Sh*T has hit the pan

[Summer Breeze]

What a sexist view on parenthood. They are not yours to be taken away. Was your (ex)H not more than a sperm donor? (Don't know your story)

 

In today's society, the father has just as much right to his children, while both of you seem to suggest they are the primarily the mother's children.

 

No it's a mothers view on parenthood. THIS mother. I would never allow my daughter to be taken away. I gladly allowed him visitation and let them have whatever R they decided on but she was not going to change her primary address from mine. I guess I'm glad this all happened more than 20 years ago so I didn't have to worry about what my rights were.

 

Oddly enough I agree that fathers should have equal visitation and access. I think it's a travesty when they don't get it or when either parent abuses it. But my own selfishness for my situation with my own child was that she was going nowhere but with me.

[waterwoman]

Good for you TheOW. Be strong and brave and look after your little ones. Most important thing to do right now x

[TheOW]

if you talk like this i can only think you dont take responsibility for your actions.

why did you not walk away since you are the one worry and open a topic about it.

 

i guess you are one of those that need to learn the hard way.

beside you forgot your position here.

 

you are a mother supposed to be a example

you now will end with no one, no husband no OM

cause you want committed to not even one of them.

cause the OM is committed:( to his own wife

and you spent time in messing around instead of building on your own marriage.

 

Bolded ....

 

He obviously was not committed to his wife otherwise he would not have cheated just like I did.

Edited February 19, 2013 by TheOW

[anne1707]

I think the kids are always better off with the non cheating spouse as long as there isn't some other worse abuse like violence or alcoholism involved, but it's true mothers usually win custody so it probably wasn't worth his while fighting. Sad comment.

 

Why do you think that? Do you think they love their children less? Cannot offer love and support to their children?

 

What is it that makes you make such a sweeping, judgemental statement?

[TheOW]

Why do you think that? Do you think they love their children less? Cannot offer love and support to their children?

 

What is it that makes you make such a sweeping, judgemental statement?

 

Because she is bitter. It is such a ridiculous statement it does not warrent a reply from me.

[jwi71]

Because she is bitter. It is such a ridiculous statement it does not warrent a reply from me.

 

Now apply this to ALL the other people in your life who also shovel ***** w/o cause to you.

 

That's a much better place to be.

 

One step at a time, one small goal at a time, one day at a time.

 

You'll get there.

 

So...are you merely separating or going to file for D? Do you even know?

[Lostinlife4now]

I'm calm, I havent had time to reflect on much my little ones are finally on the mend and we are moving house (H kicked me out) which is understandable he wanted to take kids but was told "over my dead body" so we are busy packing things up and waiting to move into new accomodation.

 

New beginning and all

 

 

WAIT!!!! Why are you leaving your home? You have little kids, you should not be leaving. It is easier for him to leave. Just one to pack up. Not all of you.......

.

If you leave he could get you for abandonment.

 

Think.....slow.....

[Pierre]

Why do you think that? Do you think they love their children less? Cannot offer love and support to their children?

 

What is it that makes you make such a sweeping, judgemental statement?

 

Toddlers may feel indifferent if mom sleeps with other men other than dad. However, older kids often feels as betrayed and distraught when they find out one of the parents is cheating.

 

Emotions

Children with cheating parents not only see their imperfections, but also develop many emotional, simultaneous feelings such as anger, sadness, confusion and isolation. They may also lose trust in the cheating parent, since he or she let them down. This can lead to trust issues in the child, keeping him from developing healthy relationships with other people later on.

 

Concentration

Children whose parents have cheated may have troubles focusing in school. They no longer concentrate on schoolwork, causing their grades to drop. Instead, they spend their time wondering why their parents cheated, asking themselves what they did to deserve it and possibly even blaming themselves for it. They may become isolated from others, stuck in their own world, wondering how things turned out this way between their parents.

 

Sponsored Links

 

 

Read more: Long-Term Effects of Cheating Parents | eHow.com Long-Term Effects of Cheating Parents | eHow.com

[Pierre]

WAIT!!!! Why are you leaving your home? You have little kids, you should not be leaving. It is easier for him to leave. Just one to pack up. Not all of you.......

.

If you leave he could get you for abandonment.

 

Think.....slow.....

 

But, but, but THE OW actually left the marriage. This is what she wanted. The OW wanted to leave.

[skywriter]

Toddlers may feel indifferent if mom sleeps with other men other than dad. However, older kids often feels as betrayed and distraught when they find out one of the parents is cheating.

 

 

Why should children ever be burdened with this information?

 

This is adult informationthat should be kept as such, it's not something they should know.

 

If parents seperate and or divorce because of anything else, kids don't need to know the reasons. They just need to be kids.

[Pierre]

Bolded ....

 

He obviously was not committed to his wife otherwise he would not have cheated just like I did.

 

The OW.

 

Perhaps MM was just an older man having a mid life crisis. His cheating had nothing to do with his wife or you.

[Pierre]

Why should children ever be burdened with this information?

 

This is adult informationthat should be kept as such, it's not something they should know.

 

If parents seperate and or divorce because of anything else, kids don't need to know the reasons. They just need to be kids.

 

Kids know when there is something going on. Don't kid yourself.

 

The kids will now see they are in a divided home.

 

To assume kids are not burdened by infidelity is very naive. I suggest you google the effects of infidelity on children. The OW will have to do her very best of this situation.

[Pierre]

Why should children ever be burdened with this information?

 

This is adult informationthat should be kept as such, it's not something they should know.

 

If parents seperate and or divorce because of anything else, kids don't need to know the reasons. They just need to be kids.

 

http://www.ehow.com/info_7885740_longterm-effects-cheating-parents.html

[TheOW]

Mid life crisis or not he still chose to be with me and betray his wife, it wasnt like it was just sex for a few months because it wasnt it was over a year and very emotional on both sides.

[skywriter]

Kids know when there is something going on. Don't kid yourself.

 

The kids will now see they are in a divided home.

 

To assume kids are not burdened by infidelity is very naive. I suggest you google the effects of infidelity on children. The OW will have to do her very best of this situation.

 

 

Not necessary, been there lived it. I have been a BW, have now adult children. I never allowed them to be subjected to any "adult" information. Just rediculous and manipulative on adults to involve children in adult issues.

 

So no,. that is not naive, it's adults handling adult business and not expecting you minds to process adult issues.

 

My children knew that their dad and I were going through things but they were not allowed to be involved in the details.

[TheOW]

That's just it. You don't have to put on a "dont care" face. Do that enough and you become it deep inside. Lie for appearances and you become a liar until you don't know the truth anymore. I think it would be healthier for your children if you had some sorrow to them for having broken up the family. Being "oh we'll" is very damaging to them.

 

What and u think crying my eyes out around them, sitting in emotional despair in front them will do them good yeah ? I need to be strong for THEM i need to put my "i dont care and happy face" on for THEM. I will not show weakness infront of anybody.

 

I care and I do realise what destruction I have left behind me, its not pretty but i either self destruct myself or go on and learn from this and re-build a better and happier life for me and my kids

Edited February 19, 2013 by TheOW

[skywriter]

What and u think crying my eyes out around them, sitting in emotional despair in front them will do them good yeah ? I need to be strong for THEM i need to put my "i dont care and happy face" on for THEM. I will not show weakness infront of anybody.

 

I care and I do realise what destruction I have left behind me, its not pretty but i either self destruct myself or go on and learn from this and re-build a better and happier life for me and my kids

 

 

You don't have to priove anything here OW, just take care and keep being strong.

[Lostinlife4now]

What and u think crying my eyes out around them, sitting in emotional despair in front them will do them good yeah ? I need to be strong for THEM i need to put my "i dont care and happy face" on for THEM. I will not show weakness infront of anybody.

