TheOW Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I think we have been busted good and proper I received a text today by an unknown number saying my name, then going on to say I know you have been f**king my husband, dont you dare try to contact him or come within 100ft of my house. obviously his wife, I dont know what to do, i am awaiting my husband coming home from work I dont know if i should tell him or just flee. I dont know if she is planning on telling him or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I think we have been busted good and proper I received a text today by an unknown number saying my name, then going on to say I know you have been f**king my husband, dont you dare try to contact him or come within 100ft of my house. obviously his wife, I dont know what to do, i am awaiting my husband coming home from work I dont know if i should tell him or just flee. I dont know if she is planning on telling him or not. Well, do you intend to try to stay married to your H, or not? I've not read your backstory. Bottom line is...if your marriage is over...then flee. If you think you want to rebuild your marriage...tell your H and figure out how to handle things from there. Either way...the affair is likely over at this point. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I think we have been busted good and proper I received a text today by an unknown number saying my name, then going on to say I know you have been f**king my husband, dont you dare try to contact him or come within 100ft of my house. obviously his wife, I dont know what to do, i am awaiting my husband coming home from work I dont know if i should tell him or just flee. I dont know if she is planning on telling him or not. Looks like d-day. There is always a 5% chance it was someone else other than the wife. Maybe someone knows about your affair. It could also be your every own MM that wants to let you down easy. And lastly, it could be your very own H. Maybe he has known for a while and was pretending. In any event I suspected you were going to get busted sooner or later because you were too careless. I told you about getting an affair phone, remember? Many of these affairs are discovered through the cell phone. Please stay calm and safe. Have you heard from MM? If not he is probably defecating on his pants and cannot call you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 OW: You may hear from MM after the dust settles a bit. When your H comes home from work you may find out if the BW said anything to him. Please stay calm. If you hear from BW again I advise you apologize to her and please be truthful. By doing the right thing you will improve your self esteem. God Bless! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOW Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Thanks Pierre Just received a text from MM saying "stay calm, will contact soon" No its over I wont allow this charade to continue any longer. Time to confess 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Good call. End it. You're really going to have your hands full focusing on repairing your own marriage...which in a lot of ways is a good thing, because that can help you change your focus on 'him'. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 So sorry ((OW)). I am glad that you are going to seize this opportunity to be honest. Please don't trickle truth. Be honest about all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I think we have been busted good and proper I received a text today by an unknown number saying my name, then going on to say I know you have been f**king my husband, dont you dare try to contact him or come within 100ft of my house. obviously his wife, I dont know what to do, i am awaiting my husband coming home from work I dont know if i should tell him or just flee. I dont know if she is planning on telling him or not. Flee? OWN your choices and what you've done, don't run away from this. Of course your H will be told by her. Better him hearing it from you rather than your now EXMM's wife. Edit to add, just read that you are going to confess. that's a good thing. I'm sure on some level it's a relief that this is all over, no more lying and sneaking around. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOW Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Im shaking, panicking and crying so much I think im going to faint, its fear ! Husband wont be home for a while yet, im still deciding wether to up and flee or stay, i will tell the truth the whole of it but im a very defensive person and i am not ready for the wife. I dont know about my marriage havent i been saying for ages now i wish i was caught so i didnt need to do it myself - karma!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Based on this opening statement in your first thread: Where to start ! We live in a small community and have known each other (just a "hi" in the passing) but we have always been attracted to each other. Anyway he's been married for 30 years and has 3 kids, they seem the perfect couple. I am in a long term relationship (10 years) and have been unhappy for a while - i also have 2 kids! He is 48 i am 27. Thats the basics I'd say go ahead and properly end your partnership, being transparent about the affair if that is your choice for you (not because you feel 'forced' into it) and discontinue contact with this MM who is old enough to be your father. Focus on your two children and get centered and then proceed to next steps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Im shaking, panicking and crying so much I think im going to faint, its fear ! Husband wont be home for a while yet, im still deciding wether to up and flee or stay, i will tell the truth the whole of it but im a very defensive person and i am not ready for the wife. I dont know about my marriage havent i been saying for ages now i wish i was caught so i didnt need to do it myself - karma!!!!!! It will not be as bad as expected. Your H probably feels something has not been right for a while, but he could not imagine an affair. Just be truthful and let him know first. See if you can find the path to truthfulness. Hiding and lying will devastate your residual self esteem. Take your time to decide if you want to stay married or not. No need to make a rush decision unless your H wants to end the marriage ASAP, but I doubt it. Your H may need months to assimilate all of this. Don't panic, these things happen and you will be OK. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Just remember that no matter what happens, you will get through it. Think to a year from now. This will be in the past, no matter what your life looks like then. Stay focused on that which is in your control, and do not give others power to make your choices for you. This means being honest to your DH, so that your MM's wife has no power in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Good call. End it. You're really going to have your hands full focusing on repairing your own marriage...which in a lot of ways is a good thing, because that can help you change your focus on 'him'. Actually bird brain (), I don't see where OP stated which way she was going - to either file for D or reconcile. Just that she was going to confess. So OP....are you looking to R with your H or file for D? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Thanks Pierre Just received a text from MM saying "stay calm, will contact soon" No its over I wont allow this charade to continue any longer. Time to confess To clear up my response, oh "initially-challenged-one"! :) She noted she was going to confess...which in context to my previous response caused me to believe she was also considering reconciliation. Although it's (REMOTELY!!!) possible that I could have been mistaken. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Petals Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 So sorry Just breathe and think of where you want to be in a year, make that plan and work backwards from there. Everyone wants to skip over it all and just land there...but you have to know where there is to know where to aim. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 In retrospect, having read your other thread comparing the physical aspects of your two relationships, I think I'm having some second thoughts about my advice. If you really feel the way that you seem to about your H from what I've read in that other thread...flee. I don't mean run away...but I do mean you might as well use this as your catalyst to end what you believe is a highly unsatisfactory relationship. Regardless of whatever damage control the MOM does, whatever outcome he strives for...you might as well go ahead and use this crisis as your 'changing point' to end your marriage. It's going to come out in the end...might as well get what you want out of it, right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 You're likely better off confessing. It won't be just his W coming after you, it will also be MM throwing you under the bus and the things he'll say. Your H may instinctively protect you in the mess. Whatever you do, don't talk to MM. You'll only hear things you don't want to or he'll try to use you to cover his behind. Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Just come clean and be honest. You might not see it now, but the being honest RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW thing, will save you so much heartache in the future. In hindsight (trust me) you will be so glad you didn't trickle truth or minimize, just come out with it all--and then the healing will begin. Best of luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Looks like d-day. There is always a 5% chance it was someone else other than the wife. Maybe someone knows about your affair. It could also be your every own MM that wants to let you down easy. And lastly, it could be your very own H. Maybe he has known for a while and was pretending. In any event I suspected you were going to get busted sooner or later because you were too careless. I told you about getting an affair phone, remember? Many of these affairs are discovered through the cell phone. Please stay calm and safe. Have you heard from MM? If not he is probably defecating on his pants and cannot call you. 5%? Can you cite your resource for that stat? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Im shaking, panicking and crying so much I think im going to faint, its fear ! Husband wont be home for a while yet, im still deciding wether to up and flee or stay, i will tell the truth the whole of it but im a very defensive person and i am not ready for the wife. I dont know about my marriage havent i been saying for ages now i wish i was caught so i didnt need to do it myself - karma!!!!!! Your husband needs to know so he can decide what he wants. Maybe he'll want to D too and this could be a good thing for both of you. Obviously you're not happy or in love with him anymore. When his wife calls and if you do speak to her all you have to do now is own your part in all this and don't justify it. Answer all that she wants to know. I get you're scared and all but this was bound to happen eventually, for the truth to come out. I'm sure she wasn't/isn't ready either, I mean she's probably shocked and going through a hell of a lot of emotions right now and her whole world as she once knew it has changed without her consent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 5%? Can you cite your resource for that stat? :cool: Is this a variation on trying to refute a post because there was a spelling error?:laugh: Truthfully, one must cover all angles. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 :cool: Is this a variation on trying to refute a post because there was a spelling error?:laugh: Truthfully, one must cover all angles. I was curious on the 5% and where you got that number. It is an interesting proposal. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Is that common? Do BSs often keep quiet as they gather evidence? I did. I hired a PI to gather more than what I had via GPS. I wanted phtographic evidence for the divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Most BS's don't reveal the evidence/info they've got until they have PROOF. Partially because often they don't want to believe that it could be true until they finally see that irrefutable proof, and partially because anything less is often "talked down" by the WS. So yeah, it's pretty common that they'll keep their mouths shut and gather evidence until they're ready to confront. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 TheOW, The MM is likely to want you to support him as he lies, denies, minimizes, and lies some more. Considering your emotional state, you're going to be likely to grab onto anything that makes the world stop spinning. That short-term fix will cost you and others dearly. The only one that wins is your MM. For everyone else, they die a slow death of a thousand small cuts, yourself included. Put all the cards on the table. Let each person choose their path. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
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