should i stop revenge affair

[LeGenDary_Man]

I don't think I explained well we are all together for recital. Including grandparents this is for the kids it is their day. I feel awkward not responding but really how do you...

You need to walk out from this mess with some of your dignity intact.

 

No one is advising you to be rude to your wife but you need to move beyond the stage of exchanging pleasantries between you and her. You should restrict your conversations with her for matters involving your kids only; nothing more.

 

Your wife already perceives you as a jerk and your "nice guy behavior" isn't going to make difference. You made a bad decision but attempted to reconcile. However, your wife didn't reciprocate properly and strayed too much; I suspect that she had some chemistry with OM prior to the revelation but she used the revelation to her advantage to fuel her cake-eating desires. Man-up for your own good.

 

Your "nice guy behavior" gives your wife the normality vibe; that it is OK for her to trash you and you would still be nice to her. Don't do this.

 

Is this so difficult to understand?

Edited June 8, 2013 by LeGenDary_Man

[lonelyinnj]

It was my kids day I don't even respond to the Happy Anniversary at all all about my kids and I would fall on a knife and jump in front of a car for them. I am that kind of man and that kind of dad.

 

I did not play niceties... But weird **** happened anyway just weird.

 

We came back and before I got home she sent kids up to my apt with her parents to show their now rooms which everyone marveled at... But I said it was not polite to do that without me

 

She blew up that I didn't communicate thinking more that she didnt appreciate the indifference I showed to today. Super angry I didn't get angry just said I feel it wasn't courteous to allow me to introduce my new rooms.. Everyone was hanging out at my place including her parents while she stayed downstairs stewing yeah for me not to engage And not to be the doormat.

 

Weirder at the rehearsal for my kids she almost kissed me?? Kissed her mom then started to try to kiss me and stopped which was totally an accident...

 

Detaching on today is a challenge that I rethink I've faced well.

[Chi townD]

Alright morning warriors how does one respond

When you stbex texts Happy Anniversary... Checking to see if she has all the cards still? Ugh

 

I am ignoring for the day.

 

 

Well, either that was a cruel jab at you, or one of those sentences to keep you within the status quo with false hope.

 

I like the analogy that the friend used about her "holding all of the cards" And you've used a "card" reference already.

 

I'm going to give you another one. There are two things a wise gambler knows. He knows when the cards are stacked against him. And he knows when to fold and walk away from the table.

[lonelyinnj]

Yeah card analogy works for me. I'm an unusually aggressive poker (and chess） player playing against good hands despite needing to fold which is wiser

 

Ok of three options

1. Inform my lawyer to call hers and tel her they will accept service on my behalf (her move）

2. Sign and notarized service and give to her

3. Sign and notarize service and give to her lawyer (I don't know if they auto file it or call her to ask what to do)

 

You choose?

[Chi townD]

Just talk to you lawyer and have the papers drawn up. Your lawyer should have a process server serve her the papers. You shouldn't have to do that. That's what you're paying a lawyer for. Let him/her do the work.

 

And DO NOT tell her she's about to be served. Let it come as a shock to her. Let her see that you had the balls enough to do it. Sounds like in your last talk, it kinda sound like she was DARING you to file. Because she doesn't think you will. Well, now she'll know that SHE pushed you too far

 

So, don't tell her. You need to have those papers served to her. To surprise her, to get the full affect of reality smacking her in the face. If you warn her ahead of time, she'll know it's coming and she'll have time to prepare herself and brace herself for what's coming and you lose the element of surprise.

 

Is she going to be pissed? Maybe...probably...but let her yell, scream and say all the nasty things she's going to say. You stay calm and cool.

[LeGenDary_Man]

@lonelyinnj

 

I don't understand that why you are wasting time?

 

If you have made all the necessary arrangements for a possible break-up then make your next move; serve your wife divorce papers NOW and keep this as a surprise for her as member (Chi townD) pointed out.

 

Do not give options to your wife; do not give her considerable time to continue to humiliate you; do not grant her the opportunity to serve you the divorce papers, if she has such a plan.

 

Get out of your messed-up marriage in dignified manner. You attempted to save your marriage but it didn't work out and your wife have actually steam-rolled you.

