ak8o8 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Hi, I've been a lurker since my ex-gf dumped me in the beginning of December and a lot of the posts here have helped me (for the most part) to move on. I finally decided to register an account because I had a question that hopefully some can help me with. Before I met my ex-gf (who I was dating on and off for over a year), I already thought this co-worker was cute but never really got the chance to talk to her all that much and never had strong feelings for her. As I was going out with my ex-gf, my co-worker and I began working similar shifts and we got to know each other a little better. We became work friends and talked to each other about our relationships and problems (among other things) and we had lunch together all the time (purely platonic). In November, my co-worker got out of her relationship and I tried to be as supportive as a friend could be, helping her to understand the situation from a male's perspective. In December, my ex-gf broke up with me (it's a long story in itself) and my co-worker and I found ourselves to be single. At first, my co-worker didn't believe that my ex-gf and I were broken up permanently (we broke up multiple times and the longest split was three weeks, but we always got back together) but I assured her that after this time, I was done getting hurt and wanted to move on and see who else is out there. I initiated no contact immediately with my ex-gf and my friends did not believe I could keep the no contact going because of our history. I made a bet with them that I could last for two months at least. As the two months went on, my co-worker couldn't believe that I was keeping up with the no contact despite attempts from my ex-gf to try to talk to me. Eventually my co-worker began to tell me things like we should go out and celebrate single life together. She suggested that we go out drinking or that we go on hikes or we check out restaurants that we both like or we even start to take yoga together (because she's been wanting to for a while now). I began to think that she was interested in me but really made no effort to invite her out even though I was going out with my friends to try and move on because I was thinking that it was just my loneliness that was clouding my vision. Finally, a few weeks ago, I decided it would be harmless to invite her to a bar with a group of my friends just to see what would happen. She came out and I thought we had a great time. At work, she continued to suggest that we hang out so I kept inviting her to hang out. However, with these subsequent invitations, she would call me on the day of the event and cancel on me. We went to a restaurant together but on the day of that, she invited a mutual friend to come along. That was a disappointment. I was about to give up on inviting her out, but with the last two or three cancellations, she would call me after to see how I was doing and I'd end up talking to her on the phone for almost two hours each time. The end of the two months of NC is coming up and I don't see myself contacting my ex-gf in the near future, and my co-worker has invited me to go hiking with her on Valentine's Day. I usually did the inviting but this time she invited me. My friends tell me she will probably cancel on me so I should cancel on her first so that I don't always appear available to her and she's probably looking for company and does not want to be alone on that day. Other friends tell me I should just go with her on this hike and see what happens because she may have been waiting for the two months to be done to see if I was really serious about not wanting my ex-gf back. My friends that want me to cancel tell me that if I really want to be with her, I have to play the game and cancel before she cancels on me. I hesitate to do this because I think it's very immature and out of character for me. I'm usually the nice guy, but that didn't get me success with my previous relationship as she hated that I was too available and was a pushover. So I'm at a point where I really don't know what to do. If I trusted my instinct, I would go with her and see what happens, but my instincts did not work for me in the last relationship. My friends that tell me to play the game are those who are married or are in relationships that have lasted for years, so I'm not sure what to do at this point. Thanks for any help. This community has done a lot for me in moving on past my break up in the past two months and I hope it will be able to help me in this new situation. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipop29 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Awww, why in the world you cancel on her?? On Valentine's day?!? I don't even understand. You're not being a pushover. You're going to be her Valentine's date. If I liked a guy and he cancelled on me on Valentine's Day, that would probably the end of that. I would think he obviously didn't care about me. I would tell my friends and they would all tell me that a guy who cancels on me on v-day is not worth my time. She might be scared, or had good reason for cancelling before. Don't play games if you want her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ak8o8 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Thanks for the response. I probably wouldn't have canceled but it doesn't matter anymore. Last night we were hanging out with a bunch of friends and I got super drunk. I ended up drunk dialing my coworker and told her how I felt and it didn't turn out well. Now I don't even know if she wants to continue to be friends. I guess the only positive from this is that she knows how I feel and I can move on. Also I'm doing drinking for a while... Link to post Share on other sites
lollipop29 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Thanks for the response. I probably wouldn't have canceled but it doesn't matter anymore. Last night we were hanging out with a bunch of friends and I got super drunk. I ended up drunk dialing my coworker and told her how I felt and it didn't turn out well. Now I don't even know if she wants to continue to be friends. I guess the only positive from this is that she knows how I feel and I can move on. Also I'm doing drinking for a while... You told her how you felt... as in, that you have feelings for her? Or that you were thinking about cancelling? I guess it's good you got it out there... maybe if she likes you she will follow through Link to post Share on other sites
Author ak8o8 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 Yeah I told her I had feelings for her. She called me earlier this morning and told me she doesn't feel the same way and that we can just be friends. She also canceled the hike because her dog is not feeling well. I definitely see how I stand with her now. Moving on... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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