How do I deal with my parents and anxiety problems?

[Aedra]

Okay at the risk of being judged harshly here, I'd like to explain my situation. I apologize if its long. I am nearly 26 and still living at home. I have never had a "real" job (one that doesn't involve a family member doing a favor for my mother and giving me one.) I have had depression and social anxiety since I was 13 years old. I was very withdrawn throughout high school and have not made any lasting or meaningful friendships growing up.

 

I lost my main group of acquaintances and friends over the years due to it and I feel more isolated then ever. My long distance boyfriend is basically my only friend and I rely on him heavily for emotional support and probably too much. I know my issues put alot of strain on top of the distance, yet he has always been loyal and loved me, which makes me feel even worse because I don't even feel like I deserve that half the time. I wasn't even sure what was wrong with me for a very long time until I was 20 or so, which was the first time I sought help. In college, which I deferred twice due to fear, I felt like I was up against a firing squad and the feeling never went away, especially doing group work or presentations in front of hundreds. 3 months before I was about to graduate my 2 year course I suddenly dropped out due to being unable to cope with the issues. My parents were massively disappointed in me and really thought I was an idiot. Before and after college I saw 2 psychologists, called a couple of helplines, saw the school counselor and was also on on medication for about a year.

 

I asked my aunt for help initially, but it caused massive conflict within the family. My parents were extremely unsupportive of seeking outside help and made me feel like I wasn't even allowed to feel the way I did and do. They believe because I do not have a job and not doing anything but stay at home I have no right to feel the way I do. My mother frequently explodes in anger over how I am on top of the stresss she has to deal with at work. I feel very guilty because I know my parents work very hard. My dad is often the one in the middle of everything and feels like he has to tip-toe around my mother all the time. He often just tells me I need to "snap out of it" or I have to stop moping around. If I get into an argument with my mother he likes to remind me not to direct anger towards him and that he has alot of trouble dealing with her too.

 

It's true I struggle to even do the housework alot of the times and they get really mad over that. I wouldn't be proud of me as a daughter either, but all my life I have struggled to deal with the lack of emotional support, lack of self worth and social anxiety. Even the most menial task takes so much effort. Past year I've started stuttering quite a bit and I have no focus or energy. I am too anxious and ashamed to even see extended family for help anymore over how my parents made me feel over getting help. I am emotionally and physically exhausted and wake up not wanting to live anymore. Yet I feel like even though I am a dysfunctional human being, I deserve some basic respect and understand from my parents, right? Anyways, if you have bothered to read to the end I am very grateful. I am not sure who is wrong or right or what to do anymore. Please give me some advice, be as blunt as you want:(

Edited February 12, 2013 by Aedra

[Els]

This is a bit of a toughie, because you are dependent on your family due to your anxiety issues, but living with your family is making your anxiety worse. Unfortunately this vicious cycle will continue until you are able to break it.

 

Did the psychologists, therapists, and medication not help at all? Can you not apply for temporary disability welfare based on their reports, so that you can get some financial independence and break the cycle?

[Aedra]

This is a bit of a toughie, because you are dependent on your family due to your anxiety issues, but living with your family is making your anxiety worse. Unfortunately this vicious cycle will continue until you are able to break it.

 

Did the psychologists, therapists, and medication not help at all? Can you not apply for temporary disability welfare based on their reports, so that you can get some financial independence and break the cycle?

 

It helped me initially. Medication lulled me enough so I didn't do anything stupid, but I had so many horrible side effects I eventually had to get off of them. The psychologists didn't really help at all to be honest. I guess that is a matter of not finding the right one? I don't know if I can get disability welfare off of something like this, didn't even think that was possible. I don't feel good about it at all. I suppose figuring that out is my only real option right now

[Radu]

I would also like to know what those profesionals said.

I personally think that your mom is either compounding the problem, or the cause of it.

Your family also sounds a bit introvert [as were mine].

 

Believe it or not, i was in your place ... no psychological support though.

Also for many yrs, i finally snapped out of it when ... maybe you don't need to know that, but it took a major need/desire to snap me out of it.

 

My advice is for you o get a job, any job and try to be the best at it.

A job would give your life some structure.

I also know that after this much time in a depression, you will need to simply relearn many things as if you were a child ... do not get depressed over this, many times i have learned to do things more efficiently now.

