Do I wait?

[tnt]

My husband and I have been separated for almost 2 yrs but we continue to see each other off and on. I got pregnant last year but I lost the baby in April, when i found out he was living with another woman, who is now 7 months pregnant. I am pregnant again too! He left her and went to stay with his mother again. I have been trying to reach him for a week and today I called him at work and he said he was back with her because he felt it was the right thing to do. What about me the pregnant wife with no place to stay and a high risk pregnancy? I don't want a divorce but what else can I do? All I do now is cry and I am so depressed. I know this isn't good for my baby

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "What about me the pregnant wife with no place to stay and a high risk pregnancy?

 

You lost one baby in the stress of finding out he was living with another woman. You knew he wasn't just playing cards with her in their common domicile. Even though your husband was living with another woman and having active sex with her, you made the choice to continue a sexual relationship with him and you must have had the desire to get pregnant...you did it once before during the separation. There are so many birth control methods available. People who are separated usually aren't jumping to conceive before they get their relationship put back together.

 

Getting pregnant may have been a good strategy for getting a man back, long ago in the days when people felt loyalty and had ethics and morals. It just doesn't work like that in tody's world. Most people just don't care about anything except fulfilling their own personal selfish agendas. (You heard it first here) This was a risk you took and so far it's not playing out the way you had planned.

 

THEN YOU ASK: "I don't want a divorce but what else can I do?"

 

You can have the baby, take your husband to court if he refuses to pay child support, and raise your child alone the best you can.

 

You could also read books on choosing men. I'm not trying to shove anything down your throat, but on the longshot that you may get lonely five or ten years from now and want a full time dad for your child, you might consider a man who doesn't go around getting other women pregnant if you are separated from them and you might consider a man who doesn't run home to mama when the roof starts falling in.

 

You might even want to think about a man who doesn't run back to live with his girlfriend when his wife gets pregnant.

 

Somehow, and this is just my opinion, I think your husband is trying to tell you something. He may not be verbally communicative so maybe he sends messages with his actions. I want to be up about this so I hope another person comes along and gives you a more positive take on this than I. I know you're pregnant and that's no picnic. It would be so nice to have a loving, supportive mate to be by your side during this time.

 

If you thought your guy would come rushing home when you got pregnant again, well...I just don't think you know your husband very well.

 

I am truly sorry about all these things that are happening. I know there's a lot of hurt here. But, for some reason, I think you have not set forth a lot of details about your husband, your relationship, why you were separated, etc. There's an awful lot of immaturity in all this, an awful lot of communication problems, some degree of meanness...there just isn't anything here that shows me much of a sign that you could have a meaningful and lasting reconciliation with this guy.

[Deejette]

This guy doesn't sound like he would be a good father to your baby. He certainly wouldn't be a good role model. I don't think you can trust that this guy will be there for you, stick around when things get rough, or not go off with the next female that tickles his fancy.

 

Many women raise their kids alone and can provide a more stable home for a child than if they were with a guy who flakes out on them.

 

Divorce sounds like a good option here because he has not been acting like a husband and he can actually endanger your health by sleeping with someone else and then bringing their cooties home to you. Let's face it, he has not been honoring his marriage vows. He went out and impregnated another woman and now he cares more about her and her upcoming baby more than he cares about you.

 

Your baby deserves a better father than that.

 

YOU WRITE: "What about me the pregnant wife with no place to stay and a high risk pregnancy?

 

You lost one baby in the stress of finding out he was living with another woman. You knew he wasn't just playing cards with her in their common domicile. Even though your husband was living with another woman and having active sex with her, you made the choice to continue a sexual relationship with him and you must have had the desire to get pregnant...you did it once before during the separation. There are so many birth control methods available. People who are separated usually aren't jumping to conceive before they get their relationship put back together. Getting pregnant may have been a good strategy for getting a man back, long ago in the days when people felt loyalty and had ethics and morals. It just doesn't work like that in tody's world. Most people just don't care about anything except fulfilling their own personal selfish agendas. (You heard it first here) This was a risk you took and so far it's not playing out the way you had planned. THEN YOU ASK: "I don't want a divorce but what else can I do?" You can have the baby, take your husband to court if he refuses to pay child support, and raise your child alone the best you can. You could also read books on choosing men. I'm not trying to shove anything down your throat, but on the longshot that you may get lonely five or ten years from now and want a full time dad for your child, you might consider a man who doesn't go around getting other women pregnant if you are separated from them and you might consider a man who doesn't run home to mama when the roof starts falling in. You might even want to think about a man who doesn't run back to live with his girlfriend when his wife gets pregnant. Somehow, and this is just my opinion, I think your husband is trying to tell you something. He may not be verbally communicative so maybe he sends messages with his actions. I want to be up about this so I hope another person comes along and gives you a more positive take on this than I. I know you're pregnant and that's no picnic. It would be so nice to have a loving, supportive mate to be by your side during this time. If you thought your guy would come rushing home when you got pregnant again, well...I just don't think you know your husband very well. I am truly sorry about all these things that are happening. I know there's a lot of hurt here. But, for some reason, I think you have not set forth a lot of details about your husband, your relationship, why you were separated, etc. There's an awful lot of immaturity in all this, an awful lot of communication problems, some degree of meanness...there just isn't anything here that shows me much of a sign that you could have a meaningful and lasting reconciliation with this guy.

[tnt]

This guy doesn't sound like he would be a

good father to your baby. He certainly wouldn't be a good role model. I don't think you can trust that this guy will be there for you, stick around when things get rough, or not go off with the next female that tickles his fancy. Many women raise their kids alone and can provide a more stable home for a child than if they were with a guy who flakes out on them. Divorce sounds like a good option here because he has not been acting like a husband and he can actually endanger your health by sleeping with someone else and then bringing their cooties home to you. Let's face it, he has not been honoring his marriage vows. He went out and impregnated another woman and now he cares more about her and her upcoming baby more than he cares about you. Your baby deserves a better father than that.