College is messing up my game

[somedude81]

SD,

I remember you posting about your (pre?)Calculus struggles several months back... and I remember thinking to myself that it's only a matter of time before it blows up in your face, like how it kinda is right now.

 

Life isn't easy. But just like everyone else, you gotta face your fears and deal with it head on. How much have you seriously attempted to improve in Calculus? Are you hitting the books everyday, or just haphazardly going through the motions of this class? Are you studying 2-3 hours everyday, or is that time spent on video games, Netflix and Loveshack? Have you sat down with your professor seeking serious help?

 

Everyone has choices to make, and you have to decide when enough is enough. Let's be honest here... you are on the rocks, and you need to get help. Don't give up, don't let go... but now is the time to take action... and seek help. Open yourself up to others. Amp up the tutoring. Confide in your professor. Get your head clear, man.

 

Posting on Loveshack and pining after 22 year old girls right now isn't gonna help.

 

edit: ps- a little prayer (along with a WHOLE LOTTA WORK on your part) never hurt nobody, either...

Yup, it definitely blew up in my face.

 

Studying 2-3 hours a day? I don't have anywhere close to enough dedication and motivation to be able to do something like that. I simply can't stay focused on something I hate for that long.

 

Sigh, I wonder how well I would have been able to preform in college if I wasn't constantly depressed.

[Teknoe]

Yup, it definitely blew up in my face.

 

Studying 2-3 hours a day? I don't have anywhere close to enough dedication and motivation to be able to do something like that. I simply can't stay focused on something I hate for that long.

 

Sigh, I wonder how well I would have been able to preform in college if I wasn't constantly depressed.

 

 

Everyone's got issues and problems, man. But the people who succeed in life are the ones who press on and never give up. It sounds to me like you have given up. If I am wrong here, please clarify. But from where I sit, it seems like you've said "the hell with this." As long as you maintain a "I can't..." attitude, nothing will ever change for you.

 

And before you can say nobody can relate or has it as bad as you do... just remember everyone's got their various hangups. But you can't just sit there and curl into a ball.

 

Be a man about it. Face it. Deal with it. Handle it.

[ThaWholigan]

Yup, it definitely blew up in my face.

 

Studying 2-3 hours a day? I don't have anywhere close to enough dedication and motivation to be able to do something like that. I simply can't stay focused on something I hate for that long.

 

Sigh, I wonder how well I would have been able to preform in college if I wasn't constantly depressed.

Look at the words you are using and that you often use.

 

"I don't", "I hate", "I simply can't", "Frankly it's impossible", "It's too hard", "I wish".....I firmly believe that words can have a certain level of power, depending on the energy we give them. And the words and the story you tell yourself is so debilitating that it likely compounds your depression. I'm not saying you should just repeat meaningless affirmations and mantras over and over to yourself, but modify the story you tell yourself in your head and outward. Try telling yourself that something IS possible, that you CAN do something. Try to make things enjoyable if you can, think of all the ways it is possible.

 

Plan things in advance too, this is something I had to get to grips with. Little plans within a big plan. For example, make a plan to overcome your depression, a plan to overcome your study woes, a plan for fitness, a plan for progression, a plan to find your passions etc etc. Buy lots of notepads (I have about 6, will get more too), and write things down. I bought 2 noticeboards and put on my wall, one is filled with internal, mental things to remember and personal plans - the other noticeboard is filled with the material plans that I need to accomplish. I haven't even filled the 2nd one completely yet, and I will once I buy more thumb tacks . This is how my life is currently. A series of plans and a purpose. Now all I need is more action - and it's coming oh so soon.

 

Try to establish a mindset such as this. I realised I had to tell myself a different story. Not one of inadequacy, of fear, of dread and of failure. But one of purpose, one of progression, one with goals and passions, one with determination and one of mild optimism (which became MASSIVE optimism before I knew it ).

 

I'm back home now so if you need ANY information about how to handle any of this, or just need any kind of personal advice, just PM me, you know already I'm more than happy to help anyone here.

[TheFinalWord]

Yup, it definitely blew up in my face.

 

Studying 2-3 hours a day? I don't have anywhere close to enough dedication and motivation to be able to do something like that. I simply can't stay focused on something I hate for that long.