[pink_sugar]

There are different doses of anxiety meds and I haven't really had any side effects other than sleepiness. Try a low dose anxiety medication and it should work fine...or only take it when you are going through extreme anxiety episodes. I have a long history of OCD, depression and anxiety myself.

 

I think being able to feel independent and confident in your abilities will help your anxiety and depression. It's not easy, but work on your depression and anxiety with a psychologist continuously. It takes years to overcome issues, so you need to keep up with your treatment. (I have been in therapy off an on throughout my life and I'm 23) Get involved with clubs or groups of similar interest to meet new friends. Work on finding yourself a job that your family hasn't helped you with. Your success at finding a job on your own will help build your self esteem and confidence. Next step (when you can afford it) would be to find a room to rent or rent an apartment with roommates (depending on what you can afford at the time) so you can have independence and continue to build your confidence and self worth. Tell yourself often that you can do this and that things will get better. It sounds a bit like your parents are enabling you in some way that is preventing you from growing. They are wanting you to depend on them rather than becoming independent. This is very destructive. My grandmother has done that with my aunt all her life...treating her like she was "sick" and "disabled" because she has bi-polar and she never became independent because my grandmother instilled the way of thinking that she cannot do things on her own when she really can.

Edited February 12, 2013 by pink_sugar

[Els]

It helped me initially. Medication lulled me enough so I didn't do anything stupid, but I had so many horrible side effects I eventually had to get off of them. The psychologists didn't really help at all to be honest. I guess that is a matter of not finding the right one? I don't know if I can get disability welfare off of something like this, didn't even think that was possible. I don't feel good about it at all. I suppose figuring that out is my only real option right now

 

It takes a lot of time and patience to find the right meds and the right therapist. You're giving up too easily. You may not feel good about accepting temporary welfare, though if you're in the USA you can rest assured that plenty of perfectly healthy people in no trouble at all are being paid unemployment as well. So just do it and make a promise to yourself that you're only gonna use it as the stepping-stone to get out.

[Aedra]

Hi, wow didn't expect so many new responses thank you.

 

I would also like to know what those profesionals said.

I personally think that your mom is either compounding the problem, or the cause of it.

Your family also sounds a bit introvert [as were mine].

 

Believe it or not, i was in your place ... no psychological support though.

Also for many yrs, i finally snapped out of it when ... maybe you don't need to know that, but it took a major need/desire to snap me out of it.

 

My advice is for you o get a job, any job and try to be the best at it.

A job would give your life some structure.

I also know that after this much time in a depression, you will need to simply relearn many things as if you were a child ... do not get depressed over this, many times i have learned to do things more efficiently now.

 

The psychologists basically said everything's rooted in my parents. My parents are definitely introverted, although my mom used to be alot more outgoing in the past. Now she is careful not to let anyone get into her private life very much other then certain relatives. She usually lies about what I'm doing if people ask about me. Like I'm still in college or something along the lines. I do get the feeling she is very ashamed of me and how people will perceive her if they really knew about me.

 

One time she did pretty much say that about me when my grandad died and she was emotionally raw. She frequently bottles up her emotions and lashes out violently when she's at her limit. After that she pretends like nothing happened. My dad is pretty quiet too. Neither of them have any actual friends really. Nobody gets invited over or anything. Everything is very work oriented and working long hours, they have always been self employed since they were married.

 

But yeah other then hearing from another person I wasn't all to blame for everything, nothing she suggested really helped so I felt at aloss.

 

Anyway, I think you are right. I am probably going to try and get a job without too much interaction with people. Extremely anxious about it either way. One of my relatives came over out of the blue this week and I pretty much told her everything about my issues and they will help me. I am very relieved and grateful for that. I am extremely hesitant about seeing another psychologist but I feel like its either that or do something...well yeah. I am more nervous about confronting my parents about it, I know they will not be very happy but I'm pretty much trying to go through all the actions without thinking it through at this point.

[Aedra]

It takes a lot of time and patience to find the right meds and the right therapist. You're giving up too easily. You may not feel good about accepting temporary welfare, though if you're in the USA you can rest assured that plenty of perfectly healthy people in no trouble at all are being paid unemployment as well. So just do it and make a promise to yourself that you're only gonna use it as the stepping-stone to get out.

