Seperated 3 weeks, want her back, wife hurting me!

[5050rights-org]

Get a divorce. Life is too short for moping around.

 

I agree, but disagree . Marriage is sacred, and to me divorce is a very serious thing---but based on behaviors listed, Id say that happiness isnt very likely in the current situation. Do all you can do, but dont let her behavior punish and abuse you---you are worth more than that!

 

Either way, to cover your butt, record, document, and protect yourself!

 

Goodluck~

[123pgjes]

I have watered down the letter to just annex the pscy report and a simple request to see the children next weekend.

 

It saddens me, most of the time I think of her, 22 days now of NC. I just want her and the kids in my arms again. The children are my life.

 

I hope she comes back, he railroad to recovery is hard and very emotional.

[aMguilts]

why is she `refusing` you to see your kids?

 

2nd time i`ve asked

 

aM

[aMguilts]

His patience is wearing very thin.

 

Legally she can be assessed under family law rules here in Au.

 

But I need to go to court for that to occur. Maybe I need to.

 

My lawyer has drafted a very detailed letter demanding the kids contact and her emotional abuse through the years. annexed to the letter will be the psych report saying I'm mentally ok.

 

My heart says I want to reconcile, help her do MC and ask her to come back to the table and resolve the matter before I send the letter out. But I am unsure how to proceed from here.

 

Attack with sugar or vinegar?

 

your lawyer?

your `heart` says you want to reconcile??

 

if you want to do that, then you `attack` with NOTHING

For what its worth... i think you are not a lawyer

am i right?

 

aM

[123pgjes]

I am a lawyer. It's frowned upon to deal with your own legal issues here in Au. The lawyer I obtained is a mediator also. I watered down the letter just to say that I am mentally ok, please let me see the children.

 

She does not want me to see the kids as she feels I have a pscy issue. I have been to a pscy and got the all clear. I feel she has the problem and is shifting the blame.

[123pgjes]

I'm sending a letter to see the kids next weekend.

 

Perhaps after that time I will break the 180 and speak to her?

[Oberfeldwebel]

Danny this is all a little confusing to me. Why does she think you are a danger to the children? I understand if she has separation anxiety, but that has nothing to do with a fear of you with the children. I really don't see this as sugar or vinegar in this case. You have a legal right and in fact a moral obligation to have a bonding relationship with the boys. Particularly at a young age the longer the separation the more damage you do to this bonding process.

 

I get the feeling that her parents are a major factor here. They never wanted you to marry their daughter, though I'm not sure why. You two are having trouble and she runs back to mommy and daddy, who confirm that you are the Barney that they said you were all along. The boys living in that environment solely is not good, they need to have a relationship with you and your parents as well.

 

You don't have to divorce immediately, but you need this visitation issue resolved and need for you two to come to an amicable relationship. She has to decide if she wants to be your wife or their daughter. They seem to want to keep her a little girl forever. This is not healthy and may be something that needs to be evaluated as well.

[5050rights-org]

Danny this is all a little confusing to me. Why does she think you are a danger to the children? I understand if she has separation anxiety, but that has nothing to do with a fear of you with the children..

 

 

Many people use children as weapons in divorce. Ive seen studies that nearly 73% of protective orders issued in the US are used for gain in the courtroom or for custody. Oftentimes, one parent will keep the children from the other just as a form of control because they cant control the person like they did in a relationship anymore once its over or having issues.

 

Sad for the kids

[123pgjes]

As I said, I sent a letter, not aggressive at all, asking to see the kids this sunday for a few hours. Annexed to the letter is the psch report.

 

There is no mental illness that I have. It is her thinking, crap! he can get the kids! He has depression! Not because I left but because he is mental unstable!

 

She is a woman that would rather dig a bigger hole than concede she was wrong and waiting for me to buckle and say sorry. She also loves the kids so much and would do anything to stop anyone taking them from her, even their father.

 

I do want to reconcile, I do want to wade out this 180 and speak with her, but only after she reads the letter.

 

I gave her $1000 for the kids also yesterday via internet banking. If I call today, she will think im after kudos for that.

 

Her family didn't want me to marry her because when we were going out, we had little money etc etc now it seems they have this controlling nature to control her and our kids. Not the environment I want the kids in.

 

Mind you, they were ok when I started making good money and lending them money all the time......

 

Either we reconcile and move away, do MC and rebuilt, or I go to court and try to get custody if there is no other choice.