 

Man-up now for your own good.

Edited June 9, 2013 by LeGenDary_Man

[lonelyinnj]

I meant your choice would be?

 

She already filed in January, 5 months ago and never served me

Only by mail and I never returned service papers. I still have them

 

I could sign notarized and mail in

Sign and give to my lawyer to give to hers

Or tell my lawyer to contact hers and tell them that they are authorized to receive service on my behalf (daring her to serve me)

 

The point being to make the choice

 

I am calling my lawyer in the morning

 

I believe the best is to deliver to my lawyer signed and they notarize

I am trying to avoid unnecessary legal fees if she wants to and this makes more sense than a talk face to face. Clearly states I am ready to proceed

 

If I send in I don't know the cost of delaying abandoning if she wants to try but it will take alot on convincing on her side for me.

 

6 month separation at this point. Time for a move.

[LeGenDary_Man]

I meant your choice would be?

 

She already filed in January, 5 months ago and never served me

Only by mail and I never returned service papers. I still have them

 

I could sign notarized and mail in

Sign and give to my lawyer to give to hers

Or tell my lawyer to contact hers and tell them that they are authorized to receive service on my behalf (daring her to serve me)

 

The point being to make the choice

 

I am calling my lawyer in the morning

 

I believe the best is to deliver to my lawyer signed and they notarize

I am trying to avoid unnecessary legal fees if she wants to and this makes more sense than a talk face to face. Clearly states I am ready to proceed

 

If I send in I don't know the cost of delaying abandoning if she wants to try but it will take alot on convincing on her side for me.

 

6 month separation at this point. Time for a move.

Do not dare her to serve you.

 

Serve her instead via your lawyer. This would be option 2:

 

"Sign and give to my lawyer to give to hers"

 

Yes, let your lawyer approach her directly. Your objective should be to demonstrate to your wife that you are fed-up from her actions and you are done with her.

 

Legal fees or not, you move on with your life now and don't take this woman back. Good luck.

Edited June 10, 2013 by LeGenDary_Man

[Chi townD]

Yeah, don't even sign them yet. I'm assuming your lawyer hasn't even reviewed them at all. Let him/her look at them and see if everything is in order and is on the "Up and up". Have your lawyer make sure she isn't trying to screw you over in the settlement.

[lonelyinnj]

Talked to lawyer briefly will talk again tomorrow they indicated the best course if action is to have them draft a letter indicating we are ready to proceed and start negotiations. Based somewhat on the separation agreement that wasn't signed but sent back and forth. Equal division if everything and if he advises separating finances now (no one will steal anything so not worries on that and my business funds are inaccessible to her)

 

No heads up either. I will sign and notarize to leave with my lawyer

Update later this week...

 

As a side note during the parents over and kids day she blew up like a screaming lunatic after I told her I did not think it appropriate that she sent her parents and my kids into my apt without my permission boy was that a real reminder if the marriage (being totally in the wrong and trying to blame me) however motivational to see a lawyer

 

Later said glad I didn't berate her (for that) after she got plowed at dinner (with all parents and kids present at restaurant)

 

Thanks all

[BeholdtheMan]

Thanks all

Consider this a valuable lesson learned

 

Marriage and nude massage parlours do not mix well

[lonelyinnj]

Marriage without communication and avoiding the problems within lead to bad things. I can generalize on the nude massage parlors. Simply avoiding issues for years lead to too many opportunities for passive aggressive revenge (I believe my intent)... Facing the problems head in is much more effective and productive.

 

Well I've been thinking tonite and realized that I should have pushed forward months ago, all the "dates" I hoped for revelations on her part came and passed and I've simply self flagellated. She might have "woke up" before too much damage was done. Getting to the breaking point leaves nothing inside if you. Perhaps one day I can pass this on. Someone said DB is bad because they keep you in limbo.. I think there is some wisdom in that... If you stay in limbo you stay as an option, I am no longer an option.

 

Wallowed in drama looking for an ounce of hope which may or may not have been there.

