mishab Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 After being married for 5 years I cheated on my so. I felt guilty and decided to tell him. He gave me a hug and walked away. I am super confused. Any imput on why he would react that way would be great Link to post Share on other sites
animalover Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 After being married for 5 years I cheated on my so. I felt guilty and decided to tell him. He gave me a hug and walked away. I am super confused. Any imput on why he would react that way would be great Well... what you did is unforgivable... you are happy he gave you a hug... I would just have walked away... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishab Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 Walked away as in he wasn't mad. Everything has been great since. Story for the confusion Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Haven't a clue. You'll need to say more, or we're as in the dark as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
animalover Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Walked away as in he wasn't mad. Everything has been great since. Story for the confusion I just don't believe you... I call this as a troll thread... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishab Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I went to the bar with my SO last weekend and he went home leaving me their because we vot.in in a fight. Anyway long story short ... I drank a lot, was mad, ran into an old friend and went home with him. The next morning I felt terrible. I went straight home and told him what I did and how big a mistake I made. He gave Me a hug and walked away. He doesn't seem upset at all but has actually been more affectionate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishab Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I just don't believe you... I call this as a troll thread... I posted this for some insight, not bashing. Think what you want . Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 He may be in shock. Wait for an after-tremor. He's letting it sink in..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 What I think is that he takes YOUR cheating as HIS fault. That explains the increased intimacy. But don't get too comfortable, the resentment and built-in anger will come soon. Oh ho, he is affected, trust me, you have just yet to see it as he is still hiding it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishab Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 What I think is that he takes YOUR cheating as HIS fault. That explains the increased intimacy. But don't get too comfortable, the resentment and built-in anger will come soon. Oh ho, he is affected, trust me, you have just yet to see it as he is still hiding it. I was wondering that myself. Tk u 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 He may be in shock. Wait for an after-tremor. He's letting it sink in..... I was wondering that myself. Tk u There can be up to a 6 month delay before the BH can feel secure enough that his WW is not going to leave him so he will be able to enter his anger phase. Not all BS go through an anger phase. To help avoid that phase you need to get working in recovery. Get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. You chose to get drunk So you could blame being drunk was a justifiable excuse for you to bang an OM that night. You knew what you were going to do was wrong but willingly banged the OM anyway that is not an excuse. First thing post dday is that you and your BH are not to go out drinking alone ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I went to the bar with my SO last weekend and he went home leaving me their because we vot.in in a fight. Anyway long story short ... I drank a lot, was mad, ran into an old friend and went home with him. The next morning I felt terrible. I went straight home and told him what I did and how big a mistake I made. He gave Me a hug and walked away. He doesn't seem upset at all but has actually been more affectionate. It wasn't a "mistake", it was intentional! Sounds like a revenge affair to me! You can't blame the booze either! Yeah, he's up to something, no BS just gives a WS a hug and walks off like that and acts the way your husband is acting, unless, 1: He's preparing to leave you (Divorce), 2. He's still processing what happened (wait for the explosion about to come!), 3: He's getting some on the side you don't know about (He's having an affair himself, even revenge cheating), 4: And I say this loosely, he set it up for you to screw another man (your old friend). That last one I doubt it, but, I've heard of strange things like that. Did you tell your husband everything that happened? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 So, you guys get in a fight, he leaves, then you stay then leave later with another guy? You've been married for 5 yrs.? I'm willing to bet there are many more, far deeper issues with this marriage. WHO DOES THAT!? OVER A FIGHT!? Something stinks....What are you not telling us? Sounds like there is either a degree of apathy, or the calm before the storm. Apathy = Doom Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 After being married for 5 years I cheated on my so. I felt guilty and decided to tell him. He gave me a hug and walked away. I am super confused. Any imput on why he would react that way would be great Perhaps its because he doesn't care after finding out you cheated, although that wouldn't explain the hug. Maybe he too is cheating and he is relieved. Its odd to say the least. Most men would either immediately blow up with anger, or be so shocked they'd sit there and try to let it sink in. Not hug and walk away. What way where you expecting him to react? Walked away as in he wasn't mad. Everything has been great since. Story for the confusion Then I'd lean towards him possibly cheating also. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 You did the right thing thing by telling him. You humiliated and disrespected your spouse and marriage in the worst possible way. You will need to get tested for STD's and so will your husband. I think you you need to get into therapy to understand why you did this. Do you feel your husband would have done such a thing to you? I think that you have far deeper issues with your husband and your marriage. You knew what you were doing. The question is why did you do it? I think your husband is in shock and feels guilty that he left you at the bar. How very sad for your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Yeah, he's in shock right now. He doesn't know how to process this. And he's trying to convince himself that it didn't happen. But, be warned, this is building up in him like a pressure cooker and sooner or later he's going to explode in a way that you've never seen before in your life! It's coming to a head and it's not a question of "if" as it is so much as "when" it's going to happen. You need to get him into a counselor and get him talking. Link to post Share on other sites
animalover Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) just edit because I don't want to get in trouble! Edited February 12, 2013 by animalover Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Sounds like something you'd see in a mob movie. I bet he's plotting his revenge, I would be. Link to post Share on other sites
sunbeach200 Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Sounds to me that he just doesnt care. Link to post Share on other sites
sayyes19 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Sounds to me that he just doesnt care. Guys usually need awhile to process emotions. It has been that way for a long time though it is slowly changing. It's either that or he cheated before and is glad she did the same. Link to post Share on other sites
sunbeach200 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Guys usually need awhile to process emotions. It has been that way for a long time though it is slowly changing. It's either that or he cheated before and is glad she did the same. Then he is cheating himself. To react that slowly doesnt make sense. If he really cared for her he wouldnt be able to contain himself.He is definitely hiding something then. A story...A guy cheated on his GF when drunk on one of her friends. There was no fallout, no drama.They carried on with their relationship as though nothing happened. A year later he caught her in bed with someone else. They broke up immediately...and then he found out that she was cheating on him with lots of men during their relationship. She didnt care for him. And she was cheating herself. Link to post Share on other sites
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