Biff Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 My wife loves watching porn. However, she keeps it a secret from me. I have no problem with her watching porn nor keeping it from me (I think she would be embarassed to admit that she likes it). The problem is that she is resistent to having sex with me. We have sex maybe 2-3 times a year. I have come to various conclusions. One is that her resistance to sex is because she has a very negative self image due to some weight she has gained as well as a medical condition that causes her to have unsightly blemishes all over her body. She says she still loves me very much but just does not feel sexual. My other conclusion is that she feels that porn is the sexual outlet she feels comfortable with given her negative self image (in the rare times we have sex, it must be absolutely dark). I am trying hard to be understanding of my wife, but it is driving me crazy. Looking for advice other than "see a counselor." (For more details of my situation, please see my post in this forum from July 27, 2004.) Link to post Share on other sites
painter Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 one thing guaranteed to boost her poor self image is if on the next occasion that you manage to seduce her, you make an investment in your future sex life and your marriage..... pleasure her until she can see you are physically exhausted without "having sex". then maybe wank while holding her hand/breast or go "to the toilet" and relieve yourself (depending on what you think will make her most comfortable) if you have the stamina and love to do this a few times she WILL feel special and wonderful and sensual and loved and lovable enough to tell you outright that she wants you to have pleasure with her and then, baring in mind that her self esteem is stronger but still delicate, be very, very gentle with her body-image in bed. the porn in this case is a very good thing because it means she is still in touch with her libido and still has erotic feelings. do not discourage these as she may block out her libido totally as far too many women do when they have emotional crises. good luck, it may take a lot of work but having good physical love in your life is soooo worth it! you may need to settle for having the lights out for a while though Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I'm going to assume it's different for men and women. I don't want to be near my husband lately, because I just ....don't. I get sexual needs, and sometimes I'd rather just masterbate than have sex with him, but i know he's craving sex, so I'll just get my relief with him. My husband used to withold sex from me, and masterbate to porn daily. The only thing that worked for us was getting rid of the internet, getting rid of the cable, throwing out all of his porn tapes (*throw them OUT!* Don't hide them, or she'll find them....DESTROY THEM, then throw them away) And unsubscribing to Playboy. I didn't have sex but maybe once or twice a month for a year! The entire month of November *I kept track* we didn't have sex ONCE. All we did was fight. I wanted it, but it was so complicated that he'd rather not...it was a mess. Anyway, the only thing that worked for us was ridding the house of porn completely. Then suddenly, his drive for me was back. Also, he was always putting down my appearance. I guess he wasn't attracted to my average body, because he was looking at toned Playboy models so much. In any case, I tried everything, and this is the ONLY thing that worked for us. I don't think he even misses porn. I would like it if we could've kept some, but since it was deteriorating a part of our marriage, I sacraficed, as well as he did, all porn. We get along great now. Well.....mostly. It was mutually agreed upon. He knew it hurt me, and promised to never do it again. LIke any addiction, though, he continuously broke his promise, and we kept trying to figure out ways that he could either stop and not hurt me, or I could let him watch, and not let it bother me. I tried to change first. I couldn't. I couldn't live my life with so little sex from a man, who wanted to orgasm, just not with me. I couldn't do it. So he gave it up...he didn't give it up for me, he gave it up for us. Have you talked to her about it? Has she broken her promise to never do it again? Who cares if these people have low self images. My husband is like that...he thinks he's fat. I say, "I'm your WIFE! I didn't get married, only to live the rest of my life never seeing a naked man. When I do sneek a peek, I always say something postive, like, "WOW you look good...mmm hmmmm!" or, "That's the biggest *fill in the blank* I've ever seen!!!" He still has sex with his shirt on....but at least we have sex! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts