Camac Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend and I just celebrated our 4 month anniversary. Only 3 weeks into the relationship we declared monogamy and a couple weeks later said I love yous. He's known since date 3 that I am sensitive about his being friends with other females. Most of his life, he's had more female friends than male friends. I, on the other hand, have only a couple close friends, all female. All but one of his female friends is dating or married except the one I am jealous of. He tried dating this one friend a few months before he met me. It failed and a few months later we met. He still keeps in touch with her almost on a daily basis through texting or IMing. He kept this platonic relationship at bay the first couple months we dated, but during the last 4-5 weeks, it's become apparent that he communicates (mostly written online) with her more than I am comfortable with. Most of the communication is regarding work (he met her at his old job) and so they commiserate over work stuff/coworkers. He knows of all my jealousy issues. He's tried telling me every time he communicates with her, but I get jealous. He's tried mentioning her only minimally, but I still get jealous. He is getting tired of telling me that I am the one that matters in his life and he's choosing to be in a relationship with me, but I cannot get past the jealousy. He's never done anything to make me question my trust in him and he is feeling like my jealousy is translating into not trusting him which is affecting him in our love for each other. I'm sure I am overreacting, but I need affirmation that I am. Edited February 12, 2013 by Camac Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 You're not overreacting. If she had accepted his advances months ago, he'd be with her instead of you. For all you know he'd be with her now instead of you if he could be. He had feelings for this woman, it's totally inappropriate for him to keep in constant contact with her like this. This is how affairs begin, there is no reason for him to be in SUCH contact with a girl he wanted romantically apart from keeping her around as an option in hopes that she changes her mind. Comisserating about work? Why can't he do that with you? What a load of s.hit. that is just his excuse to keep in touch with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 You're not overreacting. If she had accepted his advances months ago, he'd be with her instead of you. For all you know he'd be with her now instead of you if he could be. He had feelings for this woman, it's totally inappropriate for him to keep in constant contact with her like this. This is how affairs begin, there is no reason for him to be in SUCH contact with a girl he wanted romantically apart from keeping her around as an option in hopes that she changes her mind. Comisserating about work? Why can't he do that with you? What a load of s.hit. that is just his excuse to keep in touch with her. ^^^^^^This! Veggirl, you are one of my favorite posters on here because of posts like the one above. Anyway, OP, this girl is not just a friend, she's an EX! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Well, I'll go against the grain. I do think you are overreacting. From what you wrote, it sounds like he has gone out of his way to assure you that you are the one he wants to be with. What more do you expect from him? In your ideal world, what do you want to happen? Do you want him to completely cut off all contact with her? Because...I think it's a little presumptuous for you to expect him to drop a friend just because he met you four months ago and you are jealous of her. Would you feel differently if she was in a relationship or married? However, He tried dating this one friend a few months before he met me. It failed and a few months later we met. Why did it fail? Did they have sex? He is getting tired of telling me that I am the one that matters in his life and he's choosing to be in a relationship with me, but I cannot get past the jealousy. If you can't get past this, you should end things and find a man who doesn't have any single female friends. Because honestly -- if you keep this up, he will get tired of it and end up dumping you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
forrest Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Yes, you are wayyyy overreacting. You need to get over your jealousy, as you'll be hard pressed to find any good guys without at least one or two of them. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 She'll be hard pressed to find a guy who doesn't talk DAILY to a girl he tried to date?! I don't think so.... casual acquaintences would be fine in this situation. but talking and texting daily? No that's not cool... Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 She'll be hard pressed to find a guy who doesn't talk DAILY to a girl he tried to date?! I don't think so.... casual acquaintences would be fine in this situation. but talking and texting daily? No that's not cool... Yeah, but did they go on one date and go "Whoa, this is weird, we are much better off as friends!" or did they date for two months, see each other every day and have sex regularly? Or somewhere in the middle? Did he dump her or did she dump him? Did he pursue her or did she pursue him? I think all of that makes a difference. I think we need more information. Where is the OP? Link to post Share on other sites
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