 

Yeah...I think I probably did give up too easily. =( I think just actually just getting professional help for the first time was a massive shock to me and didn't cope so well. I think the reality of things was too much to even accept. I just felt extremely alone and hopeless and gave up on myself. I will try to put my pride aside this time and accept I need alot of help at this point.

Edited February 14, 2013 by Aedra

[Aedra]

There are different doses of anxiety meds and I haven't really had any side effects other than sleepiness. Try a low dose anxiety medication and it should work fine...or only take it when you are going through extreme anxiety episodes. I have a long history of OCD, depression and anxiety myself.

 

I think being able to feel independent and confident in your abilities will help your anxiety and depression. It's not easy, but work on your depression and anxiety with a psychologist continuously. It takes years to overcome issues, so you need to keep up with your treatment. (I have been in therapy off an on throughout my life and I'm 23) Get involved with clubs or groups of similar interest to meet new friends. Work on finding yourself a job that your family hasn't helped you with. Your success at finding a job on your own will help build your self esteem and confidence. Next step (when you can afford it) would be to find a room to rent or rent an apartment with roommates (depending on what you can afford at the time) so you can have independence and continue to build your confidence and self worth. Tell yourself often that you can do this and that things will get better. It sounds a bit like your parents are enabling you in some way that is preventing you from growing. They are wanting you to depend on them rather than becoming independent. This is very destructive. My grandmother has done that with my aunt all her life...treating her like she was "sick" and "disabled" because she has bi-polar and she never became independent because my grandmother instilled the way of thinking that she cannot do things on her own when she really can.

 

Thank you, yes you are right I think a job will help alot. My parents keep telling me to I need to do something with my life but they are always afraid I'm not capable of doing anything by myself. I just have all this shame in me about being so far behind other people my age work wise and its hard to accept. I keep feeling like I'll be judged, its tough just letting that go. I think I will only use medication as a last resort, my ethnic background makes me hyper sensitive to most medications. I also realize now I need to keep on trying with professional help, just keep feeling like I'm wasting money but there's no cost to sanity I guess.

Edited February 14, 2013 by Aedra

[Radu]

 

Anyway, I think you are right. I am probably going to try and get a job without too much interaction with people. Extremely anxious about it either way. One of my relatives came over out of the blue this week and I pretty much told her everything about my issues and they will help me. I am very relieved and grateful for that. I am extremely hesitant about seeing another psychologist but I feel like its either that or do something...well yeah. I am more nervous about confronting my parents about it, I know they will not be very happy but I'm pretty much trying to go through all the actions without thinking it through at this point.

 

What also helped me a lot was to sit on forums like LS.

The internet is full of forums, there are on everything and i would be good money that there are some on work relations.

 

As for the rest, i read a lot on body language, relationships, psychology and still read.

I'm still nowhere near good [or decent in my opinion] but i can actually see ppl more clearly now.

 

A job will put you out there, allow you to have contact with other ppl as time goes by.

Like you said, try to find one with little social interaction and steadily ramp it up from there.

[passingbreeze]

See a therapist/psychologist again as soon as possible. You need help from someone who is not a family member. A good therapist will guide you in making some major life changes and decisions. It will be hard, but you can break this depressing cycle that you're trapped in. Call for an appointment right away. Tell the therapist everything that you have told us here on this forum. Please don't be discouraged. We will be rooting for you!

[camillalev]

Thank you, yes you are right I think a job will help alot. My parents keep telling me to I need to do something with my life but they are always afraid I'm not capable of doing anything by myself. I just have all this shame in me about being so far behind other people my age work wise and its hard to accept.

 

It sounds a bit like your parents are enabling you in some way that is preventing you from growing. They are wanting you to depend on them rather than becoming independent. This is very destructive. My grandmother has done that with my aunt all her life...treating her like she was "sick" and "disabled" because she has bi-polar and she never became independent because my grandmother instilled the way of thinking that she cannot do things on her own when she really can.