 

Sigh, I wonder how well I would have been able to preform in college if I wasn't constantly depressed.

 

Hey SD,

 

Have you checked out Kahn Academy on YouTube?

 

He gives tons of videos and practice problems on his site. Topics range from addition to linear algebra.

 

EDU - YouTube

 

Helped me a ton when I prepared for standardized testing

[iris219]

Yup, it definitely blew up in my face.

 

Studying 2-3 hours a day? I don't have anywhere close to enough dedication and motivation to be able to do something like that. I simply can't stay focused on something I hate for that long.

 

Sigh, I wonder how well I would have been able to preform in college if I wasn't constantly depressed.

 

C'mon, SD. This is what college requires. I felt bad that you were failing calculus, but when I read this I saw why. Only the extraordinarily academically gifted get through every college course with little effort.

 

Having a job often requires that we do boring and difficult things for hours every day, so you better get used to being more disciplined. If it's your depression holding you back, you need to be on medication and in therapy (even though you claim therapy doesn't help).

 

At this point, I'd recommend putting all thoughts of dating aside. The next several months of your life need to be devoted to passing those classes, not being on LS, not fantasizing about women, not playing video games.

[KungFuJoe]

SD,

 

Are you on any medication for your depression?

[Teknoe]

Having a job often requires that we do boring and difficult things for hours every day, so you better get used to being more disciplined.

 

 

Discipline is the key word here. SD hasn't struck me as the kind of guy who keeps trying, adapts different strategies and continues to plug away. He seems to shrink at the least bit of resistance... and his overly negative attitude is what's messing up his life... not college (as the thread title suggests)

[Titania22]

Sorry I got to this thread late, but I suggest you check out khanacademy online. It's free and the guy there makes short simple videos showing you how to do maths. You can literally find a video on a specific concept you didn't understand in class and watch that video. Or if you find it works for you better than uni lectures, just watch all of the lectures that relate to the subjects you are doing.

 

There is also a section with practice problems, but I don't know if there are practice problems for what you are studying, as I haven't been there in a while.

 

Personally I found his explanations easy to follow. Maybe you can learn enough from this website to pass your courses. It couldn't hurt to take a look.

[somedude81]

Ugh, I'm sick of math. Been doing it way too much today. I'm trying to fallow the examples in the book but it skips steps and I can't fallow.

 

For example the problem is [-400(x+h)^2+6800(x+h)-12000] - (-4000x^2+6800x-12000)

Somehow the book answer is

 

-400h^2 - 800hx + 6800h

 

 

and I have no idea how it got there.

 

(^2 is used to signify an exponent)

 

It's just frustrating.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Ugh, I'm sick of math. Been doing it way too much today. I'm trying to fallow the examples in the book but it skips steps and I can't fallow.

 

For example the problem is [-400(x+h)^2+6800(x+h)-12000] - (-4000x^2+6800x-12000)

Somehow the book answer is

 

-400h^2 - 800hx + 6800h

 

 

and I have no idea how it got there.

 

(^2 is used to signify an exponent)

 

It's just frustrating.

 

Step1 (expand expressions in the first bracket):

[-(400x^2 + 800xh + 400h^2) +6800x + 6800h-12000] - (-400x^2+6800x-12000)

Step 2 (get rid of the "-" in front of a bracket)

 

[-400x^2 - 800xh - 400h^2 + 6800x + 6800h-12000] - (-400x^2+6800x-12000)

Step 3 (remove the second brackets, watch the "-" again)

 

[-400x^2 - 800xh - 400h^2 + 6800x + 6800h-12000] +400x^2 -6800x+12000

 

Step 4 (add terms together, make sure you add "like for like") so:

 

-400x^2+400X^2 = 0

 

-800xh (no other term with "xh" so just leave it)

 

-400h^2 (no other term with "h^2" so leave it)

 

+6800x-6800x = 0

 

+6800h (no other term with "h" so leave it)

 

-1200+1200 = 0

 

Step 5 (add the results of step 4 together)

 

0 - 800xh - 400h^2 + 0 + 6800h + 0 = -800xh -400h^2 + 6800h

 

 

------------------------

 

Note: I assumed that you made a typo in "4000x^2" and really meant "400x^2"

[Els]

SD, I really mean this in the kindest way possible, so please don't take any offense from it: You have way too many reasons why you 'can't'. I'm not even talking about girls. You're essentially claiming that the reason it took you 10 years to finish your degree is because you can't get a gf, and you can't study 2-3 hours a day. What....?

