TrueLoveSeeker Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) Hey guys, so I will try and make this short but I lost the girl of my dreams. I am very picky with girls and LTR's so when i met her, I knew she was perfect in every way. My freshman year in college, I met her and we were best friends for 5 or 6 months. We began to date and it was amazing. She love me so much and I loved her very much. She would say that she wouldnt know what to do with herself if I wasnt in her life. The first year was amazing and we could not get enough of each other. We spent literally all of our time together when we were not in class or at work. She treated me amazing and so did I. I would have done anything for her. I was always insecure yet she told me that is part of why she loves me. I let my insecurities get the best of me and I started to become something I wasn't. I started to become a jerk to her. I would say things like "i am sick of this" to her and I saw how much it hurt her. I never meant this and I hated myself for saying these things yet I never apologized. I know that I was such as ******* for doing this to the nicest girl anyone could meet. She deserved so much better. We had so many ups and downs over the next year because of how I was acting. She would put up with it and still treat me amazing. I hate myself for treating her the way i did. She went on vacation with her family of a couple weeks and when she came back, she broke up with me. I cant say I blamed her for it but I finally realized everything that I had known for the past year. I knew that I was being someone that I wasnt and had to fight for her with everything I had. I wrote 12 pages worth of love letters telling her how i felt and why i was acting the way I was. She told me that it was a "huge curveball" and that she would think about it. Eventually, she told me that she doesnt think she could do it anymore. I panicked and told her that I can't live without her and that I needed her. I realized i was being immature and stupid so i apologized for the way i was acting and did not talk to her for over 3 weeks. After about a month, i messaged her on facebook saying that I have learned so much and have learned a lot about myself. I asked her if she still loves me and if she still has any feelings for me. She told me that this message upset her and that she doesnt have feeling for me and that she used to love me a lot but things have changed. She said that she hopes i have a good life and goodbye. I messaged her back apologizing for everything and that all i want for her is to be happy and i will stay out of her life so that she can be happy. I told her to never settle for anything like she settled for me. I do believe that she still loves me but because I was such a jerk, I dont ever expect her to talk to me again. I do truly want her to be happy and have learned to always be myself no matter what. I will respect her wishes but I just want some advice on how to proceed now. I will never contact her again unless she contacts me because I know that it will only hurt her but i just want to know what i should do for myself. I am completely lost now and I feel that we were meant for each other. All i want now is for her to be happy and for her to realize who i really am. Any help would be greatly appreciated because I am trying to be a good person and I believe that i can only better myself from this experience. I cant forgive the things i did in my past yet i am willing to move on. I just want to know how to move on or if it is even possible. thanks. Edited February 12, 2013 by TrueLoveSeeker Link to post Share on other sites
GingerVixen Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I'm just trying to understand the situation: did you have any friends who would talk about your relationship with her? Any kind of friendship who could influence your behavior? I believe you must wait before talking to her. It's really difficult because you NEVER apologized during the relationship and boy, she has been really patient and tolerant. Link to post Share on other sites
A n t h o n y Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 You don't realize what you got until It's gone. Scary how true that is. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 why does it take things like this to happen before a guy realizes what he has.... or lost in this case? I just don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 You don't realize what you got until It's gone. Scary how true that is. you read my mind and beat me to the punch lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrueLoveSeeker Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 GingerVixen: I did have some "friends" that would talk to her about her relationship. My ex girlfriend was desired by all of my friends here at college. I could tell one of my friends really liked her even though I was with her. Looking back now, i could tell he tried to change me into a jerk which he succeeded. He would jokingly treat her bad when i was with her and I would follow along and do the same. I truly believed he got what he wanted when she broke up with me. I hate that i let someone influence my behavior but you are right when you say that. And yes, it is scary that you dont realize what you have until its gone. At least I learned to never take anything for granted anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Dear OP Don't beat yourself up about this too much! Many guys (myself included) have made the same mistake. As you say, just try to learn from it. There is no point in you living a life full of guilt and self hatred over this. Try to forgive yourself and move on. You're only human like the rest of us. Link to post Share on other sites