 

 

Your situation and your family sound so similar to mine it's eerie. My mom has always been suffocating, always made me feel as though I couldn't achieve anything on my own. I also dropped out(but came back) my last year of college because my mom was coming down on me hard, telling me she had stomach cancer(a lie), and generally was very emotionally manipulative. When I dropped out she also lied and told people I was still in college(WTF???).When I got my first job out of college she freaked out, started crying and telling me she knew I wouldn't need her once I had a job. That kind of behavior from parents is psychotic and obviously has a huge impact on their children that's difficult to move on from. It is possible though.

 

 

I think everyone in this thread has given great advice. Do what you can to get yourself out of that situation. It's scary and nerve-wracking, but it's worth it. Do not tell them about the things you're doing/planning, just do them. In the end, you must do what you have to for yourself. Take baby steps, go for it. Things will get better!

Edited February 15, 2013 by camillalev

[turnera]

The only way you will ever get out of this mess is by finding a GOOD, qualified therapist and going there week in, week out. I'm serious. It may take you a couple years, but he/she is a specialist who, if you stick with it, can generate a change in how you face life. And yes, it WAS your parents who caused you to be this way.

 

I would look for a way to start making money. Many people work from home nowadays. What kinds of classes were you taking? Any skills?

[turnera]

And if you can find someplace else to live...do it!

[Aedra]

The only way you will ever get out of this mess is by finding a GOOD, qualified therapist and going there week in, week out. I'm serious. It may take you a couple years, but he/she is a specialist who, if you stick with it, can generate a change in how you face life. And yes, it WAS your parents who caused you to be this way.

 

I would look for a way to start making money. Many people work from home nowadays. What kinds of classes were you taking? Any skills?

 

I was doing an a rather general course on multimedia; photoshop, web design, storyboarding, 3d modelling, that sort of thing. I don't know if I could get a job out of it since I technically only have half a degree and no specialized skills really. =( I did work for my uncle for a year doing photo editing for a website before I went to college, so I suppose that would count as experience. I don't think I am ready to do something like that right now even if I could since it involved a too much interaction and stressed me out big time. I think working from home would be great and I will try and look into that.

[Sugarkane]

The problem is a factory job used to allow to support a family- now it doesn't. Now you need a degree just to do anything. Society makes fun of Gen Y, yet only international students can afford to live on campus.

[Aedra]

The problem is a factory job used to allow to support a family- now it doesn't. Now you need a degree just to do anything. Society makes fun of Gen Y, yet only international students can afford to live on campus.

 

Yup. All of the international students that did the course I did had wealthy backgrounds and many stayed in the most expensive student apartments. I'm also aware more menial jobs just won't cut it anymore to survive. Realistically I can't support children unless I get a degree and even then I won't even know if I can compete with the mountain of issues I have to sort out first. Sigh. I've seen how much my parents have struggled with their small business too, they survive but its very tough. I am definitely very afraid of my future, makes me stick to stomach alot of the times but trying not to think too far ahead.

[Els]

I was doing an a rather general course on multimedia; photoshop, web design, storyboarding, 3d modelling, that sort of thing. I don't know if I could get a job out of it since I technically only have half a degree and no specialized skills really. =( I did work for my uncle for a year doing photo editing for a website before I went to college, so I suppose that would count as experience. I don't think I am ready to do something like that right now even if I could since it involved a too much interaction and stressed me out big time. I think working from home would be great and I will try and look into that.

 

I'll be honest, it's not easy to get decent pay working from home in those fields unless you have a lot of experience. Sometimes it's even more stressful because you have to manage everything by yourself without being able to ask for help like you would in junior positions in a typical company. And I'm really not sure it will give you the $$ that you need to move out, especially when you don't have any savings to help you out.

 

If it works for you, great, but IMO what would help you the most would be for you to just apply for typical entry-level positions. Most design jobs don't involve that much interaction unless you're shooting for a promotion. It definitely helps that you worked on your uncle's website for a year before.

 

Yup. All of the international students that did the course I did had wealthy backgrounds and many stayed in the most expensive student apartments. I'm also aware more menial jobs just won't cut it anymore to survive. Realistically I can't support children unless I get a degree and even then I won't even know if I can compete with the mountain of issues I have to sort out first. Sigh. I've seen how much my parents have struggled with their small business too, they survive but its very tough. I am definitely very afraid of my future, makes me stick to stomach alot of the times but trying not to think too far ahead.

