Sh*T has hit the pan

[Lostinlife4now]

I hope it can help OP.

 

 

Eventually, I think the OP will understand. But right now...NO. She needs to go thru ALL OF THE EMOTIONS maybe then she can walk around with a smile on her face and a dagger hidden in her hands.

 

Gotta love her......

[wanting more]

Don't let them back you in a corner and stand up for yourself, you were in an A, takes 2 people to do that. But as Pierre said, you will get the brunt of it. I understand your f**k them attitude, I think it just sounds rough when you post it on here. I think you really do need IC, because it seems you don't have anyone you can talk to, (I hate that for you)

 

I'm from a small town, one reason I moved was becasue I hated everybody knowing everything, or thinking they knew everything and was happy to tell anyone and everyone about it. But I also know that soon, someone else will do something, and you'll be yesterday's news. It may take a week, may take 2 but it'll happen.

 

Stay strong for your kids,* stay strong for yourself. Keep posting here, some things you may not want to hear right now, some things may help. With d-day just happening and so many emotions going from one extreme to the other, its not a good place you're in. Cry when you need to, scream when you need to. keep quiet when you need to. But please keep posting..

*

As far as your H, let him vent, (to an extent), my SO said some of the worse, most horrible things I've ever heard to me. I did let him do it for a little bit then it got to a point where I said enough was enough.* He still every so often will say something, but I walk away and he goes the opposite direction. He's in a really bad spot right now.

 

Block xMM from your phone, there's NOTHING he can say to you anymore. I'm not sure what to say about your family, I didn't go through that and can only imagine how hurtful it is, but give them time. I'm sure its a shock for them.

Edited February 15, 2013 by wanting more

[Owl]

OP...in your previoius threads, you pretty much acted like you didn't care about what others said/felt etc... You were focused on you, and how the affair made you feel. You were pretty down on your feelings for you H at that point too.

 

I'm curious...how did you expect that people would react when the truth came out?

 

Why is how you're being treated now by MM's wife, your H, and others in the community such a shock to you? How did you not anticipate this?

 

With all of that said...at this point I do believe all you can do is to focus on taking care of yourself and your kids, and ignore everyone else. You're not going to change how they feel/reacted any time soon, so there's no value in dwelling on that.

[jwi71]

I WONT let them tear me apart, I wont let them back me in a corner.

 

But they already have.

 

You are lashing out at people, like your H (or stbxh) for no reason - they've gotten to you and they are backing you into a corner.

 

Then your mother calls asking about her grand kids - and you attack her as well.

 

I'm not there but these behaviors seem PAST defensive and into angry and lash out at the world.

 

You need to get away. Its Friday. Can you take a short holiday out of town - just disappear for two days. Anywhere. Take your kids and get away.

 

Things are spiraling out of control and it needs to stop.

 

And YOU are the one to do it. IMO, your best bet is to go on that little holiday. Perhaps you should drop the kids off with your mom and get away just yourself. Kids always love grandma. And you could use the time alone. (and out of town).

 

Right now, YOU need to take control. Your first step is to calm everyone the ef down. And do it by leaving for 48 hours. You gotta get out of this situation you are in - its helping NO ONE.

 

Don't call or text or speak to ANYONE friendly or related to xMM and his W.

 

Staying in town is not helping you - the whole medicine incident should be making that clear enough to just about everyone.

 

First thing - calm this down.

Calm yourself down.

 

Then begin to think about what future you wish to build.

Not gonna lie - you have a long and hard road in front of you - you are going to plan.

 

(first step of said plan: go on weekend getaway)

[LFH]

Was the sister that caused the scene in the store a pharmacist? Because if so, I'd not only be filing a complaint with the store but with the licensing board.

 

Interfering with someone trying to obtain medication for their children is not ok, no matter what her issue is.

[Journee]

Journee;

 

I think you misread my post. I am not hurting at all. In fact, very happy in my life.

 

I think you missed the part it is MY personality HOT HEADED POST MENOPAUSAL ITALIAN from the city.

 

Like I said....Don't owe the BW ANYTHING!

 

 

 

Gotcha,

 

Sometimes I forget not everyone on the board is in the thick of it any longer.

 

 

OP, I know it seems daunting but as a PP said ..this too shall pass.

[Lostinlife4now]

Gotcha,

 

Sometimes I forget not everyone on the board is in the thick of it any longer.

 

 

OP, I know it seems daunting but as a PP said ..this too shall pass.

 

 

Journee......

 

I am so far on the other side of the xA, it ain't even funny!!!!

 

Now, I just shake my head.....

 

and say.... EWWW! in more ways than one.

[whichwayisup]

I text his wife back and said i would speak with her when my little ones are better again, she text back saying dont bother ive gotten every dirty detail from MM, she said she has made sure everyone in the town knows what we have been upto and how much of a homewrecker i am. I didnt text back. No-one is still not talking to me, dont care actually they can call me whatever im beyond caring now. Went into the local shop to get medicine for my children and MM wifes sister refused to serve me saying i had to go elsewhere, thats when i got angry told her to go f*ck herself and hand me over the medicine i needed, she was shouting saying do i realise what i have done, she was up in my face saying i will never get MM bla bla, my kids were crying at this point and another worker came out and took her away, practically threw the medicine at me and went through the back again.

 

MM text again saying again how sorry he is and he has told his wife everything so there is no need to lie for him (i wasnt going to anyway) he said he says he has to work on his family and his marriage its best for everyone, he said he will always love me and hes sorry again bla bla ... he can f*ck off as well.

 

H sent a text asking how many others were there are his kids his bla bla ... f*ck you too

 

My mom phoned asking how the kids were and could i drop them off to her for a few hours, i need not bother coming in .... yep she was told to f*ck off as well

 

You're in a real bad place right now so DO let your mom take the kids and go somewhere for the weekend. You need it.

 

And please get some counseling to help you cope with this.

[96nole]

I text his wife back and said i would speak with her when my little ones are better again, she text back saying dont bother ive gotten every dirty detail from MM, she said she has made sure everyone in the town knows what we have been upto and how much of a homewrecker i am. I didnt text back. No-one is still not talking to me, dont care actually they can call me whatever im beyond caring now. Went into the local shop to get medicine for my children and MM wifes sister refused to serve me saying i had to go elsewhere, thats when i got angry told her to go f*ck herself and hand me over the medicine i needed, she was shouting saying do i realise what i have done, she was up in my face saying i will never get MM bla bla, my kids were crying at this point and another worker came out and took her away, practically threw the medicine at me and went through the back again.

 

MM text again saying again how sorry he is and he has told his wife everything so there is no need to lie for him (i wasnt going to anyway) he said he says he has to work on his family and his marriage its best for everyone, he said he will always love me and hes sorry again bla bla ... he can f*ck off as well.

 

H sent a text asking how many others were there are his kids his bla bla ... f*ck you too

 

My mom phoned asking how the kids were and could i drop them off to her for a few hours, i need not bother coming in .... yep she was told to f*ck off as well

 

At what point are you going to look in a mirror and say "f*ck off"?

 

What's the point of lashing out at everyone else? YOU made this mess.

 

Of course your husband is going to wonder if the kids are his. He just found out the other day his wife has been f*cking around behind his back. That's a lot for a BS to process in a few days.

[Summer Breeze]

I agree with you that no one would treat me that way without me pushing back. To me it's not the fact you pushed back but the way you did it.

 

For example. If she'd have refused to serve me I would have quietly asked to see the manager. I would repeat that for hours if necessary. If she screamed I would ask to see the manager. If she sent a rude friend to serve me I'd ask to see the manager. I'd let the line at the checkout pile up behind me. I wouldn't raise my voice and I'd probably smile and engage my kids. I want to see the manager. It wouldn't take long for the manager to appear.

 

If your mother wants the kids then you tell her that you will walk them into her house and say a proper goodbye to them. Your job is to take care of them now. She doesn't need to say a word to you. I'd kiss my kids and tell them that I love them. I'd thank my mother and tell her I love her and walk out the door. I'd pick them up inside the house and I'd tell her I love her when I left again. I'd go to the park and the stores. I would not let my head fall til I got home and then sob like a banshee if I wanted to.

 

Don't let your kids see you fall apart and attack others. Try your hardest to keep your composure.

 

When I started reading through this thread yesterday I was going to write about understanding you need to concentrate on your family and the BS would have to wait. I have no problem with that at all. I think your understandably emotional reaction would have been much worse if you'd tried to talk to her directly a few days ago.

