Author 123pgjes Posted May 12, 2013 Author Share Posted May 12, 2013 Its mothers day in Australia today. I sent her an Ecard, with a pic of the kids, and a funny blurb. Funnily enough, there is a counter as to how many times she looks at it. She looked at it more than 18 times during the day. Maybe it will soften her heart for a while so I can see the kids. Seems its been months of silence, then court action. Thought I would be nice, considering the past few months. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 Its mothers day in Australia today. I sent her an Ecard, with a pic of the kids, and a funny blurb. Funnily enough, there is a counter as to how many times she looks at it. She looked at it more than 18 times during the day. Maybe it will soften her heart for a while so I can see the kids. Seems its been months of silence, then court action. Thought I would be nice, considering the past few months. was a nice thought 1 question.... be honest... Did you do it for her or for you?? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 I did it for me, and her I guess. I wanted to crack the negativity of the last month and break the ice again. I also sent it because it was a nice touch, I did it as if the kids sent her the ecards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I did it for me, and her I guess. I wanted to crack the negativity of the last month and break the ice again. I also sent it because it was a nice touch, I did it as if the kids sent her the ecards. at least you bothered...if it wasn't for my daughter having a job i'd have got nothing! .... for me personally "for the kids sake" i'd at least fund bdays n fathers days...its like ive never existed in his eyes! had a fab mothers day anyway tho...thank goodness for my children Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) Well its been almost 4 months now. All quiet on the front. NO CONTACT TO SEE KIDS. No contact to her or her to me. Court is coming up again first week next month. She looked at the e card over 35 times now. Should I call and see if there is any chance to reconcile and work on our issues? I want to, but may regret it. Edited May 18, 2013 by danny351 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 4 months today, actually to the hour give or take she left. Still have not seen the kids. Court early next month, will get orders to see the kids. She still done nothing. Not sold the home, nor did anything else. I really think she is finding it hard to handle reality, let alone having me have the kids half the time. Right about now I would do anything to see the kids, but must keep my patience. Link to post Share on other sites
robfos Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) Oh jeeze man. Just read through your thread and saw myself if I had stayed with my wife for longer. I never got along with her family either. We almost eloped but in the end her parents agreed to let us marry. I always thought she stood out and was different from the rest of her family but in the end I was dead wrong. My ex hid of a lot of her emotional/mental issues from me. Since we've separated she has only gotten worse. She was already really skinny and since has lost more weight and has had suicidal attempts. It seems your wife latched on to your kids to try to stay sane, unfortunately my ex latched onto another man. In any case, I'm glad to be out of that relationship. As much as it hurts to lose the woman I vowed to stay with, my life is already less stressful. Of course, yours is a little more complicated since you have kids, but being happy with someone who isn't mentally healthy is like trying to sleep in a bed made out of nails. The sad thing is I was committed to staying with my wife despite all of the difficulties we faced. I was the only one who worked. I provided everything for her and tried to do my best to love her but that wasn't enough. I've spent the last 3 years of my life focused on our relationship and making sure she was "ok". It's strange that it's weird and a little painful to not have that anymore, but at the same time it is a relief. I am trying to move on and find someone who will appreciate me and someone who can give back to me rather than just taking everything and then leaving. Edit: my ex also pretty emptied our bank account when she left even though I made all the money...she's still not working and from what I've heard about to run out already! Edited May 23, 2013 by robfos Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 Well with my wife she cleaned out the account we had for the kids. Apparently it's mostly gone. There was 30k odd in the account........ Gone, in 3 months. Court is week after next. I will no dobt get to see the kids. The first time since the kids were born, I get to see the kids, without her. Apart from everything, still think she is convinced she thinks she will get what she wants, me to have supervised contact. Truly delusional. Her lawyer seems to be not even advising her, just saying yes yes yes as long as she gets paid. I really cant wait. Sad thing is, I still want to be with her and the kids. As a family. I never wanted to be a part time dad, or divorced, at 33 years of age. But what can I do? I need to see the kids. Any good parent would do the same thing, go to court. Work is going well, I actually bought myself and old Mercedes Benz. A classic 1974 230/4. It makes me smile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted May 27, 2013 Author Share Posted May 27, 2013 Well the real estate agent called yesterday. Wife called them, wanting to sell the home. So very sad speaking with the real estate agent, let alone the bubbly conveyancer talking about selling the home as if im selling something simple and not important. I have work today but still find myself in bed moping. I seem to really hate my life right