its a lifestyle Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) Hey guys, so I will try and make this short but I lost the girl of my dreams. I am very picky with girls and LTR's so when i met her, I knew she was perfect in every way. My freshman year in college, I met her and we were best friends for 5 or 6 months. We began to date and it was amazing. She love me so much and I loved her very much. She would say that she wouldnt know what to do with herself if I wasnt in her life. The first year was amazing and we could not get enough of each other. We spent literally all of our time together when we were not in class or at work. She treated me amazing and so did I. I would have done anything for her. I was always insecure yet she told me that is part of why she loves me. I let my insecurities get the best of me and I started to become something I wasn't. I started to become a jerk to her. I would say things like "i am sick of this" to her and I saw how much it hurt her. I never meant this and I hated myself for saying these things yet I never apologized. I know that I was such as ******* for doing this to the nicest girl anyone could meet. She deserved so much better. We had so many ups and downs over the next year because of how I was acting. She would put up with it and still treat me amazing. I hate myself for treating her the way i did. She went on vacation with her family of a couple weeks and when she came back, she broke up with me. I cant say I blamed her for it but I finally realized everything that I had known for the past year. I knew that I was being someone that I wasnt and had to fight for her with everything I had. I wrote 12 pages worth of love letters telling her how i felt and why i was acting the way I was. She told me that it was a "huge curveball" and that she would think about it. Eventually, she told me that she doesnt think she could do it anymore. I panicked and told her that I can't live without her and that I needed her. I realized i was being immature and stupid so i apologized for the way i was acting and did not talk to her for over 3 weeks. After about a month, i messaged her on facebook saying that I have learned so much and have learned a lot about myself. I asked her if she still loves me and if she still has any feelings for me. She told me that this message upset her and that she doesnt have feeling for me and that she used to love me a lot but things have changed. She said that she hopes i have a good life and goodbye. I messaged her back apologizing for everything and that all i want for her is to be happy and i will stay out of her life so that she can be happy. I told her to never settle for anything like she settled for me. I do believe that she still loves me but because I was such a jerk, I dont ever expect her to talk to me again. I do truly want her to be happy and have learned to always be myself no matter what. I will respect her wishes but I just want some advice on how to proceed now. I will never contact her again unless she contacts me because I know that it will only hurt her but i just want to know what i should do for myself. I am completely lost now and I feel that we were meant for each other. All i want now is for her to be happy and for her to realize who i really am. Any help would be greatly appreciated because I am trying to be a good person and I believe that i can only better myself from this experience. I cant forgive the things i did in my past yet i am willing to move on. I just want to know how to move on or if it is even possible. thanks. I'm not going to explain my story, but trust me, it's more or less exactly the same as yours. Nothing is going to help you at the moment, you have no choice but to sit and suffer... the pain eventually fades into a dull ache and will be with you for... I don't know the answer yet, I'm 7 months into it and I still feel it, but I'm certainly healing day by day. 1 thing I can tell you is this: she is gone. If it was heat of the moment then you'd have her back by now, I went through exactlyyyyyy the same thing, then admitting my mistakes, how much I'd realized, wrote a letter 8 pages long, yadayadayada etcetcetc, left her alone for 4 weeks, wrote a huge facebook message, pushed to visit her to try to talk to her, in the end she said it's not there anymore and she's sorry... I could tell your story as my own, and every word I repeat would be true, literally (besides her going on holiday with her parents and then dumping me, she walked away after the final argument). It is the end buddy... it will takes months to accept it as a reality, but do me one favor... Read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/373151-biggest-lesson-i-learned Edited February 12, 2013 by its a lifestyle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrueLoveSeeker Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 Its a lifestyle: Thanks man. I read your other post about what you learn and I kinda think the same thing. Although, I do not and will never regret trying everything I could to let her know how much I cared about her. I did lose a little dignity but in the end, i am glad I tried everything because I would not have been able to live with myself had i not tried. The only reason i hurt now is not that i am alone, but the fact that i hurt her because she did not deserve it. At the time, I was not good enough for her yet I kept her around. Its a shame she doesnt want to get to know the real me and how much I actually cared about her. All I know is a broken heart doesnt kill a man, it can only make him stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Well said TrueLove Seeker We all learn from our mistakes. It may have ended anyway but for a different reason - you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrueLoveSeeker Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I was a jerk for too long. Being a jerk might attract a girl but it will also eventually chase them away. No one can nor should have to put up with that for an extended period of time. Link to post Share on other sites
its a lifestyle Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) Its a lifestyle: Thanks man. Although, I do not and will never regret trying everything I could to let her know how much I cared about her. You will, you'll reach a stage where you take her off the pedestal, and the biggest regret you'll have is being weak and on your knee's and feeding her ago, trust me. Edited February 12, 2013 by its a lifestyle Link to post Share on other sites
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