Chi townD Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I have a feeling that she's realizing that her actions aren't hurting you anymore. She also feels you detacting from her. She feels you distancing yourself from her. But, she's not done hurting you. SO! one of the only things she has left to mess with you is using the kids. She knows and seen that you've grown really close to the kids, so she's trying to hit you where it hurts. Now, more than ever, you need to carry that VAR with you at all times! It should be second nature to you to carry that thing. "Watch, wallet, VAR...okay! Let's go!" Have your lawyer work it out for you. That's what you're paying him for. He's going to get your visitation at 50/50 (which is what will be DICTATED by the courts). She won't have a say in it. What she wants and what she's going to get are two different things. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyinnj Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 (edited) Confused what is VAR? Yeah papers got to lawyer today took a week, suddenly she doesn't want to travel for work and is still pushing for M-F I will push back hard. Oh I know she isn't done she sent me one of the photos saying maybe she'll care.... And texted me madly, I was not on phone today so I could ignore Edited June 19, 2013 by lonelyinnj Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 My (ex) wanted to pull the same thing. I don't know how many times I made it clear that I was NOT losing my kids any more than 50% of the time and I didn't care how far we had to go to get there. I told her (via the attorney) that we could do it by ourselves, through our attorneys/mediation, or through court but that's the only way it was going to end. It just gets more expensive the longer it takes to get there. And yes, she and her attorney pulled out every devious card they could to scare me into settling for less (threatened to paint me as a violent alcoholic would couldn't hold a job, blah, blah, blah). None of it worked and we settled on 50/50 during a long day of mediation. Let her spew her nonsense and keep sticking to your guns. Other than punishing you, she has probably realized that the more she has the kids, the more she'll get from you for child support. The formula would be heavily in her favor if you became an every other weekend Dad. Just keep saying that you insist on 50/50 and will NEVER accept anything less no matter what the cost. In some states, you can get the court to issue a temporary custody order to dictate custody until a more permament agreement is reached. Don't set a precedent for accepting less than 50/50. This should probably be the big focus of conversations with your atty in the short-term. Propose terms that you know work best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 A VAR is a Voice Activated Recorder. It wouldn't surprise me if she tries to pull "I don't feel safe with him around" to get you out and away from the kids if she feels you're not playing by her rules. So, record every conversation. Keep your voice level and calm ALWAYS!!! Never raise your voice to her and if you feel it on the rise; then walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyinnj Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 Talked to attorney. My state is 50-50 everything unless you are crazy bad parent or dangerous. Yes we will file motion based on status quo for past months. Gotcha on VAR but I'm not talking to her. In fact on Sunday handoff I dropped them ignored her not a word kissed and hugged kids. She later texted me on how I treated her badly during hang off (I was indifferent no existence) Got a photo of one of the girls telling me to have fun with my new best friend not her. Lawyer discussed reply to include account of adultery on her since she amended hers to accuse me (note my state and courts don't care) I am thinking I should counterclaim that. He said it wouldn't do anything for case plus or minus but would allow me to express myself. Any pros cons? Even after all this I would consider se path to repair before divorce so I don't know if necessary expense other than you did it to legally... Thinking it over. He also said I could file cruelty as he read over texts and abandonment in the texts and documentation. File one or both counterclaims is my dilemma. Adultery I can just name person and address but cruelty I need to file examples and documentation which is easy. Just holding a mirror up for her and clearing my conscience. No legal results or should I not bother Lastly I will file motion for 50-50 and hold to it. That will easily standup in my state since there is no reply any restriction of married person from their kids on her part will only make her look evil and unfit Holding up well so far Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyinnj Posted June 28, 2013 Author Share Posted June 28, 2013 Well I've detached much better since accepting the service I haven't responded yet but told lawyer is want to counter file with adultery since she did. I do think I have been "replaced" as she is now saying she is putting things in storage and wants to prepare her place for sale but then get a text about me drinking red bull etc. Anyway I went in a random date tonite just to "go on as if that is the next step" had fun, enjoyed being myself without criticism and without control. It is sad my family