now, even so much as to want to get her back unconditionally. As if to say that life on my knees is better than dying on my feet. I can say without hesitation that I truly tried everything to keep this marriage together. After looking at everything, she looked at every negative and used that as leverage to get what she wanted. After all this, why do I still love her? Why do I still want to be with her? She is so keen to just leave, go back to her parents. She went to her parents every day of the marriage. Without fail. Children or no children. I was never allowed to see the children alone during the marriage. I just don't know what to do at this point in time. I will get orders to see the kids, but I don't know how she will react. A part of me wants her to realise, when the kids come, she will come too. I don't want to give up on this marriage. Will I send her an email asking to get back together? Or wait to get orders, have her deal with reality of me having the kids half the time and let her learn the hard way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Real estate called, she signed the agency agreement. I need to go over and sign now. Seems as though my little empire I built for us is being ripped apart and I'm just asked to move on as if nothing happened. I did nothing to deserve this. So sad i am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Had court today. Completly ignored her. We got orders to see the kids in the interim! Starting this weekend! The judge said her response to my proposal was amateurish at best, and not purswasove at all. She looked like a complete jackass. Completely bewildered as to what happened. She wanted supervised contact with me, with no evidence as to my mental health being bad, etc etc. judge was not moved at all. As much as I wanted to jump up and down, I thanked my lawyer colleague and the judge and left swiftly. So dam happy now, reality is a bitch for her. Should have done thins a looooong time ago. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Had court today. So dam happy now, reality is a bitch for her. Should have done thins a looooong time ago. No sh*t......dude, I thought lawyers weren't supposed to be pushovers! You haven't seen your kids in months because, I speculate, you didn't want to rock the boat and get her mad. Well, screw her! YOU SHOULD BE MAD! There's no way I would have agreed to supervised visitation, you're not a convicted criminal and have never been documented as an unfit father or even having psych problems. Supervised visitation is definitely not warranted AT ALL!! I hope you're now getting unsupervised, overnight visitation. If she doesn't like it, well tough sh*t!! This is what she wanted, so now she has to live with the conseqences of her actions. SHe wants you gone, but in return for that desire, it going to turn her into a part time mom. Meaning, she doesn't get 100% of her kids all the time. When she gave you up, she also gave up the right to tuck her kids into bed everynight and have them be there in the morning. Sorry to say this, but she's gone. That you need to focus on is being the best Dad that you can possibly be to your kids. They should be your main focus right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted June 10, 2013 Author Share Posted June 10, 2013 Well I picked up the kids on the weekend. Wife was extremely amicable, I was very cautious and said hello, took the kids, then texted her through the day to tell her they are ok. Kids completely forgot me, had no idea who I was. By the afternoon it seemed they did have some idea perhaps. When she left, they were not walking, now they are. Great to see them, but upset I miss their first steps. Sadly I still wake up each morning wanting them with me, both the kids and wife. After her being belted in court, her now new sense of reasonableness, may it be that she conceded and may open up the door to talk, or is she just being cautious and at least looking that she is ok with it. People's....... She never had me have the kids alone without her, let alone take them away, she would have spent thousands trying to keep them from me, only to lose and have me fight for them and win. Is there a new found respect for me to no longer be the door mat and fight for my kids? Or is it just hers simply trying to look amicable so I don't get upset. I really think she is burning inside, she is extremely proud, hates to lose an argument to me, hates my family, but I think she may find some respect for me for being a man, finally.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted June 24, 2013 Author Share Posted June 24, 2013 Update Had the kids each weekend for a month, kids are well and i am happy. Now for the move for more contact during the week. Wife finally put home on market, got an offer way more than the purchase price of the home, which is great. When i pick up the children, wife is extremely hostile now. She is more hostile when i drop them off. I have not entered into any conversation with her, but send her a text message when i have the kids to assure her that they are ok. All this over nothing really. I am happy having the children with me. I really love it, but picking them up, dragging them home, dropping them off, really does suck. I didn't want to be separated / divorced whatever, but its something i need to focus on now. Quality, not quantity is what i need now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Just an update had kids again last weekend, they are so happy and laughing, carrying on. so happy right now, working hard and seeing the kids. STBX is very hostile and still is very angry about everything on pick up and drop off, she sometimes wants to talk, i say nothing to her and get back in my car and leave. I do not even make eye contact at all. I send her text messages when i have the kids, only