 

There are people who get through college while not only single, but also working to support themselves and maybe a kid as well, people who get through college while going through illness and heartbreak and bereavement. You're getting financial aid, you have a comfortable life, you have essentially nothing to worry about except passing, and your reason for not passing is: "I'm single and I don't want to study 2-3 hours a day"???

 

I don't know what else to tell you but that you just need to grit your teeth and put in the time needed. If you're not even putting in the bare minimum, you can't expect to pass. It's not that you have a learning disability. The average person actually does need to put in a couple hours of study a day if they're doing a hard science course. There are a few people who skate by on talent alone, but they're by far the exception to the norm. When you're actually doing that and still not passing, THEN we can talk about disabilities.

 

If you genuinely feel like you can't do this by yourself, then you need to talk to a professional who can help you. Doesn't your university offer free counseling?

[Locust]

I'm currently in my last real semester of college.

 

Due to procrastination and screwed up planning, I'm currently taking, calculus, finance and statistics. I need to pass all my classes or I don't graduate. I also completely suck at math and it's very difficult to understand the concepts. I actually have my first cal test in a little bit and I'm probably going to fail.

 

How does this relate to dating? Absolutely sucking at my classes is destroying my confidence. I'm almost always in a poor mood and under a lot of stress.

 

I know the obvious answer is to forget about women and focus on school. If I could turn oof my sex drive and desire for companionship I would. But its not possible.

 

So here I am depressed and angry about my classes and depressed and angry about being single. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that my classes are making it harder to attract girls, and that doing poorly with girls is making me do poorly in my classes because I can't focus.

 

I am trying to succeed at both. I currently have a tutor for math and I'm an optional supplementary instruction class for the math, but it's just not enough. I probably have a learning disability associated with math but it's far too late to do anything about.

 

With girls, I'm trying to be more sociable in some classes. I also found the first girl I want to ask out this semester. I'm planning on making some move on Tuesday. Lucky me that she's in my math class

 

So by this time next week, I'd have failed my first test and gotten my first rejection for the year. What a great way to start the semester.

 

And I'm now off to class.

 

 

Too bad we not in the same school bro, I could help you with calculus since I'm a geo-science student. I too all 3 semesters of calculus and then I took differential equations and linear algebra which build off of calculus.

[KungFuJoe]

SD,

 

You just sound straight up lazy. You need to step up and be a man. If you can't do it on your own see a therapist and get on some meds.

 

First it's girls, now it's college.

 

Dude, this is gonna sound harsh, but you keep this up and it's not gonna be girls or college you're failing at...it's gonna be LIFE.

[Eternal Sunshine]

SD,

 

You just sound straight up lazy. You need to step up and be a man. If you can't do it on your own see a therapist and get on some meds.

 

First it's girls, now it's college.

 

Dude, this is gonna sound harsh, but you keep this up and it's not gonna be girls or college you're failing at...it's gonna be LIFE.

 

If I were SD, I would not even think about getting a girlfriend until I sort out my life :/

[Locust]

If I were SD, I would not even think about getting a girlfriend until I sort out my life :/

 

 

Question!

 

What is SD?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Question!

 

What is SD?

 

SomeDude

[SJC2008]

I agree that he should focus on school and then worry about dating. TBS while it may sound like excuses, I pretty much being the same "person" as him can relate. As a reminder we're the same age, same women problems, same school problems in that it took us forever to get a degree. SO now that we see there is more than one person like this what should it tell you all? Are we lazy? Depressed? Procrastinators?

 

I'm a horrible procrastinator and I think I have a subconscious self hate/depricating problem too. As to the procrastination, I've read it could be a fear of failure, depression, laziness or a combination of all. It could also be because at a young age I subconsciously decided to be the exact opposite of my mother who is a workaholic, do it right this minute type. Self awareness is the first key to solving a problem but how the eff do you do that? Trust me when I say I wish I could sprinkle some magic dust over myself and turn into johnny on the spot and do it now.