 

One last thing. MM sent you a text and said he'd always love you. I'd send it to his W. Not to hurt her but to let her know what he said. It may well contradict 90% of what he told her. He was stupid enough to send it and God knows what he told her about you. Send it to her. Copy him so he knows too. If she questions it arrange a time for her to come see it on your phone with his number as the one that sent it.

 

Then walk away. Hold your head up hight. Stand your ground but choose how you fight your battles. It will pass. Be the Mom you want your kids to see. Keep posting in here. Don't give up OW.

[BetrayedH]

At what point are you going to look in a mirror and say "f*ck off"?

 

What's the point of lashing out at everyone else? YOU made this mess.

 

Of course your husband is going to wonder if the kids are his. He just found out the other day his wife has been f*cking around behind his back. That's a lot for a BS to process in a few days.

 

Let me tell you, it's a whole lotta fun wondering if your children are your own. There are days I still want a paternity test because I have no idea what to believe. TOW, if you think your husband wants to think crap like this because he's an ******* or something, you're dead wrong. A great big steaming pile of shi t just landed in his lap and he has no idea what to do. He didn't ask for any of this. He has no idea what is true anymore. He never thought this was possible. The one person in life that was supposed to protect him at all costs, the person with whom he has brought children into this world, isn't even recognizable to him anymore. His life is RUINED and he just wants to know how far the rabbit hole goes. Fuc k him? Are you serious?

[Pierre]

Attacks to TOW by posters, family members, BW, neighbors, betrayed husband, her mother, and pharmacy employees are cruel and not civilized.

 

A the same time acrimonious remarks by TOW to all around her accomplish nothing. Making a scene in the pharmacy or complaining to CEO (as suggested by others) does nothing at this time.

 

If I was the BH I would not say a word to TOW, no need to come up with the issue of paternity. I think BH has a good idea the kids are his and said that to be cruel. The mother of TOW needs to support her daughter in good and bad times.

 

No need to point out mistakes, they are well known. TOW is a good woman, this comes clearly from her posts.

 

No need to encourage further acrimony and aggressive behavior by former or current OWs that want to see TOW win these battles. These battles are meaningless! The big picture is how to whether the storm and how to obtain IC to avoid the same errors in the future.

 

TOW is a very young woman and her future is brilliant if she simply gets the correct counseling.

[LFH]

Attacks to TOW by posters, family members, BW, neighbors, betrayed husband, her mother, and pharmacy employees are cruel and not civilized.

 

A the same time acrimonious remarks by TOW to all around her accomplish nothing. Making a scene in the pharmacy or complaining to CEO (as suggested by others) does nothing at this time.

 

TOW is a very young woman and her future is brilliant if she simply gets the correct counseling.

 

 

Filing a complaint about an employee who cannot control themselves due to personal issues is valid, and something that TOW as a young woman should be aware of. She has every opportunity to spend her cash anywhere, and should let a business know when their employees are unprofessional, uncivilized and out of line.

It has nothign to do with "winning" it has to do with the fact that the individual in a store delayed a child getting medicine, because they were having a hissy fit.

 

That's not ok.

 

One thing she should learn from all this is that no matter what, she will be ok.

[BetrayedH]

Attacks to TOW by posters, family members, BW, neighbors, betrayed husband, her mother, and pharmacy employees are cruel and not civilized.

 

A the same time acrimonious remarks by TOW to all around her accomplish nothing. Making a scene in the pharmacy or complaining to CEO (as suggested by others) does nothing at this time.

 

If I was the BH I would not say a word to TOW, no need to come up with the issue of paternity. I think BH has a good idea the kids are his and said that to be cruel. The mother of TOW needs to support her daughter in good and bad times.

 

No need to point out mistakes, they are well known. TOW is a good woman, this comes clearly from her posts.

 

No need to encourage further acrimony and aggressive behavior by former or current OWs that want to see TOW win these battles. These battles are meaningless! The big picture is how to whether the storm and how to obtain IC to avoid the same errors in the future.

 

TOW is a very young woman and her future is brilliant if she simply gets the correct counseling.

 

Thanks for the lecture about where we must all focus our energies.

