AverageCat Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 So me and this chick see each other 2-3 x / week. We have a great time together. Vday was amazing. The previous time we hung out she gave me a letter with written "never stop smiling" (awww). But she never expressed through words what she feels about me... :/ Now she told me in 2 weeks she's going to Mexico with a few friends of hers, cuz this guy we both know has a beach resort there and is giving them a good deal. (I know the guy. He has a tiny tiny beach resort. (like a secluded beach, not a real resort) Takes "cool" pictures of the resort and people "supposedly" having fun and tries to get in girls pants.... and it works I'd say... but I mean the resort has 6 people in it. Him and his 2 buddies and girls he tries to bring in.) Now Idk what to tell to this girl. On one hand she's really excited for the "holiday", so I don't wanna put any restriction to her. On the other hand I am 90% sure that if she goes there she will sleep with this guy. Should I do anything about it? (i.e tell her she can do whatever she wants, just to be mindful if she cares about "this") Or just let the story unfold on its own?
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 So me and this chick see each other 2-3 x / week. We have a great time together. Vday was amazing. The previous time we hung out she gave me a letter with written "never stop smiling" (awww). But she never expressed through words what she feels about me... :/ Now she told me in 2 weeks she's going to Mexico with a few friends of hers, cuz this guy we both know has a beach resort there and is giving them a good deal. (I know the guy. He has a tiny tiny beach resort. (like a secluded beach, not a real resort) Takes "cool" pictures of the resort and people "supposedly" having fun and tries to get in girls pants.... and it works I'd say... but I mean the resort has 6 people in it. Him and his 2 buddies and girls he tries to bring in.) Now Idk what to tell to this girl. On one hand she's really excited for the "holiday", so I don't wanna put any restriction to her. On the other hand I am 90% sure that if she goes there she will sleep with this guy. Should I do anything about it? (i.e tell her she can do whatever she wants, just to be mindful if she cares about "this") Or just let the story unfold on its own? You can ask how she feels about being exclusive. How long have you guys been dating "casually" for?
Author AverageCat Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 You can ask how she feels about being exclusive. How long have you guys been dating "casually" for? About 6 months, 4 months sleeping and 2 months where we are seeing each other twice or more a week and things feel more serious.
HitMeNow Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 This is a tough one buddy. Don't overstate her not sleeping with someone else. It will probably be a turn off. However if you can pull it off you can imply that this is some kind of testing of how close you guys are. And then whenever she has the chance to hook up with someone, she'll think twice about it. 1
Author AverageCat Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 I guess so. Still waiting for other opinions
animalover Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 I guess so. Still waiting for other opinions Do you really need people in this forum to tell you what to do? That is not really wise... It is always good to look for some outside view of your problem... but you should not allow anyone to lead your decisions... some people here are more insecure and inexperienced than you and would still comment on your case... if you take their advise as good you are screwed... The other bad option is to wait till someone tells you what you want to hear...wrong way...just closing your eyes to reality... 1
Archgirl Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Need more info I think, like have you done anything to let her know you want more than casual yet? Has she?
Archgirl Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Coz if nothing's changed, I think you have to just let it play out. There's not really anything you can do, I doubt shed cancel a holiday even if you were more official. It's tricky.
Author AverageCat Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 Coz if nothing's changed, I think you have to just let it play out. There's not really anything you can do, I doubt shed cancel a holiday even if you were more official. It's tricky. Well we've been hanging out more often and we've talked about how we're getting more serious. Not exactly how serious though. The emotion is growing a lot more. We've talked about having a getaway weekend together and we spend valentines together. She hasn't planned the holiday yet. She's planning it. And I don't want her to necessarily not go on the trip. I don't even know what I want. I just feel weird that we're talking about a getaway together (around the same time) and she wants to go on a trip with this guy as the host. Maybe I should just let it watch unfold and tell her that if she cares about us she wont do anything stupid. I feel like it might be kind of a test to how much she cares about this.
