Jealousy in a relationship

[Phil123]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over 7 years! Both now aged mid 20's. currently we are actually trying for a baby, the other weekend she went out clubbing and came back quite a lot later than usual (about 6am). I didn't really think anything of it and the other day I went on her laptop she had left her facebook singed in, I know it's wrong but I checked her messages.. There is a man she is messaging (he'a married!) but he's flirting with her SO much. Fair to my girlfriend she isn't flirting back and is just laughing it off but has arranged to meet his group of friends and her group of friends when they go out this weekend. He's sending messages such as " wear something sexy so I can see your bum, if you want to take your clothes off il keep you warm" she laughs it off. But she's checking her facebook regularly every hour. I'm paranoid if she's talking to him and what's being said. She has never given me any reason not to trust her in the past. I've questioned her about people flirting with her when she is out and she says anything that would ever come out of it is for her to be friends with them and she loves me. But I can't stop thinking about this man an the fact he will be around my girlfriend on Saturday whilst she will more than likely be drunk. Am I just being paranoid and jealous because my girlfriend is getting some attention from another man? I have stud running through my head all day of what could happen.

[Cutiepie1976]

Why not join her when she goes out? In your shoes, I would also communicate my concerns.

[TaraMaiden]

Are you guys married?

 

Then honestly, this is the wrong time to 'try for a baby'.

 

She's playing a dangerous game, him being married and all, but to be honest, this "glancing farther afield" should be no surprise.

 

You've both been together since you were both quite young, and now.... maybe complacency is setting in, a bit of boredom, a fragment of "I wonder what else is out there?"....

 

If you've both been each others' number one and only' for all this time - you guys actually do need to cool the 'baby' thing, and consider where your relationship is heading, and more importantly, why.

 

Discuss, seriously, what you both truly want.

 

I would suggest relationships counselling, because while you seem to be 100% committed to this scenario, I'm not so sure, under the microscope, she feels nearly the same way you do.

[will1988]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over 7 years! Both now aged mid 20's. currently we are actually trying for a baby, the other weekend she went out clubbing and came back quite a lot later than usual (about 6am). I didn't really think anything of it and the other day I went on her laptop she had left her facebook singed in, I know it's wrong but I checked her messages.. There is a man she is messaging (he'a married!) but he's flirting with her SO much. Fair to my girlfriend she isn't flirting back and is just laughing it off but has arranged to meet his group of friends and her group of friends when they go out this weekend. He's sending messages such as " wear something sexy so I can see your bum, if you want to take your clothes off il keep you warm" she laughs it off. But she's checking her facebook regularly every hour. I'm paranoid if she's talking to him and what's being said. She has never given me any reason not to trust her in the past. I've questioned her about people flirting with her when she is out and she says anything that would ever come out of it is for her to be friends with them and she loves me. But I can't stop thinking about this man an the fact he will be around my girlfriend on Saturday whilst she will more than likely be drunk. Am I just being paranoid and jealous because my girlfriend is getting some attention from another man? I have stud running through my head all day of what could happen. Now I have the urge to check her phone and facebook but I would never normally think of doing this!

 

 

Yes, you are being jelous and paranoid. However, both feelings are well founded IMO. Why don't you go with your GF to the club? You do need to think about it this way. You two are in your early to mid 20s, and you've been dating 7 years. If my math is correct this means you all started dating between 17 and 21. This is a time when young people want to experiance the plethora of oppertunities out there. People want to sow their wild oats. However being stuck in a comitted relationship makes that kind of hard. Now that you all are getting older (I'm not calling you old by any means, I'm 24 myself) and have been dating for so long... there is a strong possibilty that your GF is having secret thoughts and fantasies about having relationships with other men. She won't be a spring chicken for much longer, and probably wants to experiance what she can now, before fully setteling down with you and getting a ring etc... Also, that could play a part in all of this. You two have been dating 7 years and she doesn't have a ring yet? Most girls would bail by that point. My GF and I have been dating 3.5 years, and I hear it regularly. She wants a ring. I want to give her a ring, but I don't have the money ATM or the credit to get her anything worthwhile. I would tell you to just talk to your girl friend and ask her if there are any guys into her or whatever. If she is honest and up front about this new guy friend, then you shouldn't worry too much. That means she only sees him as a friend and nothing more, generally... However, if she doesn't bring him up at all in anyway, that means she is lying to you about him... which of course means she may like him, or feels guilty about him... which means she knows she is doing something wrong. So ask her, but don't tell her you read her emails... she blow up.

[TaserTag]

I'm almost 26 and have been with my husband since I was 17. I would find it really offensive and inappropriate if another man was telling me how to dress sexy for him. Flirting is normal and exciting, I think, but that's taking it a bit too far for me (everyone has their own limits, of course). Has your girlfriend always checked her facebook pretty regularly or does she seem more into it suddenly?

 

When they all go out this weekend, are you able to go along as well?

[NervisPervis]

Let me get this straight.

 

She meets a guy at a club, spends a WHOLE LOT OF TIME with him there, and doesn't tell you anything about him.

 

She has SO MUCH FUN with this new guy, that they continue the party somewhere else and she doesn't tell you anything about it.

 

She continues this relationship through social media, and doesn't tell you anythig about it.

 

Her and her friends and him and his friends are all going to meet up this weekend and party without you, and she didn't plan on telling you anything about it.

 

But let's ignore her new boyfriend and talk about all of teh OTHER times she' gone out slutt...sorry, "socializing" with her friends. How many men has she met? How many has she partied with? And she doesn;t tell you anything about them.

 

Please, please please please please, do not bring a baby into this mess. She met you too young and is now starting to live her new life.

 

Should you be worried? More so than you think. It sucks, but start dealing with it.

[NervisPervis]

Oh, but don't listen to me. Do yourself the biggest favor you will ever do for yourself. SPY ON HER THIS WEEKEND. GPS. Maybe a VAR in her purse. Have someone she doesn't know show up at the club and get cell video of the party. Some of the close dances. The kisses on the dancefloor. Find out where they go afterwards.

 

And ignore everyone that is going to call me a nazi. It's your life. You want to bring a kid into this?

 

You DO know why girls don't bring their boyfriends clubbing with them, right?

[TaraMaiden]

(See....?! I'm not the only 'slap-up-de-head-with-the-bat' merchant round here... others are tuff-guys too!! )

[NervisPervis]

And I GUARANTEE you this weekend will be another 6AM'er Probably even later (it'll be much nicer for them to shower together in the morning this time.

So

much more respectful than tip-toeing out with her shoes in her hand.

[NervisPervis]

In the words of Ross Perot, problem solved.

 

Forward those messages to your phone or email. Find this guy's wife and send her the communications. Make sure the kissy faces and descriptions of what he wants to do to your common-law wife are included. She'll know how to handle it. Problem solved.

 

But did you hear what I said?

 

What he wants to do to your wife. And you aren't supposed to know she's seeing him. And she IS seeing him. The man that wrote that to her. And you aren't supposed to know about it. Mr. 6AM. Remember him?

 

Jealous? You'd better be. You'd better be worse than jealous. You need to be angry. Controlled, but angry.

 

But try this. When she tells you she's going out (probably as she's getting ready to go):

 

-So where are you guys going?

-How late will you be?

-I thought maybe after I finished some errands, went for a run, showered up, I'd go out also. maybe meet up with you. It'l be fun. Just text me where you'll be at, say, 11:30...

 

That third one will be fun. I so wish I could see her face. But as an alternate, if you wanted to engage in some REAL conversation, replace that number three with this.

 

- So, what's it like when you guys are out. You must get hit on CONSTANTLY. Doesn't that bother you? How do you handle it? I hate to be so 1950's, but these places have reputations. Do men buy you drinks? Do you dance with them? Have any of your riends done anything inappropriate?

 

I can GUARANTEE this OP's common-law wife does not tell him ONE THING about her nights out. And he's afraid to ask. I'll bet he does not know of ANY of the men she parties with. The ones whos names she remembers. Some fondly, some not so (thats the risk you take when flirting and teasing a lot of men in a heated enviroonment with a lot of alcohol. Some take it wrong...).

 

Spare me the "I go clubbing all the time and I don't cheat". I know you do. But I'll bet communication betwen you and your husband is a little different than that which is found here.

 

She's either checking out or can't wait for a 15 year babysitter. Given those two options, PRAY she's not pregnant and hope for the former.

[Darren Steez]

Politely ask to go with her, just say "Hey baby why don't we go to this club together and have fun?"

Check her reaction.

If she gives you the girls only excuse when you know this guy will be there, then that is a huge RED FLAG!

She not flirting back, but she's in communication with him, and she's coming home late from clubs..

[GSB81]

She's loving the attention the guy is giving her or she would shut him down instead of "lol" ing it off. Don't listen to that he's "just a friend" crap from her or anyone on here. He obviously doesn't see her as a friend. Play it smart, ask a lot of questions you already know the answer to and gauge her reactions. Nervis is spot on, the messages need passed along to the guy's wife. God how I pity a man who has a drunken party girl for a wife or girlfriend. I refuse to have one myself due to crap like the OP is experiencing.

[NervisPervis]

So, did she go out on her date? Is she home yet?