 

TBS most of yall were very supportive of SD so I commend ya for that and the ones who called him lazy, it's a little deeper than that, trust me.

[ascendotum]

"...the ones who called him lazy, it's a little deeper than that, trust me."

I'm another who suspects its dysthymia rather than laziness. I don't think most people are inherently lazy, they tend to more due to health issues or poor nutrition or poor mental coping skills or bad influence from friends.

[Teknoe]

If he devoted half the time to his studies as he does to Loveshack, video games and other "entertainment," he would be doing much better in the math class.

 

Nobody's gonna help you but you... until you are willing to make the changes (and not go halfway with it), then life will continue to suck.

 

What I don't get is... you go through this "hell" as you might call it everyday. So you might as well press toward something that makes the suffering all worth it. But that requires effort, consistency, discipline and action. Sadly, life will not be handed to you on a silver platter. It's time to wake up, man. Seriously. I say that as an "e-pal." You're doing this all to yourself. It was never your parents, never Danielle, never girls, never God. You are where you are because of your everyday life CHOICES.

 

Until you pick yourself off the ground, you will be where you be. If you've made your peace with it, fine. It's your life. All I know is you've been standing still for the last 2.5 years, and probably even longer. The girls, Loveshack, it's all a daily distraction from truly taking those next steps in your adult life.

 

Sad to say you're not getting any younger. Good news, it's not too late to address key issues and get better.... but the clock is ticking. You wait too long, and one day you'll really regret not taking action when you were 32.

 

You can't get through this ALONE. You need a therapist, and at least one good friend you can confide in and talk things through with. Yes, it always comes back to that social isolation and living in a bubble from the rest of the world.

 

It's time to wake up, SD. You've been hitting the snooze button so much that the alarm clock has stopped working. Make 2013 the year of POSITIVE CHANGE. No more excuses. More hard work. More handling your business. More vulnerability (with your on campus counselor, professor, tutor, etc.)

 

Get real, or get real used to the life you live now for the rest of your life.

[Els]

 

TBS most of yall were very supportive of SD so I commend ya for that and the ones who called him lazy, it's a little deeper than that, trust me.

 

It's always "deeper than that", for everyone. Someone who cheats on her boyfriend may well have issues with self-esteem or narcissistic behaviour. Someone who is always bitchy may well have issues with mood regulation, insomnia or anxiety. Someone who abuses his wife may have deep-seated trauma from past abuse as a child.

 

I'm not saying that 'being lazy' is the equivalent of all that, just that nobody is 'inherently bad'. Unfortunately no matter what the cause, it's still up to us to fix our own behaviour and lives and seek help if we can't do so.

[Els]

Self awareness is the first key to solving a problem but how the eff do you do that? Trust me when I say I wish I could sprinkle some magic dust over myself and turn into johnny on the spot and do it now.

 

There's a huge difference between admitting you have a problem and trying to fix it by working on it, and putting the blame on externalities. The former would be, "How do I fix my lack of energy/inability to focus/tendency to procrastinate because it's effing my life up?" It obviously isn't magic dust, and for many people it takes years to work on their issues, but the essential first step is still there.

 

The latter is, "I'm depressed because I'm single and I think I have learning disabilities. I can't make myself focus on studying for 2-3 hours a day. I can't get a gf and it's effing my life up so bad." That is an attempt to absolve oneself of all responsibility, and brings you nowhere. It's all 'stuff I can't do' and 'stuff I wish other people would do' and 'geez my life sucks'.

[SJC2008]

If he devoted half the time to his studies as he does to Loveshack, video games and other "entertainment," he would be doing much better in the math class.

 

Nobody's gonna help you but you... until you are willing to make the changes (and not go halfway with it), then life will continue to suck.

 

What I don't get is... you go through this "hell" as you might call it everyday. So you might as well press toward something that makes the suffering all worth it. But that requires effort, consistency, discipline and action. Sadly, life will not be handed to you on a silver platter. It's time to wake up, man. Seriously. I say that as an "e-pal." You're doing this all to yourself. It was never your parents, never Danielle, never girls, never God. You are where you are because of your everyday life CHOICES.

