is nothing I am passion at about doing forever. Retail sucks and I do not like it at all so it was time to do something new. Working night crew for the rest of my life is no fun and there no wear to go in retail.My job just does not pay well like $18 an hour will not feed a family even working full time. I have only be getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night with a nap in between . here is my weekly schedule. work: sun-fri - 11:30 pm till 8:30 am class taking two class 10:30am till 1:30pm mon-wed-fri study mon-wed-fri 2pm till 6pm study tue - thurs 10 am till 6pm sleep at 7pm every night and get up at 10:50 pm weekends i do not work but get up at 6am and study until 10am and eat then go to the library until 6pm and go home to study some more . Sacrificing sleep to become successful and no time for a girlfriend ,no time for friends or family and giving up every thing not related to work or studying. The desire to feel like i am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself, but it helps . I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure.When I'm feeling in a darker place, my perception is that everything sucks and even though I've done this, it seems I should have done more. Trying to stay grateful helps. Anyway last weeks was crazy I felt good going to work then drove to school and felt like crying did some of that in the car got it together then went to class left school and was happy as can be. On a good week I will get 30 hours of sleep on a bad week 21 hours of sleep. I take adderall 30 mg and I have tried provigil it keeps you up for 22 hours I need to work and go to class. So is this life style making me depressed? I feel crap by weeks end and emotionally drained by weeks end. What can I do not to feel depressed other then sleep more. I generally stay up til 4am nightly when nobody's trying to regulate me. Does it make me more prone to depression? It raises some irritability but I feel like I already have cause to be depressed to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 yes, lack of sleep will cause depression. You already know that thou.!!! The 1 question that no one has been able to really proove...is what?... Why do we need to sleep!! aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 I generally stay up til 4am nightly when nobody's trying to regulate me. Does it make me more prone to depression? It raises some irritability but I feel like I already have cause to be depressed to begin with. so its a circle that you wont get out of..ouroborus lack of sleep makes me grumpy. Life makes me grumpy.; i hate it that i have to go to work every single day just to pay the bills that i have to pay every single day i hate the fact that it`s costing me more money to GET to work than i earn!! Wouldn`t EVERYONE just like to rich??? Oh how i`d LOVE for my numbers to come up on the lottery!!!! Would it change the world? NO it wouldn`t I`d still be the same too aM Link to post Share on other sites
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