 

That is odd, the majority of international students that I used to know are pretty conservative with money, because most of the time their parents have blown all their savings on the school fees alone (which are huge for internationals). There are some who are just unapologetically rich and live like kings, but many struggle to get along - those are also the ones whom you tend not to know, because they don't attend social gatherings or parties (can't afford to).

 

Many of them go to extraordinary lengths to keep their living expenses down so they can afford to finish their course - my bf used to live on $800 a month when he was studying, for example, that's $600 for houseshare accommodation that's a 20-minute walk from campus, and just $200 for living expenses alone. Some breach their visa conditions to work full-time while also studying full-time, while being paid less than the minimum wage, because that's the only way they can support themselves. If any of them get depressed or anxious because of their living conditions, they usually have to deal with it by themselves.

 

I'm telling you this because the 'everyone has it better than me' mentality just has to go if you're going to do something with your life. Oftentimes people don't have it better, we all just make the best of what we have. IMO you're very lucky. You have parents who are willing to give you free room and board while you sort yourself out, you have citizenship in a country that presumably has funding for disability and mental health if you can prove you need it, you have the skills that you need for an entry-level position without needing to do crappy work in the interim. Be grateful. Appreciate what you have. Then go out and grab life by the balls one day at a time and make the most of it.

[Aedra]

@ Elyswyth I did generalize international students a bit, apologies. >.< I have absolutely no doubt alot of them are working really hard and struggle with expenses. I don't envy the wealthier ones or think they have it better. Money never made me happy, I was raised very comfortably materialistically speaking, and I do appreciate the fact I have a roof over my head and food to eat and increasingly do so the older I'm getting.

 

So update, I ended up seeing my new psychologist today after my cousin I hadn't seen in years decided to drop by and helped me go to a GP last week. I had pretty horrible anxiety attacks every 15 minutes or so the entire day, but I handled it. I left with a big sinking feeling in my gut. He was a straight-forward and laid back kind of guy, which was great, yet he tried to charge me when I had a formal written letter from my GP that gave me 6 free sessions. He told me he just can't give everybody bulk billing, the costs of renting rooms were high, he had to make a living and that patients threw him an extra 20 dollars here and there under the table. He said he'd fly down alot to other cities because the money was better. He then questioned why I didn't have a job to pay for the normal 100 dollar fee at the end of our session. I thought that was pretty obvious? While it was very nice of him to decide to charge me only 16 dollars, I had that letter and still felt a little insulted. I wasn't sure .how genuine he was? What does everybody else think? Anyways, I plan to see a new one. I'm feeling pretty upset but I'm trying to pull through. Thanks for any input.

Edited February 22, 2013 by Aedra

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

First of all, I’d like to say that in my opinion you have nothing to be ashamed of! On the contrary, I hope you will be proud of yourself (and your parents should be proud of you) that you’re working so hard in overcoming this obstacle and that you are trying to find help!

 

Too many people give up when they encounter a problem, but you’re fighting, not only against the problem, but you’re fighting even without the support from your parents that you deserve and need! I hope that you already or soon will understand how good and proud of yourself you can and should be because of that, and what strength you’re showing! You attended college (and I know how college can be excruciating and overwhelming for anyone, let alone if you have such a situation) and that is amazing!

 

And of course, there will perhaps be temporary setbacks, and doubts and everything, but with perseverance and right guidance, you will succeed!

 

Also remember that the disorder is not your fault! You didn’t chose it, the biggest reasons were the combination of genes and upbringing, which isn’t your choice...

 

------

 

It’s great that you’re looking for advice on the internet! I would advise you to try to look on the internet for support groups, hotlines, sites, books that focus on social anxiety, and also on children-parent relationship.

 

Unfortutanely I’m not too familiar with the question of social anxiety, but perhaps this site Social Anxiety UK is a good starting position. (I have been quite sick lately, and I had a bad personal physician, which made really wary of going outside, so I sometimes feel like I'm losing touch with my friends etc., and while I know it's not the same as your situation, I sometimes start feeling lonely, afraid of going out (because of health)...).

 

Also, I hope there people will be able to help you better than we can. I hope they will give you advice or that you will find elsewhere on the internet information regarding a job, for example which are the possible jobs that can be done from home and don’t involve too much interaction.

 

As for your parents, I hope they will also be able to give you their insight on how to best approach this situation. I’m currently going through a lot with my parents regarding how they have treated me in the past and how they continue to do, and even though they’re trying hard to mend their mistakes, it’s still so so difficult for me, but it’s getting better... So even though it may seem hard, there is a lot of things that can be hard!

 

I’m sorry to hear about your bad experience with this psychologist. He should have known better how important it is to build a trusting relationship, and by bickering over money he showed that, in my opinion, you’re better off with someone else (I was in therapy for about a year, and I know it’s important to have someone you trust). Perhaps when you find on the internet contact of a group/site/an individual from your area with similar situation, they can give you a couple of names of good pyschologists whom you could contact. And hopefully from that group of people you will find good friends with time.

 

Also, when you mentioned side effects of the medicine, I’m not sure how long ago you were taking them. But it would be, in my opinion, worth to talk to your physician and physcologist about giving it another go, because 1.) perhaps the medication (dosage etc.) could be better this time (perhaps before they didn’t give you the best combination if a doctor wasn’t that great or it didn’t suit your organism) and 2.) medication sometimes improves with time through research or they discover new, with fewer/milder side effects.

 

Ok, I have to go now, but I will try to write more in the future, and I’m sure a lot of people here will do their best to support you in our best abilities. Just don’t give up, no matter how big the obstacles seem!

 

Best wishes:)

 

P.S.: I’m not sure where to put this, but two books that really helped me understand and improve my relationship with people and parents, but especially my relationship with myself and how I deal with myself, were “Families and how to survive them” by Skynner and “Toxic parents” by Susan Forward (I think this one is also available online to read for free (http://salardayuni.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/susan-forward-toxic-parents.pdf). I can’t guarantee that they will help you as well, but I hope they do.

[Els]

@ Elyswyth I did generalize international students a bit, apologies. >.< I have absolutely no doubt alot of them are working really hard and struggle with expenses. I don't envy the wealthier ones or think they have it better. Money never made me happy, I was raised very comfortably materialistically speaking, and I do appreciate the fact I have a roof over my head and food to eat and increasingly do so the older I'm getting.

 

That's all good. I was more annoyed by Sugarkane's constant whiny posts about international students, to be honest (this wasn't the first). It's really not your fault. Sorry for sounding so blunt.

 

So update, I ended up seeing my new psychologist today after my cousin I hadn't seen in years decided to drop by and helped me go to a GP last week. I had pretty horrible anxiety attacks every 15 minutes or so the entire day, but I handled it. I left with a big sinking feeling in my gut. He was a straight-forward and laid back kind of guy, which was great, yet he tried to charge me when I had a formal written letter from my GP that gave me 6 free sessions. He told me he just can't give everybody bulk billing, the costs of renting rooms were high, he had to make a living and that patients threw him an extra 20 dollars here and there under the table. He said he'd fly down alot to other cities because the money was better. He then questioned why I didn't have a job to pay for the normal 100 dollar fee at the end of our session. I thought that was pretty obvious? While it was very nice of him to decide to charge me only 16 dollars, I had that letter and still felt a little insulted. I wasn't sure .how genuine he was? What does everybody else think? Anyways, I plan to see a new one. I'm feeling pretty upset but I'm trying to pull through. Thanks for any input.

 

He's conning you. If it's supposed to be free, it's supposed to be free. It's his own choice to be doing this job.

 

What exactly does the letter say? Can you go anywhere else with it or are you stuck with this guy? If it's the former, go somewhere else. If it's the latter, call up your GP and tell him what just happened.

 

There is absolutely no reason you should pay him anything if you're entitled to it for free and have the proof of it. It's not just about the money, but the principle. I'm fairly poor but still give to charity sometimes, but if someone tried to pull this on me I'd walk out and away without giving them a cent. They can rage at me all they want. If they try to call the police I have the letter in my hand.

[Aedra]

@ Calvin's wagon Thank you for your encouraging post. =) I have definitely been looking into support groups lately. My cousin's friend is also helping me out a little in that regard after my she told her about my issues. I plan to meet up with her sometime next week, it makes me extremely anxious but she says she wants to help me. I figure I have nothing to lose so I will meet up.