 

I like many people do not want to be a part time dad, or someone's ex husband.

 

I have a lot to offer, I earn a good income, I sold all my cars, toys etc to make more $, we have a beautiful home overlooking a lake, im soley focused on her and the kids, so much so that her dream to be with the kids 24/7 and not work is now a reality.

 

I go out once or twice with friends, get home at 8pm or so and she thinks im Hitler.

 

I go out so very few times, I can say to her that im not going out at all. It will make such a little difference in my life.

 

She is now at her parents, earning $700 per week, not being able to go out at night at all. Just doesn't make sense.

 

Had I cheated, gambled, prostitutes, alco etc I would make my bed and sleep in it, but its is not the case.

[123pgjes]

Well the letter was sent yesterday via email to see the kids this weekend.

 

No reply as yet.

 

Hopefully her lawyer will look to the letter, as well as the psych report stating:

 

1. I have no mental illness

2. more than ok to care for the kids

3. background info that I do work from home most days anyway as was more than happy and capable to care for the kids

 

and tell my wife that I am ok to see the kids and that she is a moron.

 

Again, my wife knows im mentally ok. I was depressed however when she left (understandably) and at worst she doubted if I actually sought some professional help. Which I had done.

 

Hopefully she will see that I have at least attended to something she wanted me to do, to either pave the way to reconcile, or see the kids.

 

30 odd days now no contact. She still contacts my business partner for info. If I do see the kids this weekend, I will call her, have her speak to the kids, and maybe have a casual convo with her.

Edited March 7, 2013 by danny351

[123pgjes]

Really feeling low right now, really missing the kids terribly.

 

Listening to music gets me down so much. I cant be without them.......

 

Really not the time to call her one would think *sigh*

Edited March 7, 2013 by danny351

[Oberfeldwebel]

This is all very sad that she would be so selfish as to deny her husband and children a relationship. I have two suggestions here, first if she is just being mean then the only thing you can do is go to court. IF she truly is mentally unstable, then you need to have her evaluated for the safety of the children. Secondly, you need to find an attorney experienced in this area and need to establish support, visitation and court ordered counselling for your wife. I hope that you can in time reestablish a relationship with her, but more important is the the welfare of the children.

[Gunny376]

Hello

 

I have looked to this forum for the past few weeks to gauge how I am to deal with this.

 

I met my wife in 2003 at university. She was and is stunning and the woman of my dreams, the love of my life.

 

After being friends until 2007 we started going out, then married in 2008 and have twins, one year old.

 

Her family never liked me, they actually didn't even attend the wedding. Her and I eloped and had a great wedding without them.

 

Since that time we reconciled with the family, but marriage issues always lead her back to them.

 

Strange issues as she would spend most days going over to her parents place for coffee and stay a few hours.

 

In 2010 we had a miscarriage. Massive issue for us, but in order to move on, we painted the home together, (well I did, she just watched of course) and we rebuilt.

 

Shortly after, we were pregnant with twins. Since they were born both of us basically lead separate lives to a degree. I went into partnership with a colleague for a business and she relied on her parents a bit too much to help with the upbringing of the children.

 

After a short while, the marriage became strained, we separated for a week or so 2 times since the children were born.

 

1. She said one morning, 'look I don't love you anymore' so I left, we reconciled a week later.

 

2. I went out a bit with my friends, she stayed at her parents and didn't come back for a week and a bit. I said that I could not live without her. She thought I was suicidal or something and came back.

 

3. and current separation. Unfortunately I again went out with friends, came home at 8.30pm, so only out for a few hours. She said not to go to where I was going, a school reunion, but I went, she found out, then left.

 

Since the children were born I WAS NEVER ALLOWED to have the kids alone or take them anywhere. Once I was allowed to walk them to the shops and she called on my mobile phone about 17 times asking if they were OK.

 

Now its been 3 weeks separated. After calling her to come back, She has taken 3/4 $ out of our account, she was taken her and the kids clothes, demanding that I draft up orders for the kids and property / divorce papers (we both are lawyers)

 

I did, gave her everything in the property (100%) and I was to see the kids 2 days per week. Thinking this was an awesome proposal, she called and yelled at me stating that I was taking her children from her.

 

I remained calm and said, well I would rather you back, but this is reality, if you want it. I need to see the kids.

