It's Not Easy Being Me...

[ToothlessWonder]

As a child, I was made fun of a lot. I was called "fat" and "ugly" all the time. Ever see the movie "Carrie" in 1979? I was harrassed like she was, maybe worse. Now in my adult life, although people tell me I' m pretty and thin, I stil feel like worthless. I still feel fat no matter what I do. I find myself constantly staring and obsessing over other women's figures and how I'd rather be them than me.

 

OVerall, I don't like myself, who I am, or what situations come my way. I feel like a loser everyday. Even though I have a fiancee, I feel like if we broke up, I would be single again for the next 10 years simply b/c being alone with no one is how it always went for me.

 

I always felt if I were someone else, men would like me better. I have so much jealousy, envy, and admiration over other women because they are not me and never will be. They have luck. I always felt like they had a special power that I didn't and there was just a curse on me.

 

In my adult life now, these things affect me so much. I know if my attitude changed, life would get better. I can't change it though. I don't know what to do. Everything seems to be falling apart and not working out how I'd imagined them to be. Help!

[Mr Spock]

Eventually, if you pretend enough that you are the sh*t you will start to believe it. Keep telling yourself that you rock, and eventually you will. Fool your brain. No one is going to think you're awesome until you do.

[moimeme]

I was watching a movie when I was a twelve-year old skinny, stringy-haired (not greasy - just lifeless), fang-toothed, pimply, flat-chested kid. I heard the words "You might as well like yourself because you're going to have to spend an awful lot of time with you". I thought it was brilliant and proceeded to think of things I admired about people and then set about emulating those things (personality - because I ain't never gonna be no Sela Ward). I've worked hard at me - got a long way to go, but if the people you care about appreciate you, what more do you need?

 

Remember one of Dr. Phil's phrases - "how much fun are you to live with"? Are you fun obsessing over how awful you are? How's about spending your time thinking about what you genuinely like about other people - they'll notice and that itself will make you likeable to them.

 

Oh, by the way, the movie was The Nutty Professor - the original with Jerry Lewis.

[Charlotte]

"OVerall, I don't like myself, who I am, or what situations come my way. I feel like a loser everyday"

 

As for the situations that come your way in life, remember it is not the experience (bad or good) that counts, its how you react and handle it that will make you feel like a loser or winner(lucky or unlucky). And how you handle it depends on your attitude. And your attitude comes from your beliefs and values. So start working on changing those beliefs and values. Eg,Start believing you are worthwhile. It is so common to compare ourselves to others that we think are better than us. But we never seem to compare ourselves less fortunate. Try thinking of things you have that others don't. For a start, you have a finance - who must love you alot to be your fiancee. So when you say

"I always felt if I were someone else, men would like me better" why would you want other men to like you better when you already have a fiancee? You are already ahead of many other girls who don't have boyfriends - like me

 

Also, you may not look a supermodel but surely you must have something you like about yourself both physically and personality wise. If you are really stuck, ask your friends and family.

 

Think of how you have your health compared to ours who maybe be struck down with debilitating diseases and deformaties.

 

It seems like your self esteem took a huge beating when you were at school so its gonna take a bit of time to build it up again but it can be done. Its a matter of turning that negative self talk into something positive and repeating long enough so it becomes a habit. So next time you look in the mirror and catch yourself saying "I hate the way my ... looks". Concentrate on some positive feature "Yeah, my ... looks really cool."

[fatty]

I have similar probelms with my self esteem but my self esteem always goes low is when i am with my g/f. I think "She is soo good looking and i am not" Then i will start thinking that she has someone else.

And then this will turn into a huge snowball of insecurities.

 

So what do i do?

[goodnbad]

Ditto on what Mr Spock said.

 

I understand how you feel, I used to have a bad self-esteem issue too. Here's what I do, similar to what Charlotte suggested:

 

If I find myself thinking about the negative points of something, I try to find something positive to replace it. Sounds cheesy, I suppose, but it has really helped me. If I got telling myself how fat or unattractive I was, I would then think, "But there ARE people out there that would kill to be me....someone who is dying slowly and painfully of cancer, or a burn victim, or an AIDS patient, or someone who has alopecia, or has a severe facial deformity", and on and on....

 

You know, right now, someone who is blind out there would love to be you, sitting at the computer, and being able to see anything at all. I'm sitting here typing with my own fingers? A quadraplegic can only dream of that. I have two kids. Pretty average as far as anyone else would think. But there are those out there that cannot have children and cry every night for a miracle. They would give almost anything to be you. You DO have things going for you.

 

Those are the kinds of things I tell myself when I'm feeling down.

 

Another thing: find something to do or learn or become that others WILL envy, something that will make you proud of yourself. When you master that one thing, move on to another.

 

I started small. I quit chewing my badly mangled fingernails (what little there was of 'em). Then I quit smoking. Then I lost weight. Now I'm wondering what else I should try to do to better myself. There are people that have paid big money to achieve that. Okay, maybe some of them are little things, and for sure, it took decades for me to get this all done, but still. I have some good things going for me.

 

And you should find them too. Maybe if you wrote down all your good points, any little things you have accomplished no matter how small (and thinking all the time that there are people who wished they, too, could attain what you have). Make a list of what you would like to accomplish and those that are not just wishful thinking, but stuff that you really could feasibly do.

 

Hope that helps. Good luck!

 

goodnbad