 

I care and I do realise what destruction I have left behind me, its not pretty but i either self destruct myself or go on and learn from this and re-build a better and happier life for me and my kids

 

 

If they are young children...just go about business as usual. They cannot even process anything more than put cartoons on tv Mom!

 

You are right....keep a happy face.

[TheOW]

Its my Husbands house, he paid for it I do not think it is fair for him to leave his own property, so I will go, wont be easy but it is for the best.

 

My H is to angry at the moment to speak with me and I understand that I give him all the answers (repeatedly) that he wants I answer every phone call and text from him. We will have a discussion about where things go from here when he can get his head around things, just like me.

[Summer Breeze]

But, but, but THE OW actually left the marriage. This is what she wanted. The OW wanted to leave.

 

And she did. With her little children who should have no knowledge of the adult reasons for the D. I agree with LostInLife and Skywriter on this. If the kids are old enough to figure out things then you give them the honesty they're capable of understanding. Age appropriate.

[Lostinlife4now]

Its my Husbands house, he paid for it I do not think it is fair for him to leave his own property, so I will go, wont be easy but it is for the best.

 

My H is to angry at the moment to speak with me and I understand that I give him all the answers (repeatedly) that he wants I answer every phone call and text from him. We will have a discussion about where things go from here when he can get his head around things, just like me.

 

 

Time.......everyone needs alot of time.

 

Peace and quiet.

 

Are you moving far? Or are you staying in the same community?

[Mint Sauce]

I will not show weakness infront of anybody.

 

This is probably the origin of the mess you're in. Why don't you trust your the people around you? Would they not have been kind and willing to help when you were unhappy in your marriage? Would they not have been understanding had you spontaneously confessed your transgressions?

You enter the shop holding a gun, and of course that makes people defensive or even aggressive.

It's exactly like that in this thread. People are willing to help and show compassion, but your tone and views are so aggressive that we instinctively want to put you in your place.

[Summer Breeze]

Kids know when there is something going on. Don't kid yourself.

 

The kids will now see they are in a divided home.

 

To assume kids are not burdened by infidelity is very naive. I suggest you google the effects of infidelity on children. The OW will have to do her very best of this situation.

 

I think when Dad moved out to try and get his mind put back together that was a given. Now that they and Mom and moving out it's probably reinforced.

 

Of course kids are burdened by it. They're burdened by all the luggage and drama that parents surround them with. My parents stayed together for the kids and that wasn't any picnic. My best friends parents stayed together though her Dad was a raging alcoholic that Mom protected from the world. Kids are burdened by their parents every single day. You're right that TOW will have to do her best on this situation but by protecting her kids as she has since things blew up I think she's showing us that she will.

[TheOW]

This is probably the origin of the mess you're in. Why don't you trust your the people around you? Would they not have been kind and willing to help when you were unhappy in your marriage? Would they not have been understanding had you spontaneously confessed your transgressions?

You enter the shop holding a gun, and of course that makes people defensive or even aggressive.

It's exactly like that in this thread. People are willing to help and show compassion, but your tone and views are so aggressive that we instinctively want to put you in your place.

 

I dont trust them I dont trust anyone, no-one came to my aid when i needed them the most and i do not mean because of the A i am talking about when my toddlers were ill and help would of really been appreciated, not my own family or friends come to help ... to busy gossiping no doubt.

 

Yes I am in the same area, I wont move them away from their father.

[Pierre]

Mid life crisis or not he still chose to be with me and betray his wife, it wasnt like it was just sex for a few months because it wasnt it was over a year and very emotional on both sides.

 

TOW, please do not use the affair as external validation. You deserve so much more than an old guy in mid life crisis. His motive was to eat cake whereas you were in an exit affair. Big difference.

 

You would gladly ride into the sunset with this guy and he will not. In many ways he used you.