Adee Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 Hmmmmm, drinking heavily sounds like a plan i have been hitting the weights and yea it burns off that frustration to a degree, still having issues sleeping, my mind id playing tricks on me, vivid dreams etc, thanks for the reply, appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 It will ease. thing is, I realized in time that it wasn't just the issue of my wife leaving with the kids, it was he whole life, my work, kids, wife, cars, home. I'm in the process of buyin a new home once the property settlement is done, I have been saving $ since she left, unlike her who blew all the $. This makes me happy, but it gives me some sadness when I pick up the kids, their clothes are too small and tight on them. They are the same clothes every time. She is struggling, she chose the wrong option, when I am going on leaps and bounds, from my depression, I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can't wait to get a new home, a new car, a new life. Her life won't get any better. Mine will. It will come for you too. Link to post Share on other sites
New User Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 Hmmmmm, drinking heavily sounds like a plan i have been hitting the weights and yea it burns off that frustration to a degree, still having issues sleeping, my mind id playing tricks on me, vivid dreams etc, thanks for the reply, appreciate it I think that the hardest part of moving on is the necessity of detaching yourself from the part of your identity that the marriage had become. Mine was relatively brief- just under five years together, just over five years when it was officially dissolved (A year of which was spent separated due to my having to take a trip to Babylon on Uncle's dime). I finally realized that my ex was an egocentric, self-loathing narcissist. That although I am by no means perfect I was married to a woman that absolutely needed drama. If it wasn't there she would create it- whether this meant accusing me of infidelity or fighting with her family over some ridiculously inconsequential perceived slight or starting a fight with me over what I made for dinner, she couldn't function for very long without chaos. If it wasn't there, then she would create it. It will ease. thing is, I realized in time that it wasn't just the issue of my wife leaving with the kids, it was he whole life, my work, kids, wife, cars, home. I'm in the process of buyin a new home once the property settlement is done, I have been saving $ since she left, unlike her who blew all the $. This makes me happy, but it gives me some sadness when I pick up the kids, their clothes are too small and tight on them. They are the same clothes every time. She is struggling, she chose the wrong option, when I am going on leaps and bounds, from my depression, I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can't wait to get a new home, a new car, a new life. Her life won't get any better. Mine will. It will come for you too. That's the real struggle- we don't have kids so I was spared that issue. But I had to change everything in my life. My home wasn't mine anymore. I was no longer a husband. And after five years the chaos had started to feel comfortable. I'm still not well, but I'm better. The hardest part for me was making and sticking to the decision not to attempt reconciliation. For the first couple of months she called constantly at all hours of the day and night. I suspect that if I had taken any of her calls I would still be trapped in the familiar hell that my home life had become. Mine was an expert manipulator and she knew how to push all my buttons unless I just disengaged. I can only imagine how much more difficult things would have been were I in a position where kids made continuing contact a necessity. I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 Well the house is sold, the deposit paid formally and awaiting the final payout. I have contacted the mother asking to talk and see what she wants with the kids and money, to avoid court again. Surprise suprise she did not respond. Complete head in the sand, more than happy to blow more money she does not have in court it seems, or wait for me to come crawling back like a grub. I don't understand why she is so stubborn. She chose this life, clearly not at all happy with it. Emotions run high, but she will never change. As I speak to people about it, it gets to the stage that they don't believe what I have been through, that I if anything deserve it, as I subjected myself to it even. They do not believe how horrible a person can get. Nor can I........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hayewils Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 it is amazing how you can be so in love with someone, who you thought loved you too, when all they wind up doing is throwing you out as a piece of trash. That is exactly how I feel about my situation, I was nothing but a piece of garbage so easily thrown into the trash heap and then walked away from. It will take me a long time to seriously heal from the damage she caused to my heart. Was hanging out with some good friends last night, talking and having a few beers. The conversation came about to dating, meeting someone again. I just said that I don't see that ever happening again. I was told that I shouldn't let myself shut down and close up my heart. Its not that I did that, or wanted that. My ex helped my heart go there. IM DONE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 Well today is another good day, getting stronger by the moment, but with some relapses of course. Planning to buy furniture for my new home is on the cards at the moment. Cant wait to buy when all this is settled. I speak often about her actions, everyone looks at me as if im a lunatic, saying 'how could i ever put up with that' Now i look back and wonder why? I speak to people, they tell me im wonderful. Being treated horribly by someone for so long, you neglect to remember that. No contact has helped me considerably. She is avoiding the massive elephant in the room. I sent correspondence from my lawyer to her lawyer wanting an extra day a week with the kids, giving her 60/40 of the assets. No response. I shower the kids in awesome clothes, as the clothes she gives them are 2 sizes too small. I play with them like crazy to the stage they now cry when they go back to her. I love them so much and miss them terribly. This is happening, she chose it to occur. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 Seriously........... Went to the house to day, pickup up some mail, hers is still going there, and her stuff is still there. Whats with this person, just does not want to do anything and run away from anything and everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Adee Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Hey, just checking in, been almost 4 weeks now, im not sleeping properly, feeling stressed and anxious, im not texting although its all i wanna do... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 How long has it been since you contacted her? Link to post Share on other sites