 

My littlest one told me tonite I'm the best daddy a little girl could ever have and that alone I can sustain on. I have never been closer or happier with my kids. My older one definitely senses something and is misbehaving some, I hold her and tell her I love her to calm her but can't tell her why her parents aren't together. My kids school teacher sent me a lette telling me she has really come out if her shell this year, perhaps because I became a good dad, perhaps the tension and arguments in the marriage stopped, either way my kids live me more than ever and I am closer to them.

 

So I'm pushing forward with my lawyer tomorrow, I am not changing dates with her to match conflicts in her schedule and going to rely on my own family to help me when I need coverage not her. She wanted a provision that the other parent gets first dibs on time but that can be settled in the divorce negotiation for now I'm hard sticking to schedule and canceling all family dinners on Sundays

 

I realized now that had I taken action earlier I might have been able to save my marriage but she is now entrenched in the OM relationship I believe and the only thing for me to do for my sanity for myself is to get out

 

Perhaps thinking about some little things (for example she wouldn't "allow" me to have a subwoofer because she didnt want one and now being able to just go buy one and install a nice speaker and sub) made me realize her behavior inside the marriage as suffocating and manipulative. And continues to be. I may have come to terms with my shortcomings and my bad behaviors but she has not and therefore it isn't a marriage I want back into.

 

So as of 11:00 tomorrow the response letter and service acknowledgement will be sent (well after he writes it) and moving forward. Given out finances are complicated I expect it to take 4-5 months before final resolution.

 

I hope someday I can help others not make the mistakes I made early on staying in limbo... Explaining not only what to do (someone early in said run to the divorce process) but now I realize why... Because that early on might wake someone up and moreso save yourself from damage. Yes I am severely damaged by the reaction and the inability if her to come to reason.

 

Wish me luck. I already have my health and kids love.

[Guitarjeff]

I don't post much here, but I have never in my life seen someone inflict so much pain and misery on their own self. On some infidelity forums they do what's called "Hitting you with a 2x4" to FINALLY get you to see that YOUR ACTIONS YOURSELF are causing you to remain IN THE WORST POSSIBLE PAIN FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY REMAIN IN IT!! Your weakness is almost STAGGERING.

 

So know up front that the 2x4 is meant to help you, not hurtyou. When I call you weak like a quivering bowl of jelly it is meant to SLAP you in to realizing that THIS IS NOW YOU HURTING YOUR OWN SELF, this is not about your marriage or her ANYMORE, this is about YOU BEING A COMPLETE AND UTTER DOORMAT out of pure, unadulterated weakness

 

I want you to repeat after me. MY ACTIONS ARE ASSURING THAT I WILL STAY IN AS MUCH PAIN AS POSSIBLE FOR AS LONG AS I POSSIBLY CAN!!! SAY.

 

I am taking the hard approach with you because we see the many months and many pages of how you disregard good advice here so that you can show her how weak and pathetic you are.

 

I want you to offer to hold her boyfriends balls up while he bangs her, and I want you to whimper like a little puppy while he dumps his load in her. Do you realize that after he bangs her that they have probably laughed at you and how weak and pathetic you are? Do you realize this?

 

Are you kidding with this stuff? This thread should be a sticky and others should use it to show weak folks just how low someone can take their weakness. This thread should be a sticky to show WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT do if you have an OUNCE of self pride.

 

Why on EARTH do you not see that she does just enough to push you away, and then says just enough things to also keep you hanging on too. Why do you think that is? UH, IT'S BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BANG THIS GUY AND BE HIS SPERM BAG WHILE YOUR WEAK AZZ takes care of the kids and basically holds his balls up for her so they won't slap too hard on her azz.

 

Are you kidding with this living next door to each other? WHAT A CROCK when you say you HAVE to do this. You are CHOOSING TO DO IT and even using your kids as a excuse to quiver and fall at her feet with weakness hoping she will feel sorry for you.

 

Sorry,, but this is THE 2x4 you need to open your eyes.

 

Have you filed for divorce yet, or like usual, does SHE DECIDE what you will do for you? You are her puppet, dancing on her string while her and her REAL man bang and then laugh at how pathetic you are.