to confirm when they ate etc as they are young. Thats the only contact i give her now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Awesome for you Danny! Way to go! Going from the title of this thread to your last comment, you have done an amazing job here! Best of luck and keep strong, Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Adee Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 hey danny, read the whole thread, im glad you got something positive from your situation, im currently having issues where my wife is refusing to speak to me, and when she does its just abuse, no kids, but we have a dog and she is tellin me it will be 2 months before i can see her, i want us to get back together, doesnt look likely, but i really miss my dog, Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 hey danny, read the whole thread, im glad you got something positive from your situation, im currently having issues where my wife is refusing to speak to me, and when she does its just abuse, no kids, but we have a dog and she is tellin me it will be 2 months before i can see her, i want us to get back together, doesnt look likely, but i really miss my dog, I too wanted to get back together, all you can do now Adee is just get your act together and better yourself. My STBX is now a basket case, she is all over the shop and extremely angry about the whole situation. I guess at the moment she wonders what the hell happened over nothing really. Shes no longer a full time parent to our awesome kids. People sometime don't know what they have till its gone. I gave her time to think, time to herself, time where i didn't push to see the kids. She did nothing in that time, i gave her full warning after a long while that if i didn't see the kids i would file. I did file, she copped a belting in court. I was happy for my family not to see the kids if it kept the marriage in together, i did everything to appease the controlling ways of her. Now she lost it all. Lock in Adee, your in for some pain, but it does get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Adee Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Hey, thanks, yea im a wreck at the moment, rollercoaster of emotion, angry one minute, sad the next, then ok for a while then it creeps back in... i do what i can to take my mind off it, sometimes it works sometimes not, but im struggling with the NC its a real pain, i mean how do you go from being with someone all the time to not being with them and not miss them? its hell... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 11, 2013 Author Share Posted July 11, 2013 Go 12 hours by 12 hours, sleep and relax a lot, go out with friends, keep busy, i heard all this and didnt do me any good, but it does soften the blows. In time it gets better. Back off from her go 180, even if you still want her back, being a nancy and whining about it is not going to get you anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 Read the above post, and live it... spot on. I would add that it helps a lot to come here and post whenever you feel you need to vent... especially when you feel you are having a hard time with NC. Good luck, Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Adee Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 Thanks ill try to put that into practise, i dont feel too bad today must be a good day, tomorrow we will see... Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 There was 30k odd in the account........ Gone, in 3 months. ^^^ red flag. This is why I think there's another man in the picture. Cheaters tend to burn through money when they're in the throes of an affair, and it's invariably someone else's dough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 14, 2013 Author Share Posted July 14, 2013 ^^^ red flag. This is why I think there's another man in the picture. Cheaters tend to burn through money when they're in the throes of an affair, and it's invariably someone else's dough. I still do not think she cheated. She is obsessed with her family. Spent basically every day there when we were married (yes she did go there i know this conclusively.) I know where your going with this, but there is not another man. Maybe now perhaps, but not when we were together / start of the separation. Link to post Share on other sites
New User Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 Hey, thanks, yea im a wreck at the moment, rollercoaster of emotion, angry one minute, sad the next, then ok for a while then it creeps back in... i do what i can to take my mind off it, sometimes it works sometimes not, but im struggling with the NC its a real pain, i mean how do you go from being with someone all the time to not being with them and not miss them? its hell... Have you tried drinking heavily? Seriously- been there. The key is not to wallow in self-pity. Find something to occupy your time and energy- for me working out heavily was a Godsend. If I didn't physically exhaust myself I couldn't turn my mind off and go to sleep. When I left the ex and I knew there was no sense in reconciliation I stopped all communication beyond the absolutely necessary and I only conducted that via Email or text. I realized that talking to her would put me in position for her to emotionally manipulate me and I wasn't going to let that happen. Keep your head down and drive through it. If at some point she indicates she is amenable to reconciliation- decide if it's worth it and act accordingly. If it isn't- just keep driving through it. It gradually gets better. Now I miss my house, my cat, and the woman that I thought she was on rare occasions. I don't miss who I found out she really was at all. I love the freedom I have now- I wouldn't go back to her for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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