I may become the dumper second time around.....

[Skalabanan]

Will do.

 

I'll keep you updated!

 

Still don't fully understand what she gains from our current situation, yesterday she drove a total of three hours to see me, she paid for dinner (I'd paid a lot recently), and I told her no to her holding my hand attempts and reluctantly kissed her on the cheek goodbye when she asked for a kiss.

 

My company and companionship isn't that good to go to those lengths

[Skalabanan]

2 and a half days NC and she's already text me asking how I am.

 

I've of course ignored, which was bloody hard.

 

I'm so confused, she knows full well that we both need space and that no contact is wise at present but she seems to not care.

 

Thoughts?

[TaraMaiden]

She sounds extremely needy and insecure.

There appears to be a dependency here which to be brutally honest, you are not obliged to pander to, or cater for.

 

I think you need to recognise one thing, and this is going to sound harsh, but bear with me:

 

This isn't Love.

This is a need to be valued and loved.

 

I think there may be a case here where she recognises that there is no viable, honest, honourable loving relationship here - but she needs the attention.

 

And if not you, another guy.

That is to say, if she gets into another relationship, she may well just repeat the pattern of behaviour.

 

She admitted to you that she loved you, but didn't feel that what she gave was good enough.

 

So there's a question-mark right there...

 

She can't 'love' you as she should - as any normal GF would -

 

so what does she need from you that is missing from her end?

 

She can't 'give' love - but she 'needs' love.

 

Do you see my point?

 

She's suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

The 'drug' she had before which fed her 'habit' has been denied to her.

 

This sucks, really it does - but for your sake, and more bizarrely, for hers, you really need to stay NC.

 

This connection is unhealthy.

It's not doing you any good, and you need to back away.

[Skalabanan]

I've refrained from posting this all day as I've been a bit of an emotional wreck.

 

I'll try my best to include everything I can whilst remaining short.

 

Yesterday my girlfriend (now ex) kept texting me asking how I was, in the end I broke all NC code and relented and said "I'm fine thank you but you wanted space, I'm really confused now" a few texts went back and forth and I suggested we need to talk on the phone.

 

Then she finally released it all.

 

In the last 12 months of our initial relationship I became distant, she asked me to move in and I put it off for well over a year, she suggested marriage and I shot her down, kids bought the same reaction. If she wanted sex I would refrain, being passionate towards her became a chore and to this day I don't quite know why I became that way.

 

Obviously this period of time made her become very insecure and she knew that we had problems, she said she never once asked me what the problems were as she was scared I'd turn around and say I don't love her anymore.

 

Eventually she had enough and built up the courage to end it with me, although it blindsided me, any normal human would've seen it coming (unfortunately not me).

 

The problem is that during that 12 months she put up a barrier for herself, it protected her from getting hurt and in turn took away the spark and desire.

 

We split for three months and she admitted that all she thought about during that time was me and she was absolutely desperate for us to reconcile and give it another go, what she didn't bargain for was that the barrier she built previously was still there and the spark and desire never returned no matter how desperately she tried.

 

After the reconcile she would put distant between us as whenever she didn't see me she wanted to be with me more and she'd hope that the want/need would bring back her desires and how she used to feel about us.

 

So all the time I'm questioning her commitment she's there trying to force something to appear between us.

 

She cried down the phone more than anything I've ever heard before and I cried a lot too, we couldn't quite believe that the loves of our lives where going to depart but we knew we had no choice.

 

She told me that I'll forever have a place in her heart, that she'll forever think about me/us and that she will always hold onto hope that we reconcile and bring back the desire and spark to our relationship.

 

I told her to let go of the hope and be free, her dream man could appear at her door and she will turn him away as shes still hoping over me, this upset her even more.

 

She put the contact ball in my court, she said if she had it her way she would contact me everyday but she knows that it's not what I want, she said hopefully I'll contact her one day but she's fully aware that we may never speak again.

 

We reluctantly said bye and closed the book on the happiest time of my life.

 

I never thought I'd say goodbye to someone who is clearly still in love with me and I'm still head over heals for her but that's the way life goes I guess.

 

I write this with tears in my eyes but I know we both tried our best and came up short, she will forever be my first love and no one will ever take that away from me.

 

Thanks for reading, you've all been stars and rocks to me over the past 6 months and it's no doubt the last you hear from me.

 

Cheers

[Frank13]

I can agree to that, I must admit I do want some level of power back.

 

Can you answer one question for me though Tara.

 

Why does she keep hanging on and coming back?

 

Simple. She is keeping you around to have someone to do stuff with until she finds a new guy.