 

Speaking from experience, the BH didn't come up with this bit about his children out of cruelty but because he's actually been forced to question whether his ****ing kids are his own. Any idea what that feels like, Pierre? It sucks donkey dic ks. It kinda plagues you to wonder exactly how much of your life is ruined. You have absolutely nothing to go on to say that he said it to be cruel.

 

This wonderful young woman has dropped a freakin' nuke on two families and is huddled in her house pretending like she's the victim here. She waits for 3 days to acknowledge the betrayed wife and is somehow apparently surprised that people are only thinking ill of her. And the attitude is, "fuc k everybody" ?! Fuc k her betrayed husband? Fuc k the betrayed wife?

 

Where I agree is that she should focus on weathering the storm. That means stepping up and taking your licks. It means owning your mistakes. It means apologizing for them. It means trying to make up for them. It's called ethical behavior and TheOW needs to start living some of it. She's hurting, too? No duh. She ran over herself with the damn car. Stop driving the car over people! Get out and help them! Take them to the hospital. Apologize. Stop acting like a victim. Don't be freaking surprised when they're angry at you. This isn't freakin' rocket surgery.

[Realist3]

I love the term rocket surgery.

[BetrayedH]

I love the term rocket surgery.

 

Like that? It's a combination of...oh, nevermind. You get it.

[Journee]

Like that? It's a combination of...oh, nevermind. You get it.

 

It's perfect because switching the phrase up with the other remaining words...it actually makes sense lol brain science..neurology. Tomato/Tomahto lol I kinda like that too.

 

 

"Look bro, it isn't brain science."

 

Meh, rocket surgery wins.

 

T/J over OP, sorry

[jwi71]

I love the term rocket surgery.

 

I'm SO adding this to my lexicon.

 

Rocket Surgery.

 

Love it.

[Tenacity]

Frankly, if you want my opinion, you ALL sound incredibly immature.

 

Honestly, what did you expect would happen?

 

That said, BS and her family are acting like lunatics and not like responsible adults. I don't care if BS was betrayed - there is no excuse for that kind of behavior. Nor is there any kind of excuse for her sister's behavior in the pharmacy, of all places. She should have been fired on the spot.

 

You participated in this mess and now you need to stop with the F*** you to everyone attitude that you have. It is one thing to stick up for yourself, but completely another to act in an immature fashion and end up making the entire mess worse for the kids. Yes, that should be your focus... your KIDS.

 

I am speaking as an OW who has been in this position before, and although I completely understand the hurt, I can't even imagine either party (BS or OW, or the BS family) acting like this. Honestly - grow up and start taking responsibility for your actions! It does not mean you are a bad person, but you made bad choices which led to this mess and now you must deal with it like an adult, and in a way that will minimize the collateral damage to your kids and H.

 

So MM is going to "work on his marriage". Of course he is - that's what they all do at D Day. And it sucks, and it's not fair that he will come out smelling like roses and get to keep his family. But that is something you should have considered BEFORE getting into an A - the same mistake I made with the same outcome.

 

So now it's time to learn from it and move on, and take care of your kids. You are entitled to your anger, but you need to control it and make better choices about how you respond to others' reactions.

 

Normally I feel sorry for the BS, and I get that she's hurting, but it's pretty hard to feel sorry for someone who behaves in this manner. Anger is no excuse for not being able to control and restrain yourself.

[96nole]

 

This wonderful young woman has dropped a freakin' nuke on two families and is huddled in her house pretending like she's the victim here. She waits for 3 days to acknowledge the betrayed wife and is somehow apparently surprised that people are only thinking ill of her. And the attitude is, "fuc k everybody" ?! Fuc k her betrayed husband? Fuc k the betrayed wife?

 

 

You forgot about the f*ck you to her own mother.

[Lostinlife4now]

Frankly, if you want my opinion, you ALL sound incredibly immature.

 

same outcome.

 

So now it's time to learn from it and move on, and take care of your kids. You are entitled to your anger, but you need to control it and make better choices about how you respond to others' reactions.

 

Normally I feel sorry for the BS, and I get that she's hurting, but it's pretty hard to feel sorry for someone who behaves in this manner. Anger is no excuse for not being able to control and restrain yourself.

 

 

That's too funny...Thanks for the chuckle!!! Tenac

[TheOW]

I'm being immature? ok then ..... All I've done since d-day is look after my ill children maybe I'm a little ratty though.

