Uberfrau Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 All you people here freak out at the idea of your sig other cheating. I've been married for 6 years, together with husband for 10. He cheated on me 8 years ago, and I found out about it 2 weeks ago. I didn't care. He's a good father, he says he hasn't cheated since. As for me, I have dated other men while we were married (but separated) but never slept with any of them. My point is that your spouse could do worse things than have a drunken encounter, like take out a credit cared behind your back and run 10k up on it (my best friend's husband did that)-10k or drunken encounter? I'll take the drunken encounter. Your sig other is also a PERSON, and monogamy doesn't come naturally for humans. It's something we have to work at. Personally, I think monogamy is BS, but my husband insists on it, so I oblige. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 I find your thoughts refreshing. Thanks for posting! Would you feel the same way if it was a long sustained affair built on love? I would imagine not-I find it interesting also that your husband insists on monagamy from you..... Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Hiya Frau, I agree with you completely. Until rings are exchanged, vows taken, homes purchased, rugmonkeys assembled, etc. Once two people choose each other and agree to do so, there is no excuse for being unfaithful if the marriage is not abusive. Even then, a marriage should be dissolved before pursuing others. People "freak out" because it is a blatant violation of trust. This world can be nasty enough; it is crushing to most of us when the only person we trust completely and totally starts sleeping around. Drunken one nighter? Bah! I used to get pretty drunk on occasion, and you know what?? I always knew where my d*ck was. Drunk is no excuse either. There is no such thing as accidental sex. Anyway, just my .02 Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Actually, the argument is typically that monogamy does not come naturally to MEN, not humans in general. In most, societies, monogamy came quite naturally and was expected of women. Call it a double standard...but that's the way it's been. At any rate, I find that any argument pertaining to the fact that we, as humans, are not prone to monogamy and have to "work at it" is nothing more than an excuse to have no self-control. People do just fine at monogamy if they want to. If they do not wish to be monogamous, they don't have to get married. It's not a requirement, and I know many people who have never done it and are quite happy. As dazednconfused said, things change when vows are taken. By getting married, you've agreed to enter into a monogamous relationship (unless you and your partner have another agreement). Failure to keep up your end of the bargain there is a betrayal and the other party has a right to be pissed if they so choose. If they think that shacking up with another is more of a betrayal than wracking up debt on a credit card, then so be it. That's their right. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 I disagree Girlie. I don't think monagamy comes any easier for women than it does men. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I don't know. Like I said, I think monogamy comes easily to those who WANT to be monogamous. I think either sex saying it doesn't come easy is a bit of an excuse. Even in typical polygamist societies, it's not like people got to run around and do whatever they wanted. Sex was still for marriage, and sometimes, people didn't even get to choose their spouse(s), but were still expected to be faithful to those to whom they were married, whether they liked them or not. I think in this day and age, saying it doesn't come naturally is a cop-out to saying "I don't have self-control." Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Interesting. Why did the two of you ever bother getting married, then, if you were simply going to be unfaithful to one another? If two persons are in an agreed, committed relationship, then cheating is a big "no no" and a perfect reason to freak out. Link to post Share on other sites
missouri babe Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 So is everyone else in agreement then that cheating while bein drunk is just a stupid, stupid excuse? I just think that the whole ordeal of bringing someone back to your place or going to theirs, taking off your clothes, using protection, etc. and then having sex can't occur while you're smashed outta your mind. You gotta be aware of what you're doing on some level in order to take it that far. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 wow. i can understand forgiveness, maybe. i'm not sure i would, but far be it for me to say others should not forgive. but to say cheating is okay, ugh. i disagree with that. if she wasn't concerned about the effect of cheating, the point would not be made that he has not cheated since, nor that she has not slept with any of the men she dated while still married. she also idicates they were separated during her indiscretions-not including sex--implying it would have been different if they were together. what a mess of a relationship. i am so glad that i have standards. and yeah, what's the deal with the husband demanding monogamy? please. some people are just idiotic. i think he was just smart enough to marry someone stupid enough to deal with this kind of sh*t. ick. i don't think i will even bother reading anything else posted to this...it makes me ill and angry. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 In your vows they state 'And you shall forsaken all others'. What good is a marriage when you break vows? You can't pick and choose which vows you can follow or not. Uberfrau, you said you were seperated? May I ask what caused that? You seem to be in somewhat of denial yet with his cheating on you. Can you really trust him after holding this in all these years? He said those vows to you, knowing he was lying to you. You accepted his hand in marriage under false pretense. Would you still have married him if you known he cheated on you before? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts