She broke up with me saying: "If it's meant to be it will be..."

[skyecko]

History:

 

I met my girlfriend in Dec 2012. We had an instant connection that could only be explained by time standing still. After about a month I opened up to her about some things from my past. I wanted to be honest with her and she said she felt closer because I did. Two days later she went to Vegas. While in Vegas she mistook something I said as not trusting her. When she came back from her trip Ii visited her the next day. She was treating me differently. We got in an argument and she said she needed space. I left and she text me this:

 

 

I have fear for many things that if I do something wrong bad things could happen, I have told you many times we aren't perfect but I know you are perfect for me, I want to make you happy And i know I can do it, I told you I need to get things straight and all I'm asking is give me time and space, if you think that this will ruin wherever we have, I'm sorry, I want to be with you with no fear of anything, it might be hard but I think this is the way, I don't want this relation to get very strong then brake, that will hurt more than if we wait and do the right thing, I didn't know talking to you getting to know each other will became a relationship, I do want to be your girlfriend and you my boyfriend but I need space and time to little by little change my life and include you in it. Everything has happen really fast for good but at the same as fast can break if we don't do the right things. I like you and care about you a lot, I hope you really understand me, I noticed I don't like to repeat things but I will learn to do it to make sure we understand each other.

 

I text her that I would give her space and I really cared about her and wanted to be with her long term. However, after this point she did not invite me over to her house and when i went to her workplace she didn't come outside and sit in the car and talk like we always had. Because I didn't give her enough space she started texting/calling less (once a day) saying that she was really busy. But when we did talk we would talk for a couple of hours. With her pulling back I tried to be patient but I felt her slipping away so I didn't give ger space again. So on Monday this week she said she wanted to be friends because she just didnt have the time for a relationship and things were complicated in her life. So on Tuesday I dropped a coupon book at her work oh her day off. Wednesday I brought her a card. This is when she told me that her ex-husband was probably going to move back into the house because the immigration (citizenship) people might check to see if they are married. She told me before that she wanted to get a divorce and she didn't love him. At this same time she said she wanted to stop "Whatever this is..." and not to come to her work; text; or call her. I just told her to come back to me when she was ready. That I cared about her and would wait for her.

 

Later i texted her that i would give her the space that she needed. She text me back the following:

 

Thank You for giving me the time and space I need, yes I want to know too how you are and say hello sometimes but for me is really hard to be just friends after of what we had, but for me I think is better if we just limit our conversations work related I'm loosing you right now because this is how it need to be, because I know if we meant to be together it don't matter how much time will pass we will end up together, but for right now we just can't do it. I don't know if I'm clear but like I told you already about my priorities. I don't want to hurt you on any way I care about you and always will be thinking on you.

 

I replied that I would wait for her until she took care of her things (citizensip/divorce); she didn't reply to my last text. So on Sat I couldn't take it anymore and I text her that I just wanted clarification to her previous text message. No reply. So now it is Monday of the next week and i am feeling very alone. Very insignificant. I have too many unanswered questions. I don't know if she will come back; or what.

 

We had something amazing. She even admitted this several times. But she said also that she can't have it right now because of her life being the way it is. To me I feel like it is an excuse because she made time for me before and it wasn't an issue. My personal thought is maybe she didn't think she could get citizenship with me; so she is going back to her husband in an effort to get it. Maybe if she could get through me she would have divorced him and stayed with me. All I can hope is she will come back to me when she is done with things? What I need to know now is what to do to have any hope of getting her back.

[316]

"NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY WHEN THEY ONLY SEE YOU AS AN OPTION."

 

Read this sentence over and over. Dissect it. Embrace it. Write it on your bathroom mirror if you have to. Do whatever you need to do until the message sticks.

 

No matter what this woman's intentions truly are, no matter what types of feelings you think she may have for you, she has made it clear that she has no room for you in her life at the moment. She has showed you the door and you keep coming back knocking. The more you come back the less she sympathizes with you, which means the less chance you two have of getting back together.

 

Sounds like this woman has quite a few problems in her life right now so I think it would be best for you to respect her space and work on YOU. When someone shows you the door you walk out with your head high. Make her regret having to leave you, not the other way around.