Archgirl Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Do you really need people in this forum to tell you what to do? That is not really wise... It is always good to look for some outside view of your problem... but you should not allow anyone to lead your decisions... some people here are more insecure and inexperienced than you and would still comment on your case... if you take their advise as good you are screwed... The other bad option is to wait till someone tells you what you want to hear...wrong way...just closing your eyes to reality... Umm...isn't that what the forum is, you know, for? Getting unbiased opinions from strangers on relationships? Mr Cat is not an idiot, he won't just blindly follow advice, he's figuring out all his options so he can pick the best.
Archgirl Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Well we've been hanging out more often and we've talked about how we're getting more serious. Not exactly how serious though. The emotion is growing a lot more. We've talked about having a getaway weekend together and we spend valentines together. She hasn't planned the holiday yet. She's planning it. And I don't want her to necessarily not go on the trip. I don't even know what I want. I just feel weird that we're talking about a getaway together (around the same time) and she wants to go on a trip with this guy as the host. . Hmm youre right this last bit is a bit weird; it doesn't fit. I wonder if she's trying to get you to tell her you don't want her to sleep with anyone else. Shes probably well aware of this "resort" pick up scheme... What exactly has she said about why she wants to go and what have you been talking about when she brings it up?
animalover Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Umm...isn't that what the forum is, you know, for? Getting unbiased opinions from strangers on relationships? Mr Cat is not an idiot, he won't just blindly follow advice, he's figuring out all his options so he can pick the best. Did you happen to miss the part where I said it was good to ask for an outside opinion?
Archgirl Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Did you happen to miss the part where I said it was good to ask for an outside opinion? Probably I have like no attention span
animalover Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Probably I have like no attention span Obviously...
Author AverageCat Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 Hmm youre right this last bit is a bit weird; it doesn't fit. I wonder if she's trying to get you to tell her you don't want her to sleep with anyone else. Shes probably well aware of this "resort" pick up scheme... What exactly has she said about why she wants to go and what have you been talking about when she brings it up? Don't think so. She told me how "amazing" this place is, showed me pictures and how she wants to go a few times. The place looks good and I think she honestly believes that she's going that just to have fun and relax at the beach. But I know what's in this guy's mind... When she's brought it up. I've just told her that any place with a beach under the sun would look amazing
Author AverageCat Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 I can't imagine seeing someone fairly steadily for the last 6 months and having sex with them regularly but having no defined 'relationship' status. There isn't a man I've dated that hasn't done his very best to 'seal the deal' with me and want exclusivity once things had become intimate between us and it was clear we had a mutual desire to continue seeing each other. Men are very territorial that way. At least, the men I've dated have always been. You've been having this intimate relationship for 6 months now and never even had the exclusivity talk? You're stating that maybe you should just let things unfold naturally on this trip and it's likely she'll go to bed with this guy. Why are you being so incredibly passive? You should have defined this relationship a while back. Shaking my head. It's a weird situation. We were very casual at the beginning. My way of reasoning is: If she wants to go to bed with this guy, why should I prevent it? Who am I to tell her what she needs to do or not with her life. If she doesn't and she comes back to me, then I ll know she's mine. If I trap her then I ll never really know.
Archgirl Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 It's a weird situation. We were very casual at the beginning. My way of reasoning is: If she wants to go to bed with this guy, why should I prevent it? Who am I to tell her what she needs to do or not with her life. If she doesn't and she comes back to me, then I ll know she's mine. If I trap her then I ll never really know. You realise she could do both - sleep with him and also come back and want a relationship with you. Maybe that's why she hasn't brought up exclusivity, she's kinda got the best of both worlds. It's generally not a good idea to test people like that, all you're really doing is giving her enough rope to hang herself.
animalover Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 I am going to break it in a hard way to you... you are a coward... you don't dare to talk to this girl and tell her you have feelings for her... I don't know if she would reciprocate you or not... but the fact that you don't dare to take the necessary steps has a cost ... she will keep having sex all around as much as she wants ... and the funny part is that you CAN'T complain as you have a casual arrangement...but here is the thing... you care about her and you don't like the idea of her having sex around with other guys... well.. I only see one solution... can you see where I want to go?