 

She called my business partner constantly, asking how I am, what I am doing etc and I am trying to keep away to give her space.

 

She is hitting me where it hurts, I am a bit of a tight ass, love to save my money, where I was proud of saving up as much as I had done.

 

Her excuses were 'they may be trivial, but they mean a lot to me, the twins are hard to take care of, he cant care for them. He is always working, he works after hours some nights. We went out to buy a car, rather than buy an Audi or a BMW, he bought a Ford, he also lied to me about going to the reunion.

 

My side, she actually said 'if you don't buy this car, I will leave you.' As we had an older car, she wanted a new one, so we bought this one cash. Working after hours is necessary, I lied about the reunion as she constantly whinges at me for going to places and threatens to leave.

 

She now says she has gone to a lawyer, I'm not sure if she is bluffing, or what, secondly, I don't know why she doesn't deal with the matter at hand.

 

I also told her I wanted her back and will work towards it, but even now, at 3 weeks separated she is angry and hostile as ever.

 

I'm not sure if she is leaving me for good, or she is just teaching me a lesson.

 

She knows how much I wanted to save the money, the one action that would kill me is to take it.

 

I sent her the divorce papers, she never signed them.

 

The home is still here, she has not called an agent.

 

Some of her stuff is still there.

 

She is living at her parents still.

 

I am the only guy she has been with as a partner and sexually.

 

She is immensely paranoid. Always locks doors, always wants to check my phone and when there is no texts there from some people, she thinks I deleted them, has barred me of face book.

 

I have seen the kids 3 times at her cousins place for a 2 hours since we separated. I know I can easily get contact overnight with the children if I go to court, but do not want to seek that avenue just yet.

 

Secondly, some idiot is crank phone calling her, ringing on a private number and hanging up. She thought it was me and called the police. The police called me, thankfully took my side and warned me to think before calling her as she may make a complaint.

 

At the present time I am trying to give her time. I have enough $ to keep going at the moment, but I would do anything to keep her.

 

I have not said that, but I have said I want her back, want to work on things. Even said I lost 13kg as she thought my weight was a bit much, I wanted to sell the car and get her something nice, even move in with her parents as they have 2 homes on their property.

 

I am lost without her, I know there's more fish in the sea etc etc, but I thought marriage was forever, especially with the twins. It is hurting me so much not see them, but hurting me more when I hurt her to ask when I can have them.

 

Any ideas guys? I know I cant get someone to fall back in love with me, but I feel its not out of love, I'm just not giving her what she wants. At university she was the star in the sky I wanted to grab, now have done so, and she has left

 

I can tell you what your problem is? Your married to a paranoid, freaking nut case that your in love with! This t'ain't no functional relationship/marriage. It hasn't ever been one and its never going to be one. The two of your are simply incompatible. She's the one with the mental/emotional issues, and is in need of help.

 

And to be honest with you? I would be getting sole custody of those kids quick, fast and in a hurry like ~ and I would use any and all mean possible and available to do so. Simply because as you've described her? I think she's mentally and emotionally unstable. And that she's so possessive that she would potentially do them in rather than see you have them?

 

And I hate to tell you what your fronting as 'love' ain't no love at all. Its obsession. In your post all you could offer up to us was that she was a HBX10 back in tha' day. If that's your small criteria for selecting a Life Mate then you need to think again?

 

You can take the Hottest Babe there is? And I can absolutely promise you I can find at least one if not more men that are tired of sleeping / having sex with her ~ and all the more? Tired of putting up with her crap! (OK? Rachel Welch might be the exception because she was, and even in her Golden Years is still a HB, plus she's got morals, scruples, a strong religious foundation, a good entrepreneur, invested her money, made some good solid business and money decision that would make Dave Ramsey blush? She managed her career and life such to stay out of the tabloids, gossip columns ~ She's a pretty awesome person, individual, woman. Read up on her bio.)

 

Mrs Gunny has a DIL who played that crap on her son, about putting conditions on their marriage after the fact. Threatening divorce is you don't do X, Y and Z?

 

Let me tell you! You won't pull that crap on me BUT one TIME! And the first time you do? It will be your last time! :mad: :mad: If what I've got to offer, bring to the table isn't good enough for ya? Then you can take you wants, needs, desires, and shove them on down the line! :eek: :mad: I'll be damned to Hell and go play poker for the rest of eternity with the Devil himself before a spend a single lifetime trying to satisfy some woman's 14K mind. Trying to pacify what can't be pacified? Satisfied what can be satisfied! If what I've got to offer and bring to the table isn't good enough for yur' happy azz! Guess what! There's tha' door don't let the door hit ya' where the Good Lord split ya! See ya! Hate to be ya! And God pity the poor miserable SOB that ends up with ya!

