What to Do

[Desperate]

I am going away with my girl and we are going to stay in one room. The problem is I was in a 2 year relationship after which I tried to date, but for some reason I was not able to get erections during sex. Now I am afraid the same will happen with her too. Actually I do get erections but they are not strong enough - psychological or physical.... don't know what to do. I lost the past 2 girls because of this. I am only 24. Should I get some viagra so I can overcome this problem...

 

I only had sex with one girl, the girlfriend of 2 years, but she is gone...

 

If I lose this one too, then I will quit dating at all.

 

ANy suggestions at all!!!

 

I can masturbate with full erections, and also have erections when I wake up sometimes, so I guess the equipment is working...

 

HELP

[Tony T]

The fact that you are able to masturbate with a full erection and that you wake up with them indicates, like you said, that the equipment is functioning.

 

Your problem, therefore, must be psychological. You should perhaps see a qualified counsellor for help.

 

Psychologically based erectile dysfunction can be caused by many factors, including stress, guilt, maintained emotional connection with a previous lover, insufficient visual or sensual stimulation, etc.

 

Sex takes place in the mind. You have to have an erection in your mind before you have one with your penis. It seems you may have developed a performance anxiety after one isolated episode with some girl who was not very understanding and that has you so afraid it will happen again that you can't cope with this stress.

 

There is an indication that you are somehow still connected mentally to your girlfriend of two years. Your brain may feel you are cheating on her. You need to work on your mind and let it know you are no longer with your ex. You may need to let that relationship go. You may not even be aware of just how connected you still are with your ex at some subconscious level. But all this will work out with time.

 

Don't despair. You need to have a good talk with your girl and get her to understand and work with you. (Don't mention any possible connection with your ex. Don't even talk about past girlfriends or past problems). If you are satisfied that she will understand and not be angry or judgemental if you fail to achieve an erection, there's a great chance you can overcome this problem.

 

If you don't on your own, be sure to see a counsellor. You are way too young for celibacy.

[Ed]

Your situation will probably require the assistance of a trained professional. Someone with an M.D., Psy.D. or Ph.D. behind their name. I am not a professional in that capacity. The only thing I can do is tell you what I would do or what I would suggest to a friend: MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A PHYSICIAN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

 

You did not say how soon this overnighter with the new girl is scheduled to take place. Do you have time to see a doctor before the trip? Do you feel secure enough to discuss this with her before the trip? If at all possible, I would recommend that you do both.

[Desperate]

I saw a urologist a few months ago, and he did all the tests and said that everything is fine. And what is a councellor going to tell me? "You are fine!" and then I will walk out of his/her office, and will be fine??... Sounds unrealistic.

 

I would try it but how is talking going to cure this?

 

I don't know!

 

 

 

Your situation will probably require the assistance of a trained professional. Someone with an M.D., Psy.D. or Ph.D. behind their name. I am not a professional in that capacity. The only thing I can do is tell you what I would do or what I would suggest to a friend: MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A PHYSICIAN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. You did not say how soon this overnighter with the new girl is scheduled to take place. Do you have time to see a doctor before the trip? Do you feel secure enough to discuss this with her before the trip? If at all possible, I would recommend that you do both.

[Ed]

OK. Since you've gotten the doctors visit out of the way, I would refer you to Tony's post(above my first one). I think he has made some valid points that you should address with yourself and/or someone else.

 

I think this will all work itself out in time.

 

Good luck!

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "And what is a councellor going to tell me? "You are fine!"

 

You have already rule out physical cause by wisely getting checked by a medical doctor, a urologist. That leaves psychological cause.

 

No psychotherapist is going to tell you you are fine until you are. As long as you have this psychologically based erectile dysfunction, an excellent and qualified therapist will help you get to the root cause and issues causing this and give you techniques to get you better.

 

Talking actually does cure some things, but a qualified counsellor can feret out the root psychological issues you need to deal with.

 

Listen up, you have a very serious problem. If I were you, I would get help from any possible source. Your best source at this point is a good, qualified psychotherapist.

 

Or you could just do without sex and realtionships for the rest of your life.

 

Your response is very puzzling. If you had already planned to reject all possible help, why did you post? Your response implies that you are not too open to various therapies that may be very helpful to you.

 

REPEAT...SEX IS IN THE MIND. Psychotherapists deal with problems of the mind.

[Deejette]

It turns out that most impotence is not caused by physical problems but by mental ones. And the more people worry about getting erections, the more difficult it is for them to achieve them.

 

The shrink is not going to tell you you are all right. There is nothing all right about a physically capable guy not being able to have sex because of some mental block.

 

The bad thing about impotence is that the woman can blame herself for not being attractive enough to excite the man. It can have bad short-term and long-term consequences.

 

I once had a bf who had a botched vasectomy and it caused him to not get sufficient blood-flow to his penis to produce an erection. I thought I could deal with this, because he was affectionate and loving, complimentary and attentive. But after a while, even though I knew that he had this really physically-based problem, I felt somehow lacking within myself and ended up searching for someone else to supplement what I was not getting from him.

 

You don't want to do that to your girlfriends, so the only answer is to get past the mental barriers. Counselors are experienced in dealing with this issue and they have techniques and approaches to heal the situation. Therefore I would not dismiss this solution if I were you.

YOU ASK: "And what is a councellor going to tell me? "You are fine!" You have already rule out physical cause by wisely getting checked by a medical doctor, a urologist. That leaves psychological cause.

 

No psychotherapist is going to tell you you are fine until you are. As long as you have this psychologically based erectile dysfunction, an excellent and qualified therapist will help you get to the root cause and issues causing this and give you techniques to get you better. Talking actually does cure some things, but a qualified counsellor can feret out the root psychological issues you need to deal with. Listen up, you have a very serious problem. If I were you, I would get help from any possible source. Your best source at this point is a good, qualified psychotherapist. Or you could just do without sex and realtionships for the rest of your life. Your response is very puzzling. If you had already planned to reject all possible help, why did you post? Your response implies that you are not too open to various therapies that may be very helpful to you. REPEAT...SEX IS IN THE MIND. Psychotherapists deal with problems of the mind.