is broken this way but I have been and will continue to be a great dad.... She seems mad that I have the Fourth of July hinting she wants some time I don't know if I should allow her some time or be a by the rules guy since she has been by the rules with me.... I really want to report that ******* to HR cause he made everything much worse and I think we are down the path of no recovery... But half of me says wait until the fat lady sings as doing that is a certain ender? Or perhaps it isn't I don't know. Anyway I get kids tomorrow afternoon and am excited I miss them all the time I go in stores and just wan to shop for them... My ADD meds are really good, although I had an emotional break the other day alone in the car mourning the end if the marriage crying I guess part of letting go Plus she keeps trying to control me which makes it easier to step away (eg she told me I had to take kids to birthday party on my day but I'd rather go to the beach... It is my daughters good friends brother but we were close to the parents... Though awkward to go alone) Thanks for the encouragement. Moving on "as if" Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyinnj Posted July 18, 2013 Author Share Posted July 18, 2013 I have a feeling that she's realizing that her actions aren't hurting you anymore. She also feels you detacting from her. She feels you distancing yourself from her. But, she's not done hurting you. SO! one of the only things she has left to mess with you is using the kids. She knows and seen that you've grown really close to the kids, so she's trying to hit you where it hurts. Now, more than ever, you need to carry that VAR with you at all times! It should be second nature to you to carry that thing. "Watch, wallet, VAR...okay! Let's go! Have your lawyer work it out for you. That's what you're paying him for. He's going to get your visitation at 50/50 (which is what will be DICTATED by the courts). She won't have a say in it. What she wants and what she's going to get are two different things. Well now a month later I just filed my response to service and included an adultery account to counter hers and named him and place of work and his home address Yes she had her lawyer send over a letter indicating she was going to file a motion for full custody except every other weekend after knowing that my kids are my Rock. And that I stopped giving a **** what shhe is doing and making my own friends. I am not looking for anything other than being out I don't need anything but my kids She continues to try to pick fights and I continue to try to walk away though sometimes I don't and let her get to me (she had movers storing stuff) ands was late picking up kids and blocking my spot Really she is disgusting as I wouldn't have done this to her. It is sick. Yes I wronged first seeking sexual touch from a sexless marriage that she created . Nothing justifies my actions but they were not out of the blue I counter filed on adultery naming him and his workplace (hers) and I expect the next few weeks to turn into war but I'm not biting I love my kids and no way in hell is she getting her way after her antics I have changed and I am getting my 50-50 Standing my ground now Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Well now a month later I just filed my response to service and included an adultery account to counter hers and named him and place of work and his home address Yes she had her lawyer send over a letter indicating she was going to file a motion for full custody except every other weekend after knowing that my kids are my Rock. And that I stopped giving a **** what shhe is doing and making my own friends. I am not looking for anything other than being out I don't need anything but my kids She continues to try to pick fights and I continue to try to walk away though sometimes I don't and let her get to me (she had movers storing stuff) ands was late picking up kids and blocking my spot Really she is disgusting as I wouldn't have done this to her. It is sick. Yes I wronged first seeking sexual touch from a sexless marriage that she created . Nothing justifies my actions but they were not out of the blue I counter filed on adultery naming him and his workplace (hers) and I expect the next few weeks to turn into war but I'm not biting I love my kids and no way in hell is she getting her way after her antics I have changed and I am getting my 50-50 Standing my ground now Sounds pretty familiar. My ex is a nutbag, too. Keep sticking to your guns on 50/50. You'll be glad you did. It took until the sixth hour of mediation (my wife continually insisting on greater than 50/50) before she understood both letters in the word, NO. I would have gladly gone to court; she was smart to finally avoid it. I enjoyed asking her which letter she didn't comprehend. I never hinted at any willingness to budge and I think that helped. By the way, you sound like you're doing well. You're making decisions with your head. Smart move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyinnj Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Sticking to my guns she is off the rails trying to play my kids now. Not fair not right I am taking the high ground. I will fight for 50-50 on every basis. I will also fight for every dollar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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