 

The XHEX? (I've only been married once other than to Mrs. Gunny ~ and I was single for 23 years before she came along ~ and it took her eight of those to get me on board with her) She's one of those that's not only wanted to divorce me as her husband but wanted to replace me as the Father of our children.

 

You divorce this gal, and I can promise you that she's going to do everything she can to alienate you from your kids. Everything you do is wrong, everything you don't do is wrong, everything you say will be wrong! Everything you don't do will be wrong. You could be Jesus Christ Himself, and she would still find fault with you! As a person, an individual,

she and her family will and are going to find fault with you. Been there and done that. Got the poster, the picture, the post cards, the beer mug, the coffee cup and the damn key chain! :mad: :mad:

 

She's the one with the mental and emotional issues ~ and she's seriously gas lighting you into thinking and others that you're the one with the issues, having to defend yourself, your life, your every word and deed! WTF? :mad:

 

You best wake up to a serious reality check ~ quick, fast and in a damn hurry like and quit kissing her azz, worshiping the ground she walks on, the air she breathes! You best wake up and snap out of your cheap s***! Because I'm here to testify! Standing up with my hands and arms raised to God Himself! Your keep climbing your happy azz up on the Lover's Cross? Making a scarifical lamb out of yourself (Which is what your doing BTW) and your going to find yourself in one world of HURT!

 

Don't do it for me! Hell don't do it for yourself!

 

Do it for the mental, emotional, pyschological development and well being of your CHILDREN.

 

Time to "Man-Up" and to Lawyer-Up and to quit being a supplicating, azz-kissing, fool over a damn piece of azz!

[123pgjes]

Well my solicitor called hers up today ( here is Australia it is 5.20pm Friday afternoon) asking if she heard from my wife? She said they received no reply.

 

Please be aware that both my wife and I are lawyers, we know you need to respond to such letters.

 

Typical head in the sand mentality. I would have at least thought 'yes he an see the kids' or 'yes he can see the kids at our client's relatives home etc' or a simple and blunt 'NO HE IS NOT TO SEE THE KIDS' clearly reality is setting in that I want to actually spend time with the children. Shock horror!

 

I want to bite the bullet and talk to her, but knowing her, she may still be on planet lost, she may get hostile and call the cops for a restraining order and accuse me of being aggressive becouse she didnt let me see the kids and make up some bs.

 

So another weekend without the kids.........

 

File or not to file? Perhaps I can speak with her, or get my business partner to call her? Constant head ache

[aMguilts]

personally, if i was you, ( and in a way i am)

 

I`d relax a little and stop thinking about the things that you can`t change and maybe start thinking about the things you can?

 

As you are you are staring at a 100 X 100 mile brick wall and are running it at head 1st time and time over again to get through?

Stop running at the wall with your head

Start using your head

THINK!!

Stop doing the same old thing time and time again. cliche??

 

you bet!!

just stop.

Think. take some time out.

you know what? you will ALWAYS be their dad, father

NOTHING not even her can EVER take that away.!!! ok?

 

stop trying to rush things. i know you miss them, i can feel it in your words, and i`m sorry.

 

Best thing you can do for them now?

Is to better yourself,

take a step back, and then? take another.

 

 

aM

[123pgjes]

Although I seem to be pushy lol I,

1. Have not spoken to my wife in over 30 days.

2. Have not pushed any contact in that time.

3. She sent a letter from a lawyer for supervied contact, I replied and showed that I did go to counselling and am ok and to simply see them for one Sunday 10 till 4.

4. I have not gone to court to ask for urgent orders.

5. I have not called her, threatened her at all or spoke in a negative manner.

 

I think I have been patient considering the circumstances.

[123pgjes]

Double post

Edited March 10, 2013 by danny351
Double post

[Oberfeldwebel]

Chances are this marriage will not be saved, but the main focus HAS to be the children. The sooner you go to court the sooner this will be resolved. Will it upset her? Maybe, but don't see that you have that much to lose right now. You need to get a little control here.

[123pgjes]

Her best friend called me.