Author AverageCat Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 I am going to break it in a hard way to you... you are a coward... you don't dare to talk to this girl and tell her you have feelings for her... I don't know if she would reciprocate you or not... but the fact that you don't dare to take the necessary steps has a cost ... she will keep having sex all around as much as she wants ... and the funny part is that you CAN'T complain as you have a casual arrangement...but here is the thing... you care about her and you don't like the idea of her having sex around with other guys... well.. I only see one solution... can you see where I want to go? No, I can't. I think: a) It might be too early for a relationship. b) I don't believe that much in labels. If a relationship develops it will develop itself, I am not gonna "force" it onto us. Relationship or not, if she really cares about me she shouldn't sleep around, NO? I've told her I care about her a whole lot and that she is my priority right now. But I have been way more open to talk about our feelings than she has. She's been more thoughtful in showing that she cares about me lately. She asked me again about our getaway and she wants to make it happen.
Author AverageCat Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Personally, I can't give advice on this thread because I'm like the guys that this poster dated. No way I could sleep with someone for 6 months, spend tons of time with them and still be on the fence about dating them (though I do have many friends that are very able to have this arrangement for years). I would be hurt and angry if I were in your shoes....but, then again, you put yourself there. I doubt that you would even consider moving it forward if she wasn't throwing this other guy into the mix (and eliciting jealousy).[/quote I am different. I have had multiple partners throughout my last 3-4 years. I wanted to be casual. But then something just came upp//// We ll see...
animalover Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 No, I can't. I think: a) It might be too early for a relationship. b) I don't believe that much in labels. If a relationship develops it will develop itself, I am not gonna "force" it onto us. Relationship or not, if she really cares about me she shouldn't sleep around, NO? I've told her I care about her a whole lot and that she is my priority right now. But I have been way more open to talk about our feelings than she has. She's been more thoughtful in showing that she cares about me lately. She asked me again about our getaway and she wants to make it happen. You may not want to believe in labels.. but what you believe at this moment matters less than nothing... what really matters is how your casual girl reads your relationship and for your various posts...it is clear that she reads it in the most convenient way for her... You made a comment about the other guy she is talking about... you said that he is the doormat kind of guy... well... after reading your posts... I think you are not very different... complaining about her having other possible relationships in an internet forum while you do nothing to change it... I wish you could she this from my point of view... it is plain lame...
PogoStick Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Who says a tiny private place can't be as fun as a big resort? It's still plenty cool and she should be excited to go with a personal tour guide. She should have sex with him if that's part of the fun for her. You're not willing to be a man and claim her. It would be low of you to try and keep her monogamous for the trip just out of jealousy. Don't ruin her trip and don't ask her to be exclusive. If you really care then you can bring it up after she returns.
animalover Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Who says a tiny private place can't be as fun as a big resort? It's still plenty cool and she should be excited to go with a personal tour guide. She should have sex with him if that's part of the fun for her. You're not willing to be a man and claim her. It would be low of you to try and keep her monogamous for the trip just out of jealousy. Don't ruin her trip and don't ask her to be exclusive. If you really care then you can bring it up after she returns. You got to be kidding.... so if he is interested on her he needs to promote/allow her to go and have sex in her holidays to ask her to be exclusive afterwards..?? Do you live in Disneyland? I don't know in which planet you live but in the Earth... usually when people get involved with someone and want to go in a relationship does not want his girlfriend to have sex with others...
Author AverageCat Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 You got to be kidding.... so if he is interested on her he needs to promote/allow her to go and have sex in her holidays to ask her to be exclusive afterwards..?? Do you live in Disneyland? I don't know in which planet you live but in the Earth... usually when people get involved with someone and want to go in a relationship does not want his girlfriend to have sex with others... All I am gonna say is:... There is different kind of couples.
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