 

Next time you see her I want you to show your true colors. I want you to fall at her feet and start crying, and hang on to her leg and use a high-pitched whimper like a little puppy. Cry and tell her "I am nothing, you decide everything for my life, why I CAN'T just file for divorce if you order me not to by throwing a bone my way while you get the REAL BONE from your boyfriend" Then, as she walks away pulling you along on the floor, I want you to start shaking uncontrollably. Truly show her how weak you are. If you can make even her sickened by how weak you are she MIGHT feel sorry for you and ALLOW YOU to file for divorce, but remember, get her PERMISSION FIRST, cause lord knows you aren't man enough to actually decide something for yourself, SHE GIVES THE ORDERS how you will live your life, GOT IT??? She will TELL YOU when you can live your life and make a new path and get on with living, YOU DON'T DECIDE THAT, SHE DOES!!!

 

It's time that you face the truth, happiness will never be yours, well, because SHE DECIDES whether you can be happy and start a new life.

 

My friend, you are THE DOORMAT of doormats. This is NOT me attempting to be mean to be mean, I am FIANLLY speaking the truth in this thread, the REAL TRUTH and hoping that a 2x4 upside the head will make you BREAK THROUGH YOUR SPINELESS WEAKNESS and begin to stand up for your own self.

 

Now repeat after me again, ready?

"My actions in this matter are DIRECTLY keeping me in as much of this pain as possible for the longest possible time I can remain in it."

 

She FILED FOR DIVORCE. She is now TAKING LOADS INSIDE HER from another man. WHEN WILL YOU, (notice I said YOU) be ready to man up and divorce and start a new life with new goals and new dreams? IT'S NOT YOUR PLACE to analyze her, she filed, she wants out, she's banging other men and laughing at how weak you are, but she's thinking, "well, if he is so weak that he lets me bang someone AND he is still hanging on, what the heck, I might as well exploit his weakness to get the things I want and all I have to do is throw a few crumbs at him, push him away sometimes, (just to let him know that he is far to weak and pathetic for me to ever want him again), and sometimes throw a crumb or two so that I can use his weakness in my favor as well. Then again, why wouldn't she do this if you are OFFERING yourself up as a slave?

 

Do you realize that had you manned up months ago you would be a good distance down the path of your new life and feeling NO WHERE NEAR the pain you are feeling now? Do you realize that YOU YOURSELF are now inflicting this misery and pain upon yourself and making it last MUCH MUCH longer than need be? In other words, THIS IS NOW ABOUT YOU YOURSELF inflicting pain upon your own life because you don't like yourself nor respect yourself. This is NO LONGER about her. You had the power long ago to stop her from being able to hurt you. Now you are ACTIVELY seeking our her mistreatment of you. And really, she isn't even mistreating you because she is free to bang this other guy, as she says, SHE FILED, you are JUST TOO WEAK to accept it, that's not really her fault. If she came here she would probably say, "Geez folks, I mean, I hate to see him in pain like this too but I can only disrespect him to drive him out of here so much before I realize that he is simply too weak to be a man and put a stop to it. I am now banging my boyfriend and filed for divorce but this quivering bowl of jelly is so pathetic that he is willing to just sit there and WANT to be used and abused.

 

A Saying I love is--"a man will walk in to hell with both eyes open, but even the devil can't fool a dog" I want you to think about how that saying applies to your situation.

 

Again, I say these things because you need the REAL TRUTH and to see how you look to others, even friends and family.

 

I want you to read Bryan37 post "my wife had affair with her best friends husband" READ IT, because it will show you how a REAL MAN takes command of his life in a crappy situation. There is nothing more awesome than to watch a REAL MAN take control of his situation and demand that he takes command of the firestorm around him.

 

My older brother is a real man like that. I remember years ago that his wife had an affair. I remember when he found out about it he said something I never forgot, and when I read Bryan37's story, I was reminded of it. When my brother found out he said, "THANK GOD SOMEONE WITH SOME BRAINS AND SOME SELF RESPECT FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS". Then he preceded to take command of everything. He put her azz out of his home and life and within just a few months he already had his new place, his new path, his new life, and a new girl. It was AWESOME to watch, and so I want you to read the post by Bryan37 to see how long ago you could have reduced this hell you are in. This doesn't mean Bryan didn't feel pain and misery, he would be the first to admit he felt terrible pain I'm sure. It's that he REFUSED to let his pain guide his life and force him to accept a slow, cancer. He knew no matter how bad he hurt that he could NEVER allow himself to let that pain take away his manhood and leadership qualities. Can you understand this? He took DECISIVE action no matter HOW MUCH PAIN HE WAS IN.

