depressedude Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Hi guys, I am totally new here and I am in desperate need for some help. I fell in love with this girl and we have been very strong for the last 5 months. Things progressed along a line where we never made anything official but everything was known. For example, I never asked her to be my girlfriend but it was just understood between both of us. We have life plans set out and all of that. We are serious about each other, but the problem lies in the past. For the first three months of the relationship she treated me like pure garbage, for reasons unknown. I pried into her and the only thing I could come up with was the fact that she was and still is a little bit, inconsiderate of my feelings. I am a very sensitive man by nature. But early on, she would always tell me about her husband and even told me about sex they had, and what type. She even showed me pictures of him and her together. This is all while we are dating. She claims that she did not realize what she was doing and what effect it was having on me. Anyways, sometimes I have this visual of her and him together and in the most graphic of ways, I feel kind of inadequate in the bed with her. It’s like I compare myself to this man when I don’t even know him. The thing that kills me is this all would have never happened if she didn’t give me all that info that I never asked for. Does anyone understand or could anyone help me get over this problem. I have spoken to her, but she just cannot help me. Please of anyone has any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Sounds like she needs to let her past stay in the past. She obviously has not had closure with that situation. Maybe just try to talk with her about how that made you feel and try to get her to see this is the present and its what you all need to do, is move forward. Let her know this is the here and now and you are there for her. Try to be supportive of her if she is having a difficult time letting go of some things. It will say alot about you as a person and the relationship. Hopefully she will see that. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Christie_in_LA Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Why don't you start seeing other people? That will give her a taste of her on medicine! Link to post Share on other sites
snilljente Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 I do not think that you are too sensitive..I think that it is a respect thing...the past stays in the past. Unless YOU ask HER questions about her past relationships and she wants to answer, I personally do not people should talk about the specifics of their past relationships..they should be concentrating on who they are with now....Sounds like she is still processing the past, but I feel that she is not showing you the respect that you deserve and that she is being very cruel by showing you pictures, giving you the gory details...If I were you, I would tell her that this is not something that you are comfortable with and that you want her to give you a call when she is over her ex...in the meantime, tell her you just want to be friends...she will either get the hint and leave the past in the past, or she will hang on to it and find someone new to talk to about him...but don't put up with this!! Link to post Share on other sites
dnm1010 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 it seems when we just get into relationships that talking about things at first comes easy... and with time and seriousness it gets harder and mor epainfull to discuss things like x's... my bf and i were really good friends before we started dating. i am very conservative and he was too but when his x went insane after beign with him for 7 yrs it was hard for him. he went through about a year where he partied a little and he did sleep with girls. not many, but a few. i went through a similar situation but i never wiled out. we were friends and i dont really judge my friends much... i do let them know that what they did i wouldnt do nor would i want my bf to do or have done.... so when we were friends things were good. we fell in love adn started dating and i had a really hard time accepting his past. i still do. he had some one night stands where the girls got obsessed with him and stuff... anyway so i came to one conclusion- that he claims this is his past... then he should keep it in the past. i do not want these girls to have any part of my life. because images of them haunt me and i do not trust these women. he keeps these girls in his past for the most part... weve had some slips because when we started dating he had to get used to me... for example one of the girls would email him or call him and he would talk to them in front of me because he really had nothing to hide.. but it really got to me.... so he decided that i am more important to him than some hoe. he had a choice to make. i do not associate wiht my xs (there arent many ) sorry abotu the long story but what im trying to say is that in the beginign u tend to share more... and once u get really serious suddenly something that didnt really bug you starts bugging you. i think you should always be honest with her and tell her how things make u feel.... if se cares abotu you she will do what she can to make you happy. u need to go into details about u having images of her husband and stuff like that. dont hide anything because this will haunt you... and you wont get over it unless you deal with it together. good luck. let us know how its going Link to post Share on other sites
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