jimmy828ri Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 ok so lets start out , my wife of 17 years started having an affair , she said we lost a connection and lost intimacy , so the affair started , because i guess he gave her what i didnt , my mom passed away 2 years ago and i was suffering from depression from that along with financial issues wich in turn led me to be withdrawn from her , 3 weeks ago the affair came out , she said it was emotional and physical , so i told her that i understand and people can lose sight of things and make some bad decisions , a few years ago i had also cheated , the man shes having the affair with is 53 years old and she is 31 , im not sure what to think , she claims she is in love with him and that shes not sure what she wants to do . we have 3 children and 17 years history but is convinced she may wants to test the waters with this new found love , from what i ready its like a 1 in 100 chance that it will actually work for them , i love her with all my heart and dont want to let her go , im here to fight for her love , i dont wanna give up what we had and what i believe we can easily rebuild , anyone have any advice on whats going on or what i can do ,i feel like shes throwing everything away on a whim Link to post Share on other sites
thesaka24 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 She just wants some adventure. 17y is a looooooong time dude. Dont allow her to leave like that after that time, I wouldn't even if God came in front of me, I would fight Him. I mean , "why did you waste all my time if you gonna throw it away like this girl ?" Heres whacha gonna do . When she goes to his place, go there, break in, and take her, "she is mine, back off" and go , take her and go. Then talk to her, tell her , hey we have kids, what are you thinking, dont make a mistake you will regret, you are demolishing our relationship and my heart, dont you care ? I would do this, without even thinking about it. Now dude, you should get down to business, find something new, be romantic, be creative, win her heart again, you can do it, dont give up no matter what because if you do I will kick your ass I swear ! This just cant end like this, CAN NOT ! Get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter no matter how bad you wanna fall flat and collapse on your face ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Why would she stop if you are allowing it and doing nothing to stop IT. You are perceived as weak. If the roles were reversed would she be as accepting as you have been? 1. Get tested for STD's. 2. Expose to OM's wife or girlfriend 3. Expose to her parents and your children. 4. See a lawyer to understand your options. If she knows that you went to a lawyer the chances are greater that she will come to her senses and realize that their are consequences to her actions. If you do not do these things she will look at you as a doormat and continue to humiliate and disrespect you in the worst possible way. She clearly no longer has any respect for you as a husband. IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL? Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Duplicate thread. Someone pointed out that his wife of 17 years is 31 right now, which means she got married at 14? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimmy828ri Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 Common law wife, big difference Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 You cheated on her first and now that you've been given a taste of your own medicine you are worried about losing her? Enjoy the karma. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Sounds like you two are on the outs. I don't see how you can recover with so much infidelity on both sides. Whether this "fling" will work out for your wife or not is irrelevent. The bigger picture here is her acknowledgement of apathy toward you through her admission of such strong feelings for the om. Apathy = DOOM. Can't say it enough. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I know you wanted advice, best I can give is get a lawyer. It's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimmy828ri Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 Your right, it is over, I've decided that on the 23rd, the anniversary of my mom passing, I'm going to take my life, I don't need this anymore and don't have it in me to endure the heartache anymore Link to post Share on other sites
JourneyLady Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Marriage builders. Wish I had come across it decades ago. "Surviving an affair" by Willard Harley. Several other books he wrote can help restore marriages. When a spouse gets their emotional needs (validation, etc.) or sexual needs met elsewhere, that is when they get into an affair. And it happens no matter how faithful they think they will be. Since you had an affair, you left an emotional void in her life just waiting to be filled by someone else. Probably your marriage didn't really "recover" from the affair, you just went on together without actually fixing anything. It takes more than ending an affair to fix a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
JourneyLady Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Your right, it is over, I've decided that on the 23rd, the anniversary of my mom passing, I'm going to take my life, I don't need this anymore and don't have it in me to endure the heartache anymore Don't do this. I know the feeling. I tried to take my life once too. Try to remember that even if you can't recover your marriage, there is someone out there needing the love you have to give. What will become of that person if you take your own life? I know it's hard to see this, but trust me, it's true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Your right, it is over, I've decided that on the 23rd, the anniversary of my mom passing, I'm going to take my life, I don't need this anymore and don't have it in me to endure the heartache anymore If you have three children and are considering suicide then you have bigger problems on your hands than your wife's affair. It is an extremely selfish act and the heartache you feel from your wife will pale in comparison to how your children will feel with the void you leave behind. I have seen what this does to a child. They will grow up blaming themselves and you will eff them up for the rest of their lives. You need help. Check yourself into the nearest EMH facility. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 She just wants some adventure. 17y is a looooooong time dude. Dont allow her to leave like that after that time, I wouldn't even if God came in front of me, I would fight Him. I mean , "why did you waste all my time if you gonna throw it away like this girl ?" Heres whacha gonna do . When she goes to his place, go there, break in, and take her, "she is mine, back off" and go , take her and go. Then talk to her, tell her , hey we have kids, what are you thinking, dont make a mistake you will regret, you are demolishing our relationship and my heart, dont you care ? I would do this, without even thinking about it. Now dude, you should get down to business, find something new, be romantic, be creative, win her heart again, you can do it, dont give up no matter what because if you do I will kick your ass I swear ! This just cant end like this, CAN NOT ! Get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter no matter how bad you wanna fall flat and collapse on your face ! A cheater is not a prize to be fought for. Thats it, show the cheater that all they have to do is screw someone else, and have your spouse act like a lost, desperate puppy dog. Link to post Share on other sites
Calvin's wagon Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Jimmy, from your words it's obvious that you're hurting a lot and I really am sorry it's so hard for you right now. However, like others have said, don't kill yourself. If you do, you will inflict unimaginable heartache on your children! You will **** them up more than you can imagine, you will deprive them of your love and support, and they will be left with a mother who they will perhaps blame for your suicide, or even worse, they will in some (sub)conscious way blame themselves. I'm sure you don't want to condemn them to a lifetime of blame, anger, sadness, abandomnent feelings, feelings of worthless, loneliness and just about any other bad emotion/thing. Especially since they're probably still underage and still strugling with growing up... And I'm sure you want to be there to see them grow up in great persons, to enjoy seeing them graduate, marry, get a job, make you a grandad,... Also, even if you didn't have kids, I'd tell you the same. Life can seem so tough and dark, but underneath that, you have so much more happiness ahead of you! So many beautiful things, so many beautiful moments... Think of all the things you wanted to do in your life, but never got around to. Write them down, and start doing them. And above all, talk to someone. Today! You owe that to yourself, but mostly to your kids! Call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ( National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ? Suicide Prevention Crisis Hotline ) and talk to them. Give yourself and your children another chance! Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Nobody's kiling themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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