I am in need of advice... pls help me here!

[lavitan]

Hi ppl, well i am in need of a good advice here. Mine is a pretty long story.. Well i m involved in a relationship for a yr n a mth now. It sounds long enough, but in this period of time, I was and still am in overseas for the past 6 mths. I am currently studying overseas n i have to be here for another 4 mths more. My partner is waiting for me..Though I gave him the chance of heading the other way as I understand that long distance relationship could be more of a problem to handle, but he insist that he wants to be wth me for the rest of his life, therefore he is willing to wait.

 

Now i am facing this problem, since i m in overseas now.. i sms him now and then to keep our contact.. He does sms me too but not too frequent, which is practically due to his work too. His working hours are long , from morning till night..Though i understd his plight but at the same time , i feel like as if i am missing something. I only manage to call him only like once a wk..on sunday which is the only day he'll b free but that is only on the case that both of us are free. In case something comes up, even tat sunday is gone. He is too busy for emails or internet chats as wel, so i can see our communication channel is very narrow( even with so many advances in communications). I feel that this is a problem as from what i understand,communication is one of the important thing in a relationship.Am i demanding too much of his time here, or do i have to do something abt this?

 

Another problem will be,there was an incident whereby i wanted to go to this party, and he rejected coz he was afraid of my safety, but i knew that i could handle myself, and convince him that it wudden be a prob. After the party i came back hme and msged him that i was back home safely and was so excited to share to him about the whole party but he shut me up saying that i went against his words therefore he did not want to hear about it. I began to think that it seemed like the problem was not about my safty but it was me going against his words, which i feel like i was not given a right to take decision for myself . He said he is worried abt the fact that i am stubborn on my decisions and he is afraid it mite make things worse in the future together. In midst of these problems i told him that if he was not confident abt the future together , i do not mind about him splitting up with me.. not that i wanna break up with him, but i rather bear the pain now than cont this relationship and making things worse . He is not willing to give me up, and he gets very upset if i mention about break up.

 

I am 22 n he is 23 and he is my first boyfriend. I very much wanna be with him too, cause other than these facts i do not see any other flaws in him. Can someone please advice me , whether should i go ahead with this relationship , or are we just two worlds apart? Or is there a better steps that i could take up .I guess now my decision are blinded by love . Thats is the reason i m going for yr advices .Your advice will be deeply appreciated .

[Vie]

Well I see that your situation is similar to mine.. Where does he live anyway?

 

 

Me and my bf have been in a long distance relationship for 14 months. Sometimes he does act like your bf, which is worrying too much; especially when I'm going out.

Fortunately, we managed to compromise. He never said that I couldn't go or anything but I know he prefers me to stay at home instead.. and.. being a stubborn I am, I said "Im an adult, I know what Im doing" and finally he understands that. I always told him what I have been doing when I'm out and all that and he listens carefully.

 

 

I think that your bf should not worry too much (or bossy).. this will lead to over-protectiveness and possessive. Both of you are adults and you're supposed to know what's good or bad. The world does not only revolve around you two, there are also society.

 

 

As for communication, you definitely need to communicate everyday. At least through small email or something.. even SMS.. I mean, come on.. how busy someone can be? It doesn't take 10 freaking minutes just to write an email? So, I dont think you're being demanding.

 

 

I think you should tell him how you feel. Long distance is not an easy thing to do, but it is doable, when both sides are willing to compromise.. and COMMUNICATE.

 

Good Luck!