aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 for AS long as it takes aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author DavidI Posted February 15, 2013 Author Share Posted February 15, 2013 I went to SA meetings for months and months. I've talked with three different therapists; both with my wife, and on my own. I don't believe "talking" to someone is going to fix my problem, which is why I made an appointment to speak with a psychiatrist. I think the problem is more complicated. Sure, it might be easy for you to say "just don't do it"...but something is making me push the limits again and again. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 I went to SA meetings for months and months. I've talked with three different therapists; both with my wife, and on my own. I don't believe "talking" to someone is going to fix my problem, which is why I made an appointment to speak with a psychiatrist. I think the problem is more complicated. Sure, it might be easy for you to say "just don't do it"...but something is making me push the limits again and again. iasked you in an earlier post what do you think your problem is, but you ignored it. so talking isn`t going to fix `your problem` so WTF is then? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 keep doing the `ostrich` method then aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author DavidI Posted February 15, 2013 Author Share Posted February 15, 2013 Didn't mean to ignore your question. I think a lot of hard work + time will fix the problem. I made an appointment with the psychiatrist. That's the first step. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 why do you feel the need to waste a psychiatrist`s time? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author DavidI Posted February 15, 2013 Author Share Posted February 15, 2013 because I've pushed the limits my whole life. I want answers. I might have a more serious problem. I'm obviously powerless over impulse. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 you dont need a psychiatrist you just need to grow up aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author DavidI Posted February 15, 2013 Author Share Posted February 15, 2013 You're probably right. Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 yw. i`m always right aM+ Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Petals Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Not necessarily, my ex told me about a thousand times that I was just like her dad. Everything I did from the way I dressed to the way I ate or drank (beer) or the size of my shoes was exactly like her dad. She basically idolized her dad and me in his image. I was filled with the warm fuzzy feeling of love everytime she said this And then she dumped me and moved on Unless you've met the guy she married (Or marries if she hasn't yet) you have no idea if she'll marry someone like her dad. I'm not saying that doesn't hurt - cause I am sure it does. I had two examples to learn from - one was negative and the other positive. I married the not so wonderful one first... OP If you have an addiction you're working with then you really need to figure it out. Bottom line is this - either you can control yourself or you can't. If you can't, your W deserves better and you need to find a way to cope with WHO YOU ARE. Either way, you're a father. If NOTHING else, man up to that and be the man the kids need for you to be. And whatever you do, promises made out of the pain of loss you feel now cannot be short sprints to get back to a comfy spot so you can lull back into your ruts and repeat your mistakes. You need to start recognizing triggers and putting up barriers to prevent future behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
nooneyouknow Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Dear Loveshack Forum, I am married to the most beautiful woman in the world. We have a beautiful 11 month old daughter, and one more on the way. I have been caught on multiple occasions chatting online (with strangers), engaging in inappropriate and sexual chat, emailing with strangers, and have engaged in inappropriate emailing with co-workers. Just recently, I acted inappropriately to our nanny, and she confronted us as a couple. My wife asked me to leave the house. It has now been 6 days that I have been away. I have visited some of the evenings (when she lets me) to see our daughter. I have also received text messages from my wife saying that (right now) her head and heart are telling her that she doesn't want to be married to me any more, but she needs help having the baby. She has also said that if I were to come back to the house, there will have to be ground rules. I am a lost puppy, but know what I have done both now, and in the past is wrong. I have texted her to tell her how sorry I was, and that I was thinking about her, but no response. I cannot imagine the hurt she is feeling. How could I have been so stupid to let this happen again, and again. I cannot understand it all. For those of you reading, should I walk away and let her find someone better? Someone that will not ever hurt her the way I did ? On one hand I feel it is the right thing to do, but on the other hand, I don't want to walk away and leave my daughter without a father. I want to be with her every minute of every day. They are both the most important people in my life. I just don't know what to do. Your help is greatly appreciated. David, I feel your pain, and I won't jump down your throat, as I know many others on this forum will. But, you have to face something-you are what I would call a sexual man. Some others may call it sex addicted/a sex addict. But being one myself, I prefer the term sexual. I truly believe that some men are just never going to be monogamous. I can tell you that I always wanted to be a good man and a good father like my father was, and I've been a great father. But, I was married about a year when a woman, a pregnant woman no less, made herself available to me and I succumbed. The last 25 years have been filled with hit and runs and dirty little secrets and all that. My wife has never paid much attention, and I think he attitude is really "he's a good man, a good father, that's what men do, and I'd rather have him here then be alone". You know yourself better than I do, but unless you really want to stifle your manly urges, seek counseling, and all that, you may be looking at a lifetime of this behavior. Only you can make the decision of what is best for you, and what you really want. No one wants to lose their young family, but if you are the kind of guy who cannot stay away from women, and is always looking for the next best thing or the next thrill, it might actually be better to divorce and remain single, at least for a decade or so. It's like being a compulsive gambler, or maybe an alcoholic. Chemicals are released in the brain, and you like the pursuit and conquest, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 It's like being a compulsive gambler, or maybe an alcoholic. Chemicals are released in the brain, and you like the pursuit and conquest, right? There are certainly lots of pathological behaviors out there. The question is, do you want your life to ruled by them? Defined by them? Limited by them? That's the question before the OP... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
nooneyouknow Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 There are certainly lots of pathological behaviors out there. The question is, do you want your life to ruled by them? Defined by them? Limited by them? That's the question before the OP... Mr. Lucky Does he want to have his life ruled by restrictions invented by religious institutions to promote monogamy? Maybe that's the better question. And how is it "pathological" to be sexual in nature? It seems to me, the "limited" ones are the ones who conform and limit themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Does he want to have his life ruled by restrictions invented by religious institutions to promote monogamy? Maybe that's the better question. And how is it "pathological" to be sexual in nature? It seems to me, the "limited" ones are the ones who conform and limit themselves. maybe let him answer? am Link to post Share on other sites
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