 

My mom came down and told me I'm just like my dad I told her I'm more like her since she had the affair with my dad in the first place, got a nice red cheek for it to, but I think that's what I needed we both cried and apologised, she has taken the kids for the night. I grabbed my ipod and ran for 15k and it felt good I think Im finally getting myself together.

 

I got home and phoned H and told him we need to talk I asked him if he really believes his children (who btw are identical to him) were not his and he said no. I apologised sincerely to him but told him I think it's for he best if we stay separated at the moment, he agrees he said he can't look at me right now.

 

MM and his wife, families etc are not my priority right now they can do and say what they please I'm not bothered, I will probably think differently when I get my head round everything and what I've done. But I will not take their crap anymore and especially in front of my children, that stops now.

[Tenacity]

I do understand your anger and pain and I hope you mean it when you say you aren't going to let other peoples' actions bother you (at least outwardly) anymore. I think it was just the "f*ck you" posts that kind of rubbed the wrong way.

[Pierre]

Frankly, if you want my opinion, you ALL sound incredibly immature.

 

Honestly, what did you expect would happen?

 

That said, BS and her family are acting like lunatics and not like responsible adults. I don't care if BS was betrayed - there is no excuse for that kind of behavior. Nor is there any kind of excuse for her sister's behavior in the pharmacy, of all places. She should have been fired on the spot.

 

You participated in this mess and now you need to stop with the F*** you to everyone attitude that you have. It is one thing to stick up for yourself, but completely another to act in an immature fashion and end up making the entire mess worse for the kids. Yes, that should be your focus... your KIDS.

 

I am speaking as an OW who has been in this position before, and although I completely understand the hurt, I can't even imagine either party (BS or OW, or the BS family) acting like this. Honestly - grow up and start taking responsibility for your actions! It does not mean you are a bad person, but you made bad choices which led to this mess and now you must deal with it like an adult, and in a way that will minimize the collateral damage to your kids and H.

 

So MM is going to "work on his marriage". Of course he is - that's what they all do at D Day. And it sucks, and it's not fair that he will come out smelling like roses and get to keep his family. But that is something you should have considered BEFORE getting into an A - the same mistake I made with the same outcome.

 

So now it's time to learn from it and move on, and take care of your kids. You are entitled to your anger, but you need to control it and make better choices about how you respond to others' reactions.

 

Normally I feel sorry for the BS, and I get that she's hurting, but it's pretty hard to feel sorry for someone who behaves in this manner. Anger is no excuse for not being able to control and restrain yourself.

 

Tenacity, this is a very good post, but I am concerned with your dismissal of the older BW whose world has ended in an instant. Everything else in your post is perfect.

 

Let me see if I can make my point a bit more clear.

 

Let me rephrase your bold statement from another perspective.

 

Normally I feel sorry for the OW, and I get that she's hurting, but it's pretty hard to feel sorry for someone who behaves in this manner. Being lonely is no excuse for having sex with married men.

 

The issue is: You may see her anger as unsavory.

 

But, the BW sees another woman seducing her H as much more unsavory. Whether the H was seduced or not is moot. This is how people react.

 

Empathy goes a long ways regardless of our perspective.

[Pierre]

I'm being immature? ok then ..... All I've done since d-day is look after my ill children maybe I'm a little ratty though.

 

My mom came down and told me I'm just like my dad I told her I'm more like her since she had the affair with my dad in the first place, got a nice red cheek for it to, but I think that's what I needed we both cried and apologised, she has taken the kids for the night. I grabbed my ipod and ran for 15k and it felt good I think Im finally getting myself together.

 

I got home and phoned H and told him we need to talk I asked him if he really believes his children (who btw are identical to him) were not his and he said no. I apologised sincerely to him but told him I think it's for he best if we stay separated at the moment, he agrees he said he can't look at me right now.

 

MM and his wife, families etc are not my priority right now they can do and say what they please I'm not bothered, I will probably think differently when I get my head round everything and what I've done. But I will not take their crap anymore and especially in front of my children, that stops now.

 

Great post!

 

Just ignore anyone that puts you down. However, try to accept constructive criticism that is well intentioned. Try not to go on defend mode right away.