Adee Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Hi, been a bout a week and half, she called me to rant at me about some money going out of our account to do with ebay, she was demanding it back there and then, but i didnt have it anyway not until next week, when i get paid, of course that wasnt good enough, and im dead to her... i tried to explain i would do something if i could, but realised she already hung up! i have some stuff still at her place, and she texted me saying she was selling it to get the money back... crazy Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 I feel for you Adee. Over here, wife texted to say she left a few things at home for me to go pick up before the house sells. I say ok, go over, basially everything is left there. Everything but the lounges and fridge. Cutlerey, everything in the kitchen, beds, blankets, tools, cabinets, everything. I hate going there, reminds me a great time when we were together. Also reminds me of the horrible times when she just goes mental at me. Maya the bee, the UK kids show, my daughter drops everything when that song comes on and dances. I just break down and cry every time. I cannot begin to fathom how someone can keep her from me. Such a beautiful child. Makes me so very angry at times. But I love taking her out and spoiling her. Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Keep spoiling her. Take this time to bond with her. She will save you from what you had. Worked for me. I spend every available moment with my kiddo and she has saved me from myself. It's a great step forward to be able to focus your energy on someone, and no one is more deserving than our kids. The more you do this the less emotional energy you have for the ex. Then you will relax and things will move forward on their own. Keep strong, Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) Well went to the house last night, hired a big truck and moved everything out of it, seeing as though even after i offered everything to her 3 weeks ago, she now does not want it. So much stuff, it filled the truck to the brim. Sad, i was actually doing her a favor i think by taking everything i think. Was a massive job. Best thing is i can furnish my new home. Sent letter lawyer to lawyer few days ago offering her 60/40 $ in her favor, with contact one more day with the kids. 60/40 was about what she wanted. No response............ Head in sand........ Edited July 31, 2013 by danny351 typo Link to post Share on other sites
Adee Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 and just to complicate matters i now have someone else showing an interest in me , dont think my head is in the right place at the moment... but nice to have an interest ... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Let the lawyers hash it out. That's what you're paying them for anyways. You need to focus on getting yourself set up and being the best Dad that you can be to those kids! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Lawyers will hash it out. In Australian law, there is a massive emphasis on negotiating. I gave her a good offer, she still ignores it. In court, she will not get any better. I am just trying to be amicable and resolve the situation before the matter gets more hostile. I am getting myself set up. Work is good, i am consolidating all my finances and buying a house by years end. The kids are my life. Always was, always will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 Well an update Seeing the kids regularly, they are such a happy pair! Completely silly 20 month old twins singing and dancing. STBX upon pick up of the kids seems to hang around like a bad smell trying to talk to me as if we are friends and she didn't leave me. Still in court, we settled on property, but she is ignoring the orders for court appointed mediation and also not willing to budge on further contact with the kids. I have told her finally that 'look, this is not negotiable, i don't want to fight for this and cause you pain, but we may need to go to hearing for the kids, im not budging on more contact. They need me too, if you don't do this the court will blow you up, your a lawyer for God sake!' No response...... In time, exp the last few months i have built up myself so very strong, work is going great, friends although not negative toward my STBX are extremely supportive of me and want to spoil the kids. Got a stunning convertible that i pick the kids up in, STBX is fuming hehehe, i spoil the kids rotten and even spend a lot on stuff i have delivered to her home, as i am not the horrible man she thought i was when she left as well as a lot of child support $. Shortly i will have a new home, and a new beginning. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 123pgjes Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 Well its been a while now. A lot has happened. I bought a new home, see the kids regularly and have built up my life to such a level where I simply do not need here any longer. I filed for divorce, and have moved on with my life. She is now struggling with it. That saddens me, but take it from me, sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. Some people do not know how good things are until they are gone. Link to post Share on other sites
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