 

Until you pick yourself off the ground, you will be where you be. If you've made your peace with it, fine. It's your life. All I know is you've been standing still for the last 2.5 years, and probably even longer. The girls, Loveshack, it's all a daily distraction from truly taking those next steps in your adult life.

 

Sad to say you're not getting any younger. Good news, it's not too late to address key issues and get better.... but the clock is ticking. You wait too long, and one day you'll really regret not taking action when you were 32.

 

You can't get through this ALONE. You need a therapist, and at least one good friend you can confide in and talk things through with. Yes, it always comes back to that social isolation and living in a bubble from the rest of the world.

 

It's time to wake up, SD. You've been hitting the snooze button so much that the alarm clock has stopped working. Make 2013 the year of POSITIVE CHANGE. No more excuses. More hard work. More handling your business. More vulnerability (with your on campus counselor, professor, tutor, etc.)

 

Get real, or get real used to the life you live now for the rest of your life.

 

I think he knows if he devoted the time he does to LS to school he'd do better, I know too. It's so easy to be a back seat driver and state the uber obvious. Why do some women ALWAYS wind up with abusive men? People dog them, guys who can't get women say women want to be treated like ****. Do you not think these women are aware of their patterns? It's easy to say "There are tons of great men out there". Well, she knows that. And she knows logically that she doesn't want to be treated like shyte but emotionally it's like CRACK. I can't speak for all women in those situations but in general it's their subconscious driving them and they're finding men like their fathers so they have another chance at winning him over. I have the same problem in that I'm drawn to controlling women. We both need serious help but it's hard to find good help. I'm going to try again when I get ins but I'm gonna make sure he/she is a pro in what my problems are and has actually helped people change. I say this because I tried before and they put you on meds and have you go to counseling which consisted of asking how I'm doing and telling my problems. I knkw what my problems are I need someone to help me change them and not bill my ins x dollars for asking me how I'm doing. I could tell the guy I was dealing with knew he was in over his head by the look on his face lol.

[KungFuJoe]

Some people need a real good kick in the ass. SD is one of them. I was one of them a long time ago. My kick in the ass came when I hit the bottom of a bottle of 100 proof southern comfort and sleeping pills.

 

SD is not going to get the kick in the ass he needs around here. I hate to think that anyone else would have to go through what I did in order to pick himself up off the ground. I never knew I had issues back then. I just thought I was emotional. I was wrong and it took 15 years to finally realize how ****ed up I was. I wish I knew back then so I could have sought therapy.

 

I got lucky, really...REALLY lucky. Found an amazing woman who loved me along with all my faults and helped me be the man I always wanted to be.

 

Not everyone gets lucky.

[yongyong]

Hey,I am even thinking about hanging out at college library to hit on chicks.

 

You got a goldmine and you are not realizing it.

 

You don't just study home? If you do, go to library and coffee shops.

You basically have multiple chances of hitting on girls everyday.

Sit next to cute chicks and talk about tests, professor, majors and even macbooks she is using!

'hey how do you like your macbook?'

'hm....you must be a hipster lol'

 

Will they treat your innocent comment like a guy spitting pickup lines at a bar? NO

[Teknoe]

Some people need a real good kick in the ass. SD is one of them. I was one of them a long time ago. My kick in the ass came when I hit the bottom of a bottle of 100 proof southern comfort and sleeping pills.

 

SD is not going to get the kick in the ass he needs around here. I hate to think that anyone else would have to go through what I did in order to pick himself up off the ground. I never knew I had issues back then. I just thought I was emotional. I was wrong and it took 15 years to finally realize how ****ed up I was. I wish I knew back then so I could have sought therapy.

 

+100. I think that's why he makes the conscious choice of living in isolation... no one in real life to give him a good kick or push. Hence, no threat to his self-inflicted bubble. Words on a screen can only do so much. It's much easier passing through some paragraphs you don't like versus telling a friend off who is in your space trying to help you out.

 

SD, if you fail to pass college, what then?