Getting into a long distance relationship

[subzero]

I will be entering the navy in a short while. There is this girl that I dated for about a year a while ago, and everything was great. we were in love until one day I got scared and left her. I think I want her back now, but I think its too late since I am leaving for the military. Should I even try and do long distance relationships ever work?? thank you

[Tony T]

With your excellent deductive reasoning, it is highly likely you will become Chief of Naval Operations before you are discharged from the military.

 

Yes, it is way too late. You open yourself up for massive heartbreak if you think you can satisfy a woman's emotional and physical needs with letters from a carrier, battleship or land station.

 

If the two of you were currently an item of longstanding with close and strong emotional bonds, that would be a different story. But the two of you would be starting over...with letters, yuk!

 

You say you left her because you got scared. That is proof positive that you would be attracted to and be most comfortable with long distance relationships. You might just want to use some of your off-duty time to read books on the subject and work on yourself regarding your fear of love and committment so that when you do have the opportunity for love, you won't run away from it.

 

If you did embark on a letter-love situation with this gal, she would soon remember your prior quick exit from the relationship due to fear, she would talk to girlfriends, and you would get the boot yourself. Or she may just subconsciously be looking for a way to get back at you for giving her the boot before.

 

Love is scary and it takes a man with courage to meet it head-on and take all the risks for such great rewards. Your military training may just give you the courage you need to stand up and face love. It's not really as bad as facing a fleet of missile-carrying submarines.

 

Meanwhile, don't get anything going with this girl. Her eventual Dear John letter could set you back a bit and you don't need that.

[Deejette]

Long distance relationships take on an unreal quality because you are not going out and doing things together, you are writing to each other. And just like the internet romances that we read about on the LoveShack, where people declare their love without ever even meeting the person or seeing how they behave over time, long distance love affairs are more shadow than substance.

 

Love is more than sweet words and small talk about how a person's day is going. It is being there for a person and offering emotional suppport as well as physical affection. You showed her that you could not be there for her and you cut and ran when things got too intimate. She will still see you as a person who is not really there for her (because you are literally not there) and you can't expect her to give up dating other people and wait for you to come back to her.

 

However, it wouldn't hurt for you to tell her that you felt bad about breaking things off the way you did and that you are really interested in her. Then you can leave it up to her to take up the relationship from where you left off.

With your excellent deductive reasoning, it is highly likely you will become Chief of Naval Operations before you are discharged from the military. Yes, it is way too late. You open yourself up for massive heartbreak if you think you can satisfy a woman's emotional and physical needs with letters from a carrier, battleship or land station. If the two of you were currently an item of longstanding with close and strong emotional bonds, that would be a different story. But the two of you would be starting over...with letters, yuk! You say you left her because you got scared. That is proof positive that you would be attracted to and be most comfortable with long distance relationships. You might just want to use some of your off-duty time to read books on the subject and work on yourself regarding your fear of love and committment so that when you do have the opportunity for love, you won't run away from it. If you did embark on a letter-love situation with this gal, she would soon remember your prior quick exit from the relationship due to fear, she would talk to girlfriends, and you would get the boot yourself. Or she may just subconsciously be looking for a way to get back at you for giving her the boot before. Love is scary and it takes a man with courage to meet it head-on and take all the risks for such great rewards. Your military training may just give you the courage you need to stand up and face love. It's not really as bad as facing a fleet of missile-carrying submarines. Meanwhile, don't get anything going with this girl. Her eventual Dear John letter could set you back a bit and you don't need that.