 

I don't feel I can tell my parents anything about what's going on, my cousin and I decided its a bad idea with how they view mental health and how things happened in the past in regards to seeking outside help. They are intensely private and proud sort, among other things. It's feels so damned stressful always feeling like I have to hide stuff from them onto top of dealing with everything else but I feel I have no choice unless I want a whole bout of shame and discouragement again. I know they will find out eventually one way or another, but I'm going to hide it from them as long as I can to save me from that additional stress. I don't know. Maybe I should just flat out tell them and let them deal with it. Just that being open with them about how I truly feel always lead to shame so I feel like its not productive.

 

I have also read the PDF, was a really good if a bit painful read. I think alot of things hit close to home. It was informative, thank you.

 

@ Elyswyth You're right. More I think over it the psychologist probably really was conning me. I never actually got to read the letter, it was sealed. I decided not to go back to the particular GP I went to for anything regarding mental health. He was condescending and pretty rude to me when I asked for a referral, not the first time he's been like that to me. He was hesitant to even give me one. I've been treated like this several times by him. I honestly feel like he sees me as a hopeless waste of time or something. My cousin came in with me that day and she felt mad enough to almost walk out. He's the closest one to me but I think I'm going to have to find another one.

Edited February 28, 2013 by Aedra

[Els]

@ Elyswyth You're right. More I think over it the psychologist probably really was conning me. I never actually got to read the letter, it was sealed. I decided not to go back to the particular GP I went to for anything regarding mental health. He was condescending and pretty rude to me when I asked for a referral, not the first time he's been like that to me. He was hesitant to even give me one. I've been treated like this several times by him. I honestly feel like he sees me as a hopeless waste of time or something. My cousin came in with me that day and she felt mad enough to almost walk out. He's the closest one to me but I think I'm going to have to find another one.

 

Ugh, sorry to hear this. Definitely try and seek a different GP, who will most likely refer you to a different psychologist as well. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get an empathetic one who suits you and is willing to hear you out. In a perfect world all doctors should be this way... but we don't live in a perfect world, so you just have to shop around a bit.

 

Hope things work out for you, and keep us posted.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi Aedra!

 

Good to hear from you! I understand for me, it was really really hard for me to read and realize more and more how they mistreated me... But in the long run, I think it's helpful!

 

How have you been these days? I hope you had a nice couple of days!

 

I understand it's hard to talk to your parents about this. Take time to think about it, and perhaps once you find a new therapist, talk to him/her about it, what would be the best for you.

 

With me, I didn't tell my parents I was seeing a therapist for a couple of weeks/months...

 

Like Elswyth said, we hope things work out and are looking forward to hearing more from you!

[Aedra]

A really delayed response, really sorry! Just didn't think it was worth responding unless I did something. @calvinswagon It's been kind of rough lately but trying to cope, thank you. =)

 

I've been focusing on art to keep me distracted and more productive. My boyfriend has been emotionally distant for reasons that aren't his fault and I'm struggling to deal with the lack of support. I feel bad because I don't want to constantly weigh him down. I just feel really alone atm.

 

Anyway, ended up meeting up with my cousin's friend and it went well. It was good talking to somebody who had very similar parents and anxiety issues and I've been keeping in touch with her since. I constantly feel awkward responding to her, as if I'm wasting her time or been a hassle. I am pretty much trying to mimic what she does. She has a job and still lives with her parents, but trying to save up to be more independent, said it took her 5 years to see any improvement and she is constantly unstable =( Despite her struggles she seems to be making alot of progress so it gives me some kind of hope.

 

Haven't seen a support group yet. My issue is that they're either all too far away or start too late. Most of them are 2 hours by train. This would've been fine for me to deal with, but I wanted to do it without my parents knowing and the times they come back from work make it impossible. So I guess I'm going to just have to let them know one way or another, but frequent drama at home makes it really tough to get around to it.

 

I did find one that's about 30 minutes by train but its a "general" anxiety support group and the times again, means my parents will be home. I'm also having conflicts about whether I'm just wasting my time again. Most things I read on support groups are either a sense of disappointment or it makes you complacent, due to being surrounded by people like you and sessions are not frequent enough.

 

Anyways, yeah that's about it so far. I'm really struggling to motivate myself and have the feeling that something will work.

Edited April 14, 2013 by Aedra