 

Forget this woman and go find someone who will make you as much of a priority as you will for them. She doesn't want nor deserve your time.

[GingerVixen]

I can only read one thing here:

 

This is when she told me that her ex-husband was probably going to move back into the house because the immigration (citizenship) people might check to see if they are married.

 

She's going back to her ex-husband. That's obvious. That's why she doesn't want you in your life. If it was only that, okay. I'd respect that. You can't oblige her to be with you.

 

But it's not only that. She's being dishonest. Why? Because by saying "Oh I want you as my bf and I want you to be your gf Im just not ready right now blah blah if it's meant to be it will be blah blah" BULL****. Know what she's doing rn? She's putting you in a drawer. If her thing with the ex doesn't work, she'll open the drawer and rescue the poor man who was waiting years only to have the privilege to be with her. You're an adult, she's an adult, why not be honest and say the truth, that she wants her ex back? No, because she's putting you on the bench. DO YOU THINK YOU DESERVE THE BENCH?

 

PLEASE STOP IT! And don't say "i'll be here waiting for you", for God's sake.

I'm saying this because you're acting just like I did with a MAJOR DOUCHE recently. Only now did I realize that he does not deserve a single word from me, a comma, a "period", nothing.

 

NC forever , okay? FOREVER. That's what you should do.

[skyecko]

I think because she cannot get citizenship with me she really is putting me on hold without a definite answer until she can get that taken care of. However, she said no contact and just keep things work related. She said her ex-husband was moving back into the house probably and something tells me if she could have gotten things through me she would have just divorced him and been with me. But once she realized she couldn't she changed her plan and is staying with him indefinitely or at least until her citizenship is final. But having no contact she will lose her feelings for me? But if it takes 3 years to get her things together maybe she will come back? I mean I treated her very well and we had a strong connection; but I did'nt give her space when she asked for it. Can a girl go for several years and still think of a guy and want to be with him? I mean she can't forget me completely because we work for the same company.

[Chi townD]

Clearly, everything you just wrote screams that she was using you. You have to see that now don't you?

 

Time to heal and move on. Start a hard NC, go completely dark on her. She only wanted what she thought you could provide for her. Once she saw that you didn't have any pull, she kicked you to the curb.

 

Time to move on.

[Mack05]

Too many people focus on 'words' and the things an ex said. They (and you) need to stop this.

 

You need to focus on one thing and one thing alone after a breakup -> actions. Her actions state quite clearly that she doesn't want to be with you. Let her go, so that you can find someone who does..

 

There are many amazing people out there. The longer you waste time hoping she will see the light and/or focusing on the words of a woman that will probably never give you what you want, the longer you deny yourself a woman that can give you everything you want...

 

Sadly your emotion is clouding your judgement. We have all been there...

[flitzanu]

I think because she cannot get citizenship with me she really is putting me on hold without a definite answer until she can get that taken care of. However, she said no contact and just keep things work related. She said her ex-husband was moving back into the house probably and something tells me if she could have gotten things through me she would have just divorced him and been with me. But once she realized she couldn't she changed her plan and is staying with him indefinitely or at least until her citizenship is final. But having no contact she will lose her feelings for me? But if it takes 3 years to get her things together maybe she will come back? I mean I treated her very well and we had a strong connection; but I did'nt give her space when she asked for it. Can a girl go for several years and still think of a guy and want to be with him? I mean she can't forget me completely because we work for the same company.

 

so she was trying to get citizenship because of you, and since she couldn't she dumped you and is getting back with her ex husband.

 

that's your sign to move on, and from her words, it doesn't sound like you HAD a relationship.

 

she said she "wanted to be your girlfriend sometime" so she doesn't think she was your girlfriend. you are putting more into this than she did.

 

cut her loose and find someone that isn't just using you.

[Radu]

I think because she cannot get citizenship with me she really is putting me on hold without a definite answer until she can get that taken care of. However, she said no contact and just keep things work related. She said her ex-husband was moving back into the house probably and something tells me if she could have gotten things through me she would have just divorced him and been with me. But once she realized she couldn't she changed her plan and is staying with him indefinitely or at least until her citizenship is final. But having no contact she will lose her feelings for me? But if it takes 3 years to get her things together maybe she will come back? I mean I treated her very well and we had a strong connection; but I did'nt give her space when she asked for it. Can a girl go for several years and still think of a guy and want to be with him? I mean she can't forget me completely because we work for the same company.

 

LOL, so she was the one with the citizenship problem and she got her husband out of the house ?

How long have they been married ?

What country is she from ?

What country are you from ?

Do they have kids ?

Edited February 12, 2013 by Radu

[Darren Steez]

You poor poor man.

[skyecko]

Basically she was married with her husband for 12 years. They have two kids. 7 and 12. He cheated on her about 8 years ago. He moved out of the house before and this is the second time. She said she wanted a divorce. She said she doesn't love him. And i think she means that. But when she found out she couldn't get citizenship with me I think she re-thought our relationship and realized she would have to go back through her husband to get it. So I'm thinking she backed away from me because she knows that will take awhile and she doesn't want the pressure from me about a relationship. She said it might take years to get her citizenship/divorce worked out but she could have still seen/talked with me so that part I'm not completely sure on. In any regard, she can't forget me because we work for the same company.

[skyecko]

We are all in the US. Her husband is a citizen; so am I; but she is not.

[flitzanu]

Basically she was married with her husband for 12 years. They have two kids. 7 and 12. He cheated on her about 8 years ago. He moved out of the house before and this is the second time. She said she wanted a divorce. She said she doesn't love him. And i think she means that. But when she found out she couldn't get citizenship with me I think she re-thought our relationship and realized she would have to go back through her husband to get it. So I'm thinking she backed away from me because she knows that will take awhile and she doesn't want the pressure from me about a relationship. She said it might take years to get her citizenship/divorce worked out but she could have still seen/talked with me so that part I'm not completely sure on. In any regard, she can't forget me because we work for the same company.

 

 

so then she is married.

[Ajax]

You have my sympathy, sir, but this is a train wreck in every way possible.

 

We all know that the heart wants what it wants and that your feelings can't be turned off, but you can't let them control you.

 

The fact if the matter is, you haven't known this woman very long. Two months is it? You may have felt an inexplicable connection with this woman, but you really don't know her. Nobody can really get to know someone in two months.

 

Another fact... she's married. With kids.

 

But the biggest most glaring truth in this situation is that she walked away from you. She "wants to be your girlfriend someday?" That's nice to hear. How long ya gonna wait? Until her kids are grown and out of the house and she's not staying together for the kids?

 

Lets be honest. This is a woman who you will never have a healthy relationship with. It's just not in the realm of possibility. So why not cut your losses and your ties and start to move forward with your life?

[GingerVixen]

You said "but can she keep on thinking about me, will she want me someday?"

 

Do you really want a person who puts you on the bench?

I will ask you one more time, DO YOU THINK YOU DESERVE THE BENCH?

[Radu]

Basically she was married with her husband for 12 years. They have two kids. 7 and 12. He cheated on her about 8 years ago. He moved out of the house before and this is the second time. She said she wanted a divorce. She said she doesn't love him. And i think she means that. But when she found out she couldn't get citizenship with me I think she re-thought our relationship and realized she would have to go back through her husband to get it. So I'm thinking she backed away from me because she knows that will take awhile and she doesn't want the pressure from me about a relationship. She said it might take years to get her citizenship/divorce worked out but she could have still seen/talked with me so that part I'm not completely sure on. In any regard, she can't forget me because we work for the same company.

 

First of all, this information basically turned our perception from 'citizenship fraud' to 'complicated'. You see how important it is to show all of the relevant information ?

2nd, if the children are born in the US, there is doubtfully any way that she will be deported because they don't want to separate young children from their mother.

My guess is that, she will be looking at some maybe benefits if she is a citizen ... social support ?

 

Get away from her and find someone else, why do you need to be the white knight ?

She has her own problems, and she decided on a way to fix them.

It's good, it's bad ... it doesn't matter.

She sounds like she needs a liferaft, and that is not a reason for you to start a relationship with her.

 

If you feel sorry for her, keep in mind that she had many many many yrs to get her citizenship solved [it takes 3yrs tops from what i've read] and fix herself with a nice job.