 

Said that she had a breakdown. Could not cope with the twins and just lost it for a while.

 

Said that her family have more or less influenced her actions of late.

 

Sad really, I think it is time to break the non communication rule and send her an email about how I feel and give her time.

 

If it is splitsville, then I will attend court and get contact with the kids, and move on.

 

Easier said than done obviously.

[123pgjes]

I sent her a email last nite.

 

Explained that I was sorry for whatever I had done, that I gave the impression to ignore her on the handful of hours I went out with friends, that I want to reconcile and work towards being together as a family again.

 

I outlined a plan, and some undertakings I was to do. I also flagged that I gave her time alone, and that there was no pressure either way. That I would give her more time, but if she wants to leave, I will accept that.

 

No response as yet. Will give it time I guess. If she was adamant, she would have replied by a stern 'no' but she didn't. Maybe there is hope.

 

I am losing it over here.

 

Trying to focus on work and the like, but at least, im not showing her that side of me.

 

I sent what I thought to be a good email, outlined the issues, not pushy, not needy, just straight down the line and conclusive.

 

It took all week to write.

[123pgjes]

Well I spoke to her.

 

Does not want to reconcile.

 

Does not want me to see kids.

 

Thinks the email I sent her was all BS.

 

Thinks im dragging the chain to resolve the matter.

 

Its over I guess. I feel so low right now. I just want to turn back time.

 

I wish I did hurt her, cheat, gamble all our money, at least I do not have this burning feeling of rejection after all I sacrificed for her.

 

Life really is so unkind.

 

No more Mr nice guy, got to file an application in court to see my kids. Maybe even me being stern and take no BS she will second guess what happened and come back anyway, nothing surprises me anymore. Just so empty waking up each day with nothing to do.

 

Guys, there is no clear way to get your partner back. Just move on, and hope they follow. 6 year relationship, twin 1 year old, known each other for 9 years. all gone for nothing.

[123pgjes]

I have considered it, hell its the only thing I can really think about now.

 

She would not admit it, it hurts me so much being where I am.

 

Ive been out on dates, good to get out. But its way to soon to move on.

 

All I think of is her and the kids.

 

Is it so hard to get someone back in this situation?

 

I flagged everything in the email. I actually encompassed every issue that she had in the marriage. It was a plan ahead, every conceivable undertaking to make it work. Even a financial plan to allow her to stay home and care for the kids if she wanted to.

 

It upsets me immensely that I offered her everything, yet she still left, wont let me see the kids.

 

A friend of mine saw her at a baby shower last weekend.

 

Where's the kids she asked?

 

Oh, at my mums.

 

I could have had them for a few hours at least.

[2.50 a gallon]

d351

 

Face the facts, she is not coming back. And even if she did come back, seriously, how can you trust her. You would have to spend the rest of your life checking up on her. It is never going to work

 

This is no joke, she has some sort of mental issue.

 

You need to step up and protect your kids. You have played super mister nice guy, given her space, had an evaluation, sent her money, etc.

 

Now is the time to turn the tables and become a shark for you children and get yourself a shark of an attorney, to get yourself at least 50/50 custody.

 

You are their father and they desperatley need your help. And you are the only one who can help them

 

Forget getting her back, she is gone.

 

Save your children

[123pgjes]

Its true.

 

I know her, she will buckle at the thought of going to court. She will actually come back for that reason, because she will never accept me being with the kids without her.

 

Not the reason to keep her, she will leave anyway, worse still when the kids are used to us being together, then leave, best we separate now.

 

Not meant to be this hard, she must have some mental issue. I still love her so much, but it really is time to move on.

 

I think the only sense of normality the kids will have is me.

 

Secondly, being a lawyer, the kids will ask in time 'Dad, your a lawyer, why didn't you go to court house to see us when we were younger?'

 

I never want that questioned asked.

 

Court, minimum child support, a heavy dose of reality coming her way. It is the life she choose.

[aMguilts]

slow the f **k down!!!!

 

you know what your problem is , but you do NOTHING and EVERYTHING

 

ouroboros... keep chasing it

you remind me of my dog when he was a puppy

trying to bite his own tail, going around and around and around

(still does it now... 2 years on, but not as much( still cracks me up when he does thou )

 

my point?

 

shes got `mental issues`???

look in the mirror

 

then look again

 

then think about what you are going to do to solve your problem and not make it worse

 

aM