 

Read his story and let it guide you and inspire you. TIME TO BE A MAN and love yourself now, isn't it???

[lonelyinnj]

Yes you are right 100%. You'll be glad to hear I called lawyer and submitted the service papers and response forthcoming conveyor is rolling. So you should smile and put down the 2x4

 

As someone said on the other forum here comes the ****storm... And not onlythat I will admit I felt a bit off after calling lawyer but am quite happy right now going to make dinner for my kids

[LeGenDary_Man]

@Guitarjeff

 

I think that tough critics like you and me jumped late in to this thread to jolt member (lonelyinnj) out of his mess. Regardless, nicely put.

 

@lonelyinnj

 

We expect some "MANLY" update from you now.

 

And stop tolerating bitchy attitude of your wife from now on, if she continues to humiliate you; you need to put her in her place with the argument (in calm fashion) that if you have wronged her, she have wronged you even in worse fashion. That she has taken the cake-eating route to deal with the mess while you attempted to fix the marriage. That if you are a home-wreaker, she and her OM rate even higher in this aspect. Also, no more family gatherings; your wife doesn't deserves this.

 

Let your lawyer deal with the legal matters; you are paying him for this purpose, but do keep your lawyer informed about how you are dealing with your mess so that nothing goes against you during the divorce proceedings. However, stop being the "nice guy" to your wife; she doesn't deserves this treatment. Remain calm but COLD and INDIFFERENT to her attitude.

 

To do list for you:

 

1. No more exchange of pleasantries with your wife.

2. Your wife and her parents should enter your current residence with your permission. (If you are not in your marital home anymore)

3. No more useless family gatherings.

4. Shoot-down the bitchiness of your wife with calm and pinching responses. You need to be the MAN now and not act like a slave.

 

You are not paying your lawyer to be a nice guy in this mess, you are paying him to help you walk out of this mess with some of your dignity intact. Also, try to have some good time for yourself. Demonstrate to your wife that you are not to be undervalued as a man.

 

Keep us informed.

Edited June 12, 2013 by LeGenDary_Man

[lonelyinnj]

There were some that said run to the finish line. I was too chicken and too guilty that simple. Yes poster boy for what not to do.

 

****storm? Oh yeah.. 100+ texts about how bad and evil I am how she believes that one of my actual friends is a naked girl in photo (and that I slept with her) it isn't the same girl and didnt sleep with either of them. Blaming my meds on me wanting to sleep (I replied I am sleeping) that didnt stop her texts

 

She slammed her door a dozen times breaking it and trapping herself in her apt.... Totally ape**** crazy....

 

Question regarding schedule and switching dates my lawyer advised I should be flexible. I guess better in court I want to hold the schedule firm and we need to find our own coverage (eg she has a business trip coming up which I bet is half legit and OM will probably make a trip coincide) should I just switch and cover as the week before I have a legit business trip I need coverage on but my dad will help me no problem.

 

Has anyone had problems with court and judge by being firm on schedule?

 

My lawyer is very calm and competent and believe I should just follow his advise.

[Confused48]

There were some that said run to the finish line. I was too chicken and too guilty that simple. Yes poster boy for what not to do.

 

****storm? Oh yeah.. 100+ texts about how bad and evil I am how she believes that one of my actual friends is a naked girl in photo (and that I slept with her) it isn't the same girl and didnt sleep with either of them. Blaming my meds on me wanting to sleep (I replied I am sleeping) that didnt stop her texts

 

She slammed her door a dozen times breaking it and trapping herself in her apt.... Totally ape**** crazy....

 

Question regarding schedule and switching dates my lawyer advised I should be flexible. I guess better in court I want to hold the schedule firm and we need to find our own coverage (eg she has a business trip coming up which I bet is half legit and OM will probably make a trip coincide) should I just switch and cover as the week before I have a legit business trip I need coverage on but my dad will help me no problem.

 

Has anyone had problems with court and judge by being firm on schedule?

 

My lawyer is very calm and competent and believe I should just follow his advise.

 

Listen to your lawyer and do what he says. You are paying him for his expert advice and you need to trust him. If you do not then you need to get a new one. Don't pay for advice and then ignore it. If you are sure he is wrong fire him. Otherwise follow the advice.

 

As for being inflexible, I don't get it. Other than to make her life difficult. Which I do understand and sympathize with.

 

However, in this case, you could be flexible by taking the kids when you would not otherwise get to see them. Take them. Being with your kids should trump making your wife's life difficult. Even if just for yourself and your kids. But also for your situation a judge will see that you value having your kids whenever you can, even if that flexibility fuels your wifes affair.

 

That will make you look good in court. But I have to say I'm concerned that you don't simply want those kids any chance you can get them regardless of why. That in not a good sign for your kids future mental health.

[BetrayedH]

My advice would be to be flexible when it works for your schedule and not to be flexible when it doesn't work for your schedule. You will eventually want exceptions to the schedule and so will she.

 

Try to take the emotions out of it. Try not to analyze her reasons. Co-parenting is a business relationship now. You are partners. Don't try to screw her over and don't let yourself get screwed over. Be flexible when you're able and simply say, "I can't" when you can't.

 

And yeah, follow your attorney's advice. He may know more about the judge(s) in your case or area than you do. I would tend to think that he can defend a man that's being reasonable.

[Chi townD]

There were some that said run to the finish line. I was too chicken and too guilty that simple. Yes poster boy for what not to do.

 

****storm? Oh yeah.. 100+ texts about how bad and evil I am how she believes that one of my actual friends is a naked girl in photo (and that I slept with her) it isn't the same girl and didnt sleep with either of them. Blaming my meds on me wanting to sleep (I replied I am sleeping) that didnt stop her texts

 

She slammed her door a dozen times breaking it and trapping herself in her apt.... Totally ape**** crazy....

 

Question regarding schedule and switching dates my lawyer advised I should be flexible. I guess better in court I want to hold the schedule firm and we need to find our own coverage (eg she has a business trip coming up which I bet is half legit and OM will probably make a trip coincide) should I just switch and cover as the week before I have a legit business trip I need coverage on but my dad will help me no problem.

 

Has anyone had problems with court and judge by being firm on schedule?

 

My lawyer is very calm and competent and believe I should just follow his advise.

 

 

Wait...wait... a little confused. Did her lawyer call her and tell her that your lawyer contacted him/her and is going through with the paperwork? Please tell me you didn't tell her anything! Or is this just one of her normal rants that's she's on at the moment?

 

Another thing that you need to do is get yourself a Voice Activate Recorder and keep it on you at all times. In the coming days, she's going to try and goat you into some arguments, the first time you raise your voice, I venture to say that she'll call the cops and try to get you removed from the building because she doesn't feel "safe" with you around. The recorder will help protect you from those aligations. Be calm, cool and collected. If she says,

 

"I CAN BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL ME YOURSELF! SEE, THAT'S WHY I HAVE A REAL MAN IN MY LIFE AND NOT A FRICKIN CHILD LIKE YOU!"

 

You need to respond in a calm, cool manner and respond with, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I just baked some cookies, do you want one? :)"

 

Cops aren't going to throw you out for baking cookies.

 

And even if she did get informed that you're going through with the paperwork, what the hell is she mad about? This is what she wanted! She should be happy, right?

 

The fact is, if she's going off and going sideways should be proof enough to you that what I said was right. She wanted the status quo. She wanted to continue to go out and party and get laid while she had her own personal babysitter and punching bag. Now, that's going to go away. That was not what she had planned. Your replacement isn't set in stone yet. Now, she's going to be on her own. Life is going to start to get hard again.

Edited June 12, 2013 by Chi townD

[lonelyinnj]

I am not talking about getting extra time as I'd welcome that. Her loss.

 

I am talking about her wanting to exchange days so she doesn't lose time with the kids (say switch Wednesday for Thursday).. So she has her flexibility and gets to keep her social schedule.

