Strip Club Woes! Finding out 4 years later the TRUTH. How would you feel?

[swright2farmer]

I have never used this before and pray that it helps me.

 

My husband and I have been married for four years. Prior to our marriage he had a bachelor party and I had indicated to him that I was strictly against strip clubs and what was inside. He understood. To make a long story short, his friend ended up taking him, knowing I would object. AFter finding out, I thought I knew the whole story. It was very hard for me to get over that.

 

This past weekend I was with the same friends that took my husband to the bachelor party, except with the wives of the men who did it. They mistakenly let it slip that something more happened that what really did.

 

To sum it up, my husband was given a lap dance I just found out last night. I don't know how to feel, I was lied to by my husband and by my so called friends. I love my husband to death and this is the only thing in my life that I feel so strongly about. Please help, I am feeling miserable.

[GirlDown]

wow, four years later...deep breath.. for both of us...

 

well, i will say this...i am torn beteen thinking lap dances are okay and not okay...the reason being i have seen many lap dances (and even gotten some myself in the company of a boyfriend) but i have not seen the kind that goes on inside, when i am not around and extra things are being paid for...

 

if your boyfriend/fiance/now husband got the kind where they do "extras" you have every reason to be pissed off. i, myself, certainly would be. apparently it seems like your husband was innocent, a bunch of guys egging on a friend because they are losers and can't find someone worth marrying who will marry them back (add alcohol=poor judgment=a huge nasty mess.)

 

if there haven't been any other incidents you have had to question about your husband, let it go. it's not worth the pain, the argument, and the subsequesnt divorce.

 

however, if he frequents these clubs, and often lies to you about things, including this, he very noticably has something to hide from you, and he is enjoying it or he would stop.

 

good luck...i hope he is a good guy, and if not, f*ck it, because you were in love with something that wasn't what you thought...regardless of whether he says it's wrong or not.

[Leikela]

Well, the fact is it happened and you can't go back in time and change it so you're going to have to try and deal with what occured. Understandably, you feel betrayed, hurt, and have probably lost some trust in your husband. If your husband really respected your wishes, he wouldn't have let his friend take him there. I can only assume that he was probably intoxicated when all this occured? That can definitely impair judgement though.

 

I think you need to decide whether you can handle what happened and if you have it in you to forgive him and move on. Betrayals are hard and while others might look upon what happened as no big deal, it's big for you. I would talk to your husband and get all the details surrounding what happened, whether he was intoxicated, and why he didn't tell you the truth. Once you get some answers, hopefully it will help you with healing.

[Girlie]

I definitely do not want to trivialize your feelings. You were lied to and you have a right to be angry. If you want to let your husband know that you know what happened and that you are hurt about being lied to, then do. But if this is the only issue you have, don't let it tear you apart. I would be willing to bet he wishes it had never happened. And it could be that he never wanted it to happen in the first place. I don't know the circumstances here, obviously, but I'd be willing to bet that he didn't buy himself a lap dance (as most groom-to-be's at a bachelor party don't, from what I know from my guy friends who've been there and done that), and he probably didn't even know it was coming until it was there.

If I were you, like I said, I would let him know that I know and that I don't appreciate being lied to. And then I would drop it and move on.