jnd2009 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 We've been together since I was 17, he had just turned 20. It's been just over 8 years. One after another our friends have gotten married, some have kids (some were pre marriage) or are planning on them soon. We already own a home together, we've lived together at a parents, renting, or owning pretty much our whole relationship. Money could be better but it's not hateful, he owns his own business and it's profitable to pay bills but not much more. I have a decent job financially, and I save frugally (not enough for a wedding but a small chunk). I'm now 25 almost 26 and he's 28. I for years have been wanting to get married and have kids, and he says it's not if it's when, but I'm so sick of waiting. I don't see why not. It frustrates me because all these people who have been together far less than we have are getting married. I know it won't change much, but I want kids sooner than later and if I were to get pregnant it wouldn't be that big of a deal if we were married. I've been bringing it up a lot lately. The excuse for years has been money, and I don't see how it's THAT big of a deal now. The last time I brought up let's get married and have kids his answer was ok. But most of the time he gets frustrated when I talk about it and I don't see why. Kind of a rant, kind of a question! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I don't see why not. You could ask him to marry you. I know it won't change much Of course it will - or you two would have done so by now. I've been bringing it up a lot lately. Again, why not ask him to marry you? If he declines, there are bigger issues at hand. But most of the time he gets frustrated when I talk about it and I don't see why. Kind of a rant, kind of a question! I would say that both of you are going through the whole life change I refer to as "your Saturn return." (google it, but generally it means that between the ages of 28 and 31, people go through a HUGE life change on their perspective and direction and many marriages and relationships don't survive it). You have been giving him the milk for free for years, he has no reason to buy the cow. Go into premarital counseling to make sure you relationship can survive into its next phase. The fact that you have been together since your teenage years is meaningless - it is your adulthood that is now at stake and you both might be better just moving on and moving apart. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) I'm wondering... When you look at him, do you think "Wow, I've been with him since I was 17 and I want to be with THIS GUY for the rest of my long life with all his annoying habits and all his quirks and THIS is really what I want for the rest of my life" or are you thinking "Everyone around me is getting married and I want a ring and a party too" I'm really really not trying to belittle your feelings, and even if you felt you wanted the ring and the party, I can understand that a bit - but I am sincerely asking the question. When I was in my early 20s I wanted marriage because it was just a goal - now that I'm older, I certainly don't want it for that - I'd want it to be with someone that I'd see myself being with for the rest of my life.. Because if you've been with him since you were 17 - he is most likely all you know AND you never got a chance to grown on your own and experience things - so this truly all you want? (again, not putting it down, just trying to see what you really want) Edited February 12, 2013 by TigerCub Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Wait for it, everybody! This is the same girl who is having an affair with a married man... Forget my previous advice. Break up with both of them and get counseling. Sheesh... :rolleyes: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabba Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Wait for it, everybody! This is the same girl who is having an affair with a married man... Forget my previous advice. Break up with both of them and get counseling. Sheesh... :rolleyes: That's strange, she didn't mention the affair in this thread, maybe she just likes getting bad advice due to offering incomplete information? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zackburnet Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 :)You both need to move to the next phase of your life. What is the phase? Married phase. Until when do you two want to live together without formal ties such as marriage? You simply need to know your lover, I suggest get pre-marital counseling, so you both a clear picture of the goal of marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 I just read your other thread...you didn't seem very upset about your boyfriend wanting to wait, you were more focused on MM. So why did you omit that info from this thread? Because you figured that we would see you as more of a perpetrator then a victim? My guess would be yes. Do you think part of your boyfriend's hesistation is that deep down he knows something is going on with you? Obviously you chose to look elsewhere, so maybe he feels that you have checked out of the relationship already. Could that be possible? Link to post Share on other sites
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