 

My lawyer says be flexible I think that ill cover anything she doesn't want but not switch days for social convenience

 

Oh and by they way my lawyer didnt call here until today so they ****storm yesterday was ??? Who knows... But her door is broken

[aliveagain]

Funny how they still blame us for everything, even when they live with the scumbag that helped break up your marriage, guess the fact your not divorced doesn't matter. Even if you did have a picture of a naked girl on your phone, how does that compare with her being a liar, a nasty home wrecker who can't keep her vows(I guess that means adulteress), trashy mouth can't keep her panties on door buster? Stick with the high road.

[Chi townD]

I am not talking about getting extra time as I'd welcome that. Her loss.

 

I am talking about her wanting to exchange days so she doesn't lose time with the kids (say switch Wednesday for Thursday).. So she has her flexibility and gets to keep her social schedule.

 

My lawyer says be flexible I think that ill cover anything she doesn't want but not switch days for social convenience

 

Oh and by they way my lawyer didnt call here until today so they ****storm yesterday was ??? Who knows... But her door is broken

 

Don't fix it for her! She broke it, she can deal with it.

[lonelyinnj]

Chitown，

 

No I didn't forewarn her at all, I told my lawyer to accept and assumed he called Tuesday, the night she was slamming doors and mad texting me with the photos saying I hope she cares, and telling me that two girls were the same (they honestly aren't).. I don't know what the trigger for that was ... Being home and hearing kids having fun with me?

 

As of today Thursday in still don't think she knows as she asked about schedule and why I didn't respond yet and that she needed to make vacation plans with kids and work trip... And that if I wouldn't be flexible her lawyer would propose new schedule, one where I only get every alternate weekend.. That won't look good for court to rip them from their father... And isn't good for kids and threatened to analyze my business and that as owner she would get to make decisions... I didn't respond much only listen (we were waiting for kids graduation hard to avoid).... I didn't yell or argue just listen and listen with short responses.

 

So soon I assume she will find out.

 

I also think she has sequestered more money than she disclosed

Which the court will find odd...

[lonelyinnj]

Well at least I had my girls full love today they didnt even want to leave at 2 because they wanted to stay with me . That makes a dad feel really good oldest said she is being mean. Ruining her relationship with her kids if you remember I tried to stop that before now I am just going to be the best dad ever.

 

On Friday after graduation I got all kinds of criticism (you should get a new hair stylist, why are your wearing your shirt like that etc) I wanted to lash and say really why is it your business instead ignored her. Even tried to reerect the fence, well my path forward is clearer than ever - huh you filed for divorce.

 

Anyway I had an awesome weekend with my girls they got new clothes and shoes and have me nice gifts for Father's Day I couldn't help but cry，my kids are awesome.

 

As a note as of Friday my lawyer has no response from her lawyer

[lonelyinnj]

Ok need some advise as in what is this about but i am calling my lawyer in the morning.. After Sunday pulling the Fathers Day dinner from me claiming it wasn't in the parenting agreement... She now texts me today saying she is recinding the 50/50 after I reviewed her schedule and rejected her switches based in my work schedule which can't accomodate them. Saying she will take all week and I can have every other weekend. Since apparently no other method is working in me, now she is using the children. Disgusting... Low yeah all of that.

 

I of course will call my lawyer in the morning and have her lawyer sent a warning about this I don't know how this will work I know that it wi backfire in her in court I think. Certainly is not in the best interest if the kids she is trying a new form of revenge knowing I draw my strength from them.

 

Whoever said be nice let the lawyer be the bad guy thank you as that is what I intend I didn't reply to her email rather ignored it and will respond legally documented with her SMS attached. I assume she will try to claim I am an unfit parent somehow.. In my state my marriage councelor said even completely evil bastards (wife beaters) get 50/50 even though she has argued against it in court. Her withholding my children is part of the ****storm?

 

What she said is that I can have them this week then she wants M-F and alternate weekends. That will not happen. I deserve my time with my children and the state mandates itz

 

Why didnt I do this earlier? I thought about it in yoga and perhaps it was not until now that I forgave myself.